matthewreinink Reviews

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

Indiana Jones and the questionable parenting tactics

[5/10 · 31 May 2024]

Easily the worst of the original trilogy. Temple of Doom is shockingly dull for an action/adventure film. I had to split my viewing into three separate stints just to get through it without falling asleep. Unlike its predecessor, Temple has very little that is memorable. The Minecart sequence and Mola Ram ripping out that guys heart is probably the closest this movie comes to a memorable scene.

Short Round and Willie are not very good side characters either, which is probably why they don't reappear in the following films. I also find it incredibly bizarre that Indy drags a child with him during his incredibly dangerous adventures. I get that they were trying for the cute child sidekick trope, but it's messed up the amount of times this kid comes close to dying.

The last thing I wanted to touch on is the racist stereotypes that appear in this movie. The worst offender was the scene where Indy, Willie, and Short Round are served a variety of food items such as snakes, eyeball soup, and monkey brains. Don't you get it people at home? Indian people are weird and their food is gross. Aren't they just complete savages? Whether that was the intention or not, it's a tired stereotype that is groan worthy upon re-watching.

Unfrosted (2024)

Lame, unfunny, and just plain boring!

[2/10 · 7 May 2024]

Yikes! What embarrassing attempt at comedy. Jerry hasn't done much since the end of Seinfeld, I seriously question his judgement since the few projects he has taken since then have been underwhelming to say the least. This may be the worst of the bunch.

I didn't laugh once, even the stacked cast of comedians were not able to overcome the atrocious script. Who came up with this? It seems like they were going for a satirical cold war-esque arms race of breakfast pastries. It just doesn't have the jokes to make it worthwhile.

I saw an interview of Jerry claiming that Unfrosted was the anti-Barbie movie. He seems to have accomplished that because Unfrosted is neither smart nor funny. I'm not even the biggest fan of Barbie, but the quality of writing between the two films are worlds apart.

I look at the cast of talented people and think what a waste of everyone's time.

Road House (2024)

Completely pointless

[4/10 · 28 April 2024]

Roadhouse is really a remake in name only. The characters, setting, and plot is entirely different. There is so much that this movie does wrong that it difficult to point out anything that it does right. The writing is beyond bad. The dialogue is awful, the jokes are lame, the romantic subplot is awkward, and supporting characters are complete deadweight.

This movie is also an example of bad CGI. The big action sequences look like absolute crap. Practical effects make a big difference and I have to wonder if it was a result of a drained budget, or penny pinching on the production side of things.

The stinger scene also enraged me. Did they think they were going to get a sequel? Or was Conor McGregor too much of a raging egomaniac that his fictional character couldn't die? Either way it was a perfect way to end this lame and lifeless remake that exists exclusively to capitalize on nostalgia.

No Way Up (2024)

Not campy enough

[4/10 · 19 April 2024]

When it comes to low budget disaster thriller films like this one, it is crucial that they don't take themselves too seriously. Sharknado is a great example of a movie that knew it was stupid and leaned on the idea of being dumb fun. No Way Up took the wrong notes and instead tried to play it straight.

While this movie isn't completely incompetent, it fails to stick out to me in any meaningful way. There is no reason to watch this considering there are many similar movies that are better and more entertaining. The acting is unremarkable, but what do you expect? The idea behind the movie is intriguing, but the writers fail to capitalize as there aren't enough exciting sequences. The CGI is not good, which is why the sharks are mostly and off-screen threat.

This a bad movie that's worst offense is being too boring to care about.

Old School (2003)

This stinks

[4/10 · 18 April 2024]

Watching Old School has made me appreciate comedy writing more than ever before. This movie is a great example that even when you have a terrific cast and a basic plot that is functional and funny on the surface (three immature losers create a frat to chase tail and party) that still won't always result in a good movie.

The writing in this thing is sloppy and not well thought out. Plotlines are tossed aside and brought back whenever convenient, or forgotten entirely. Luke Wilson sleeps with his boss's underage daughter, surely that will be a major point of contention right?

