rutt13-1 Reviews

The Convent (2000)

A fun throwback

[7/10 · 15 December 2001]

Ahhh, this movie is in every way completely ridiculuous. The Actors seemed to have a good time, and so did I. It's very reminiscent of the better low-budget 80's stuff, with cheesy acting, cheesy dialog, and cheesy humor. But I love that kind of stuff. And clocking in at about 1 hour and 12 mins., it's very fast-paced. I noticed that the male characters were incredibly stupid, while most of the females were pretty smart. I thought this was hilarious and made the film kind of a parody of the aforementioned 80's flicks. If you like stuff like "Night of the Demons" or maybe "Return of the Living Dead," "The Convent" is in the same spirit. You get to see lots of goofy stuff, but the monsters are pretty cool, and sort of serious, and it's got a pretty good bloodflow. And Adrienne Barbeau is a blast as the vet demon killer. My only complaint is that the ending seems a bit rushed, and poorly edited. But Mr. Mendez is one to watch.

Versus (II) (2000)

This is how to do it

[9/10 · 7 December 2001]

Hilarious, dark humor with a dash of Peter Jackson punctuates this non stop action fest. It's a simple idea taken to ridiculuos extremes, but sometimes that's the best kind of film. Earns extra points for parodying "The Matrix," without resorting to the old bullet-time kung fu jokes. I laughed my a$$ off for about 10 minutes at that part.

If you don't mind gross outs, and you like HK style kung-fu, gunfights and swordplay, along with a little touch of Fulci, you'll love this.

It's a very special film, bound to be a big hit among a very special (demented) group of people.

Evil Dead Trap (1988)

brutal

[7/10 · 7 December 2001]

Sure, the soundtrack borrows from Goblin, the ending is pretty nonsensical, and there ain't much plot, but it's definitely one of the best slashers I've seen. There's a lot of good camera work, plus some of the goriest, most brutal kill scenes ever. The eyeball bit makes me squirm every time. The film takes a turn for the worse at the end when a supernatural element is introduced, but I just laugh.

Gorehounds will appreciate the bloody kills, but this is purely an exercise in style over substance. Enjoyable cult movie if you're in the right frame of mind...

Behind Enemy Lines (2001)

Enjoyable

[7 December 2001]

Gotta say I liked it. It's got a fast-paced plot and some good action scenes. found it very entertaining, but as is the case with all movies it is definitely flawed, which will ruin the fun for some people.

The flick seems to fluctuate from crowd-pleaser to serious meditation on the horrors of war. some of it was just pure excitement, but the really serious scenes (especially those involving Hackman's dialog) seemed distracting and out of place.

There's also a chuckle provoking scene where Wilson narrowly escapes the baddies only to remove his disguise just a few feet away from the enemy Serbs.

Also, how did all that armor make it's way up the hill without Wilson hearing it?

That said, it was still a good time, and I really like Owen Wilson. Sure he's pretty much the same guy in most of his films, but I find his persona likeable. And the scenes with the missiles pursuing the fighter plane are knockout stuff, the definite highpoint...

But I won't even mention the song at the end......

The Item (1999)

what is wrong with you people?

[2/10 · 28 November 2001]

a 6 average? Ridiculuos. I saw a preview for this movie, and admittedly it looked interesting. i did notice it was shot on video, but it looked like it had some blood and monsters, demons, whatever. So i checked the good ole IMDB, and saw a fairly high rating, so holding my breath I gave it a shot. What did I get: The usual boring amateurish crapp representative of every SOV production. It's trash folks, plain and simple. I will admit some of the acting was decent (the hispanic woman was pretty good, and deserves better opportunities), but this is a piece of junk apparently lauded only by a bunch of independent film fan boy geeks, willing to praise anything not financed by a studio. Nothing happens in this movie and it feels like a cheesy soap opera for the most part, and no, what I thought were monsters in the preview were nowhere in the film.

Psycho Cop Returns (1993)

reaaaaallllll bad....

[3/10 · 24 October 2001]

OK, I'm the guy who counts "Rock N' Roll Nightmare" amongst my fave films of all time. I laughed my a$$ off at "The Coroner," and "New Year's Evil." I've seen just about everything there is in the bad-horror genre. This is a horrible, completely unfunny movie. It's gory, I guess, but aside from the gorgeous Barbara Niven (I'm amazed-she's been in other stuff!)and some sleazy stuff, it's a total waste--however it's a heck of a lot better than "Psycho Cop 1!"

