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Little Women (2019)
7/10
What a mess lol
2 March 2024
Lady Bird will always be a masterpiece, and I loved the 90s Little Women (as a 40 year old man no less), so I was very psyched for this. It's just a convoluted, scatterbrained mess though. The dual timeline structure just doesn't work. Characters are always saying something, but hardly ever anything important. Feels like they just came to set every day and quickly hashed together an idea on how to do the scenes.

It's a bummer because I love all the people involved, I loved the sets and costumes. I don't even mind that Greta tried to modernize it a little bit (although some lines were just so obviously out of time period that it made my eyes roll). Just disappointed in the overall finished product.

Florence Pugh and Meryl were the standouts. Paul Atriedes is awful and horribly miscast lol.
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Napoleon (2023)
5/10
"I don't know what to do." - Joaquin Phoenix, ten days before start Napoleon production
23 November 2023
Yes, that's a real quote from Joaquin Phoenix to Ridley Scott right before they started filming. I love Joaquin Phoenix, but you can really tell that he doesn't "get" the character of Napoleon that he's trying to play. I honestly don't know if Phoenix even has that kind of charisma and confidence within him, but then again I don't know anything about Napoleon either. But it was just uncomfortable watching him stumble his way through the movie, often just looking clueless.

The other problem with the movie is it's just plain dull and uninteresting. It really does feel like a "highlights" movie. For an almost 3-hour film, it has surprisingly little dialogue. The dialogue that's there isn't' that illuminating or interesting. I normally like politics and romance (which is the bulk of this story), but I would have loved to see more military and war stuff in a movie like this. Isn't Napoleon supposed to be a brilliant war leader? There's like none of that here. Except "oh we'll do a sneak attack in the night."

The cinematography was also really surprisingly dull. It looked super digital. The colors were so bland and washed out.

Vanessa Kirby is really the best thing about the movie. And also the first battle taking over that fort, which was admittedly pretty epic. I have never seen such a thing happen to a horse in a movie, and it was wonderfully horrifying.

I fully blame Ridley Scott for this dud. Hopefully Spielberg's Kubrick miniseries about Napoleon will be much better.
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5/10
Nice little small town drama, mind-bogglingly stupid ending
16 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I am an avid male movie watcher with generally masculine preferences, but I still have a soft spot for movies like this ("Where the Heart Is" is one of my all time guilty pleasures). I love watching people starting over in a small Americana town.

Naturally, this movie really was hitting the spot for me. It's a Lifetime-esque movie, but with a shockingly fantastic cast. It's also well made in general, with nice pacing and a solid (if simple) screenplay. I love all the New England accents. I love the creepy crazy Vietnam vet living in the woods. The main actress is great, I don't know why she didn't have a bigger career.

My score for the film was about a 7 out of 10 - but that was right up until the absurdly stupid twist. My jaw hit the floor when I realized they actually killed the main character Percy. It was so out of left field and idiotic. It made no sense first of all from a story standpoint - Percy was the only character who had an emotional journey to overcome, and she didn't even get a chance to even face up to her demons.

Percy's death was also just generally infuriating, for two reasons: 1, the suspicious, sneering mongoloid who got her killed received no punishment pr consequence at all - instead, he actually received a redemption moment in front of the whole community when he admits it was "mostly" his fault. What???

Infuriating point 2: Percy's death serves a horribly cruel thematic message - a "damaged" women who let her baby die because of her sexually abuse stepfather's sins is "sacrificed" and put out of her misery - to make way for a fresh and "spotless" young mother to come and replace her (because that's obviously what a small community needs - not a young woman with trauma who doesn't want kids - are ya crazy or sumthin???).

I know this film is from the 90s, but that stuff is still incredibly tone deaf. I can appreciate a good weepie now and then, but that twist just annoyed and confused me instead. Hence the low score. Glad I rented and didn't buy.
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6/10
Just like clockwork, Mike Flanagan laughably hams up and ruins a pretty neat story idea...
25 October 2023
Mike Flanagan is the most bizarre phenomenon to me. He seems almost universally revered, and constantly gets legit new projects to the screen. This is despite the fact that his dialogue is always so unbelievably cringe and bloated. His actors are also routinely bad, even if a lot of that can probably be chalked up to how ham-fisted the lines they are trying to deliver are.