You also have side characters played by noteworthy actors that have almost no role whatsoever. It makes me curious how many scenes they cut. Matt Walsh and Artie Lange are underutilized while Rob Cordry doesn't have a single line in the Final Cut of the movie. Why did we need the plot line about Ellen Pompeo's cheating boyfriend? What did that add to the film? Why does it matter that Ellen Pompeo's boyfriend is a tool if she is just going to end the movie with a guy who had sex with a minor at the beginning of the film? The three lead character's actions are never questioned, there is no growth. They are the same immature losers at the end, so what is the lesson here?

The incredible thing is that none of what I've discussed above would matter if the movie was funny. But the laughs are too few and far between that I'm left with nothing to focus on but the horrendous script. This is one of the most overrated comedies I've seen. How do people like this?

Trapped (I) (2002)

Beyond stupid and boring!

[3/10 · 5 April 2024]

There are certainly a few kidnapping movies out there, but none more boring than this pile of steaming human waste. I was drawn in when I saw the cast contained Kevin Bacon and Charlize Theron. Unfortunately a weak plot drags the movie to a level that not even they could salvage.

The actions of the characters are not realistic in the slightest. The kidnappers are stupid and incompetent while the parents are reckless and must have a deathwish for their daughter. The script is so weak that describing the plot from beginning to end is quite difficult. The middle hour of this movie basically contains nothing but the victims trying to escape their captors only to be recaptured with no consequences each time.

The "twist" of revenge being the motive for Bacon is incredibly stupid. It does nothing but subtract from the movie as it makes the kidnappers' actions make even less sense in hindsight. Maybe a few more rewrites would have resulted in a better film, instead we are stuck with this garbage.

Us (II) (2019)

Enough fun for the whole family! (and their doppelgangers)

[8/10 · 3 April 2024]

This movie is much more of a straightforward horror flick compared to Peele's previous work in Get Out (2017). There are some truly frightening scenes including two extremely well-done home invasions. The imagery of the Hand Across America inspired red jumpsuit tethered chain is also very off-putting and serves as an iconic image that really sticks out.

The acting is phenomenal and is especially impressive considering all the actors had to pull double duty and play the tethered versions of their characters. Lupita should have received some more love during awards season from her performance in this movie, she really gives it her all. The kid actors also do a great job, and Tim Heidecker and Elizabeth Moss do an amazing job in limited roles.

The characters and dialogue are well written, the jokes land most of the time, and the twist is unexpected and makes for a great ending.

I have seen this movie twice now and have enjoyed it both times.

Gladiator (2000)

I will have my vengeance!

[9/10 · 26 March 2024]

This movie looks great! Ridley Scott really brought Ancient Rome to life with this film. The excellent cast brings some truly great performances. Gladiator is absolutely deserving of the love and recognition it got during awards season. Zimmer and Gerrard's score is also beautiful and a standout feature. The battle scenes are well shot and immersive. Despite a lengthy runtime, the movie does not feel bloated. There are numerous memorable scenes that make this worth rewatching every now and again. I very much enjoyed this movie, it's an epic journey that is very fulfilling and captivating for the viewer. If you haven't seen it I'd strongly recommend.

The Bye Bye Man (2017)

Ill defined horror creature, bad movie

[4/10 · 18 March 2024]

Who is the bye bye man? What is he about? What's with his dog? There is nothing in this movie that gives us any insight on the characters lore or backstory. Not to mention the character design is generic and uninspired. His powers are also up in the air, the movie wants you to believe that he can just kind of do whatever.

The acting is terrible, the characters are stupid. This movie also seems to be afraid of exciting scenes. Aside from the scene at the train tracks and the opening scene, almost every death happens off screen in this movie.

It's almost like this movie took all the wrong notes on how to create an iconic horror creature. What we are left with is a bland and forgettable crappy movie with almost no scares or anything worthwhile.

Moonfall (2022)

Houston, we have a crappy movie!

[2/10 · 17 March 2024]

Disaster movies always have a level of cheese to them, but this entry turns the dial up well beyond a bearable level. The CGI is awful and looks like something you would find on the sci-fy channel not a major motion picture. The writing is terrible and the actors are barely trying. The subplot of the children on earth trying to reach safety is useless and boring. Asking viewers to sit through 20 minutes of this is pushing it, much less 2 loooooong hours.

