westbayou Reviews

Road House (2024)

I wanted to hate this.....

[7/10 · 30 March 2024]

Ok fact: remakes suck.

Going into this, I wanted to hate it. Remake of an 80's classic and Jake G? Recipe for disaster. But..... this is a remake in name only. Fresh story, the only connection to the original is he's a bouncer for hire. I'll admit it, this stands up on its own.

For lack of anything better to watch I gave this a shot. Color me surprised but I enjoyed the heck out of it. No agenda, just an old school action movie. Now the AI/CGI was nothing short of terrible, but if you look past that this movie embodies the old school Western movies it clearly mimics (and references several times, a bit on the nose).

Was I entertained? Yup. Was it Oscar worthy? No, but I'll take entertaining over Oscar Worthy every time.

Give it a shot, you may just enjoy yourself.

NASCAR: Full Speed (2024– )

Tries to be Drive to Survive, Misses badly.

[4/10 · 5 February 2024]

As a huge automotive enthusiast, but only a casual race fan l, I watch just about anything car related. A few years back I stumbled onto Drive to Survive and I've been hooked on that show and F1 ever since. I saw this pop up as a suggestion, and was hoping for more of the D2S magic.

Nope.

This is 5 episodes of them trying to figure the D2S formula out and tie it to NASCAR, but they never quite do. All of the drivers come off as pompous jerks, and each episode is basically a rehash of the previous episode, meaning they are all the same. They focus on the playoffs with almost no backstory, then try to build the tension of who will win? Who cares? They all kind of suck and you don't learn anything about them of substance. This one just never gets off the starting line.

The Retirement Plan (2023)

Throwback to "fun" movies

[6/10 · 23 December 2023]

Finally a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and just tries to entertain. Clearly low budget, but also NICK CAGE!!!!

The story: totally implausible.

The acting: it's a Cage movie, so over acting galore.

The twists: pretty predictable.

The laughs: plenty of them.

Didn't check my watch once, just laughed and enjoyed the movie for what it was. Anyone expecting Oscar level anything that watched this must be too stupid to realize what they signed up for. Quit whining and go watch some 3-hour critical darling that no normal person finds remotely appealing. I'll take movies like this every time!!!

The Tutor (2023)

Oof was this bad

[2/10 · 28 October 2023]

Great premise that quickly fell apart into total nonsense. I should have known early on this would be a mess based on the terrible hairpiece the main character was wearing. If you can't spend the time to cover up the 5 o'clock shadow from shaving his head, you probably didn't bother with the bigger details. The script has gaping holes in it, and after what was a solid start to the story it just bounces all over the place. This movie feels like a victim on the editing room. Whoever edited this film down to its final version should never work again. Clearly there are parts of the story that were filmed that somehow didn't make the cut. Skip this one for sure.

The Curious Case of Natalia Grace (2023–2024)

6 episodes that should have been 2

[2/10 · 10 June 2023]

Oof. What did I just endure? This story is interesting for sure, but the execution of this documentary is pretty brutal. They dragged the story out way too long, even including almost 10-minutes of them literally sitting around drinking beer waiting for a verdict.

ALL of the characters involved are utterly despicable. Michael Barnett is a walking clown, and we even turned him crying into a drinking game. Unfortunately we had to stop or we'd risk alcohol poisoning. Even that didn't make this story any better. It just drags on and on and on.....

No happy endings here, and really no answers. Save yourself 5 hrs of your life and just google it.

The Batman (2022)

So boring with so much potential.

[3/10 · 15 May 2022]

Well acted but long, drawn out story that went nowhere. First Batman movie that was actually boring. Honestly couldn't wait for it to end, but it just. Kept. Going......

Even my teenager thought is was incredibly boring, which told me all I needed to know. Save 3-hours of your life for something else. No clue how this has 8 star rating currently.

Red Notice (2021)

It's like a Kraft Single....

[6/10 · 13 November 2021]

Sometimes you want a grilled cheese. So you grab a Kraft Single or two, slap them between two pieces of Wonder Bread, a little butter and a frying pan and you have a grilled cheese sandwich. Dunk it in some Campbell's Tomato Soup and now it's a meal.

That is this movie. Cheesy as all get out, but when you get to the end, pretty darn satisfying after a few twists and turns. You just have to be in the mood for grilled cheese, not caviar.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

How did this get made?!?

[1/10 · 4 June 2021]

Just. So. Bad.