The Forsaken (2001)

A small step in the right direction

[6/10 · 4 July 2001]

Really just a b-movie, it's not too bad. Though it stars lots of pretty-boys, and WB kids, the film is dark, and actually pretty bloody. It's no classic, but I really thought the middle of nowhere setting was pretty effective, and I want to see more straight forward horror movies. I don't know if I'd watch it again, but I thought it pretty good, I thought the actors did a pretty good job, and I loved how Kerr Smith's character apparently worked for Troma, with all their posters on the walls!

Ringu (1998)

I was afraid of the dark last night....

[8/10 · 4 July 2001]

Yep, I like this one a lot, and I think it lived up to the hype. I'm a huge horror fan and I've seen everything: Cheezy monsterfests, 80's slashers, Italian potboilers, giallos, gorefests, and finally psychological creepouts. The latter best describes "Ring." It has the ability to get under your skin without spilling a single drop of blood, slowly building to a really, REALLY creepy climactic scene....You have to understand that it's no "Scream" or "Urban Legend." This is no in-jokey, Kids of the WB starring lump of pop-bubblegum. It's a refreshingly serious, somber, well, "ghost story" in the vein of, yes, "The Sixth Sense." If you didn't like that film, skip "Ring." You certainly won't like it, go rent something with Josh Jackson or James Van Der Beek....and if you don't want to read subtitles, go watch "Dude, Where's My Car?" But if you want to see a film that may very well make you leave the lights on, you can't lose with this one!

Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane (1998)

Piece of S%^%

[2/10 · 4 July 2001]

Garbage. Honestly I don't know if this had any redeeming features. Hmmmmm....I think it was a short movie, but I'm not sure. Somebody tried to give two talentless, unsympathetic gimps hip, trendy, Tarantino-esque dialogue, but failed miserably. The hitman is utterly ridiculous in every sense. The acting stinks, the characters stink, the script stinks. I guess I kinda like the title though...

Scream (1996)

A curse in disguise...

[8/10 · 4 July 2001]

Don't get me wrong, I love this movie. It wasn't particularly scary, except for a few good "jump" scenes, but it was a fun, humorous, bloody rollercoaster ride. I thought the cast was entirely likable with great characters, and I think Mr. Craven did a great job of directing (I like lots of his stuff). It was great to see Fonzie's cameo, too. This is an enjoyable film, but a true horror fan like myself was first delighted by this movie's success, then appalled by what actually became of horror's "Ressurrection." The floodgates are still open, and the crap keeps flowing through. A bunch of young, hip, teen-soap stars and a guy in a mask with a knife do not a good movie make....unless the script contains even an ounce of the wit, style, or energy that this one has....Horror fans get together, don't allow anymore "Urban Legends" (scarily enough part 3 is in the works) and there sorry ilk to make money....The first is always best and this one is it....

Zombie Nightmare (1987)

Dude....

[4/10 · 4 July 2001]

MST rating 8/10........normal rating 4/10. Far from the worst thing I've ever seen, this is a bad/funny flick. I laughed my a$$ off with friends watching this, then nearly wet my pants a month or so later when I saw it featured on a commercial for the late, great, always a sure cure for the blues "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Certainly I taped the episode (In SP mode, of course!) and actually watched part of it this very morning! A great episode, but now for the film---It's sort of a precursor to "The Crow" of all things (of course I know this was made after the books were written). An innocent is killed, only to be ressurected to avenge his death, while bad heavy metal blares on the soundtrack--Though including Motorhead's "Ace of Spades" was a great idea! Keep your eyes on the seemingly psychotic kid with the frosted hair, he's hysterical....and Adam West...hey it's Adam West!!! The grocer with the thick Italian accent is named PETERS, The haitian woman sounds like Tina Turner crossbred with a sheep, Thor's fight scene is classic, and Tia Carrerre (easily the best thing about this)!!! Notice how after a while Thor dissapears to be replaced by some guy who is so obviously not him. I guess Jon-Mikl had to head back to the gym...and read the credits to discover Thor-kestra handle some of the musical chores. Jon-Mikl Thor does seem like an incredibly stupid fellow, but a year after this he blessed us with the much better (or is it worse?) "Rock N' Roll Nightmare," which is so much more ridiculous, so much more inept, because, I can't help believing, Thor wrote it!!!! Too bad MST didn't get a hold of that one too, they'd make a great double feature!

