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Reviews
You Are Not My Mother (2021)
Woeful.
I'm at a complete loss, I can't believe the amount of positive reviews this film has garnered. It's as if we've watched a completely different film.
Yes, it's dark and moody. It has glimmers of what it's trying to be. Unfortunately it fails in every way possible. There is flabby characterisation hanging on for dear life to every single member of the cast. Deranged ( or is she?), gurning granny; "bad girls", with one so much worse than the rest; ineffectual and largely redundant uncle who appears to have a a near death experience after not noticing the grainy, bitter taste of what appeared to be two or three tablets; the plucky new friend whose sudden turnaround from tormentor is never satisfactorily explained ; the wimpy, yet ultimately brave, young girl who fights to save whatever is left of her family and then there's the mother. There seems to be a slight nod to the problem of mental ill-health before the portrayal descends into the well worn rut of chunky lumps of missing hair and disintegrating flesh.
For me it had the feel of the kind of project that students turn in at uni. A bagatelle striving to be so much more than it actually was. Some films are so bad that they are good, some simply ARE bad! The cardinal sin of any film, of any genre but particularly horror, is to be dull. The death knell, so to speak, of anything remotely entertaining
I gave it three stars solely on the merit of some of the cinematography, without that I would have been hard pressed to go above one.
Marlowe (2022)
A pale pastiche.
I love the noir films of the 40's, twisty, brooding & oozing style with every frame. There would always be a lead actor who was the epitome of dogged strength & determination & a femme fatale, very often leading our hero into ever more perilous situations. The other scenario would have the female lead as an innocent who desperately needs the protection of the hero.
Whatever the hook, the storyline depended, in major part, on the charisma of the lead actors. This is almost entirely missing in this dreary, predictable snoozefest. Liam Neeson exudes all the charm & personality of a plank of wood. He carries with him the air of someone who is anxious to bank his fee & leave by the nearest exit. I must admit that I'm not a fan of Neeson at the best of times, both concerning his acting, which I find less than versatile, & on a more personal level. I have never forgotten his disgusting response to his friend getting mugged. In case it's slipped your mind, he gave an interview in which he openly declared that on hearing that the mugger was a black man he'd wanted to go out with a baseball bat &
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)
Another world altogether.
I broke one of my rules by watching this film before I read the book. I'm so glad that I did!
"Crawdad" portrays ,what to me, is an unimaginable world. The tone is elegiac throughout, a love poem to those who live outside the accepted "norms" of society. It's a testament to the indomitable nature of the other. Unfortunately it also holds up a mirror to the cruelty, both casual & intentional, that is provoked when people can't understand the outsider.
The acting & pace are judged perfectly. The storyline slips through your fingers like silk, without a single jarring note. There is one uncredited star, however. The marsh itself is the one element that can be both foe & friend to the young girl/woman. I'm an English townie & the marsh to me seems like a different universe, let alone world!
The ending is what I'm looking forward to reading more than anything else. Don't worry I won't drop any spoilers! It's the reason why I like to read the book first, before seeing an adaptation on screen. I know that I will see the book through the lens of the characters portrayed by the actors. For once, though, that won't be an intrusive problem. The acting is superb, never hitting a wrong note from the first scene to the last. It's good to see yet another Brit headlining an American film!
My advice to anyone thinking of watching "Crawdad" is quite simple. Turn off your phone, put the stresses of everyday life to one side & let yourself become immersed in the sheer beauty & wildness of the marsh & be guided by the superlative actors to a place far from your everyday.
Hereditary (2018)
Time I'll never get back.
I a lot of favourable reviews of this film so settled down, ready for an entertaining time. What I got was a painfully long, cliché ridden piece of boring tripe.
I don't mind a slow burn story but this was a turgid mess, with no tension & seemingly no idea of what to do with itself. It tortuously plodded from scene to scene with very little to engage the viewer. There seemed to be very little to link things together, resulting in a curiously episodic feel which did nothing to engender the tension which is crucial for a film like this.
