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kendog792001
Reviews
Date Movie (2006)
'No Second' Date Movie
About twenty minutes into Date Movie, and some eighteen minutes since I last heard someone chuckle, I wondered what had happened. The previews looked like the stupid, mindless humour I enjoy from time to time, but the movie was pure drivel. Then I remembered it was from "two of the six writers of Scary Movie" and it occurred to me that Scary Movie was nothing more than stealing scenes outright from other movies and putting in blue humour, I did not think that worked for Scary Movie and it certainly does not work for Date Movie. I think a good rule of thumb to follow for future spoofs, aside from actually being funny, would be to not spoof comedies. Maybe it can work but it absolutely falls flat in this waste of film. The only good thing that came out of going to see this was when we walked out we snuck into Firewall which was just starting. Not a great movie, but in comparison to what we had just left we agreed it should have gotten an Oscar.
The Deer Hunter (1978)
I wish I was playing Russian Roulette
I have seen and enjoyed many long movies before, but dear God this was absolute trash. We have three blue collar friends who up and join the Army to fight in Vietnam, they get sent to different units and coincidentally end up on the same battlefield. That probably took no more then 30 minutes but I would swear it seems like 90. Robert DeNiro doesn't recognize his friends at first, somehow he just has lost it, never an explanation. They get captured, play russian roulette, escape, Christopher Walken gets left behind, blah, blah, blah. I think the movie clocks in at around 2.5-3 hrs. but I swear it feels not like hours but more like days. An absolutely putrid movie not worth the cellanoid it is printed on.
Son of the Beach (2000)
Best Damn Sitcom Period!!!
I don't watch FX very much, usually only for the Best Damn Sports Show Period or an occasional MASH but the other night I ran into the funniest show I've seen in years. Son of the Beach is hilarious! I've never seen Get Smart but I have seen Police Squad and I agree with the comparisons. Like Police Squad this show is stupid and wacky with someone on the show who is grounded in reality enough to be offended by a seemingly obscene remark that isn't or incredulous to an idiotic idea that somehow works. It's that tongue in cheek humour that either has been lost or done with too much hipness to really work (see any teen movie over the last 6 years). Tim Stack is great as the world's greatest lifeguard Notch Johnson leading his unit through the funniest situations this side of The Simpsons. This show is easy on the eye and hard on the belly.
Fight Club (1999)
great flick, better book
Fantastic movie, but you, dear reader, should check out the book. A lot darker, more depraved, more desperate, everything that made the movie great is amplified in the book with a different ending that is superior to the Hollywood ending of the film. Also check out Survivor and Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, I'm having a bit of trouble getting into Invisible Monster.
The Lord of the Rings (1978)
Utter garbage!
Being a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien it came as a bit of a suprise to me when one day I logged on to IMDB to find the exact release date for the Fellowship of the Ring and found there had been an animated film made in the seventies. I had seen The Return of the King (laughable at best) but had not even heard of this one. I now know why. Without hesitation I placed my order for it and within a few days had this absolute drivel.
Like the feature film this cartoon leaves out many things (Tom Bombadil, The Old Forest etc.) but whereas the Fellowship is three hours long and steps a bit into Two Towers, this weighs in at less then two hours and brings us nearly to Return of the King. What's worse is the artistic liberties taken with it. Ralph Bakshi apparently thought Frodo and Sam too boring and so gives the impression that they are lovers, Rivendell is just an inconvenient stop, as a matter of fact EVERYWHERE is an inconvenient stop in his attempt to melt down a twelve hundred page story into a four hour movie. With the exception of Gandalf, the characters lack any substance and do not develop the slightest. The Hobbits are all terrified children with no sense of what they have gotten themselves into and no courage at all. Sam shows none of the loyalty towards Frodo as he does in the novel, his paternal devotion is gone replaced by a different kind of love and all that goes along with that. Frodo is basically ignorant of what he has gotten himself into, a complete 180 from the book where he wishes to go it alone so as to put no one else in the danger he knows he will face. Even after Sam and Frodo set off by themselves one gets the impression they think it will just be a walk in the park to Mount Doom. Merry and Pippen might as well join Fatty in not being in the story. Aragorn is Superman knowing everything and fearing nothing, Peter Jackson's Aragorn is much more complete. As for Boromir, Legolas, and Gimli it seems as though they were simply a nusance which had to included to appease the fans. Gollum plays an infinitely more prominent role then any of the three.
As bad as the butchering of the story was it was nearly equaled by the animation. Some people may enjoy the combination of animation with live action animation (drawing over filmed events), I don't it doesn't work. I can only assume it was used to heighten the fear of the Ringwraiths, but it accomplishes the exact opposite. They do not appear to be part of the picture, comically floating through the frames destroying the illusion of the movie. Aside from that the rest of the animation was pretty awful as well. The elves seem to be awaiting thier turns for their moneyshot, the Hobbits look like midgets, and the general movement of the characters is herky-jerky at best. It is no surprise to find out the studio balked at the idea of making the rest of the story. After one viewing I had given it away to someone who in turn also gave it away. Don't waste your time with this garbage Peter Jackson's version, though flawed, is well worth the money. This wasn't worth the price of postage.