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

The first bright spot this summer

[8/10 · 24 June 2001]

Sure, the movie's got it's problems....but what film doesn't? This summer's been pretty weak so far, then comes this flick, which entertained me in pretty much every way possible.....Great looking cars, great looking girls, great racing sequences, great stuntwork, and Vin Diesel. I hope this movie goes over big, and Vin works his way to the top. He's just the coolest I've seen on screen this summer. I found this film very exciting and very entertaining, and judging from the applause at the film's end, so did the rest of the audience....And I didn't see any crappy CGI, either....8/10

The Stone Age Warriors (1991)

Unsung Classic HK

[8/10 · 24 June 2001]

This is a really entertaining, exciting action adventure from Stanley Tong, director of "Supercop." I believe this was his first movie, and his considerable talent shines through as two women (Nina Li Chi and Elaine Lui) head into the jungle to seek out Lui's father. They get caught up in a tribal war, meet up with the guy who played Rikki in "Story of Rikki," and brave the jungle's considerable dangers before confronting a vicious gang of drug dealers. Lots of action, blood, kung-fu, gunfights....Fast paced and funny it delivers.

Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)

Back in the day...

[7/10 · 24 June 2001]

Troma amuses me, no doubt, but I really like the older stuff better. "Class of Nuke 'em High" is a great example. Nowadays it's like Troma's gotten TOO good at what they do, which sort of kills the charm of their special brand of filmmaking (Though I anticipate "Citizen Toxie"). This one's pretty funny in just about every way, completely ridiculous all around. I love that the pot grows right outside the power plant and only 1 or 2 workers notice. I love how all the signs featured look like someone glued cut-out construction paper letters to a piece of poster board. I love the dialogue from the fat guy who runs the power plant. I love the Cretins' incredible overacting, and who couldn't love the monster? The heroine's pretty cute, too, and this is just that special brand of cheezy charm Troma used to bring us....I guess it's tough to recommend it to anybody who doesn't already have a taste for this stuff, but if you do and haven't seen it, rent it! And check out the narrator's voice in the trailer when he announces the title....

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

the epitome

[7/10 · 24 June 2001]

Troma's best to this day, I still believe. Actually, I haven't seen the vast majority of their movies, but this has got to be the one on top. I love this! Deservedly the companies' most widely recognized film, it can't be ignored for it's willingness to go ahead and do whatever the hell it wants! The acting is completely ridiculous, but when was the last time you had so much fun watching??? The effects are pretty good, nice and gooey in all the right parts....If you've got a special place in your heart for satire, or just like bad, goofy movies, this is the one to see. All the pieces fall into just the right places.

Killers (1996)

"Michael Madsen smokin' cigarrettes..."

[5/10 · 20 June 2001]

Nutty flick, but I sort of liked it--because of it's insane weirdness....Certainly parts don't make sense, and I found myself saying "What the hell?" Many, many times. The acting's all over the place, but I thought the two brothers were pretty good....I thought it was pretty slick looking, and I think Mike Mendez has some talent. Can't wait to see "The Convent." A little slow in spots, but too deranged to forget, I rated it a 5/10...very strange.....Check it if you're into offbeat stuff....

Shanghai Noon (2000)

Most enjoyable Hollywood offering so far...

[8/10 · 20 June 2001]

It's a heck of a lot like "Rush Hour," but I liked Owen Wilson more than Chris Tucker, and this film features more of the elements that make a great Jackie flick. Namely, fighting and stunts. Chan and Wilson have great chemistry, and many of the western cliches are explored to hilarious effect. I love Lucy Liu, and here we get to see her kick some butt, as well as look as lovely as ever. The two stars' different types of humor work very well together, and it's got some great cinematography, too. I would definitely call this Chan's best American film, and would go so far as to say it's a great place to start if you've never seen his work and are seeking an introduction....

Gorgeous (1999)

Cute...

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

Not the greatest Jackie movie but it's pretty cute....That's all really, no more, no less. It's definitely funny though, with the always cool Tony Leung in a good part. And this Shu Qi is, well, GORGEOUS....but the problem is I didn't really sense much chemistry between this very young woman, and the much older Jackie. All, in all though, it's pleasant, and this Brad Allan guy really is good in a fight.

