elgatony Reviews

Simon, el gran varón (2002)

Soap Opera based on the famous song. Sort of.

[6/10 · 25 July 2022]

Anyone who knows Willie Colon's famous Grammy nominated song "El Gran Varon" will automatically know the story of this film and its end--with some tweaks to the ending and the additional stunner of the identity of Simon's ONE romantic encounter.

The Good: The actors playing Simon's father and mother are excellent and their looong resumes on imdb prove they have chops worthy of being hired again & again. For a shot-on-video low budget producation, I actually found myself getting into the story.

The Bad: Pretty much everyone else.

The Ugly: This was shot on video so it looks as cheap as it was probably made. And yeah, the dvd doesn't make it obvious there are subtitles but there are and they're...mediocre at best in that there are gross misspellings, translations that don't quite match what they're saying and some dialogue is flat out omitted but it really doesn't spoil things that much.

Elliot Loves (2012)

Quirky and loveable

[7/10 · 17 March 2019]

Elliot is a young love-starved 21 yo in search of a real relationship. He's a goofy, energetic, likeable Romantic (with a capital R) with a bad history of hookups and failed relationships; paralleling that of his mother's disastrous love life. Elena Goode deserves special mention as his mother who is the real emotional core of the film. She's amazing, charming and mesmerizing as a young single mother trying to hold on to her youth and dreams yet constantly finding the wrong boyfriend. And poor Elliot has to put up with that. There's even a montage of Elliot reuniting wih a failed hookup side by side with his mother's backstory of dating a BMOC and getting dumped with a pregnant Elliot in spire of her mother's warnings. Both Goode and the actor playing Elliot's emoting during this scene are the reason to watch this movie. The director makes some really weird choices such as having young Elliot bare-bottomed on the toilet telling his story as if it were an interview and there are random animated scenes probably meant to hide the low budget. The other actors are flaky and campy but this IS a comedy first, drama second so expect Elliot not to end up the same as his mother and have the 'heppy ever after' ending one can expect. There a lot of terrible films out there but happily this is not one of them though it could be better. Let Elliot and his family charm their way into your hearts and maybe you'll see yourself in them. Look for a young pre-Queer Eye Antoni Porowski as one of Ma's lovers.

Red Army (2014)

The Slava Fetisov Show.

[7/10 · 26 November 2016]

Fetisov is a prickly guy. The opening scene where he blows off the interviewer to use his cell phone established this. However, he's a hockey legend so the interviewer puts up with it and often fumbles his questions. This is the mistake of "Red Army," a decent biography of Slava Fetisov, rather than that of the Russian hockey team. There are lots of great game footage as well as old footage of the founder of the Red Army team, Tarasov, which the film covers for about 10 minutes but other than Tretiak, some player I never heard of, a journalist, Fetisov's wife and a KGB agent, there aren't that many people other than Fetisov who have a voice in the movie and even less who were players we know. Two other star players are interviewed: Vladimir Krutov, who comes off as more prickly and private than Fetisov and Alex Kasatonov who also evades direct questions. Former coach Viktor Tikhonov refused particaption. This leaves Fetisov to carry the film and unfortunately, the interviewer is so out of his depth and star struck that he allows Fetisov to become the star at the expense of others. For instance, an article is full frame about his quitting the Red Army team. Yet also mentioned in the article as someone who quit with him is Igor Larionov. Where's HIS side of the story? The movie follows Fetisov into the NHL but NO mention is made of how Red Army coped with the sudden losses of it's stars. No mention is made at all of the first Soviet to be allowed to play, Sergei Priakhin. No mention is made of Tretiak's successors. Just how do you replace the best goalie in the world? VF mentions there was a purge of staff & players after the 1980 loss. WHO?? As for Tikhonov, nothing is mentioned that he actually had lots of playing and coaching experience before taking over Red Army yet the movie leaves it that he was hired simply because he was a protégé of a KGB bigwig. As for Kasatonov, the movie implies that their rift came simply because Kasatonov didn't appear with other players in a TV interview supporting Fetisov. It was more complicated than that but basically Fetisov felt AK was Tikhonov's spy, a resentment that carried over when the NJ Devils signed both and they stunk because there was no chemistry anymore. A competent documentarian would've found time to mention these things and balance the film but, again, this is the Slava Fetisov Show. So much so that no mention is made of how he was the one who hired the limo that led the career ending limo wreck that ended Vladimir Konstantinov's career. OK, it's not his fault but that's TWO car accidents he walked away from and it ended a teammates' career. I'd say that's pretty important. Nor is anywhere mentioned the alleged steroid use the USSR team has been notoriously accused of. Of course he'd deny it but it'd be nice to have him on the record as saying so. If you want a REAL history of that team, keep waiting. This movie is a flawed puff piece although if you're a Fetisov fan, this is the movie for you.

