Ultraschall Reviews

The Eurovision Song Contest (1991 TV Special)

problems, problems, problems

[4/10 · 15 July 2004]

One of the nightmare years of the ESC. The RAI orchestra (well the sax-player in particular) managed to ruin the Greek entry, which was ace along side the entry by Israel. Other faves (of mine) were Yugoslavia, Turkey, Finland, and Switzerland.

It's a year to forget. Problems with the voting, problems with the sound, problems, problems, problems. Do I even have to mention the huge amount of bad songs? The stage-design was nice however (but it usually is). The hosts... the hosts... What was she wearing? And what was he doing?

That guy who did the interval act was surprisingly good however, doing VERY fast dress-changes. Wearing a dress, and changing to a suit in just a few seconds. Great fun! Almost the best part of the entire evening.

Although I don't think too highly of the ESC of 1991, in some ways it's better than those held nowadays. The orchestra should be brought back into the contest. The orchestra added a lot of charm, even when it managed to ruin the occasional song.

Atomic Kitten: Kitten Diaries (2002 TV Movie)

You give three Kittens a handheld camcorder and...

[7/10 · 7 November 2003]

You give three Kittens a handheld camcorder and let them film whatever they want during their "Right Now - Right Here" UK-tour. The result would probably raise concerns about their mental-state. But I thought it was fun, but hey, I'm a bit crazy too. In this documentary-feast you get to meet their drummer/stalker, some fans/screamin' girls, the band, and a few others. And of course the Kittens themselves.

I find it rather worrying that nobody came to Liz' aid when she was 'stuck' on a roof. Did she make it down herself? Or was the fire department involved in her rescue, like when a kitten get stuck in a tree? Oh well, she made it down, I'm sure, as the tour continued.

Of course, if you don't like Atomic Kitten there's no real reason as to why you would watch this. But the rest of you lot (including me) would probably enjoy it. So enjoy the next time it's aired on the telly, or get your hands on "Right Now - Right Here (Live)" as it's included on the extras. Thar be kittens ahead, Captain!

Olsen-banden på spanden (1969)

Better than the first one

[6/10 · 22 August 2003]

Better than the first one, in my opinion, though it lacks the originality of the first movie. The characters still ain't fully developed, and the insults are even fewer in this movie than they were in the first.

In this movie Olsen-Banden try to keep themselves on the right side of the law, which is fouled up by an American gang who robs the Danish National Bank while the Olsen gang participate in a social-rehabilitation program as cleaners at the bank. The Olsen gang are the only witnesses to the robbery and is therefor blamed for the crime by the police. So the only way out for Egon, Benny, and Kjeld is to steal the loot from the American gang before that gang leaves Denmark, and then present it to the police and claim their innocence. Benny's brother Dynamit-Harry (Dynamite-Harry) is introduced in this movie. Harry's a drunken explosives 'expert' and really isn't too much of a help. Preben Kaas is just wonderful in the role of Harry!

Funniest line of the movie's gotta be: Benny: "Og Kjeld solgte japanske *?*-pinde på Langelinje og blev smidt i vandet af en svensker" Keld: "Det var aldeles ikke nogen svensker, han var bare almindelig fuld!" / Benny: "And Kjeld solgt japanese *?*-sticks at Langelinje and was thrown into the water by a Swede" Kjeld: "He wasn't a Swede, he was just a drunk!"

Olsen-banden (1968)

I'm not that crazy about this first movie.

[6/10 · 21 August 2003]

It's a milestone in Denmark. One of the most popular (if not the most popular) series of movies here. Everybody knows Olsen-Banden, young and old. Everybody can hum the theme, I'm sure. And even better; Olsen-Banden is a local-movie (all of them really), as it's set in Valby, which is just a few kilometers from here. Of course it can't be compared to some of the serious movies from Denmark in recent years, but this was the way we made movies back then.

Now, the production company (Nordisk Film) has just released the first four movies on DVD recently, and the rest are to follow. And it was about time, if you ask me! So what better time to write about the movie than now?

I'm not that crazy about this first movie. I can't deny that it all started with this one, so it's got my respect.

Egon Olsen's got a plan, and it's a good plan. The plan is to steal a German piece of art displayed at a Danish museum. It's not as easy as it would sound, since this piece of art is secured by the most modern anti-theft devices, and a direct alarm to the police. So of course the details has to be carefully planned at first. The only problem is that Egon's surrounded by amateurs and idiots. Anyway, typical Danish comedy-style of its time, though a bit weak, as the insults and characters ain't fully developed in this first movie. I'd recommend movie 3-13 of the series instead, as they're much more enjoyable.