The acting verged on the bizarre, too. Toni Collette played at eye- popping, turned up to 11 intensity. All pretense at light & shade was tossed aside in favour of galloping hysteria. It left very little room for anyone else to develop their character as all the oxygen was being sucked out of the room.
And don't even get me started on the "climax"! The weakest ending possible, on a par with Lost.
Bullet Train (2022)
Now THIS is fast & furious!
From the opening shots to the closing credits, this film is a joy & a wild ride. The action doesn't let up for a moment & a lot of fun can be had in trying to guess how the next person dies!
In these days of unrelenting problems, cost of living crisis, wars, environmental disaster, the rise of the alt right &, if you're British like me, a cruel joke of a government that seems to be operating a revolving door policy whereby each day brings an evermore useless moron intent on dragging the country into a new circle of hell. Apart from that, everything is wonderful! So with that as a backdrop it would take an exceptional film to make the world seem less grim. Luckily this is just the film to do it.
How the director brought together such a glorious ensemble cast was a masterclass in casting. Not one misstep from any of the actors, faultless direction & extraordinary cinematography. How they managed to create that atmosphere on two soundstages is almost beyond belief!
Brad Pitt should do more comedy, he's perfectly suited to it. It was great to see Andrew Koji again, too. In fact I commend all the actors, there was something to love about every performance & it's rare to be able to say that.
In short, do yourself a favour & gather your nearest & dearest, sit yourselves down, turn off your phones (no access to the misery of the outside world), grab a few beers & prepare to be happy.
The Electrical Life of Louis Wain (2021)
An absolute joy.
Before I start I have to say that I adore cats, of any hue, variety or size. From sand cats to tigers & everything in-between. So I have always loved Louis Wain ever since I saw some of his artwork when I was about 8. All of which predisposed me to look favourably on this film before it even started!
Having said that, however, I was unprepared for the sheer quality of the storytelling & superlative performances throughout from every one of the cast. Benedict Cumberbatch's performance is a tour de force, tender, unsettling & joyous, sometimes all three at the same time. It's impossible to grasp the strictures of the social mores of the time, the condemnation of the whole family simply because Wain married "beneath" him. Add to that the insanity of his sister & the perceived oddness of his mother & the scene was set for conventional society's cold shoulder.
A light was also shone, briefly, on the hideous nature of mental health care of the time, with the scenes in Wain's asylum unrelentingly bleak. I did think that he was lucky that he didn't get up close & personal with ECT, it would have seriously made him question his enthusiasm for electricity!
All in all, a beautifully handled story, with only one unfortunate mis-step into tweeness, right at the very end, which was forgiveable given the quality of the film until then. I highly recommend this to anyone who loves the art of the film maker & their ability to take us out of ourselves for a brief moment. Watch this & enjoy!
The Batman (2022)
Hazardous to your health.
I'm mystified by the amount of people who have found this to be a "masterpiece".
The first thing to address is the interminable length. Quite honestly I would have found it a chore at half the runtime but it became like slow torture, seemingly intent on shredding my last nerve! I dread to think what was left on the cutting room floor, let's hope they never do a director's cut.
The pace is relentlessly turgid, interspersed with brief bouts of action. They lose much of their impact, however, due to the impenetrable gloom that pervades the entire film. I've never before seen anything like it. One almost completely dark scene follows another. There's no texture, no highs & lows, no expectation of tension or differentiation of mood or pace.
Add into that sorry mix the acting. Robert Pattinson is woefully miscast as he lacks any kind of gravitas or presence. Instead he comes across as a sulky brat throwing his toys out the pram. Admittedly the script is so bad he didn't have a great deal to work with but not all the blame lies there. He doesn't have maturity to portray such a complex character as Bruce Wayne, he's not got the charisma needed. Christian Bale he most definitely is not!
