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Reviews
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Seems like completely different writing from part 1
The Bad
1. The dialogue is clunky and robotic with too much name use (shoutout to the live script-reading from the princess).
2. The constant exposition dumps are spoon fed to you as to ensure you can digest the baby food (unlike the first).
3. Illogical fights: attack the mining structure and lose men to launch a bazooka at the thopter and only then use your energy beam weapon that instantly destroys the giant structures? And when they beat the emperor why didn't the bene gesserits use the voice on Paul or the fremen? Why did the emperor get to choose a champion to fight Paul after all he'd done? How the hell are the fremen (at the exact same time) able to mount like 4 worms at the exact same time and use the worms to attack the harkonnens while we never see a single dismount.
4. 100% pointless scenes: "you wanna be a fremen, walk from here to there and back." Never shows him complete the task, never shows him being accepted as a fremen BECAUSE he accomplished it.
This movie plays like a super long episode of a poorly written tv series that's trying to cram as much from the book as possible onto the screen (again, completely unlike the first).
Ahsoka (2023)
Greatest Show Ever!!1!
Wanted to rate this show a 100/10, that's why it says 1, because I clearly, like everyone else, know for a fact this show simply is greatest.
What makes it greatest? Two words: Girl Power!! That says a lot, but it also has "orange-man-bad" nuances, which elevates it even further. The primary weapon of these girl bosses is the laser sword, which seems phallic, but don't be deceived by its shape, sensitivity, or ability to pierce; masculinity has no place in this show; girls get the job done!
In all the Star Wars films no one has ever survived being stabbed by a lightsaber except one, and you guessed it (girl power!), it was only a woman that could survive being penetrated by a handle-erected energy rod, and live to tell the tale. Nothing compares, nothing equates, and nothing blah blah blah-greatest ever/girl power!
Oppenheimer (2023)
I Kid You Not
Sat through 20 minutes or so before falling asleep. When I woke up I continued to watch; little did I know, I Kid You Not, I'd been watching the black and white screen saver for nearly an hour before realizing it wasn't Oppenheimer. The lack of loud and intrusive background "music" should have been the giveaway. The other reason I should have known it was no longer Oppenheimer was after I woke up, I Kid You Not, I found myself actually interested in what was on the screen.
The only reason I don't rate this horse tranquilizer a 1 star is because there are several good performances, but those aren't enough to even warrant a 3 star rating.
The Beekeeper (2024)
So bad it's good
If your brain is set to any higher than 5% brain capacity you're gonna hate this movie. I'm talking, you need a cup directly under your mouth to catch all the drool brain capacity, democratic-voter/mindless NPC capacity, Biden-level cognitive ability capacity.
Nothing makes sense, nearly universal bad acting, intentions get thrown out the window halfway through, shifts from intense and grim action/thriller to lighthearted buddy-cop comedy. It also drags on too long for unknown reasons. It's like the writer got halfway through a screenplay then forgot everything he previously wrote but just kept writing instead of scrapping it and restarting.
Proceed with caution.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Exploits every bad writing technique known to ape
Out of place comic relief? Check.
Generic antagonist pontificating for boring exposition? Check.
Completely illogical decisions by bad guys to allow plot progression? Check.
Cliche buildups to moments you already fully know the outcome? Check.
Contrived plot points to give the illusion of an actual story? Check.
Insert melodrama throughout film to try and force attachment? Check.
How about this movie also undoing every ounce of what made the previous two so good: Cesaer's resolve, resourcefulness, strength, intelligence, leadership, etc.
I had to look it up because of just how bad this film is compared to the previous one's (there has to be a reason) and lo and behold, the two main writers are absent. This movie made me lose hope in Kingdom until I saw they've returned and these pathetic excuses for writers aren't anywhere to be seen. There's hope yet.
Watch at your own discretion, or just do yourself a favor and skip this one entirely. No idea how anyone could rate this higher than a 6 but I could see why there are a lot of 1's.
Friends (1994)
Laugh track led comedy
Ever find yourself needing the assistance of a laugh track to help you find something funny? Or don't understand a joke at all but can follow the queue to laugh when prompted? Do you abhor (abhor means to strongly dislike) clever writing, unique jokes, and likable characters in a sitcom? Do you need an empty cup near you at all times to collect the drool that's constantly dripping from your agape mouth?
If you answered YES for any of these, FRIENDS is perfect for you. Forgot your brain when you left the house? Even better. Been lobotomized? Close enough.
Ever had an original thought? Uh oh! Stay clear of FRIENDS, this show is clearly not for you.
Age of Deceit 2: Alchemy and the Rise of the Beast Image (2014)
The docuseries Youtube continues to delete from their website
Wanna know if something has absolute value, exposes truth, and isn't afraid to stand up against the powers that be? If it's been deleted countless times and the creator has been shadowbanned from YouTube, you know you've found a true gem.
Alchemy and Rise of the Beast is incredibly thorough, eye-opening, and entertaining. It does an exceptional job bridging the gap between the beliefs of the most powerful people in the world and their occultic (and very ancient) roots. The deep web of esoteric knowledge held by our overlords: governments, bureaucrats, banksters, etc, becomes less convoluted thanks to Gonzo Shimura.
The only people who would give this film a low rating are bots, a shills, or trolls; pick your poison.
Age of Deceit: Fallen Angels and the New World Order (2012)
Greatest Docuseries in Existence
Anyone interested in learning about why things are the way they are, corruption running rampant, breakdown of the family; the world (in unison) collectively coming against morality, Christianity, and freedom, this film makes thing crystal clear.
Gonzo Shimura offers the most comprehensive research on the direction of the globe as a whole, and the reason for its startling trajectory; from the most ancient point in recorded history to today, and into the future.
Being someone who has seen many documentaries on these "crazy" rabbit hole subjects, none compare with this series. Even if you're a skeptic of conspiracies and just wanna hear a new perspective (even from a fictional standpoint) Age of Deceit is still worth a watch.
Rick and Morty: The Jerrick Trap (2023)
Felt like Rick and morty at its best and then we got the lamest plot twist possible
Went into this seeing the lower scores (for Rick and morty) and was pleasantly surprised: unique plot, new challenge for Rick to overcome, well-written dialogue; it felt like Rick and morty should always feel. That is, until the "plot twist."
When they were about to get their minds back into their respective brains I expected them to turn on each other and try and be the one in the end to keep their mind the way it is, until something is revealed/resolved then we could satisfyingly separate minds... the writers had other plans.
Although I will say it was unexpected for them to fuse together, by the end you could tell they ran out of ideas and did it for no reason other than lazy writing. What could have easily been a 9/10 or even 10/10 episode was dropped to a 7 (more realistically a 6.5) because the writers are giving up, while we cling to hope.