Fall of the House of Usher is no exception. It is a very cool idea for a show (like most of his projects admittedly are), but it's just executed so lazily and blandly. There did not need to be 6 children (and therefore 6 episodes). It got very repetitive by the end.

The characters are such a mixed bag. I liked Pym a lot, Mark Hamil was actually pretty amazing. Carla Gugino's Verna was outstanding. The kids are all obnoxious and often don't make sense (what happened to Henry Thomas' Frederick episode, dude went absolutely mental for no reason?). Bruce Greenwood does a good job with Papa Usher, even though his character seems pretty awkwardly shaped to fit Flanagan's Poe-y vision.

The overall story is generally a nice idea, but it's ruined by repetitiveness and trying to tie too much to Poe's stories. I also could not care less about the whole "Medicare fraud" stuff going on in the flashback storyline. So boring.

The dialogue is where the show just becomes unbearable. Every other minute some character is randomly going into a two minute monologue, where 1-2 lines of dialogue would have sufficed. "When life gives you lemons, make lemon-" Oh no wait, I'm gonna talk for 10 minutes about how that's not actually true! You have to build a LEMPIRE. Honestly, part of the reason we watch Flanagan is to make fun of the monologues. But over 8 episodes it just got boring and depressing.

The Poe recitations were also so painfully long, and they often seemed like they had nothing to do with the story.

The last episode has some really cool scenes - that RAIN, now that was pretty visionary and cool. But I don't know if it was all worth the wait.
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8/10
A bit disappointing actually...
21 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I am really bummed about how this one turned out. I love the very politically, morally, and racially charged story. I love Eric Roth, I think he's a living legend screenwriter. I loved DiCaprio and Gladstone, they were both brilliant and had beautiful chemistry together. DiCaprio's character is really interesting, he kind of reminds me of the murderer from Act of Killing. Just so dumb he doesn't realize what a monster he is.

But this freaking movie is too long and a big mess. The first two hours are very repetitive, and I had a hard time keeping track of all the characters, and who was who, and who was supposed to be murdering who, and for what reason exactly. When Jesse Plemons shows up it does pick up finally, but by then I was so overwhelmed and fatigued that I didn't enjoy it as much as I'd have liked.

Also, oddly enough I noticed the sound was TERRIBLE in some scenes. Really crappy dialogue recording. Very surprising.

Anyway, I might read the book now, cause the story seems really compelling but I don't think they really did it enough justice here.
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Fair Play (2023)
4/10
The first Gen Z corporate cosplay film?
8 October 2023
This movie was like a cheap fan fiction novel come to life. Nothing about it felt realistic. The stock market jargon took up half the movie, made no sense, and was so boring. The couple's relationship didn't unfold naturally, and in fact almost nothing happens between them until the last twenty minutes. The actors are talented and clearly did their best, but were constantly enunciating their bad dialogue lines, at half speed, for some god-awful reason. The final scene was so cringe and felt like a different movie all of a sudden. The movie had a super low budget and it showed. I can't believe Netflix paid $20 million for this, but I'm even more shocked that the movie actually got semi-decent reviews from critics. It was just laughably bad the whole way through, and unpleasantly stomach churning for the last ten minutes, then laughably bad again in the final shot.
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8/10
Stomach churning and morally complex, but a fun Friday night in
1 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Hoo boy. I grew up evangelical and my aunt is actually still an African missionary - so this was a fun and interesting one for me. I gave it an 8/10 to balance out review bombers, really it's more of a 6 or 7 to me based on the quality. A lot of these kinds of docs are just being pumped out according to an HBO template now, you can't really expect them to be visionary works anymore.

