kylere Reviews

The Curse (2023– )

Pretentious and boring drek

[1/10 · 13 January 2024]

It's really sad that someone financed this nonsense. You cannot make a story boring, slow, and with an ending plotted by a 3rd grader and call it art

I really wish I had the time I wasted on this so I could use it for something far more entertaining, like crawling over broken glass while being screamed at by an angry set of drill sergeants.

I will not give anything.by Nathan Fielder or Benny Safdie a watch without being fully spoiled first to ensure it is not another one of these. Emma Stone can act but I will not trust her script judgement again.

The only good thing about the 10th episode is that I can call it over.

Kentucky Ayahuasca (2018– )

Sad criminal, truck driver and conman story.

[1/10 · 29 November 2022]

This is about a guy who magically discovers stuff while wandering in magical woods and makes magical potions he sells to suckers.

Basically another "hippie-dippie buy-my-stuff" because I am a "Shaman" gig. It has a lot of a short bald white guy being a pretendian and very little substance.

If you want to be high around porky Lex Luthor, so ahead but I am saving my own life by not drinking his magic potions and letting him program me with this silliness.

In the end, this is a long and draw out informercial that brings shame and discredit on the Commonwealth of Kentucky and Indigenous people.

Better Things (2016–2022)

Unwatchable

[2/10 · 6 April 2022]

Anyone who can watch this show and think that Sam is a mother should never have children. The kids on this show are evil and vicious little animals, if they were my children I would take myself out in shame.

It's really the worst example of parenting on television and that includes Shameless.

Tolkien (2019)

Fanboy level tripe

[2/10 · 13 August 2019]

To save you some time, the Tolkien wikipedia article is far more interesting than the Tolkien biopic in EVERY REGARD.

The Film is written with the depth of a Duran Duran video and it hammers you over the head with imagery meant to invoke Middle Earth. The problem is that it is not done artistically, but "monied-artistically" to the point it is gaudy, as if walking into the home of a billionaire who is desperate to impress you with his baseball card collection.

The time spent on Tolkien at the Battle of the Somme throughout the film does not contribute much other than hamfisted attempts to draw allegories back to the books. Pink Floyd's "The Wall" did a better job of saying war is hell with less, was more artistic and had a better score.

Tolkien's love affair is as exciting as toast, and his entire life story is presented with him as a magical Mary-Sue type character who can do no wrong.

Yawn.

I am sure some acting was done, but the writing and direction made this flick absolute tripe.

How It Ends (2018)

Wasted time and effort

[1/10 · 20 July 2018]

The writing on this stinker is truly atrocious. It entirely overwhelms any acting ability and leaves you feeling as if you were watching an impromptu play put on by 5 year-olds. It's IP without consistency and world building with a total lack of insight into human behavior.

The characters go from utterly incompetent to pulling off successful bootlegger reverses in a single lane, on a bridge, while driving a car suited to people who are challenged by parking.

I'm done, no more straight to Netflix pictures for me, I only have one life to live and have no time to waste on kindergarten level schlock.

Blood Father (2016)

Drek and Tedious Danger

[1/10 · 30 September 2016]

This movie was so trite and full of clichés that even the incredible William H. Macy bored me to tears. It is almost as if they merged 50 movies involving White Guys with Guns and did not bother with adding anything to make it unique or worth watching.

I am trying to think of a positive... Well, the sound seemed well done, I could hear all the awful lines clearly!

So bad, I feel as if someone should start a class action suit to get all our money back. You know, in the end it reminds me of those movies made overseas as cheap knockoffs with similar names, perhaps this should have been called, "Taken by the box office."

Fight Church (2014)

Sigh

[1/10 · 18 September 2014]

Deeply closeted gay men who are incapable of expressing their feelings for each other due to their religion find ways to be oiled up and handling one another.

It would be touching that they can finally express their desire for each other but that is destroyed by the constant expressions of homophobia and the desire to denigrate women or anything feminine as being negative.

I find this to be a true and valid representation of what it means to be Christian in America and am pleased that the filmmakers were able to show us the deep truths of this cult. It is time we started to work against their "christian laws" before this behavior becomes standard in our once great nation.

Transcendence (I) (2014)

Recycled plot lines, dumb humans and dumb AI. Feels like a 3rd grader telling a story.

[3/10 · 2 July 2014]

If you decide to watch this movie I would plan on a comfortable seat and a handy restroom. The time it runs is only half as long in real time as it is in perceived time. I gave it three stars because they earned them by suckering me in with Depp and Freeman.

Watch people work on making AI. Watch AI made from chimp brain waves, watch fearless AI backers dying and implanting a human with probes to record brain waves. Seriously, has anything good ever come of medical experiments in abandoned buildings? What did they do with the body? Didn't a coroner notice the implants? Human becomes machine, Machine appears to be altruistic but eventually reveals downsides. Machine ignores EVERY BIT OF INPUT AND REALITY to let two-bit losers attack it. Seriously, they hooked up artillery to old pickups and drove it in to attack a sentient being with the ability to monitor all communications and satellites, even worse, they are ABLE TO DO IT.

Machine loses, humanity wins.

Kate Mara is boring in this role as she is in EVERY other role. She is out-acted by any object sharing screen space. Can Hollywood start using actors again?

Suing the Devil (2011)

The worst movie of Malcolm's career.

[1/10 · 13 June 2014]

Take the concept of quality movie making. Take the concept of writing a script. Take the concept of interesting dialog or plot.

Now, throw all that out!

None of it was involved in this movie. I was so sad to see a once great actor take a paycheck to be involved in nothing more than a really bad propaganda piece. Paying a big name lead was merely part of the deception to convince you to buy this tripe.

Don't watch this unless you are a Christian fanatic. Comparing this to a movie is almost impossible because it like comparing Stryper to Led Zeppelin.