This movie contains an absurd amount of bs science, yet at the same time fails to properly explain to the viewer what exactly is happening with the moon.

This movie isn't even fun to watch. It's just boring and bad.

Argylle (2024)

Sooo boring

[3/10 · 15 March 2024]

As far as spy thrillers go, you can't really get any more bland than this. This movie has a convoluted plot and a bizarre tone that signals an identity crisis. Is this supposed to be a comedy? Because it isn't very funny. Is it supposed to be exciting and action packed? Because it isn't, it's actually quite boring. The plot is so stupid and full of illogical twists that it doesn't even function as a story that you can follow and invest in for a couple hours.

Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell just do not work as an action duo. I would have much preferred to see a full length movie of Henry Cavill, Jon Cena, and Ariana DeBose doing espionage things with Dua Lipa as the villain. Yes that would also be a bad movie, but at least it would be entertaining and fun.

Moonlight (I) (2016)

Truly excellent

[8/10 · 15 March 2024]

Absolutely deserving of the critical acclaim and the bevy of awards. This movie is a devastating depiction of some of life's most difficult challenges. Poverty, drugs, bullying, abuse, and coming to terms with one's sexuality are all topics that are expertly portrayed by a talented group of actors, writers, and director. The cast is excellent and serves as the driving force of this film. It's impossible to pick a stand out since every performance is so great. The three actors that play Chiron did not get enough love for their performances.

All three segments of the movie feel well paced and balanced. The movie is beautifully shot, and has some expertly crafted tender and emotional scenes. Everyone should see this movie at least once, Moonlight is one of the best movies of the 2010's.

ThanksKilling (2008)

Entertainingly ridiculous nonsense

[6/10 · 12 March 2024]

Thankskilling is one of the best bad movies I've ever seen. This is the low budget masterpiece that so many have tried but few have succeeded. The acting is hilariously bad, but in a self aware way. Nobody is taking this too seriously, and that results in a number of funny scenes both intentional and unintentional. From the random reoccurring jokes, to the odd and dry delivery from some of the characters, this movie has a sense of humor that really connected despite the low budget.

If you love bad movies you should definitely check this one out. Grab a group of friends and make it a party, it's a very fun time.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Shiver me timbers

[5/10 · 11 March 2024]

The fifth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise feels like a slightly worse version of the first movie. It's almost as if they took the script from the first one and then changed every third sentence and swapped out the villain and the two secondary protagonists. While this movie is lazy and lacks any kind of meaningful substance contributing to the overall world of this franchise, it does have enough stupid, dumb fun to entertain you for two hours. For once one of these movies does not suffer from a bloated runtime.

There wasn't much passion put into this project and it really shows. From the directing, to the writing, to the acting mostly everyone is just here to collect a paycheck. Javier Bardem is the exception, he does a great job playing the villain just as he always does.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Shrug

[5/10 · 11 March 2024]

I do think this movie is better than at world's end. It actually has a plot that is easy to follow which is nice. But there are some key flaws that hold it down.

Bloom and Knightly have jumped ship realizing that this film series had run its course. While both characters were inconsistent in the first few films, I feel that was more on the writers than the actors. The side characters that are added in this movie

Ian McShane does a pretty bad job with Blackbeard. I feel like his performance should have been much more unhinged than what he gave us.

The plot is pretty straightforward, and there are a few memorable scenes such as the one with all the mermaids. But I loathe the subplot with the preacher who wants to bone the mermaid. Why does Blackbeard keep him around? He would have been shot or thrown overboard long before he met that mermaid I tell ya.

This is one of the best movies in the franchise yet it is still not anything better than a mediocre film.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

Dying of old age

[4/10 · 10 March 2024]

The third movie in this franchise is the longest of the series. Shockingly it's also the movie with the least substance. In terms of plot, there isn't much, and what does exist is so contrived that I was bored out of my mind. It's almost as if the entire script for this third movie was just Jack steals the chest, and then Will steals the chest, and then Norrington steals the chest, then Beckett steals the chest, so on and so forth. The fact that so little happens makes it even more insane that the narrative was split into two films.

The actors feel like they are phoning it in by this point. Who decided to make Davy Jones a secondary villain? What a dumb decision that ended up being.