Renee Bach, or the "Angel of Death," was barely an adult when she traveled to Uganda after hearing "God's call." Soon upon her arrival, with exactly 0 medical training or education, she began treating very sick children at her "Serving His Children" NGO house in Jinja, Uganda. This was a practice that escalated, went on for years - was tempered somewhat by the hiring of some doctors and nurses - and then fell apart when she was finally shut down by the Ugandan government over her NGO practicing medical treatment without a license. Renee then fled to America (with her Ugandan daughter) when she started receiving death threats, due to the online work of a political activist group called "No White Saviors."

Actually, it's hard not to draw comparisons between Renee and another ambitious white woman recently fallen from grace - Elizabeth Holmes, the infamous and currently incarcerated Steve Jobs fangirl. The psychology between these characters is pretty similar - both intelligent white women from privileged backgrounds, who both had egos that sailed unshakably into the high heavens, without a thing on Earth apparently able to stop their brains. The difference being, of course, that Holmes was motivated by personal ambition. Renee was motivated by religious convictions, which seemed to literally make her think, when opportunities found her, that she could just "be a doctor" because, whatever, "God qualifies the chosen."

It was really really difficult watching a video clip of this homeschooled woman, who came from wealth, privilege, and grew up in a religious bubble - walk around a makeshift infirmary and question the Ugandan doctors and nurses she was forced to hire, and even at times TEACH them how to treat patients. With zero licensed medical training. Just nauseating, and definitely earns the documentary's title just for that. Another fun moment was when it's recalled by a former employee of Renee's that Renee at least once admitted to administering treatment just based on "feelings she would get from God."

Now for the flipside - however unlikable Renee comes across, it's possible that the members of the activist group "No White Saviors," hellbent on seeing Renee imprisoned, hilariously sensationalizing every aspect of Renee's actions, are even more unlikable than Renee by the end of it. They were just as one-track minded as Renee and her ilk. It was also a great big face-palm moment when it's revealed that the white female founder of the activist group was ousted by the other Ugandan members, in what appeared to be a coup, shortly after finishing her interviews. With a group name like that, who could have seen it coming...

The really sympathetic figures in the doc are the Ugandan mothers, their sick and dying children, and the Ugandan medical practitioners who are understaffed and constantly lacking in funds. I felt terrible for the Ugandan doctor, who seemed to like Renee despite everything, but who also was frustrated that he, as a real doctor, struggled to maintain his practice because of no money - while Renee, a person with zero qualifications or education, flourished because of all the wealth constantly flowing to her from her church members and followers in America.

The documentary concludes by delivering just the faintest glimmer of possible self-reflection on the part of Renee - "Am I actually selfish? Do I have a savior complex?" It was just a glimmer, but kind of nice actually - like I said, I grew up in that culture, and I could sense a familiar rooted Christian pride, smugness, and lack of awareness from Renee, her mother, and her lawyer, coming through the TV screen. So - every step forward counts I guess.

Is Renee a murderer? To be sure, if she had done what she did in America, she would 100% be in prison right now. But it's harder to categorize her crime in Uganda. Many of those children were probably going to die without her misguided interventions, and there is still no evidence that any of her mistakes actually led to a child's death. In my mind, it probably is likely that she killed at least some children out of sheer negligence, especially in the early years before she was forced to hire doctors. But there's just no way to know, and there probably never will be. There was a brilliant point made by Primah Kwagala, a Ugandan human rights attorney who represented mothers of dead children who were treated at Renee's NGO - for them, "justice" meant just having Renee acknowledge them and their suffering. To see and understand them as people, and not just points in some God-sanctioned game to save as many starving black babies as one can.

(Of course - Renee's final legal settlement, unexpectedly, provided some cash to the mothers, on the provision that Renee would be deemed "not liable" for any wrongdoing).

Jackie Kramlich, a whistleblower nurse who worked briefly at "Serving His Children" before quitting over her ethical concerns on Renee, sums up the whole doc nicely at the end by pointing out that this is not an "all or nothing" issue, that missionaries still do very amazing work all over the world (my own aunt included) - but that that doesn't mean people shouldn't be held accountable, for the sin of internalizing and perpetuating the strange "savior complex" that still seems to plague the Western mind after so many centuries.

