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andrewweb
Reviews
The Firm (2009)
Poor, beyond words
It has no soul, no heart. It's empty, absolutely one of the worst films I've ever seen.
You can't help but compare it against the original, but even taken in isolation this stinks to high heaven.
Several scenes stand out for a complete lack of any actual emotion, and for a subject that's suppose to be about intensity, just that raw emotion, that's really quite staggering !! How any film with such a passionate subject could somehow manage to completely avoid invoking any passion - I just can't describe. It's like it was made as some sort of joke, perhaps ?
The fight scenes are a ham-fisted joke, the confrontation between Snowy and Bex actually had me laughing it was so awful.
"Put your hands together for..... Stanley" ?
It's the nearest to a round of applause this tripe will ever see.
Absolutely awful - all involved should be thoroughly ashamed.
If you're a film student perhaps, it's worth a look. File under "How not to do it".
The Happening (2008)
Poor
It's at times like this I'd wish I were more eloquent. I've just sat through this tripe and my only response is to consider slapping myself in the face. The reason I don't is that I may one day perhaps bump into the writer and slap him instead, and so I'm holding it in reserve for that.
Wahlberg, a (generally) superb actor - what are you doing here? The participants in this flick are prone to an almost trance-like state, and I can only guess you took your cue from that for the whole film. You're too decent an actor to be appearing in this - next time, when you're picking a role, go by the script, not by the director's name.
I can only guess what the directors directions were - "err, just walk around a bit and say the words written on the script... and... action ! Yeah, I know it looks poor on paper, but The Sixth Sense was good. Remember? Remember The Sixth Sense? Forget about Signs, that was a mistake... This is me being good again..." This is crap of the highest order. Generally, I like my eco-proselytizing a little less "on-the-nose". The way the "be kind to the planet" message is delivered would make even the staunchest Greenpeace-supporter puke.
All those involved (and yes, Shymalan, you especially) should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. To those that bankrolled this POS, take a good hard look at the reviews either here or on metacritic before you give "golden boy" Shymalan his next paycheck.
Come in Mr Night, your time is up.
Dracula 2000 (2000)
fangs, but no-fangs
Firstly, I didn't expect much. I certainly didn't expect it to be a classic or anything like that. I just thought a wee bit of entertainment would be mine for the evening. So I settled down to watch, and surprise! - The film had me on the edge of my seat. Unfortunately, it was because I was hovering over the TV OFF button the whole time. They say that interactive TV is on it's way - I say that yelling at the TV is about as interactive as I'd like to get.
Worst 'interpretation' ever. Whoever decided to cast Gerard Butler as Dracula must have had a late night barking at the moon. It's a sad sign when even the leeches steal his scenes. I mean, Dracula is supposed to be charismatic - as in 'of having charisma'. Didn't the casting folks realise this?
Johnny Lee-Miller pushes another career-destruction button thanks to a well-dodgy 'authentic' London accent (around a 3 on the Dick-van-Dyke'O-meter). Christopher Plummer rounds up another paycheck, but looks around as interested as I was...
Add to that the suspect 'tv-movie' effects, and it's really only worthy for those who always wondered what Jeri Ryan looked like without that gizmo on the side of her head.
And as for the ending. Oh good grief. There's nothing that I can say to it as it would give the game away, but I think I'll venture at least an 'Oh God - no!' to it.
The one saving grace is that I was loaned this DVD and never had to actually spend my hard-earned on it. Further down-side however is that it's an hour and a half of my life I'll never reclaim. Oh, to be immortal...