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Deadly Descent (2013)
Much worse than I anticipated...
For 2013... this plays like a bad post-teen ski movie meets a bad creature flick made by the worst CGI and green screen crew ever!
The lack of quality of the script is only surpassed by the lack of quality of the acting.
Stupid me for expecting this to be a movie of reasonable quality. The writers have successfully created a bunch of characters that make no sense and are actually boring to watch (in a horror film).
The CGI creatures and the green screen helicopter flying are laugh-out-loud bad.
This movie should be un-made and the script shredded and recycled as toilet paper.
It is a must-NOT-watch...
Chest (2022)
Bumbling, amateurish clichè...
You've seen this 'movie' a thousand times before.
There isn't one shred of originality in the 'movie'. Every horror story clichè is trotted out again by largely talentless actors performing a largely talentless script in front of a largely talentless director whose film has been cut together by largely talentless editors...
The storyline is completely incoherent and you get the feeling that some actors left the set at various points... probably because their pay cheques bounced... or they just got bored.
Nothing worthwhile has been added to world as a result of this 'film' having been made...
Taku-He (2017)
Why? Just Why.....?
This is what you get when the Crabapple Cove Amateur Repertory Society decide to grab an iPhone and make a 'movie'...
Hopelessly, incoherent, pointless, clichèd, cringey, wooden drivel...
It's not even good enough to be 'bad good'.
The only positive thing about this film is that at least the actors were average kinda people... they didn't go the hot chicks and buff guys route.
This is a 'movie' that didn't need to be made and should not have been made. Having been made... it should not have been made available. It should have been locked in a box and dumped at sea as far from land as possible...
Cascade Bigfoot Blood Mystery (2022)
Complete and utter rubbish
There's documentaries, fake-umentaries and mockumentaries... This is a whole new genre... the schlockumentary.
Matthew Heines has created a video with absolutely no merit, no quality, no relevance and no coherence.
In short... it is a piece of drivel. Mindless, pointless FLIR imagery, huge periods of senseless filler that has no relevance. Idiotic interviews and appallingly stupid theories... Oh and slapstick UFO 'recreations'...
Do not waste your time unless, like me, you need to try and understand how anybody could create such a piece of rubbish and have the gall to release it to the public.
Cascade Bigfoot Blood Mystery II Chewelah Triangle (2022)
Even worse dribble than the first episode...
Having watched the first installment of this garbage I felt duty bound to watch this follow-up.
Amazingly, Matthew Heines has managed to create an even stupider, pointless and purile piece of rubbish than the first installment.
This schlockumentary is neither interesting, informative, entertaining or coherent. It is a binnable crime against intelligence.
It is 90% irrelevant, meaningless filler and everything else is ridiculous drivel.
The saddest part of this schlockumentary is that it is serious, despite numerous poor attempts at humour. It's what you would expect of a ten year old making an iPhone movie.
Do not waste your time with this garbage.
The Wildman of Kentucky: The Mystery of Panther Rock (2008)
Schlockumentary of the worst kind...
There are fake-umentaries, mockumentaries and schlockumentaries... This piece of 'filmography' sets a new standard for all of them.
This is two hours of my life that I'll never get back. The absolute lack of coherency, the appallingly bad animations that add nothing to the narrative, the night time 'investigations' that show and yield nothing, the idiotic theorising all combine to create one of the absolute worst pieces of bigfoot rubbish ever created.
And the hilarious thing is that idiots like this always wonder why 'bigfoot research' isn't taken seriously...🤣🤣🤣
In a sensible world after doing all the prep work, all the filming, all the editing and all the associated work to produce this... you would sit down, watch it, throw it in the bin and never be tempted to make another show ever again...
This show is bad... very, very bad...
It's worth watching it if only to see how bad it actually is.
Recommend squeezing Tobasco sauce into your eyes afterwards to soothe the pain from this visual travesty...
The Handmaid's Tale (2017)
Slow death of a great story
The first three seasons were a triumph of the dystopian genre and turned an otherwise dull book into a superb tale of religous fanaticism gone horribly wrong.