No-one in this film rises above the level of a two dimensional cutout. For that both the scriptwriter & the director must be held accountable. Somewhere in mix is the kernel of a fresh take on the Batman story, unfortunately it was killed stone dead by both of them.
Nolan & Bale's Batman was, admittedly, a hard act to follow but the viewing public deserved far better than this. I don't know if there are any sequels planned but I'm not enough of a masochist to bother finding out.
So be warned, avoid this at all costs! By the end of this I understood why animals caught in a trap will often attempt to chew off their own limbs to escape.
The Northman (2022)
Ho hum
I wonder if I would've felt differently about this film if I hadn't watched the series "Vikings". Especially the first two seasons which, by anyone's reckoning, should go down in televisual history as the definitive historical immersive joyride!
I'm afraid this film felt very flat. I know that it's impossible to go into the same depth in such a short time but other historical films have managed to engage & thrill, within closed parameters. "Gladiator" managed very well in that regard.
There have been two other films dealing with the same theme that I think out perform this one. I'm rubbish at remembering titles but Urban was in one & Mikkelson in the other.
I really wanted to like this more, Alexander Skaarsgard is usually superb in other roles but not even he could save this for me.
Little Fish (2020)
Prepare for pain.
I was not expecting this film to affect me the way it did. It's almost unbearably tender & still. The slow degeneration is handled with a gentle touch, allowing us to feel every moment, without it ever becoming mawkish.
Olivia Cooke is captivating, never allowing her character to slide into a parody of grief. The more I see of her the more she impresses me. She handles her role with such delicacy that you feel every moment through her eyes.
I really can't recommend this highly enough. If you're looking for a film that will make you feel & think long after the credits roll then this is for you. With the almost explosive increase in degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's, this affords a glimpse into the processes inherent in the cumulative loss of self.
Morbius (2022)
Sony missed a trick - again.
I've been looking forward to this ever since they announced it was going to be an R-rating. Two years later & it's been downgraded to a tween film with probably as much on the cutting room floor as made it to the screen. To say that pisses me off would be putting it mildly. The film felt like giant bites(!) had been taken out of it, to the detriment of action & storyline. It's about time that film makers should be left alone to do just that. If the director had been told from the start that he was making a film for virtually prepubescent kids, he would either have changed his approach or walked away from the project altogether.
Not everything can be blamed on TPTB, however. There*has* to be a better way of depicting vampires without making them look like influencers before the blending! About as subtle as a bag of rocks to the head. It was particularly bad in Morbius, given that prosthetics have moved on apace since Bela Lugosi's day. Maybe they should look at films like "Dracula, the Untold Story" to see how menace can be achieved without reliance on purely black & white slap.
So far I've whinged about the shortcomings, but there were some pluses. Jared Leto was a pleasing mix of angst & fury &, if he's allowed, he could develope into a proper hero/villain. The action was frenetic & frequent, despite the choppiness that the studio forced on it by indiscriminate editing. So I'm not losing hope for the sequel. Just get in a new makeup dept & for the sake of everyone let it be a true R-rating.
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
What am I missing?
Decided to watch this having read so many favourable reviews. I feel like I've been watching a different film to everyone else!
To me it dragged on interminably, with laughable "special effects" & a ghost who sounded in dire need of a throat lozenge. I honestly & truthfully cannot understand the reviews this has garnered. There's nothing scary or spooky, no discernible tension.
I couldn't bear to watch this through to the end, I was so bored & annoyed at the time I'd wasted that I was almost at the point of throwing my tv out the window!!
I can only conclude that there are a lot of easily spooked people out there & they ALL seem to have watched this drivel. On to a, hopefully, better film!
After Yang (2021)
Refreshing for the heart & head.
I went into this with absolutely no prior knowledge of it, so no preconceptions, other than previous films & shows about AI's. Luckily they've been wide & varied when it comes to TV but Hollywood tends to cast them in a certain light.
