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eric-1268
Reviews
Chasing Madoff (2010)
What a disappointment
Well, what a huge disappointment that was. "A look at how one investigator spent ten years trying to expose Bernie Madoff's massive Ponzi scheme."
Too bad this one investor, Harry Markopolos, turns out to be one of the most uninteresting people alive. I was looking forward to get detailed information on Madoff, but unfortunately I got to see Markopolos parents, school, church, his extreme paranoia about getting killed and loads of other information I didn't care about.
The information in this documentary could have been cut to +/- 30 minutes without all of the useless stuff. It's a shame, because this documentary could have been really great if it would provide more information about Madoff himself.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
Power Rangers in space meets up with Lordi & KISS
Well, what can I say that hasn't already been said before. At least I can say that I laugh at anyone who said this movie will have an enormous cult following in the years to come. This story might as well have been written by a group of eight year old kids.
In short: A police unit is dispatched to a mining unit only to find hundreds of ghost possessed zombies in fancy KISS/Lordi outfits. Add some cheesy dialog, leather costumes, "Power Rangers"-alike action scenes and an incredible stupid plot twist, and hey, there's "Ghosts of Mars"!
I really wonder where they spent the production budget of $28.000.000 on. Carpenter really lost it this time.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012)
Robocop Hitler with a laserbeam.
What is listed on IMDb as an 'action', 'adventure' and 'horror' movie turned out to be one of the greatest comedies ever made. It starts with a bunch of scientists who are located on a remote research facility on Antarctica. Two of them are abducted by zombified German soldiers (who, by the way, are wearing gas masks in a place where the air is the cleanest in the world). Hell yeah!
After their disappearance their fellow scientists start searching for them. They find an entrance to the center of the world, this is the part where things really get crazy. From this point I started wondering what stuff this scriptwriter had been using, that must have been one crazy trip.
I cannot describe what happens next, but it has something to do with the following keywords: Nazi zombie scientists, Robocop Hitler with a laserbeam, flesh eating bacteria-bombs, a skinless scientist who cannot die, high-tech plasma space guns, crazy Nazi zombies raping some woman and a giant Nazi UFO.
Now take all these ingredients, put them in a blender and you've got your movie: Nazis at the Center of the Earth. Be warned, this movie comes with a high risk of wetting your pants due to terrible acting and the many 'German' one-liners.
Enjoy!
R U There (2010)
It's a drag
This movie is a drag. The only good thing in this movie is the camera work. The story revolves around a pro-gamer without a social life trying to connect with a foreign woman. The dialog is shitty, the 'Second Life' scenes are terribly boring and the ending will leave you flabbergasted and wondering why you've just spend 1,5 hours watching this. Only in case you are addicted to playing Second Life, there might be a very very small chance you find this movie enjoyable, but I seriously doubt that.
In short: if you haven't seen this movie yet; save yourself and go watch a decent flick instead!
The Corporation (2003)
Made for the mentally handicapped
This movie is ridiculous and can't be named a 'documentary'. Almost every problem which occurs in the world is blamed on the corporations.
Pollution? It's the corporations. Cancer? It's the corporations. Did you just get fired? It's raining? It's the corporations. Man, it's not that you're not functioning, of course: it's the corporations! Hey, you're company is actually successful? YOU'RE EVIL!
It's a one sided piece of junk which basically says: " we don't have any responsibility ourselves, so we blame everything on the corporations! " Can't believe why this is rated so high in on IMDb. I guess 3.437 unemployed tree hugging people voted this junk a 10.
The Collector (2009)
I can't find the 'comedy' tag
What a stupid movie.
1) A guy goes into a house to rob a safe. While he's walking through the house, there are no traps anywhere. Then, the mysterious killer comes in, the guy runs through the house, with still no traps anywhere. The killer goes away, the guy runs to the safe again, and BOOM, traps EVERYWHERE!
2) Why would anyone put traps in every room? Nowadays you can get a gun and just shoot people in the head. But well, the movie would then probably not last longer than two minutes.
3) After the guy gets the stuff out of the safe, why does he suddenly gives a sh*7 about the people he's robbing. Just get the f^$k out of there, man!
4) Did anyone of the writer(s), producers or director notice that this Collector-guy was still lacking a motif and might actually need one to make this story a little bit more interesting? I guess not, but hey, who needs a story when you can have a few dozen plot-holes and a lot of brainless gore, right?
Next to that, the characters are of course as flat as pancakes, but OK, who would watch a movie like this for in-depth personalities anyway. The only credits this movie deserves go to the gore department; the only thing well done in this movie.
Undead (2003)
This movie is not very good
Actually, it completely sucks. I've watched thousands of movies, even half of the bottom 100 list. And 99,9% of these movies I could watch till the end. However, this was one of the VERY VERY few I had to turn it off after +/- 20 minutes because it was so VERY VERY bad.
Characters are as flat as pancakes and really annoying. Zombies are as slow as snails, but yet they can punch through heads in less than 0,1 second when someone is standing in front of them. That reminds me of another question: how can they punch through heads so easily, were they suddenly given some kind of superstrength in their arms? I don't know why there are people who say this is a definite 'must-see', because it really isn't. It REALLY sucks (also in its genre), so you'd better avoid it, even if you like zombiemovies.
The Last House on the Left (2009)
Avoid at all cost
Man, this movie was so extremely bad, I don't know where to begin. Because the limit of 1000 words I can't make a full description of how bad this movie is. Here are a few points:
1. The way Paige reacts on the weed, do all Americans go brainless after 2 hits of weed?
2. The girls don't do sh*t when they see a police-car passing by, but when they're in the middle of the woods (where NOBODY is) they suddenly try to escape.
3. Paige, one of the two kidnapped girls, manages to escape. With two homicidal guys behind her, she tries to get the attention of some construction worker who's two miles in front of her (sitting in a car) by SCREAMING to him. While she's standing still.
4. When the homicidal couple gets back, Mari & Krug are sitting like 12ft away from each other. Why does Mari wait for the homicidal couple to come back, while she can just try to run away? To get raped, and after being raped, to (FINALLY) escape? Now she can run for three trigger-happy maniacs. I guess she was just waiting for some more cock to arrive.
5. The first fighting scene with the mother/father is really pathetic. Instead of sticking some knives in the back of this guy Giles, they try to drown him and put his fingers in the grinder. They're in the KITCHEN for crying out loud.
6. Not to talk about the other fighting scenes. It's pathetic. Why don't they kill Krug in the last fight? No, instead they give him one bash on the head and then step in the boat.
7. Well, probably the most laughable is the microwave head explosion. I didn't know your head explodes after +/- 15 seconds when you stick it in an open microwave.
8. And OK, finally, IF the doctor wants to kill the guy, why don't pump some air into his veins? Or just suffocate him? But no, instead he chooses to stick the guy his head in a microwave, so his head can explode. I guess he wasn't thinking that he has to clean up the head-splash-blood-brain-parts after wards.
This movie was so wrong in so many levels, the scriptwriter obviously stuck his own head in a microwave before filming this piece of trash. Awful!