"Sir, jeg vil gerne reportere at... SIR, NU KOMMER DER ET TOG!" "Sir, I'd like to report that... SIR, INCOMING TRAIN!" The enjoyable scene where Hr. Mortensen is trying to report back to his chief in a phone-booth, and a lone train-wagon derails and smashes into the phone-booth and his car.

Min store tjocke far (1992)

1 hour and 40 minutes where absolutely nothing happens

[2/10 · 24 June 2003]

1 hour and 40 minutes where absolutely nothing happens. I found the movie very weird, without any interesting story. It's just strange events upon strange events all the way through the movie, none of them enjoyable. All the characters are just one miserable existence after another. They live way out on the countryside in Sweden, WAY out the countryside! Anyway, the movie is about this boy Osvald who's got a very close relationship with his father Tjaffo. Tjaffo drinks too much and is generally unpleasant towards his wife. His wife Victoria (Osvald's mother) has got mental issues and is even more of a miserable existence than Tjaffo. Then there's the entire family consistent of... I don't know, very weird people. And not in the highly enjoyable Addams Family way.

I found myself not caring what happened next. I learned how to roll with the punches and kept my eyes open for 1:40.

Bamses billedbog (1983–2008)

This is childrens-TV at its best!

[30 December 2002]

Of all childrens-shows I've ever seen, from all over the world, this is probably the best (non-Henson). The two main characters are Bamse (a yellow bear) and Kylling (a yellow chicken). Over the years other characters have come and gone, like Luna, Ælling (Duckling), Pernille, Aske, etc.. Bamse lives in a very secret little hut out in the woods, where he's got his easy-chair, a few books, his boots, a plant he likes to water and talk to, a pink skirt, and the little stool he build himself which his guests get the questionable honor of sitting on. For those not from Scandinavia, who probably have never seen this show, all characters are living people, Bamse and Kylling are two (professional) actors dressed in costumes and not puppets or cartoons.

What makes this show so great is that it's not only for children. No matter how old you are you can watch it, laugh at it, and be dazzled about how these characters reflect everyday real life in their own child-like, naive, and curious way.

Bamse is good at heart, but still he's somewhat of a possessive jerk. Like "it's my chair, so you cannot sit in it" or "I found this bike so only I can ride it", and stuff like that. This usually is at Kylling's expense because Kylling is the exact opposite. He looks up to Bamse and would gladly share everything with him. One of the best quotes from the show, which describe their relationship the best would probably be this by Bamse: "An agreement is; I say what we do and you say yes" However, Kylling is Bamse's best friend, even though he sometimes treat Kylling like dirt.

It's not really an educational show, except for the brief safety-issues like if Bamse is about to hit in a nail with his hammer he would turn to the camera and say: "When hitting in a nail I have to be careful not to hit my paw", he would giggle, and then hit his own paw. Or when he would climb his ladder, he would make sure the viewers know ladders are dangerous because it's easy to fall off of them, which he of course ends up doing anyway. Lots of slapstick routines in this show.

You cannot have a childrens-show without songs and music, so of course that's included as well. Like the bee-buzzing song, the song about being lost in the wilderness, the Yd-Yd song which is my favourite, it's about the sound Kylling makes when he has found a worm. And of course, the brilliant rain-song.

I would best describe "Bamses Billedbog" as Laurel & Hardy for kids.

This is childrens-TV at its best! 10/10

Mafiaen - det er osse mig! (1974)

...if you're into those old Danish comedies you'll probably get a real kick out of it.

[4/10 · 8 October 2001]

Fair comedy with Dirch Passer. Compared to the first movie (which wasn't that good) this one is unbelievably poor in the story-telling. In the middle of the movie you stop to care about what happens next, until Ulf Pilgaard comes along as the very eccentric and somewhat weird psychiatrist, which really turns everything upside down, and gets you started on a very short-lived laughing frenzy. When you stop laughing you probably never will again for the duration of the movie.

Sometimes I even found myself not watching the screen but striking my leg with a nearby pencil as I found the music very appealing, with its 70's electronic and rhythmic style.

On the other hand, if you're into those old Danish comedies you'll probably get a real kick out of it. No extras on the new DVD-version, still looks and sounds old. This movie (along with many other Danish movies of that time) doesn't age very well.