What I found was a rare delight of a film. Gentle & almost dream-like, it drifts through the subtleties, pain & small joys of humanity without ever tipping into cliché or tedium.
The performances are impeccably rendered, with the most pleasing being Colin Farrell's somewhat distracted & blissfully non venal husband & father. I had quite forgotten just how well he could control a character & nuance his approach. I think it was, in part, the fact that he was allowed to use his true Irish accent & not have to engineer an American one.
Normally I find child actors a sore trial but the little girl is an exception to the rule. Never bratty or cloying, she beautifully portrays the bewilderment & pain that losing a loved one brings.
The only character that fails to connect is the wife, whether by design or accident I'm not sure. Apart from the palpable disdain she has for her husband's passion for the esoteric properties of tea, we really don't learn much about her. She seems to be so on the periphery that she could have been left out of the story without it detracting an iota from it.
If you're tired of BLOCKBUSTER films that explode with sound & fury, then this is the perfect antidote. Treat yourself to the pleasure that comes with a story well told, gently but insistently posing questions about the human condition; indeed questioning the very notion of what constitutes humanity. So, turn off your phone, dim the lights & take a break from the frenetic realities of modern life & let this film be an oasis of calm, just for a little while.
Monster Hunters (2020)
Arrrrgh!!!
So, I've watched a whole 18 minutes of this "film" & that's 17.5 minutes too much! This sorry mess has absolutely NO redeeming qualities. Sometimes a *bad' film can be great fun & really entertaining: that's not applicable here. It's tear out your eyeballs, reach for the ear plugs bad. Everything from the camera work, to the soundtrack, to the editing so sub par.
As for the acting! I've seen primary school nativity plays that look like Citizen Kane compared to the standard on show here. I sincerely hope that the actors were paid out of profits accrued by the film. It would serve them right!
If you choose to ignore this warning then on your own head be it!
The Vigil (2019)
The destructive nature of religious beliefs.
I kept hoping that this would get better but it didn't. It was atmospheric in parts but that didn't make up for the main body of the film being almost unbearably dreary.
If I"d had any sense I would have given up on it after the initial half hour but I really wanted it to develop into something more. I think that the premise was intriguing & fresh but the execution let it down. In the end it just came across as a cautionary tale on the futility of religious belief, which may have been the point. Unfortunately, by the end I couldn't have cared less!
Davis is an engaging actor, however, & I hope his next vehicle is a marked improvement on this one.
American Night (2021)
Polarising at best.
I don't think I've ever seen such disparate reviews for any other film. Veering wildly from one extreme to another, it seems to be all things to all people.
Not surprisingly, given my star rating, I'm very much on the dislike it side. The plot is messy, convoluted just for the sake of it. It's intent on showing you how clever it is, time loops, parallel action, snippets & vignettes scattered throughout.
It should have been an engaging, thought provoking ride through the value of art as we perceive it or how we are *told* to see it. All that & action, blood, cross & double cross! What's not to like? Actually, a whole lot.
The characters are so poorly drawn that it's impossible to care about them. Not exactly the fault of the actors, they're swimming against the tide with the superficiality of the script dragging them down at every turn. The only role that had any originality was the narcoleptic courier, injecting much needed freshness into a script that kept tripping over it's own pretentions.
If I'm feeling generous I would say this film lacks the light touch needed to pull off such complexity.
I'm NOT feeling generous, however. It's a ponderous trudge through tropes. Nothing engages the viewer or relieves the sense that you're watching a vanity project, aimed solely at a single person - the director.
You might have a completely different opinion & if you enjoy the film, good for you, but I'm at a loss to see any merit in it.
Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)
Where do we go from here?
I absolutely love the Underworld saga. This, however, left me wondering what happened to the scriptwriters. It was all curiously flat & uninvolving.
The action scenes were hectic & fun but where there's usually a towering sense of epic scale to the storyline, that was notable by it's absence. It was a disappointment as that was what set it apart from all the usual tales of supernatural creatures locked in unending combat!