Star Trek: Wolf in the Fold (1967) Season 2, Episode 14

At least the green dancer wasn't the one killed.

[7/10 · 23 December 2006]

This is an interesting space detective episode but with gaps in the plot. Seems Scotty is now a woman-hater after an accident on the Enterprise so what does the ship's doctor and captain do? Why, take him to a belly-dancing show, of course! Scott then leaves with another man's fiancée (the dancer) and is later found unconscious and the woman dead. Later, more women are found killed with only Scotty in the room. We later learn from a séance that this is the work of an entity named Redjac who came to Earth and became Jack the Ripper. Red=blood, Jac= Jack the Ripper, get it? Anyway, Redjac is soon dealt with by being dispersed into space. My question is, did Redjac possess Scotty and kill the girls all those times thus explaining his memory loss or did that administrator knock Scotty unconscious TWICE in 3 different places and killed the women? That's a heck of a co-incidence for the killer to know where Scotty was in order to frame him. Still, the entity's howling when it takes over the Enterprise computer is chilling but seeing a serial killer on tranquilizers saying "you're all going to die" and giggling was quite funny. Not one of best episodes but very good nonetheless. See it for the dancer.

B. Monkey (1998)

Worthy of late-night cable

[4/10 · 11 May 2006]

Flipping channels one night, I came across a movie that promised Asia Argento, Rupert Everett and Johnathan Rhys-Meyers (big fan of his) and directed by the guy who did "Il Postino" so I decided to stick around and give it a chance. I should've watched trout fishing instead as that would've been more unpredictable than this. Argento is a revelation in this as she dominates each scene she's in and left me wanting more. Rhys-Meyers does well here as does Everett. The problem is that the movie is too predictable and the leading man is totally dull. When characters go on the run, of course the villains are going to catch up. When two totally different characters fall in love, of course they'll spend 1/3 of the movie arguing. When a thief says "this is my last job", of course you know it won't be. This screenplay seems to come out of a Cinema 101 course. Absolutely NOTHING original. There are tons of plot holes too. The most glaring is when Argento shows up at the house of a woman who threatens her boyfriend's job. How did she get the address? Did anyone re-read the script? Another note to filmmakers: Boring jazz makes boring movies. Jared Harris's choice of music almost put me to sleep. Is that really what you want your audience to do? John Carpenter used jazz in "The Fog" but it was nicely kept to the background but here it's annoying. If you're a fan of Argento, Everett or Rhys-Meyers then check out this movie. If you're not...well, there's always trout fishing. This is strictly a B-Movie that tries for atmosphere and action but just leaves you feeling bored.

D.C. Cab (1983)

Not one of the greatest comedies but not bad either

[6/10 · 9 May 2006]

When I first saw this as a kid I was sort of let down because Mr.T's name and image were all over the ads and what I got was an ensemble piece instead with Adam Baldwin as the lead. My reaction was "huh?".

Watching it again 20 years later and knowing not to get too worked up over Mr. T (c'mon, he had his own cereal for crying out loud) I felt completely different about this film. First of all, I had to put myself back in 1983. Many popular comedies of the day were mostly crude, sexist, racist, homophobic and would make a PC advocate shriek and hide under the bed. I bring this up because Joel Schumacher, an openly gay director, should've known better but since he co-wrote it with someone else I don't know which jokes were his so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Porky's, Doctor Detroit and Car Wash are just some examples of this kind of humor. Back to the movie: As a kid I had no idea who they were but today it's kind of cool seeing a young Paul Rodriguez, Patricia Duff (yes, THAT Duff...Ron Perelman's very rich ex), Gary Busey, Marsha Warfield, Irene Cara and Bill Maher when he wasn't gray. Because of the ensemle nature of the movie some shine more than others. I don't even know why Maher is in this movie as he has very little to do. You may laugh at Mr. T's sermonizing (in a very funny but great zoom-out scene involving the Lincoln Memorial no less)but it's refreshing to him delivering the same "make something of yourself" message today. It fits with the theme of the movie. Still, this isn't for little kids because of the naked women and the nature of the humor. A few words on the very underrated Adam Baldwin. He was only 21 in 1983 yet he's the glue that holds this motley crew together. I liked his roles early in his career but I haven't seen him much after "Full Metal Jacket" which is a shame because he holds his own in that too. Working with Kubrick couldn't have been easy. Sure there are problems with this movie, for example a romance between Baldwin and a waitress that doesn't really go anywhere and a thin kidnapping plot but nevertheless, "DC Cab" is an entertaining, feel-good time capsule. A refreshing escape from the mean-spirited, recycled or self contgratulatory comedies Hollywood wants us to pay $10.50 for today. If you think Joel Schumacher's movies are garbage today as I do, check your prejudices at the door. This is way better than Batman & Robin. With "DC Cab", you'll have yourself a new guilty pleasure.