Clearly some Hollywood Big Dog had a middle school kid who wrote this crap and then leveraged his relationships to "make a movie." Disappointing to see Chloe tied to this dumpster fire as she is truly talented.

Greenland (2020)

Well it started strong......

[4/10 · 16 May 2021]

Strong start but it just kept getting dumber. I'm all for suspending belief for a couple hours but it just kept getting less believable as it dragged on. Also boring, and I'm not sure how with all the action constantly happening.

Details matter. This movie chooses to ignore all of them. I'm not a pilot but I know enough to realize a prop plane doesn't have the range to get them to Greenland, and this is just one example of many poor writing choices.

Unless you are really bored, skip this one.

Sound of Metal (2019)

The sound of silence

[5/10 · 5 December 2020]

What to say about this one..... well acted with the material given, but sheesh it is your basic Oscar bait formulary drama. VERY slow paced. Lead loses his hearing, gets angry about it, finds redemption, falls from grace, finds redemption again, realizes he prefers the silence and his new life. I swear I've seen this movie a dozen times before, and somehow it keeps winning awards despite being the same rehashed story. Certainly not original, but I've seen worse. Middle of the road drama at best.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Boring lecture on consumerism

[1/10 · 28 November 2020]

Amazing how a movie with so much talent can just be so bad. No action, no jokes, just plods along and "ends badly." Joke is in the viewer, it starts AND ends badly.

Sturgill Simpson still rules though.

We Summon the Darkness (2019)

Oof. A boring horror film? Yup.

[2/10 · 18 September 2020]

Went into this hoping for some campy 80's horror, barely finished it. This movie wasn't scary, wasn't surprising, wasn't fun. Plenty of attractive actors doesn't make up for a weak scrip and predictable twists. Two stars for using Belinda Carlisle's Heaven on Earth, otherwise skip this mess.

The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020)

Better than the first. Seriously.

[8/10 · 13 September 2020]

Enjoyed The Babysitter. Loved the sequel. Oscar winner this is not, but it is pretty fantastic entertainment if you get the joke. Silly, gory, with plenty of stupid twists to keep you hooked. Ignore the plot holes and enjoy the ride. Add this one to the list of sequels that are better than the original. Looking forward to #3.

History 101 (2020– )

Ugh.

[2/10 · 30 May 2020]

If you want a 25 minute PC lecture on the given topic of each episode give this a try. Otherwise skip this series of revisionist history. Seriously, it is like a bad MTV behind the music.

Horns (2013)

Bonkers in all the right ways

[8/10 · 30 May 2020]

I found this movie during a deep dive into Netflix during the 'Rona quarantine. This was definitely a gem in the rough. With so much garbage being pumped out by Amazon, Netflix etc. do yourself a favor and watch this. Horns comes across as a parable, but is really an original story. The acting is well done, but more importantly the story/script is incredibly well written. I'd say this isn't a mainstream movie, but if you appreciate something a little different you will enjoy it. Perhaps we don't want to know what everyone is REALLY thinking.....

The Wrong Missy (2020)

About what you expect

[6/10 · 30 May 2020]

If you watched the preview, you know what you are getting. This was mildly entertaining and a nice escape for a couple hours. Yes it is predictable, yes it is crass. It is the typical crew of Adam Sandler's actor friends making you laugh. What more do you want or expect when you click play?

Cracked Up (2018)

Whoa is me.....

[2/10 · 30 May 2020]

Incredibly boring tale of a has been that nobody has thought about in many years. Typical great talent that completely destroyed his life and career, and now wants us to believe "hey, it wasn't my fault because I remembered my childhood sucked." Hard pass. Nothing insightful here.

Uncut Gems (2019)

Could have been great

[1/10 · 29 May 2020]

Adam Sandler deserved an award for his acting and making the most out of this trash. Otherwise it is quite possibly the worst movie I've finished in the last few years. If you don't mind 2-hours of F-bombs being screamed at you, then you may like this movie. Otherwise skip it. The Safdi brothers seem to pride themselves in putting out irrational nonsense and calling it a movie. I turned off their other effort "Good Time" after 25 minutes. The story could have been good, but the way they filmed it is awful. There isn't a single scene where someone isn't screaming obscenities into the camera. Ooooh, so cutting edge, so original. Or not, not at all...... The critics rating this highly are on crack. Sandler was great, but the rest of this dumpster fire needs to go away.