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Reviews
Angel Baby (2023)
The Real Mystery Is It's Accolades
Film opens with two preteen children retaliating against their father's
abuse by doing him in with a hammer. Years later a woman , Val, receives the sad news the twins she gave birth to didn't survive. This motivates her and her husband, a contractor, to move to the country where she can tolerate the noise level after acquiring some odd affliction that makes her sensitive to sound. From there on, sound plays no part in the plot.
Val spends many hours walking around house, occasionally disturbed by mysterious sounds and the specter of some middle-aged guy.
Her friend, Chloe, the doctor who unsuccessfully delivered her twins pops by to stay with the couple for the weekend and help nurse Val back to health. The locals introduce themselves over the next few days. Rebecca De Mornay plays the town's local bartender, dishing out unsolicited pearls of wisdom about marriage. Val continues to roam the house, uncovering a music box containing a spinning ballerina figure. It has nothing really to do with plot but I guess the director of this trite was paying homage to the time honored tradition of "heroine finding a music box; what does it mean?". Val also finds a novel with the same title as the movie's. It's significance? Not much but extends movie by 5 minutes of dialogue and low key action involving the disposal of the book.
The end of the movie just kind of ends; it's almost like everyone involved was paid by the hour but not for overtime, so plot came to a rushed conclusion, with some questions unanswered, including why the film was called "Angel Baby" since there wasn't one.
It was so listless and silly you may actually want to watch it to the end to see if it gets any worse. BTW. From the credit roll, it appears many involved in making it worked at least two jobs producing it. I am beginning to think that included 'Positive Reviewer'.
Dangerous Waters (2023)
"TEEN BEAT" at Sea
I'll try to make this painless!
Teenaged daughter accompanies mother ( Saffron Burrows) on a week long sailing excursion with mother's blind date. Sounds like a good idea, right? But something underhanded is going on, the teen suspects after finding the gentleman's assault styled gun tucked away beneath a berth. After a couple of excruciating days at sea while mother gets to know this mystery man in the biblical sense, his boat is attacked by another vessel. Things don't go well for the vacationers so daughter quickly hatches a plan worthy of a MI plot to get to the bottom of this devastating assault, using what she learned in a 2 minute lesson on gun safety and target practice, taught by Mom's date a day earlier. After the attack by thugs their vessel was in sinking disrepair. Teen, with her crafty plan in place, is rescued by a military styled tankard, crewed by some familiar faces responsible for the sailboat original attack. In an audacious scene you would think was written for comedy, after changing into a bimbo-ish outfit and tarting up her face with makeup, she sets about to seduce the captain (Ray Liotta)of the tankard. After several minutes of suggestive language and innuendo, it FINALLY occurs to the captain this little Lolita Mata Hari is trying to seduce him and responds as planned but she responds by knocking his lights out, before going after the rest of the motley crew with whatever weapons are conveniently within arm's reach and having remarkable success with her intended targets I must say!
Sure she takes a beating but remembering that introductory class from last summer in bare knuckle brawling, gets her successfully through the many moments she's required to defend herself. Along the way she discovers a cargo load of captive young women held for sex slavery. I take as the big reveal of the movie.
Dangerous Waters tried to be the Kill Bill movie for a younger generation and failed miserably. If this is what smells like teen spirit...
Remnants (2022)
Post-Apocalyptic Drip
I bought into this based on its festival awards, never bothering to check what festival it was in. The Mardi Gras, Burning Man? Possibly, but I suspect from the production values, more likely a university- based festival. Plot centers around 3 uncommonly attractive " survivors" of a plague that's left much of the world in a - you guessed it!- zombified state. Despite a lack of resources, such as food or a needle & thread, the 3 travel the country with clean clothes, albeit torn, and $75 haircuts. To any of us familiar with apocalyptic landscapes this implies lots of action taking place in abandoned warehouses, junkyards and the homes of more than one of the film investors' moms. If you haven't guessed already you will recognize a story line, about fifteen minutes into Remnants, as simple as getting from Point A to B. Kudos to the viewers who complete the navigation.
The Stranger (2014)
Eli Roth is Coasting
Other than Cabin Fever, Roth is overrated and this movie The Stranger has even less of whatever people find appealing about his films, besides the gore factor. Roth's only input on this is as producer which is a lazy way to give a lousy movie some traction by putting his name above the title. Twice I've turned this off about 40 minutes in and only had success watching it on the third run. It's nonsense with neither competent acting or directing by someone whose first name is "Guillermo ", NOT to be confused with Guillermo Toro!
The plot has to do with hereditary vampirism, a subject matter more worn down than zombies. I advised watching it only if it's free and you have an ipad handy to keep you distracted while it plays.