Unfortunately season 4 onwards became nothing more than a series of close-ups of Elizabeth Moss doing scary, crazy face into the camera. Given that Moss was directing a lot of these episodes one can only assume that she started thinking that the show was about her. As such the storyline was left behind and all we, the audience, end up with is never-ending close-ups of Moss face contortions...
Very sad given what the first three seasons were...
Swamp Freak (2017)
A fresh take on pure boredom...
At 75 minutes in length this 'movie' was exactly 73 minutes too long...
They should've just rolled the closing credits at the start and left it at that. The credits were far more entertaining than the train-wreck of a movie that preceded them.
A dog with a GoPro strapped to its head could make a better movie than this...
Once Upon a Time in the Apocalypse (2021)
Failed To Start And Finish
This was a movie that started nowhere and rambled it's way to nowhere else... Poor acting, no coherent storyline and a long slow drag from start to end.
This is what you would get if you asked a bunch of community preppers to go out and act out their doomsday fantasy...
Searching for Sasquatch Chapter II: The Watchers (2021)
I'd rather gouge my eyes out with teaspoons...
I don't know what the other reviewers were smoking when they gave this farce 10/10...
This 'documentary' was beyond appalling... If you enjoy 'In Search Of' and other similar clap-trap then you'll probably enjoy this.
It's so sad that this sort of rubbish is created because it diminishes those that are genuinely researching the topic and trying to do the subject justice.
If this was a high school project you'd be lucky to get a C-.
Really not worth the effort...
Expedition Unknown: Hunt for the Yeti (2016)
Nothing to see here... Move on... Move on... Nothing to see...
Yet another 'running around in the wild' show digging up dubious 'evidence' that has been disproved or debunked before and pretending it's new...
Plenty of 'What was that?' exclamations after viewing blurry pictures, etc. Etc. Etc...
Shows like this are made for the benefit of the 'personality' not for any genuine attempt at solving the mystery of the yeti...
Mildly entertaining but ultimately a complete waste of time and effort...
Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1983)
Excusable because it was the 80's
A truly appalling attempt to cash in on the accidental success of "The Legend of Boggy Creek."
Charles B. Pierce caught a lucky break and notoriety from the original but this movie just proves how lucky it was... Right bad movie at the right time.
The 'hero' of this movie is a creepy-as-hell, sexist pig of man with about as much charisma (and acting talent) as piece of wet toilet paper.
The girls are the typical 'pretty little dumb things' that look good in tight shorts and are expected to be sub-servient to our hero.
The plot, if that is what it is, is ridiculous... the scripting is puerile, the acting is at least on par with your typical D grade creature feature (bad but watchable).
Worth watching if you're into cult movie sequels and particularly worth watching if you love watching third rate unknown actors make fools of themselves...
Exists (2014)
Probably the best sasquatch movie to date...
So I've watched pretty much every sasquatch/bigfoot/yeti/yowie movie ever made. The genre follows the 80/20 rule. 80% are pathetic movies that should never have been made and 20% are worth the effort.
Exists is definitely in to 20% category and, in my opinion, is the best of the genre to date.
It's your typical 20 somethings in the woods being terrorised by a hairy man-ape plot but this movie excels for a couple of reasons...
1. The actors can act (usually not the case in bigfoot movies).
2. The story is simple but good and does have an endpoint without going off-track.
3. It is reasonably congruous with the typical bigfoot folk lore.
4. The bigfoot costume is excellent. The quality of bigfoot movies is usually directly proportional to the quality of the creature costume.
The overall quality of the movie is very good and drags you into it from start to finish with a good and slightly unexpected conclusion,
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and will watch again when I need a sasquatch fix...
Alien Origin (2012)
Utterly Appalling... Beyond Pathetic...
Run time.... 88 minutes
Filler... 80 minutes
Absolute boredom... 8 minutes.
Could possibly be the worst movie ever made. It has no plot, hardly any dialogue, zero acting.
Just running around in the jungle shooting guns at nothing...
Bigfoot: The Evidence Files (2014)
Absolute Amateur Rubbish
Don't want to sound harsh or cruel but this is the sort of 'documentary' that does more harm than good to bigfoot researchers.