I hope everyone else enjoys this documentary. I am looking forward to seeing all the balanced and healthy discussions that will be shortly forthcoming on social media platforms :)
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6/10
Half-baked is right, but it's a fairly well made indie crime film
26 September 2023
This is a very solid premise for a small crime movie. The acting is for the most part very good and naturalistic (Carl Franklin and Billy Bob are both actors and it shows). Although, sometimes it definitely feels like the actors have no idea what they're doing in some scenes.

I love the 90s soundtrack and nostalgia vibes. I love the badass character of Pluto. Had no idea who that actor was, and was not surprised that he's had an excellent and long lasting career. The mom was good. The little kid was adorable.

It just feels like the script was a first draft and they never really fleshed out the story enough or ironed out plot stuff that didn't make sense. Gotta blame Billy Bob and Carl Franklin for that. For a first attempt for both of them it wasn't terrible. Just a bit disappointing as a Criterion release.
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6/10
80s version of Heat, but dumber
10 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
PROS: Awesome cinematography, new Kino 4K especially looks great. Love these kinds of 80s nostalgic looks back into LA - sunrises and sunsets, cheesy music, pointless gratuitous sex scenes and nudity, etc. The climactic car chase is fantastic. Baby Dafoe is great. Dark and cool ending (that is unfortunately undone by the head-scratchingly stupid and cruel last scene.)

CONS: the crime plot is dense, seems realistic, and makes sense. It's just kind of on the dull side. Most of the problem is just that the lead character (baby CSI) lacks charm and is morally despicable. And I really didn't care whether he was gonna get to avenge his old partner who we saw for 1 scene. Also, the acting can be pretty bad in some parts.

The worst part of the movie is that Bad Cop CSI has basically got himself an informant sex slave. A woman who he blackmails into giving him insider tips, as well as sleeps with, and threatens to break her parole if she stops playing his game. The last scene then goes over the top - when CSI is out of the picture, and she's trying to leave town finally, CSI's partner stops by and says that she's gonna "work for him" now actually. It was so absurd. It must have been offensive back then, but it certainly is now.

I'll still hang to it for the aesthetics and cinematography. But Friedken has definitely made better films.
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8/10
Much better than the HBO documentary
2 September 2023
As an ex-evangelical and graduate of the infamous Liberty University, I am always intrigued by these kinds of stories. Hillsong was a big part of the worship music culture I grew up in, and so it was quite surprising for me to see the scandals that have just come to light.

This doc, compared to the HBO doc, goes much more in depth to the story, and it actually has Carl featured as an interviewee. Had no idea about the monstrous crimes of Frank Houston, pastor father of the founder of Hillsong. Just goes again to show you that all institutions, religious or otherwise, will almost inevitably result in abuse of power.

The doc is a pretty tight 4 episodes, I don't think it was overlong like others said. Maybe it could have been 3 episodes and shaved down the rhetoric from some of the speakers. Although it's all truthful and insightful, and there's always some person who hasn't yet grasped why they find themselves disappointed with people and institutions they so love and trust.
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7/10
A good start to what will hopefully be even more Turtlemania...
3 August 2023
This was a solid reboot, even if it's mainly geared towards kids and early teens. The Spidey animation works fine, I loved how sometimes it's almost like bad/kids drawings that are about to fall apart (the female villain's chin was hilariously askew).

The action setpieces were kind of a mixed bag. Some of the stuff was pretty bland, but the 1st couple turtle fights and Splinter's fight was awesome.

The new half-shelled foursome have fantastic chemistry. They feel like real brothers. Yes, some of the dialogue was too pop culture referencing, and some of the humor didn't work. But the good foundation here is what's important. I like what Seth is doing in terms of letting the kids and other actors improv together.

Jackie Chan as Splinter was fantastic, but Ice Cube's Superfly was easily the best character. Just a fun, great villain with a juicy moral dilemma.

Plot is decent, very basic but has to be for the audience I guess. Hopefully next one is a little more developed and interesting.

