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Reviews
M3GAN (2022)
Seriously??? Not a single original minute of plot...
Another highly praised, media hyped piece of garbage.
First of all, this movie is mis-categorized as a horror. It's really a sci-fi drama, and a pretty bad one at that. There is not a single scare in this movie.
The plot is one we've seen dozens of times before: a young girls parents a killed in a car accident. She is bundled off to live with her aunt, a young tech engineer/toy creator who is ill prepared for the role of surrogate mother. The little girl becomes sullen, withdrawn, and angry. Queue the....dog? New friend? Long lost relative? No, this time it's Megan, a AI robotic "doll" created by the aunt, that has the ability to "pair" with the child, and learn (as well as sing, dance, and other implausible creepy stuff). The kid becomes obsessed with her new friend, and eventually Megan goes sideways in her over zealousness to protect the kid. She causes the death of a kid at day camp. She kills the neighbors nuisance dog, and then the neighbor. Auntie toy designer finally says enough is enough, and takes Megan away from the kid, saying she needs to tweak Megan's programs before her company can safely roll her out to the world at large as the greatest advancement in tech in history. Needless to say, Megan goes on a rampage at the company headquarters, kills a couple of people in very boring fashion, and then somehow makes her way back to the Aunties house (it is not explained how a 3' tall robot doll commutes thru metropolitan Seattle to the Aunts house). As Megan is taking out the aunt, the little girl joins the fray, and together they defeat Megan.
None of this imbues any excitement, or suspense. It's like the whole thing follows a formula seen a million times before, and this a movie you will forget the day after you see it.
The Resort (2022)
SO GOOD! Until the finale....
After a slow start, the story arc got going, and this turned into a very cool, outside the box murder mystery. Sprinkle in a seemingly psychotic potential killer, multiple relationships in various states of flux, references to a murderous South American crime family/cartel, and it really gets you to the edge of your seat. Sadly, that lead-up never gets cashed in. Said psychotic suspect literally floats away after about episode 5 or 6. None of the relationship questions get resolved, and the crime family is not part of the ongoing story at all. After following the few scant leads, each of which results in a sort of curveball reveal, pushing the story towards its conclusion, you're set up for the finale. Unfortunately the finale does a complete 180 from the first 7 episodes, the psychological thriller/murder mystery we've been following, and inexplicably goes the sci-fi/fantasy route. A lot of the set-up questions are completely neglected in the end. For me it was a huge disappointment, because I really enjoyed it episodes 1-7. The acting is very good, storyline holds your interest, good dialogue, etc. The last episode feels like a great ending....to a different show.
White Noise (2022)
Now I know why I never heard of this movie...
No one loves an ironic, absurdist, existentially searching storyline more than I. Nothing better than watching a character, or characters evolve as human beings in spite of, or because of, the counter intuitive and bizarre chaos that envelopes them. When it's done right, it can be a lot of fun along the way, and when it's over you come away feeling like you glanced something magical, intangible,....sublime. Sadly, none of that happens with White Noise.
This comes off as a movie desperately trying to do all those things, but achieves none of them. Forgive me for this, but I am not on the Adam Driver bandwagon to begin with, so that was a bit of an impediment going in, but it's really not a matter of liking/disliking any of the actors involved. It's the lack of anything interesting or substantive to hook you into the characters that leads to the movies demise. Everyone in the family/community of characters is written to have unusual, counter-indicated interests and intelligence. Kids that are well versed with various, normally reserved for adults, bizarre topics. Drivers character is an pseudo intellectual who has an answer for everything, but makes his living as a college professor, one of the country's foremost authorities in Hitler studies who is embarrassed that he can't speak German. Cheadle is also a professor, his specialty is "living icons" and he's a bit obsessed withElvis. He is brimming wit quirky takes on any subject." Your wife's hair is a living wonder!"
After about 45 minutes of nothing happening, save for the poor attempt to develop the odd/eccentric family and community of weirdos, a train derailment causes a toxic evacuation event. At this point, as the family hastily hops in their car, precocious kids spouting non-sequiturs every step of the way, the stupidity intensifies.
At the one hour mark no other plot development, they've evacuated to a government camp, atrocious dialog continuing the whole way. That was enough for me.
. Baumbach fans may defend this misfire, but taken on its own merit, it's awful and a complete waste of time.
Orgy of the Dead (1965)
The son of the son of Ed Wood
Most of the reviews say exactly the same thing about this movie; nonsensical, bereft of dialogue or plot, terrible acting, etc., all of which is true. The only thing that varies in those reviews is the star rating. While many pan the movie for the reasons above (and many, many more), there are also many, who like me, give it high marks for those exact same reasons. Here's the secret to enjoying this movie; I came to it expecting it to be a movie shot in 1965, from a screenplay written by a penniless, alcoholic Ed Wood, rife with b-list talent (in front of, and behind the camera), a cult/camp plot, low budget/0 special effects, and lots of tits. Oh, and Criswell. To the best of my knowledge, these types of movies weren't made to make us forget about Citizen Kane. It was made as mindless stupidity, that's so bad, it's good. It does not disappoint. Oh, and it doesn't suck that for approx. 75% of its run time there is one or another gorgeous girl (the reanimated "dead" who are at the "orgy" and look surprisingly young, fit, and firm for dead girls!) dancing topless. Shut your brain off and enjoy!
Fortune Defies Death (2018)
really, Really, REALLY BAD!
Presumably, they are going for a noir thriller/mystery, a la Knives Out. Unfortunately, in this version, the plot is convoluted, the acting awful, the pacing slower than molasses, and the dialogue infuriatingly deliberate. It's a relatively long watch at 1h 55m, and every single second of it goes by excruciatingly slowly. There is zero character development, other than the deceased man's missing daughter, I have no idea who these people are (in relation to the dead man). While it plays itself as serious drama, this is really just low quality, free streaming fodder at its worst, like so many other poorly conceived time wasters.
Too Old to Die Young (2019)
::::yawn:::: That's a hard pass.....
So I donated 2+ hours of my life to watch episode 1&2. It did not turn out to be a wise investment. While it feels like the show could eventually pay off based on the darkness and immorality of the characters, it is virtually impossible to stick with it. Almost every review I've read about TOTDY mentions "pacing," that being the speed at which the storyline plays out. It is beyond slow, to the point of non existent. By the end of the 2nd hour I really didn't know much more than this:in ep. 1, in the first 10 minutes, a dirty cop is murdered by a Mexican son avenging his mother. His partner is in too deep with the criminal syndicate that was protecting them in their dubious endeavors to turn over crucial evidence in the cops murder. The Mexican man flees south of the border to escape the heat, and we find out that his family is a wealthy Mexican crime family, who worship his dead mother on the level of sainthood. Those are the only pertinent plot points revealed in 2 hours. The problem is that what some viewers seem to confuse as being artistic design, is really just an annoyingly slow plot pace. Every line of dialogue is delivered in painstaking slow motion, every conversation dripping with pregnant pauses and stifling dead air. If a character walks 20 paces across the desert, we see every....single...pace....of.....the....walk. The crooked cop from episode 1, who I believe is the main/lead character of the show, never even appears in episode 2. Which takes place in Mexico. And is completely in Spanish, with English subtitles. All in all, the potential of the first few scenes is squandered in a meandering plot line that goes nowhere in the next 1.5 hours.
That's a hard pass.....