Who Am I? (1998)

Rough acting...

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

I like this one quite a bit, especially the last fight. And it's neat to see all the international locales. The plot's not bad, and the girls are cute, but I must warn against some of the acting and dialogue. Some of it gets a bit harder to watch each time, but though it doesn't quite live up to his older films, it's a good entertaining Jackie Chan movie....

Rush Hour (1998)

Better than "The Protector."

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

Yep, it's Jackie's first truly good American film. Some of the humor's too silly, and I like to see more fighting, but I think Chan and Tucker work well together. Plus, I think Chris Penn is pretty cool, especially in these types of roles. The main problem for me though, is that the villains weren't as interesting as they could've been...This is where I look toward Zhang Ziyi in the upcoming sequel.....An entertaining film no doubt....

Mr. Nice Guy (1997)

Fun

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

You have to have kind of a high threshold for silliness (and bad acting) to enjoy this one. The plot's almost nonexistent, but it's got some good (little) fight scenes and stunts....A little disappointing, though, that Jackie doesn't get to fight lead villain Richard Norton, quite a good fighter (see "City Hunter.") The ending's pretty funny though. Probably the most "Turn off your brain, and enjoy" Jackie film since "Rumble in the Bronx," it delivers fun, plain and simple.

First Strike (1996)

interesting

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

A little slower than a lot of Jackie Chan films, this one's got a (convoluted) plot: He needs to stop a rogue CIA from acquiring some uranium. In the process he ends up framed for murder, leading to the film's only real fight scene. It's a pretty good one, too, watch what he does with the ladder. It may not have the usual action quotient, but it's fun to watch, as most Jackie movies are, and I think Stanley Tong is a great director. Let's hope he gets past "Mr. Magoo," though, shall we? I like the Australian locations, and the acting's pretty good all around. Action buffs may prefer the faster paced American version, but I like the uncut...

Thunderbolt (1995)

First the bad news....

[8/10 · 20 June 2001]

I read somewher that Jackie was still recovering from injuries during this film's shooting, and it's blatantly obvious he is doubled extensively in the fight scenes--the great garage fight features a closeup of this guy's face! You can tell it's not quite him in the pachinko parlor sequence, too. Also, not much chemistry in my opinion between Jackie and Anita Yuen. Fortunately this doesn't hurt too much.

Now the good: Doubled or not, the fight scenes are absolutely great! I almost prefer the earlier garage fight though. They're serious and pretty tough, with the great choreography you'd expect. The serious tone of the film is great, too, you can see Jackie act, and do something different, and I think he pulls it off very well, as usual in his less comedic films. And Michael Wong is just the coolest! I love this guy, he's suave, funny, and good with the action scenes. Always a pleasure to see him, even in trash like "Knock off." I like the villain, too though he's unintentionally funny from time to time. This one's got a darker edge, and a good pace, with the fight scenes i mentioned. One of my favorites, actually.

Rumble in the Bronx (1995)

Ridiculous "plot," but entertaining

[7/10 · 20 June 2001]

A lot of Americans prefer this of all of Jackie's movies released here so far. Bah! It's fun to be sure, but dumb as a rock, really...I have to hand it to 'em though, most of the English speaking actors are much better than those featured in "Mr. Nice Guy," or "Who Am I?" It's kind of like two unfinished films spliced together, really saved only by the action scenes, Anita Mui, and the always enjoyable Bill Tung. Rent any other of Jackie's recent movies for a better intro...7/10, just 'cuz the action's cool, and I like bad movies....

Drunken Master II (1994)

Hooooooly s************t........

[9/10 · 20 June 2001]

That's pretty much what I said the first time I saw this! I think I still like "Police Story 3" better overall, but this contains the most amazing fight scenes ever! Jackie plays half his age, and pulls it off brilliantly! I own the Chinese version, but I had to see the (still great) American version to witness this amazing choreography on the big screen. Truly a sight to behold, there's enough skill, talent, and entertainment here for a thousnd movies. More enjoyable every time, watch it! You can't possibly be dissapointed! Great humor, great story, GREAT fighting, one of the man's absolute top films, you'll never forget it, nor be able to view hand to hand combat the same way again--you'll beg to learn the art of drunken boxing!