Finally - this movie is GROSS. I was not prepared for the vomit, milk, and disgusting bug/mutant stuff. Felt a bit nauseous towards the end even.
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Close (I) (2022)
8/10
Extremely well done, very emotional, A+ flower work, why can't Belgium just decide on a language?
17 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I avoided this movie for a long time because even though the reviews looked good and it was nominated for an Oscar, it still kind of looked like your standard Euro art house drama. I about fell asleep during Celine Sciamma's "Petite Maman" last year, and this seemed like it could do the trick again possibly. Sorry Celine.

However, even tho the movie doesn't really offer any big surprises, I still very much enjoyed it. It's beautifully shot (half the movie apparently takes place in the poppy seed field from Wizard of Oz), it's emotionally restrained and devastating at the same time, and also, wow those were some good child actors. Kudos to those young performers, and the director who was able to coax such naturalistic work from them.

The story of the film to me feels surprisingly similar to the character arc from "Drive My Car." It's a whole long nothing-burger as a character avoids facing their grief/guilt for much of the movie. For some reason, it worked much better here for me. I was waiting for Leo to face the difficult and complex emotions that a young person rarely has to deal with, and I felt fulfilled when he and his friend's mother finally confront each other. In Drive My Car, I watched so much freaking driving and theater rehearsal, to be given only a very tiny payoff at the end.

Anyway, very solid movie and I'll watch for the director's next project. I also liked that it didn't really end up being too much about Leo's role in what happened (presumably Leo could have been struggling with shame around homosexual feelings for his friend), but instead it was more just about the friendship itself, and closeness between those that we love.
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9/10
Loving this hype backlash baby
13 April 2023
I saw this movie in March of 2022 on its opening weekend, not knowing anything about it. It was one of the most exciting movie experiences of my almost 40 years on this planet. The creativity and cleverness was just off the charts. People in my theater were howling with laughter at Racccocooie, hot dog fingers, and the butt plug fight. The acting was phenomenal, I could not believe the kid from Goonies pulled off that role the way he did. My gf and I literally walked out of the theater asking ourselves if we had just seen one of the greatest movies of all time.

However: I did not think this movie had a chance in hell at becoming an awards contender, and it is still blowing my mind that EEAAO kept up its hype for an entire year and won 7 Oscars. It's a very niche and weird kind of style.

Not surprisingly, the number of angry reviews being flooded onto here in the post hype backlash is a testament to the fact of EEAAO's highly specific sensibility. I can only say that I an glad so many others felt the same way as me in 2022 about the film, and that all these 1 star reviews, with their saltiness and utter confusion, are bringing me additional, infinite, everything bagel-sized joy.
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7/10
Gorgeous cinematography, stunning dresses, creative structure, and the most annoying love story of all time...
20 March 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I have seen ITMFL a couple times over the years, and I decided to give it one last chance when it was recently released on 4K. For one, it looks amazing. I don't really mind the "green tint," I still think it looks beautiful. It is seriously one of the most beautiful and lush films I've ever seen. If you've ever watched the comparison video of Moonlight and this film (which Barry Jenkins is obviously a huge fan of), it's amazing the difference in the visual detail. The cinematography is hard to beat.

The costumes are also great. I don't know if any woman in film history has had a more impressive wardrobe than Maggie Cheung in this film.

The acting is also great, very understated and genuine, no complaints there.

WKW's storytelling approach is also very interesting. It reminded me of "The Souvenir," where the idea is basically to just show the before, after, or just the right "snippets" on the of an emotional storyline - letting the audience fill in the big emotional gaps themselves from the clues given on screen. I didn't mind that, I thought it was cool.

Now, the ACTUAL story is what always pisses me off and bores me to tears. I cannot, for the life of me, sit through 1.5 hours of two people refusing to acknowledge and consummate their love for each other. I don't find that romantic, I find that very strange and idiotic. Someone else on here suggested asceticism as maybe an explanation for the characters' behavior, and that kind of makes sense a little bit. There's so much allusion to the conservative "culture" the couple feels like they're facing against, but in the end it kind of feels like they're actually just getting high off of their own ability to control and restrain themselves. Like what they really love more than anything else is not each other, but the sadness and melancholy they get by not ever coming together.