Mean Girls (2024)

Absolutely terrible, but I respect it

[3/10 · 10 March 2024]

As far as remakes go this one is pretty bad. The musical aspect just does not work on any level. The songs are horrible and a drag to sit through. You can't make a musical with songs this bland and boring. Although a lot of the cast is relatively unknown, I do believe they do a good job at mimicking the characters from the original. Cady, Regina, Karen, Gretchen, Janis, and Damian are all well acted in my opinion. I actually don't have many problems with this movie outside of the awful songs. But they really ruin it.

The more I thought about it the more I respect this movie despite how bad it is. In a world where soulless cash grab remakes are 50% of Hollywood's output, this movie is much more bold than those other films. You have to give it credit, they tried something outside the box when they could have filled theaters with a scene for scene remake.

Private School (1983)

Not the breast movie

[3/10 · 10 March 2024]

Private School is just one of many teen boob comedies that came out in the 80's. Except this one is a complete embarrassment to those involved in its creation. The acting is horrible, the jokes are bad and surface level, and the story is practically nonexistent. This feels like a directionless pile that was conceived solely to capitalize on the success of Fast Times.

I also found it weird that Phoebe Cates chose not to do frontal nudity for this film despite the fact that a year prior she appeared in the most famous topless scene in film history. I think that tells you a lot about what she felt about this film. Not even she felt this film was worth the effort.

The horseback riding scene is the only thing that is even remotely entertaining.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

Not an improvement

[5/10 · 6 March 2024]

For some reason I have committed myself to going back through and watching all the pirates' movies. Even though I didn't like them at the time, and I certainly haven't warmed up to them looking back. Dead Man's Chest is once again a movie that stays long past it's welcome. Why are these movies so bloody long? This sequel feels lacking in the story department despite being almost ten minutes longer than the first. Not to mention, the ending might as well be a to be continued screen. More movie, but less substance is typically not a formula for success.

The CGI is much better than the first, although the kraken has not aged all that great. At least Davy Jones and his crew look pretty good. There are also more action scenes which I appreciated. The jokes are still annoying, and for some reason the writers felt the need to bring back every single character from the first film. Why did we need Norrington, Barbossa, and the two jokester pirates from Barbossa's crew? It doesn't even make sense; it feels like they were thrown in because the writers didn't have any better ideas. How are we as the viewer supposed to get a sense of the danger that this world contains when no named characters ever die?

These first two movies are so bland and mediocre. Unfortunately for me I can't imagine it getting any better from here.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Why did I come back to this?

[5/10 · 5 March 2024]

I rewatched this movie recently, for some reason. I saw this movie probably fifteen years ago and had no desire to return to it. But it was on TV and once I had watched half an hour, I felt I was committed. There are a few things that I dislike about this movie, starting with a runtime that makes me wish I was the one walking the plank.

I also find the jokes in this movie to be loathsome. The comic relief characters are annoying. The jokes are groan-worthy. The writers loved one joke in particular, the Jack stumbles into success by doing something stupid or goofy joke. Aren't we supposed to think this guy is a good pirate? Why is he so incompetent? The way Jack is written is incredibly aggravating, he's a terrible character in this movie.

The CGI is also terrible, it sticks out like a sour thumb when you watch it today. Geoffrey Rush is a pretty good villain.

The Way Way Back (2013)

Enjoyable coming of age tale

[6/10 · 27 February 2024]

I enjoyed this movie. The cast happens to contain a number of actors that I adore. Steve Carrell, Toni Collette, Allison Janney, what more could you want? The movie follows Duncan, an awkward young teen going on summer vacation with his mom, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's daughter.

Mom's new boyfriend is a manipulative scumbag who takes every opportunity to put him down in a passive aggressive manner. Who new Steve Carrell could pull of being a scumbag this well? His daughter is also cold to Duncan and refuses to incorporate him into her life. His mother is well intentioned but is in denial pertaining to the state of their family. She is recently divorced and refuses to see the cracks in the foundation, and that this family is clearly not going to last.

Duncan finds happiness at a nearby waterpark where he is given a job and is surrounded by people who are kind and like him for who he is.