This is nothing more than an enthusiast reading a powerpoint presentation interspersed with blobsquatches, dubious recordings and the usual collection of footprints.
It does nothing to convince anyone who hasn't already drunk the koolaid.
Not even worthy of publishing to Youtube...
The 7th Hunt (2009)
I apologise on behalf of Australians
So I'm only 30 minutes into this film whilst writing the review... As an Australian I feel a duty to apologise to the world for this film.
In terms of a horror/gore/terror movie the concept is promising for a low budget movie. The production quality is reasonably good but Wolf Creek it ain't, SAW it ain't...
The 'acting' is beyond appalling... It's barely at the level of a bad high school play.
Ultimately... very disappointing and tossing up whether to keep watching it or go and do some laundry...
2010: Moby Dick (2010)
Don't.... Just Don't
Run.... run now!
It should be a criminal offence to release a movie this bad... especially when basing it on a literary classic.
Boggy Creek (2010)
Better than it could have been...
Lets face it...It does not seem possible to create a good sasquatch/bigfoot/skunk ape movie...
Having said that...This movie has a good crack it and it doesn't deserve the poor ratings given by others.
Yes...it's cliched, yes it overdoes the melodrama a bit but id does pay some homage to the original Legend of Boggy Creek and also raises the bar well above Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues.
The acting is reasonable, the camera work is good, the creature is done well.
Compare this to something like 'Field Freak' and it's a genuine masterpiece...
Interviewing Monsters and Bigfoot (2019)
Why... Just why?
The world is a sadder place for this 'movie' having been made...
Nightbeasts (2010)
Sheer unadulterated rubbish!
I love a good 'hairy man-beast' movie... This is not one of them.
I didn't think it was possible to make a worse film than 'Field Freak' but here it is.
Night Beasts is an editing nightmare, devoid of acting talent, is a script-writing farce and should be 'un-filmed' if that were possible.
It disrespects the sasquatch folklore that it attempts (badly) to centre on.
The plotline is farcical and staggers along like like a drunken sailor on a three night bender.
It doesn't even fit the "so bad it's good" category. It's just plain bad.
You will enjoy gnawing your own leg off more than watching this steaming pile of horse dung.
One star because I managed to get through the whole thing without turning it off...
Yeti - Il gigante del 20° secolo (1977)
An insult to the film making industry...
There's nothing really to say about this 'movie'.
I do enjoy the occasional 'bad movie' but this is an absolute dog...
I would gladly gnaw my own arm off to escape this puerile insult to film-making.
Legend Has It (2009)
1 star for the sound track...
This 'movie' is beyond appalling...
The only thing it has going for it is the underlying soundtrack, which prevented the movie from being an abject failure on every level.
Hopefully nobody involved in this 'movie' has ever gone on to be involved in the entertainment industry.
It is worth watching to see how truly bad a bad movie can be...
Rapid Fear (2004)
Practice movie for young actors...
The story line is completely implausible. The law just does not work this way in Australia...
With that said...the acting was amateur, the filming wasn't bad and there was a little bit of suspense.
The movie itself never climbed out of the mediocre category and isn't really worth an hour and a half of your life unless your bored and can't find anything else.
It looked, sounded and smelled like a practice movie for young actors. As it goes...none of the young actors seem to amounted to anything since this movie was made.
Howls (2011)
Good Movie Ruined...
I was originally going to rate this movie low but have decided it deserves a 7 because of the ending...definitely not your typical Bigfoot rampage style movie.
The problem with this movie, is that it lacks anything that resembles a script, which means that, no matter how hard they try, the actors have nothing to work with.
It is an insanely boring and plotless movie that, if you can get through the nothingness, actually turns good in the last 15 minutes or so. For that it deserves a 7 (if you're into Bigfoot).
In the hands of better producers and script writers this could have been an intense, thrilling, exciting and suprising movie. Unfortunately it is like walking up a ski slope for one hour in order to have an enjoyable 5 minute slide back down....
Paranormal Caught on Camera (2019)
Beyond pathetic...
Nothing more than a vehicle for a bunch of second rate podcasters to advertise themselves.
Entertaining but only to see these 'experts' continually make fools of themselves...