There seemed to be a hint of Selene's daughter entering the fray at some future point but as this film is already 5 years old it doesn't look like anything will come of it.
So, in short, a likeable, flawed & forgettable addition to the canon but, even so, not too bad a way to while away an evening.
Bloodshot (2020)
Hmmm.
The first half of this film had me so bored I nearly gave up on it altogether. It's irritatingly & pointlessly obtuse, with the whole thing so clothed in gloom as to rob it of any tension, whatsoever.
I'm glad I stuck with it though, as the last 30/35 minutes are great fun. It's frustrating, though, 'cos this is how the *whole* film could have been. I don't know if there's a second installment on the way but, if so, lets hope they garner inspiration from the latter, not former, part.
Antlers (2021)
When the trailers promise so much.
I had such high hopes for this film. The trailers made it look like it was going to be genuinely spooky & suspenseful. Like so many things in life, it was a *huge* letdown.
I don't know how it all went so wrong. Instead of tension, it became a turgid, dreary slog to get to the end. The climax was so feeble as to be almost laughable.
If you are thinking of watching this, do yourself a favour & DON'T! I promise you'll thank me.
The Operative (2019)
Turgid.
I feel like this film robbed me of 2 hours of my life! The blurb promised so much & I was enticed in. In reality, this is a dull film without any of the tension or even intrigue that should be at the heart of a good spy movie. I honestly couldn't have cared less about any of the characters & that's a major flaw for *any* film, especially one that is supposed to be as character led as this one. I felt sorry for Martin Freeman, battling to inject some depth into his cardboard-cutout role of handler but it was beyond even him.
In short, a film to be avoided, unless you enjoy poorly scripted, unconvincingly acted, dull & instantly forgettable fare.
Captain Marvel (2019)
WTF just happened?!
I was really looking forward to this as I love Marvel but, cry me a river, the disappointment was HUGE!
The first 20 minutes were a whirling mishmash of nothing particularly recognisable or, for that matter, interesting. Once it settled into a less seizure-inducing rhythm it became merely dull. Despite all the money thrown at it, this film suffered from the lack of two fundamental things; a good storyline & engaging characters. Without at least one of those elements, it's hard to care about outcomes, one way or another.
There's one glorious, shining performance, however, that *nearly* makes up for it. Of course, I'm referring to the creepily youthful Samuel. L. J, who has found the ultimate sidekick in his delightfully morphing ginger tom! That pairing alone kept me entertained throughout the film & I gave 3 of the 4 stars based solely on them. I could definitely find house room for the ginge ( for Sam. L. J, too!)
In short, don't bother to watch this if you have any great love for action led, or character led storytelling. In fact, don't bother with it if you love Marvel films 'cos on all three counts you stand to be disappointed. If, however, you love SLJ & homicidal moggies, then you'll find a little jewel in this, uneven, melange which you'll love as the kitty-bits start to fly! ;-)
Honeydew (2020)
An opportunity missed.
I love horror films! Not the ones that just splatter blood around without anything else to back them up. They need to be psychologically tense, mindfucks as well! So the worst, the VERY worst, thing you can say about a horror is that it's boring. Unfortunately, there's no other advective to describe "Honeydew".
I had high hopes for it as it started promisingly enough however that hope dwindled pretty rapidly. The acting is good, so no complaints there. No, it's the direction & script that bog down the film. I felt sorry for the actors, valiantly battling with the minimal script but even that could have been ameliorated with good direction. Alas, that was not the case. The pace, far from building tension, crawled painfully from one scene to the next. I found myself checking the running time & was dismayed to find that there was another 54 minutes to go!
You may wonder why I carried on watching but I kept hoping that despite all evidence to the contrary that things would improve. I hate not watching a film to it's conclusion but I should have made an exception in this case. The ending was the polar opposite of a climax; flabby & dull.