Also, I know the last scene is a big moment for a lot of people, but when he whispers into the tree, I cannot help but laugh and cringe at the same time. It's just so emo, it's like something a kid does in 8th grade.

Anyway, I consider myself a fairly serious cinephile who can handle emotional nuance - some of my favorite films include Moonlight, The Souvenir, Portrait of a Lady On Fire, pretty much every Ingmar Bergman film. But this one is just not for me. I'm clearly missing something that a lot of other movie lovers and critics are attune to.
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Aftersun (II) (2022)
8/10
what a strange movie-going experience
14 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
It really does creep on you. For the bulk of the film, you're sitting there wondering where it's going. The 2 actors are good, the cinematography is pretty interesting, but let's face it - the story is that it's a pretty dull, uneventful family trip. And the father-daughter relationship isn't all that charming or memorable if i'm being honest. They're a bit boring.

But as the film builds quietly towards the final scene, little moments start to grab hold of you - and you start to put pieces together even if you don't quite understand what they mean yet.

The dad crying on the bed. The rug under her feet.

The very last moment is shot and acted so plainly and dryly. Almost boring. It doesn't really land at first, but that's the point. A light has gone out in this man. About 5 seconds after those double doors closed, i found myself inexplicably and uncontrollably crying. For that magic trick Charlotte Wells pulled, even if I wasn't engaged the whole time with the film, i have to give it very high marks.
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Tár (2022)
8/10
the beginning is slow but power through it, it's worth it
19 October 2022
If you are not familiar with classical music, probably almost the entire first hour will be very difficult to sit through. The dialogue is PACKED with references to classical music artists/works/history/etc. Not to mention there are constant little allusions to different plot threads which make up Tar's whole story.

However, this dies down gradually and the movie becomes much more focused and simple. Blanchett is incredible, but not in a showy way at all. Her conducting moments were awesome. The story is political and relevant, and handled very well and balanced-like.

There is a surprisingly creepy vibe to the film, that borders on something almost like a horror movie at times. It's quite unnerving.

One of the best movies i've seen all year! Probably Todd Field's best work yet.
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Atlanta: Work Ethic! (2022)
Season 4, Episode 5
10/10
Season 4's "Teddy Perkins"
18 October 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This is a 10 just based on the ambition. Another weird and genius episode. Touches on #metoo with all the dudes pestering Van at her first day on set, on generational gaps with the old woman criticizing Van over her lack of faith, on the soulless Hollywood vacuum with Van's daughter instantly craving the spotlight against Van's will. Especially well articulates a specific tension within Black culture on the golf cart, as Van asks what the cost of dogmatic loyalty to Black culture is (referencing a polarizing figure like OJ).

Apart from this, it's just a funny and weird episode. Maybe not as funny as the next one about the Crank Dat killer, but still very entertaining. You Know Who appears in another transformative appearance again at the end as "Mr. Chocolate," and even if the thematic material here doesn't hit as hard as Teddy Perkins, it was still quite a hoot and very smart.
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Reservation Dogs: Mabel (2022)
Season 2, Episode 4
10/10
Comes out of nowhere
30 September 2022
I was honestly annoyed at the start of the episode. It's not really explained what happened to the girls who were trying to get to LA, they just show up back at the reservation cause the "grandma's dying."

Well, that little bit of clunky writing was forgotten and forgiven by the end. This is the easily the most emotionally affecting episode of the series yet. There is a real sense of community as everyone gathers around a member on her death bed. I loved Bear falling asleep on the same couch as his young blonde "enemy." I was nearly in tears when the main girl has to excuse herself to the backyard so she can cry alone.

This is a good show.
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The Wrestler (2008)
8/10
Still Aronofsky's most emotionally affecting film to date
2 September 2022
I have always loved this movie and just rewatched it. To be honest, the writing is not great. Everything about the wrestling, the male camaraderie, the hand held camera work, is all super authentic and sublime. The character relationships feel much less truthful to me now.

