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The Snowman (2017)
Should be considered a hate crime agains Norwegians
I'm not a Norwegian, nor have I ever lived in Norway. I'm Brazilian. However, I teach Portuguese to many Norwegians, which is how I first learned about Jo Nesbo (keyboard is set for Portuguese, hence no special character for his name). Additionally, the first book I've ever read written by him was the Snowman, an absolutely fantastic book, truly an author his whole country should be proud of. Then..., there's this movie.
Even though it has the name of one of his works and it was actually planned for the author to star in the movie, they decided to do things completely different from the book. This in itself isn't necessarily a bad idea. The problem lies in how they did. The movie uses the same characters and overral plot while taking some liberties with everything, and there lies the main problem. It kinda tries to do something different while not at all, which leads to some awful pacing and terrible character development. Having read the book, I was expecting X person to behave like Y and grow into behaving like Z. Instead, what happens throughout most of the movie is person X behaves likes A, which does not feel natural, doesn't grow and ends up not being revelant to the plot, something very different from the original Snowman, as Nesbo tris to make almost every detail possible relevant to the plot.
You may say I'm being to harsh because I've read and the book. However, you can see the other reviews aren't much better. It's for sure a movie I regret watching since I didn't feel entertained at all. Only watch it for morbid curiosity.
Friday the 13th (1980)
Jason's legacy leaves you expecting more
There's a problem with this movie, but I cannot talk about it directly without giving some spoilers, which is not my intention.
Even though at this current point I've watched many horro movies, many of them the classics such as A Nightmare on Elm Street 1 through 5, Halloween 1 through 6 (though I need to rewatch) and a few more, I had never watched this movie before.
The movie has a decent setting, with most characters having reasons to be where they are and also for being careless. The atmosphere is very good. For most of the movie, it's shown the killer's POV, which makes things actually interesting, since the viewer gets to focus more on the scenes rather than on the killer. However, there's something closer to the end that is revealed which kinda bummed me out because of the high expectations I had since, well, it's Jason, one of the biggest horror movie mascots. Still, it does not ruin the movie at all. Just be sure to lower your expectations a little bit.
Easter Bunny Massacre (2021)
Pretty serviceable movie... Until you see the ending
Despite what most of the other few reviews here say, this movie isn't as bad as it looks. Of course, it's a bit rough around the edges, but there's way worse stuff out there. The real problem with this is its atrocious ending. Let me stop myself from getting ahead of myself and talk about what comes first.
The premise of the movie is okay. A few friends, after being accepted into college, decide to have a small party to celebrate, which, as this is a horror movie, involves drugs and alcohol. In the aftermath, they find something terrible has happened and no one can rememeber. Nothing groundbreaking here, but sound enough.
As the film goes on, they forced to confront the reality of what has happened, and the killer appears. Most of the deaths are cool, with one being kinda funny, actually. We also get to learn a bit about the characters, though none of them are deep and the mystery itself is more interesting than any of them, since they are basically the clichê of every teenager in horror movies.
If, up until now, everything you've read does sound bad, but mediocre, you're correct. There's nothing terrible or agregious. However, that's were the ending comes in. Without giving any spoilers, there's a plot twist that's so incredbly stupid and mind-numbingly nonsensical it makes you question if the people who made this movie actually paid attention to the story, because it doesn't work at all.
In case you still want to watch, just beware about it. The plot will leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth, which is a shame, since there's some potential here, even if it isn't much. Not a bad movie, just unable to achieve a proper climax.
Carnosaur 2 (1995)
Genuinely entertaining and much better than the original.
Look, if you watched the first movie, you already knew what to expect. However, by ignoring some aspects of the first movie, it actually manages to be a very decent movie. I just wanted to mention, before going in depth, that my rating is based solely on what the movie itself is and how enjoyable I found it to be. I'm not gonna compare to something like Halloween or any other movies that managed to make mainstream success. Take the things I say here with a grain of salt.
I'm gonna start with my criticisms, as they aren't a lot. First, it doesn't answer anything from the first one. In fact, it could have practicaly been its own thing. So, if you're expecting any loose threads to be solve, forget it. Second, the way the main cast is presented, I imagined they were something different (jobwise), which I won't explain to not give any spoilers. Now, onto the good stuff.
While some of the characters are still pretty meh, mostly there to fill space, others give somewhat of a reason to care about them. They have a bit of motivations and aren't totally blank canvasses for the movie to do whatever it wants. Plus, there's even a small """redemption arc""" for one of them.
The environment does emphasize the threat of the dinosaurs. The space is much smaller and the lack of knowledge towards what's happening gives them an advantage over our cast. Also, they don't look as "toyish" as in the previous film, though they don't look like any Jurassic Park.
For those who care about gore, as this movie doesn't work with as many characters as the first one, there's a little less of it, specially at the beginning. However, towards the end, there are some pretty cool scenes.
Overral, a very good surprise after watching the first one. I'll definetly continue watching the series and hope their quality is as good as this one's.
Lavalantula (2015)
Actually fun and not that bad, but no masterpiece
Honestly, I was actually expecting something truly bad when started this movie. However, I was mildly surprised.
The movie doesn't wait to throw the spiders at the viewers. If I'm not mistaken, in less than 10 minutes the spiders already appear. Additionaly, their models are actually pretty competent. They adapt to environmental lighting, making them look like they are in the world. They have a bit of variety in their attacks. They jump, bite, burrow, jump, dig holes, breath fire and shoot fireballs. While I did give them some praise, they still very much look 3D-esque, but that's to be expected, and have no development as to their species intricacies (what they eat, how they reproduce by themselves*, their colonies and other stuff)
As for the cast, pretty serviceable. Exactly what you'd expect from an action movie. Most, if not all of them, have a single defining characteristic, maybe two.
Overral, decently fun without being too ridiculous. It knows what it's trying do and takes itself serious exactly enough, without being too much.
Poseidon Rex (2013)
Exactly what I wanted, Big Angry Monster eat people
**No spoilers ahead**
Let's be honest, nobody in their right mind would actually look at a title such as POSEIDON REX and expect a well developed movie with a good plot. Instead, what it so gracefully presents is a watchable laughfest.
I'm not gonna talk about character development or worldbuilding because there is none. Everyone is completely superficial with a single trait defining them, maybe 2 if you are generous with what you consider a trait.
What I am going to talk about is the massive swimming dinosaur, which makes my inner child extremely happy. The idea of having the most famous dinosaur swim is every 10 year old child's dream, probably because the plot came from the mind of such a child. There are two main problems with the large reptile. First, while the model is very cool, it's terribly inserted into every scene, almost looking like it was cut and pasted with no light adjustment or anything. The second problem is... it honestly doesn't have enough screen time. It appears to kill people, but we don't see how it lives and how it interacts with the world, the latter being agregious since there's only one scene of it actually destroying a wall (the boats are never really destroyed on screen, you have to know they are).
Overall, only watch when you need to relax and watch something you'll talk to your friends about how bad it is. The 5 stars are just because it made me laugh like I haven't in a long time.