The actors were poorly served by script, direction & editing but they earned the 2 star rating, at least.
Three Christs (2017)
Uneasy pacing.
I approached this film with some trepidation as I'm not particularly keen on Richard Gere but the premise intrigued me. Gere was pretty much as expected, unconvincing as the psychiatrist, not displaying any of the warmth & empathy that the doctor, on whose work the film is based, must have had in abundance. The idea of humanising patients was contrary to the practice of psychiatry then &, unfortunately, is still prevalent in some measure up to the present day.
What lifts the film is the truly extraordinary cadre of Christs. The performances of Dinklage & Goggins, in particular, are wonderful. All three actors portray their "Chist" with sensitivity & nuance but are hampered by the uneven pacing of the film throughout. Some skilful directing &/or editing could have tightened up the storyline, ensuring that the viewer's attention was fully engaged at all times. Instead, I found myself checking the run time & fighting the urge to fast forward about three quarters of the way in!
In short, a film that would have benefitted from tighter direction & a different actor as the psychiatrist, saved by the three glorious performances of the trinity of Christs.
The Mauritanian (2021)
A true horror story.
This film highlights the plight of just one man but his story was repeated hundreds of times over. Tahar Rahim is excellent in the lead role but I had to keep reminding myself that this is a true story & not get too caught up in the acting.
For a country that pays such lip service to fairness, justice & rule of law, Guantanamo looms large in the annals of man's inhumanity to man. The mind blowing fact that, even all these years later, Gitmo STILL hasn't been closed down. The torture that went on there is well documented, although I don't think we'll ever know the full truth of how many detainees simply disappeared or commited "suicide".
This film is an engrossing, if difficult, watch but make sure you stay with it right through to the credits because that's where the true horror is. Make a note of those charged & convicted. Then start petitioning for the release of the detainees still incarcerated in that hellhole.
The Tax Collector (2020)
Was that it?
If you want to see a film with just about every tired trope & cliché in it, then I can highly recommend this. If, however, you prefer films that *don't* look like a cut & paste job from at least 20 others, avoid it like the plague! Even the title is bogus. The tax collector is a peripheral character, at best, & realistically wouldn't have been missed if he hadn't been there at all. The acting is b-feature standard, about as 2 dimensional as a cardboard cutout. As for Shia, he's probably the worst of all! I've never been too impressed by him in the past but this time he's surpassed even my low opinion of his abilities. He snarls & snaps from behind his dark glasses with all the menace & style of a wind up toy.
In short, avoid this if at all possible, you'll thank me!
Nowhere Special (2020)
In the midst of all the noise.
In this age of raucous blockbuster franchises, where more is more & each one vies to outdo the last, into this maelstrom drops "Nowhere Special".
This is a work of extraordinary restraint, a real tribute to the film makers art. In other hands it could have been a schmaltzy, cloying dose of sentimentality. I dread to think of what American directors would have done with it. This, however, has been handled with the lightest touch, a guiding hand that has drawn out the very best from the whole cast. I normally *loathe* child actors, they set my teeth on edge!. The young boy in this is in another league altogether. At no point does he appear to be "acting" or forced. The relationship between father & son is utterly & completely believable at all times. James Norton's tactic of befriending his young co-star, over an extended period of time, is evident in the ease with which they interact throughout.
I really can't recommend this film highly enough. From the sensitive handling of an imminent death; to the stunning acting; to the use of the Belfast backdrop & lastly, the *beautiful*, sparing use of the perfect music. I streamed this & I never bother to watch end credits (unless it's one of those tricksy superhero movies that sneak in a cheeky bit at the end!) but I stayed with this to the very end, transfixed by the beauty of a musical score that served as the perfect elegy to the film.
This is that increasingly rare thing, a film with integrity & heart, the perfect tribute to the people who actually went through this. Kudos to everyone concerned in the making of this film & they deserved far better from the box office.