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Reviews
Holiday in the Vineyards (2023)
Privileged wino makes good
If you're looking for a fun, feel good rom com to take your mind off reality for a couple hours you've found it. You've got a talented cast (even the kids seemed to be pretty good actors for kids in a movie like this), a fun if familiar storyline and some great dialogue. The two main actors are definitely up and comers and definitely worth checking out. This movie won't change your politics or cause you to question any of your major life decisions, but it's a couple hours of fun that flies by like a Christmas party with old friends. If you are into rom coms you should definitely give this one a watch.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Nostril-palooza
The film is boring. Everyone involved is talented so it's a bit of a head scratcher as to how it wound up this way. But an even bigger question, figuratively and literally, what's up with Julia's nostrils? She's a beautiful woman, always has been. But when you close in on those nostrils it looks like she got kicked in the face by a donkey, and somehow only her nostrils were affected. Like a biological crumple zone. They are at different elevations and the right one is considerably larger than the left one. In fact the right one has become so large I kept waiting for the Millennium Falcon to descend out of it and take off to stop all the problems. But instead this flick is just one big booger.
The Killer (2023)
Why aren't people calling this Finchbender?
With Hollywood love affair with making up new words, like Barbenheimer, why has no one branded this gilded terd Finchbender? You have two wildly talented and popular Hollywood figures coming together to pinch out more garbage onto society. This is better than the average Netflix movie, no question. But it is still not good. The first half of the movie feels like a really long montage video for The Smiths. In the end the film is a long bloody journey to nowhere, with unrequested heaping sides of boredom along the way. One thing I can say, if you are suffering from insomnia try watching this film while lying down on the couch. You'll be out like a light.
Suits (2011)
Despicable Smutfest
I've never seen such gratuitous, unbelievably frequent fornication in any content ever, even adult material. That being said, there is an addictive quality to this garbage. As annoying as the lead male is, with his constant know it all-ness and smug demeanor, the show is entertaining. Aspects of it get old fast when you're binging it but if you watch an episode once in a while it can be a fun mindless break. Meghan Markle does a decent job in her minor role. One can see why Harry fell for her, she's hot and she can act like she's into someone very well. So this is formulaic and predictable but it can be fun. Worth a peek.
Theater Camp (2023)
Another nepo baby train wreck
Not funny. Not fun. Nothing to see here. Just another nepo baby vanity project that doesn't deliver. While the premise might be fun the execution is unforgivably bad. At the screening I attended no one was laughing. Instead they were walking out the door. Hollywood continues to hit new lows and this is another example. I've had more fun sitting in dentist chairs!!! The third act is absurdly stupid and the movie feels tacked on and a cheap attempt at fan service which shouldn''t have been needed in the first place, except was because of the pointless character development. Anyone being honest with themselves will see that despite nepo nonsense, this is an objectively terrible movie that never should have been made.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
With Hands on Hips
Here is it folks, simply awful filmmaking standing with hands on hips like Shyamalan or Spielberg, daring us to call it out as pointless boring trash. It's pointless boring trash. Why Disney continues to destroy its own assets and franchises, giving up countless future dollars for the sake of an immediate dime, is beyond anyone with a scrap of intelligence and reason. Quite possibly the worst Indiana movie ever made. It is such a departure from what Americans have come to expect, and the sensibilities so alien to the standards set by even the worst prior Indy movies that I hope everyone just ignores this one and stays home.
Sully (2016)
It takes Clint Eastwood to make a great Tom Hanks movie
Many have tried and failed spectacularly (case in point, Spielberg/The Terninal). It's not as easy as it looks or sounds. It takes a Clint Eastwood to pull it off. Even though Hanks is in it, the film is excellent. Eastwood was smart and gave Hanks as little to do as possible. Just imitate the real Sullly and a couple of monologues. Joel Cox did an amazing job editing some intelligence into Hanks's performance as well. You almost believe Tom Hanks really is an actor. It sometimes seems Eastwood could grab a meth addicted derelict and turn him into a great performer (with the magic of filmmaking). All in all this is one to see.
The Terminal (2004)
Takes cheese to new lows
It's unbelievable that this got made. Amateur hour in Hollywood. Pure schlock and a career low performance from Cathy Zeta-Jones, I've seen better student films. No wonder Spielberg's kids are prosties and Hanks' are bipolar influencers. Watching Catherine cue-card it through the whole movie and listening to Hanks' pathetic attempt at an accent had me wondering just how much worse it could get. Enter Stanley. With no real justification or motivation for most of what he did, but the plot had to be shoveled along by the laziest of writers / hacks. Hanks' Hacks at it again. If a new director made this, his career would be over in the crib.
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
ruined by nepo baby
This could have been an ok flick. Some decent talent here. Ryan Johnson. Daniell Craig. Etc. But they had to go and cast a nepo and ruin it all. The feel of the movie was like a cartoon or comic book and the nepo kept overacting but it wasn't campy or cute or fun. Just tired and no talent. I didn't see the first movie and I'm not a Ryan Johnson hater or fan. If they had found someone with talent instead of family connections to play the older blond woman this could have been good. Maybe even really good. Putting a nepo baby like Kate Hawn in a movie is like putting a terd in a punch bowl. It ruins it.
Harry & Meghan (2022)
Go home. Or somewhere else.
Wow. This is so unbelievably bad. To anyone questioning the number of bad reviews here, well they are justified. Harry is clearly suffering from various personality disorders and his conniving contriving wife is working him like a brain dead marionette. It's sad. Meghan's mom seems to be the only real normal person on the show. This comes off as a professional victim piece of propaganda and it seems to have backfired. Maybe since Harry loves Africa so much they should give that place a try? Not glamorous like Hollywood though is it Meg? On top of all the criticisms, this production commits the single most cardinal sin of entertainment. It's boring. It's not entertaining.
Holiday Harmony (2022)
Perfect holiday romcom+
Thank you HBO Max! I love holiday rom coms but most of the ones out there are super low budget garbage. Sometimes they have a famous name from long ago that makes a cameo, in this one the ever amazing Brook effing Sheilds is in the majority of it. And she's amazing. On top Brook you've got the main singer who is very very talented. She's headed straight to the top. The writing is also great. Usually in movies like this, the writing is like an open day-old soda: flat, disgusting, gross, but this is like a newly opened can of coca-cola, fresh, sweet and very bubbly. A lot of humor and wit worked in. Talented kids, a fun story, and of course ,Lady Brook. U can't go wrong. Thanks HBO! MORE PLEASE!!
The Fabelmans (2022)
"A movie is a terd you can always smell"
Spielberg should get some kind of razzie award for cringe dialogue. The corniness of it had people hissing with laughter and eventually walking out of the theater. In Sweden we don't watch steamers like this. But I have been in us studying the English and go to movies to learn but this was a disaster because the language can't be used it is so weird. Stories happen to those who can tell them? What about stories where people are killed, like schindlers list? Awful awful dialogue. Spielberg must think he is influencer who can make weird phrases happen when he should focus on his prostitute children.
A California Christmas (2020)
to warm up Swedish Christmas
Is number one here in sweden on netflix and such nice warm film like the weather also, has warmed up our cold Christmas! very nice and fun. american 'cow farms' different then europe