Ram's women - Marisa and his daughter - feel wooden and unrealistic, presumably functioning to serve whatever mechanical story beats Aronofsky wanted for Ram over authenticity. I don't know why, but for some reason I had it in my head that Aronofsky was some kind of raw and brilliant human empath, like a modern Cassavetes maybe. But he is far from that, his skills are in his vision and his technical craft.

However, film is still very good in those other respects. And Mickey Rourke is still amazing and deserved the Oscar that year.
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The Duke (2020)
6/10
Could have been great
23 August 2022
Great witty dialogue, great acting, great true premise. The only problem is the story is actually pretty dry and ho-hum. It is mostly just about the family's personal issues, not the actual heist of the painting.
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Black Bird (2022– )
7/10
ill keep this short and sweet
12 August 2022
PROS:

  • great acting all-around. Possibly the best I've ever seen Ray Liotta, great final performance for him and incredibly eerie since he looked on the verge of death and that was his character's arc in this show as well.


  • good technical merits. Cinematography is nice, rich, and clean. Feels like a high value production.


  • satisfying conclusion in the final episode


CONS:

  • lame writing. Dennis Lehane may be a great novelist, but on TV his dialogue feels cheesy and try-hard.


  • weaker story for the most part, especially the lame stuff with Salmon Rushdie the over the top prison lord. Although the creepy blonde guard was a pretty great villain.


7/10 this is a TV show review, it is not a banana.
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Nope (2022)
7/10
Insert reviewer wordplay on "nope" here
23 July 2022
The movie is definitely a bit of a bloated mess, and I agree with another reviewer who said Jordan Peele could go the route of M. Night Shyamalan if he's not careful. It would be a shame, because Peele is so creative and exciting as a filmmaker. As clever as he is, he really needs to sharpen his skills as a writer/storyteller still (and as a director of actors possibly - I get the feeling that Peele has been a bit lucky with brilliant actors like Daniel Kaluuya and Lupita Nyong'o - a lot of his dialogue scenes in this movie just feel too awkward or untruthful).

Nope is definitely worth watching in theaters, if only for the 2 or 3 genuinely terrifying scenes. You'll know them when you see them. It's such a cool premise for a movie, and a lot about the movie extremely clever. There is a very loose satire going on about the soul-less Hollywood machine and maybe social media - the nature footage that the famous cinematographer is watching in his home is pretty much the key to Peele's metaphor about all that.

I also thought that the only message Peele was deliberately explicit about was the chimpanzee scene, which I saw as another commentary on African-American relations with white America (I don't wanna spoil anything, but there's only one character that comes out of that scene unharmed, and I think it's pretty obvious why). But I actually haven't read anyone online point this out yet, so maybe I'm wrong about that.

Anyway, the movie is visually fantastic, extremely clever and creative, sporadically terrifying, and Daniel Kaluuya is amazing as always. It's a bummer the movie is also too slow, messy, and overlong, as it could have been a masterpiece. Instead, it's just a fun summer blockbuster to check out and discuss with your friends after, and talk about how terrifying THAT ONE SCENE IS AND THE SOUNDS THAT GO WITH IT OMG.
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The Valet (2022)
4/10
Decent comedy premise, slow and boring
23 June 2022
Actors like Samara Weaving and Schmidtty are talented and funny. But this movie is like watching a funeral procession. What is it with these low effort, low energy comedies now?
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4/10
Inexplicably dry as paint
23 June 2022
Imagine the Steve Martin movie with all the life and sense of humor sucked completely right out of it. That is what this movie is like. There were like only 2 very minor dialogue jokes in the first 20 minutes before I turned it off.

It's oddly well-made from a dramatic and acting standpoint. Just utterly lacking in personality.
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Fire Island (I) (2022)
6/10
Will scratch that p&p itch
7 June 2022
I am a straight man. This was very cute. It is pretty low budget and quickly made. It is not spectacular. But it's worth the watch. Just seeing the way they translated Pride & Prejudice in a different way is fun enough. The Darcy character's secret love for kiddie ice cream cones is also possibly worth the price of admission.
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