This is a charming little movie that is worth the watch. The acting and writing is fantastic.

The Iron Claw (2023)

Disjointed and poorly paced

[5/10 · 27 February 2024]

This is one of those movies that the more research you do on the events that inspired it, the less you like what you watched. The movie itself is so poorly paced. Once we get past the initial stages of the film, there is barely time to breath in between the deaths of each brother. Not that I am asking for this movie to be any longer, the last twenty-ish minutes drag like molasses.

It seems like this movie tries to bite off more than it could reasonably chew. I'm not a big wrestling fan, but it feels like this should have been a tv series with more wrestling scenes and more scenes highlighting each individual brother. Had this been a television series maybe then they could've touched on Chris Von Erich. Shockingly there is another Von Erich kid who tragically died and was omitted from this film. It seems kind of disrespectful to make a movie about this family and their tragedy, yet at the same time completely ignore the existence of one of the sons.

This movie is not worth watching unless you are a fan of pro wrestling. If not, there is not much here for you.

You've Got Mail (1998)

Has some flaws

[6/10 · 13 February 2024]

This is a decent movie with a good cast. I actually prefer this movie to Sleepless in Seattle; I think it's funnier and has the advantage of Hanks and Ryan actually sharing the screen together for more than the last 5 minutes.

The biggest problem with this movie is that it fails to stick the landing. There seems to be some commentary on big corporations driving mom-and-pop shops out of business. However, the film ends with the big corporation winning and Meg Ryan being left jobless. That seems like a weird way to end a movie but what do I know? I was expecting this movie to end with Hanks purchasing her store and gifting it back to her, or possibly closing his competing megastore. It's very odd that corporate greed wins out here and the script writers just kind of shrugged their shoulders.

There's also the questionable nature of their relationship once Hanks figures out the identity of his pen pal. I don't think most women would find it very romantic if a man they hated tried to woo them over the internet using an online alias. I'm not sure who made that decision, but for this movie to work like it was intended they should have learned about each other's identities at the same time.

Cube (1997)

Concept is there, budget is not

[4/10 · 19 January 2024]

The premise behind this movie is a very good one. I can understand why it gained a cult following. Unfortunately, the extremely tight budget drags it down in almost every way imaginable. The acting is not very good, especially the character Quintin whose actor is overacting far too often. The CGI is horrible with some of the kills and with the visuals of the cube. Everything looks painfully cheap, I wish some studio had put a little more money behind this project and given it a real chance. The potential was there and it is easy to see.

I also didn't like the ending. How was Quentin able to catch up to them. He would have absolutely no clue where they went, especially since the cube they were in traveled all the way to the bridge. Wasn't the whole point that he was incapable of navigating the cube without the others?

The Family Plan (2023)

Generic and full of cliches

[3/10 · 17 January 2024]

I paused this movie at one point thinking it was surely close to the end, only to be flabbergasted that there was still 45 minutes left. This movie is so bland that it immediately removes itself from your brain within hours of watching it. The characters are all cliches, I really hated all of them. I was rooting against Mark Wahlberg's character the entire time; it was his fault that the events of this movie unfolded anyway. Had he just kept the passports up to date none of this would've happened.

Too much of this movie is pure unfiltered cringe. Why did we need to see Marky Mark and Michelle Monaghan sing Vanilla Ice? I practically put the TV on mute.

Any movie that contains an Esports event as part of the plot should shunned from society. Nothing screams room of 60-year-old writers trying to describe kids today quite like that. Don't pay too close attention to the gameplay during this competitive match. These are supposed to be professional gamers, yet they play like your 5-year-old brother picking up the Xbox controller for the first time.

The comedy is mostly lame, there are a few decent jokes that are delivered poorly. The funniest part of the movie is completely unintentional. At the beginning of the movie Wahlberg is out with his wife for their anniversary. A group of hooligans snap a photo of him kissing his wife. Wahlberg angrily demands they delete the photo in order to keep his whereabouts hidden. The ringleader declines, which begs the question: what does he plan of doing with that photo of two strangers kissing? What a weird way to create conflict early on in your movie.

This movie is not worth your time. There is nothing memorable or notable about it.