Son of God (2014)

Another movie look at the Christian Myth

[1/10 · 6 May 2014]

If you want to see mythology based movies I recommend you avoid the big three myths. Typical of the genre the acting is stilted, the story is absurd, the plot is ridiculous, etc. The male lead was rather distracting as his eye movements seemed furtive and dishonest. If you are going to play a god, or the son of one, I recommend trying to seem a little less cheesy.

I get that the movie creators think their myth is real, so why don't they write it in a way that is feasible? I hate it when they take best selling works of fiction and stomp all over them in this manner.

Try the older Clash of the Titans movie as it is at least funny. I fell asleep twice because it did not even possess solid humor value.

Oldboy (2013)

Sharlto Copley is the single worst aspect of this movie.

[5/10 · 14 February 2014]

Sharlto Copley seems to have prepped for this movie by studying Gary Oldman in the Fifth Element and them taking that character and making it even worse. The movie takes itself too seriously to support awful acting.

It lacks a tightness in pacing, the over-the-top martial arts scenes detract from the story. Josh Brolin is rather believable most of the time. Elizabeth Olsen was believable too, and Samuel L. Jackson plays exactly the same character he has played in every part he has ever played as well as he usually does.

I wish they had dropped some of the silliness and sloppiness in the plot, those may play well overseas but American audiences are actually a little more mature about dropping into comic book level reality in grim moments. I think dropping Copley and hiring a director who understands more than one genre may have been the best fix.

Oh well, it was worth watching without being incredible, 5 of 10.

Magic Magic (2013)

They should be sued for moviemagic malpractice.

[1/10 · 8 August 2013]

I am not sure why this movie is described as, "Ancient indigenous rites, disturbing animal behavior, and captivating hypnotic trances come together in an intense exploration into the darkest corners... when the games go too far, reality unravels with astonishing and deadly consequences." None of this is really true. This movie is about taking a group of reasonably talented actors and handing them a script with awful dialog and a complete lack of plot. Nothing is unique, nothing is surprising, all the "reveals" are really just daily trivia.

In the end, people travel to far away camp, some of them are jerks, one of them is going to go insane, nothing really happens and you will wish you had not wasted your time.

Open Road (2013)

Not worth your time

[1/10 · 26 July 2013]

This movie feels (at best) like a 1980's after-school special, with lower production values and dialog that would embarrass a 1940's comic book writer. When it feels like it breaks the after-school special mode, it is merely because it slips into feeling like an old VHS tape shared by all the local xian churches.

Juliette Lewis was the selling point for me and she failed to deliver, I can blame her on some levels but the writing was just so atrocious that I am shocked she took the part. Andy Garcia must have been bored, and the lead actress basically derps from scene to scene without actually acting.

Ecstasy (II) (2011)

Truly Awful

[1/10 · 21 August 2012]

I recently spent a month in bed due to surgery and was desperate for entertainment of any kind. My wife and I sat down to watch this flick and from the beginning it had ominous tones of wasting my time. All along I was trying to escape the feeling that this movie was written on-the-fly by a pair of 7 year olds trying to impress their families at a reunion.

I am desperate to think of something positive to say! The sound quality was atrocious, sets were clutter and noise, all the characters felt wooden and dead. I have been impressed by Billy Boyd in the past but he was not able to overcome the writing, Kristin Kreuk is just name-important enough that she was wasted, and Adam Sinclair should consider roles that do not require acting skills.

The Tree of Life (2011)

If you want to see the world differently, go volunteer for 2 hours someplace

[1/10 · 19 September 2011]

This movie is rather pretty, but it does not matter if you watch it with or without sound. The actors are not relevant, they could be any level of actor from junior high musical on. The best things to compare this movies with are "The Fountain (2006)" and any poor 60's flick with random screen images or the light show from a bad Pink Floyd tribute act. I get that it tries to be pretentiously high-brow, I understand that it wants to be different. I value that it was not directed towards Joe Sixpack. With all that in mind it is full, pretty fluff that goes nowhere.

Style over Substance, imagery over story, and a waste of time.

Empty (I) (2011)

Great Concept turned into utter tripe

[1/10 · 23 August 2011]

I watch movies, especially B movies. I admit I am a glutton for punishment because I love zombie flicks and most of them are horrible. I find good in almost every movie I watch. This movie has nothing to make it redeemable.

But, no zombie movie I have ever seen (and that includes the Italian zombie flicks) approached the movie "Empty" for absolutely trash. The lead female (Ashley C. Williams) might be able to act, but she never demonstrates it here. The lead male needs to find a line of work that has nothing to do with show business for he never even approached being a believable character.

They had a basic idea of societal breakdown following a lack of gasoline worldwide, which has many opportunities for great story but they found none of them. Both "Piper" and "Dell" are utterly unlikeable characters who spend the entire time demonstrating zero charisma or chemistry. The female lead has lines written to show her as a vapid silly little twit, as an example, she begs her boyfriend to stop hitting the guy who just attacked them and (for a young broke couple) throws money away like a Hilton-Heiress while her boyfriend is presented as a jobless loser with a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas and the reasoning ability of a drunken pre-teen. Both of them take every dangerous path, every ignorant path and every self-damaging path they are offered.

Both of them treat each other like enemies rather than lovers or friends, and the male lead is basically a whiny child. While watching this movie I kept hoping they would both be tortured to death graphically for hours so I could enjoy their karmic reward but it never happens. It is reported that this movie had a budget of US$10000, and I have to assume they spent USD$9999 of it on getting drunk enough to make them think it was worth doing.

IMDb shows it as having a rating of 4.7/10 from 176 users, I have to assume that over 100 of those votes came from the family and friends of the cast and crew.