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Reviews
Once Upon a Christmas Miracle (2018)
A true feel good film
This film is not your traditional low budget Christmas film, as it benefits from being based on a very true story.
There is no high powered lawyer clad in a pencil skirt reluctantly returning to her small home town to help save her grandfather's gingerbread shop. There is no city-based marketing executive (again, almost certainly wearing a pencil skirt) being forced to return to her small home town to stop some evil corporation from bulldozing her family's Cnrisrmas Tree farm whilst simultaneously falling in love with one of the evil corporation's executives.
Instead what there is is a couple of characters who manage to be thoroughly likeable without ever being cloying or twee, supported by a small ensemble of minor characters who tread that particular fine line equally well.
The film lacks the cliché jeopardy inherent in 99% of Christmas movies. There are no arguments between the love interests brought about by a misunderstanding. There is no real degree of "will they, won't they" either, as the two main characters (Heather and Chris) are so well suited to one another that the outcome is never in doubt.
The story tells of a liver donor recipient who ends up falling in live with, and eventually marrying, the man who provided the donation. As I say, this is based on a true story and it is as heartwarming a tale as you could ever want at Christmas.
It could be argued, because the film lacks the things I have listed above, that not a lot happens, and on essence that is correct. The film uses the "one week later" and "one year later" technique to effectively remove the need for what would essentially be drama free filler. I would say the film benefits from this.
Yes, not much happens (even the liver transplant goes ahead without the slightest hint of jeopardy) but the characters are so thoroughly likeable that you fond yourself not minding.
This film is definitely one I will want to watch next Christmas. A true feel good tale which I recommend.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
Three is not the magic number...
I have only seen this film once and that was many, many years ago, however the one thing that has stuck with me all those years is just how disappointing this film was.
Taking its place alongside 'Jurassic Park 3' and 'The World's End' in the pantheon of dross 3rd parters that should never have been made, this film transports the viewers (and, it is to be assumed, fans) so far from the elements that made the previous 2 films so enjoyable that you have to ask the question "why make this film at all?"
The dark streets of New York are replaced with sweeping Japanese plains and bright sunlight, and there is a distinct lack of familiar Turtles villains, which mean this film lacks any continuity in the canon of The Turtles.
Time travel, ancient Japan, a questionable Splinter and a cast of supporting characters that it's impossible to care about all conspire to make this film one that nothing could compel me to watch again.
Harry Brown (2009)
Grandad Torino.
Having enjoyed 2008's Gran Torino I was naturally excited to watch the following year's British equivalent - and make no mistake, that is what this film is.
Whilst it is usually the American's role to take a British product and suck all the creativity and enjoyment out of it, on this occasion the tables are turned.
What this film does do well is portray the absolute cesspits that British inner cities have become, thanks almost entirely to 13 years of a Labour government.
The whole thing is bleak - one almost despairs with life within only a few minutes of watching, and by the time the film had ended, you are practically suicidal.
What the film doesn't do so well is create characters that you are inclined to give two hoots about. Michael Caine's titular character is a neither one thing nor the other protagonist - marooned in the no-mans-land between Charles Bronson and Foggy Dewhurst, whilst the antagonists are somewhat identikit and lack any depth or motive.
Much like its American counterpart, the plot meanders its way to its predictable conclusion, however unlike its American counterpart, the ending is met with a sense of relief.
It's grim, it's bleak, it's depressing and it is ultimately not very good. I like Michael Caine, however he doesn't have enough in the locker to carry this film.
Monsters of the Id (2007)
Hard to know where to begin.
Watch this movie and you will come away with some serious questions - not least concerning your sanity.
The most pressing question on my mind after watching thks was "is it actually a movie?" I'm still not sure. It's attained DVD release status, it has a presence on IMDB, but that doesn't alter the fact that anyone who has watched this "film" will almost certainly be in full agreement that Monsters of the Id has absolutely no right to call itself a movie.
There is absolutely no sense of cohesion to this project. The storyline (if indeed it has one - there is absolutely no chance that I could explain the 'plot' to you, nor indeed tell you ehat the Id is, or what represented the monsters) cannot be garnered through anything save for psychic ability, for the sound quality is so poor throughout that it's almost impossible to hear.
The animation (and I use that word advisedly) is wholly lacklustre, though that I suspect is because this was a bedroom project with a budget to match, and so therefore they must be commended, for it is far better than I could muster.
That being said, commendable efforts under constraint aside, it is impossible to avoid the fact that what is inherently a school project should never have been committed to film.
The first 30 minutes will keep you transfixed through humorous disbelief - after that it just becomes a bit sad really.
I believe Warwick Davis lends his voice somewhere in this film, though he has clearly gone to great lengths to ensure no record is kept of his involvement.
I want to love this film for how bad it is - and in a weird sort of way I do - but I could never with a clear conscience recommend it.