Brothers (1984–1989)

availability?

[6 December 2004]

It is a shame that time and a limited viewing audience has all but buried "Brothers." If you didn't have Showtime in the 80s you missed out on a show that had as much heart and humor as "Will and Grace" back in atime when AIDS made a gay series untouchable for a TV network. Showtime took the risk and the result is a wonderful series that I saw as a young man but can remember certain scenes vividly and can still hum the a-capella theme song. Modern day viewers will rake the Donald character as being too stereotypical but he was no sissy. He was proud and strong and that should be seen as a plus. The rapport between the brothers was excellent as they try to understand the gay world after the youngest of the 3 comes out. Who can forget gruff Lou trying to blend into the gay scene sitting a park growling: "Hey babe, nice legs!" or Joe responding the his brother's attraction to a Russian when told that he's big and sleek and foreign by saying "so get a Volvo!" Has this show been released on VHS or DVD? If not it should. This is a groundbreaking series that should be resurrected for a new generation to enjoy and share and laugh.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)

The best of the bunch with the original cast. A great send-off!

[10/10 · 4 May 2004]

You don't have to be Einstein to figure out the Klingon Empire represented the Soviet Union in the original series and films so it's fitting Kirk's old foes should re-appear and give the crew it's final adventure at a time when similar questions raised in the film faced the old Soviet Empire.

This is the best of the film series for several reasons. The timeliness of the film's release with real-world events. (Funny how Col. West had a contingency plan for terrorism along the Federation's border. Made me wish we had one prior to 9-11) The issue of how people can be frightened of drastic change (what a very Clinton-esque message) mirroring Kirk and crew's emotional baggage helps propel the plot forward and makes it believable.

A great tense score and tight editing (sorry, no overlong speeches and theorizing) combined with terrific performances from Christopher Plummer and the best yet from the original ensemble kept me glued to my seat the whole time. Additional characters are actually relevant, unlike Saavik, the Marcuses, et al., and although I should have seen it coming I was surprised how far-reaching the conspiracy to kill Gorkon actually was, even including a Vulcan! Fun cameos from Michael Dorn, Christian Slater and Iman lighten the mood. Her presence finally makes McCoy quip to Kirk "What is it with you, anyway?" which is something that should have been said years ago. Must be the girdle. The Klingon attack scene at the end is great unrelenting action and was better than Khan's attack on the Enterprise in Part II (see my comments on that film to get an idea).

"The Undiscovered Country" is essentially a mystery in space with political overtones and it's great fun watching Spock and Valeris unravel the mystery piece by piece. Valeris (Kim Cattrall)is given more to do than Saavik ever was. The only nit-picking comments I have is just why couldn't the assassins just throw the boots out the window? If an explosion in space wasn't monitored until the shockwave hit the Excelsior, how would the Enterprise find the boots? Would the NCC-1701 just shift gears into reverse?

A lot has been made about the clock errors. To me, it's not terribly important since it's just background and your attention should not be there anyway. It was a bad idea to include such a prop though.

The only wasted role belongs to Scotty but he had his moment of greatness in "The Voyage Home" during the transparent aluminum scenes. He also delivers the corniest line of the film during dinner with the Klingons: "Maybe we are looking at something of that future here!" Well, duh!

Everything that made Star Trek great is in this film: action, great one-liners from McCoy and Chekhov, the peace message, the Klingons, Spock's logic skills, literary quotes and celebrity cameos makes "The Undiscovered Country" a worthy send-off to perhaps the most celebrated ensemble cast in entertainment history. Even if you're not a Trek-fan, you would enjoy this picture and is well worth the rental/purchase.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

Over-rated

[6/10 · 4 May 2004]

It's funny to see that on most Trek-related movie lists "Khan" ranks #1. Even at the time of it's release I thought this film, while better than the first one, was over-rated and boring with only 4 notable scenes; the rest of the time you can fast-forward. 1) I wish the producers could have stuck with the "facts." Why couldn't they have picked an actual character from the series to have been the mother of Kirk's son? Even Yeoman Rand could have changed careers and she would have been recognizable enough but the arbitrary creation of Carol and David Marcus was an unnecesary distraction. David comes across as pouty and I couldn't have cared less about this character even at the end. Also, everyone knows about the Chekhov mistake as Khan regonizes him when he wasn't even in the original episode. It would've been more interesting if it were Spock who had the animal implanted in him to see how he would've fought the power of suggestion and to see what Kirk would've done.

2) Too much time is spent dwelling on the Kobyashi Maru. Who cares? I understand it sets up Kirk's desire not to lose but couldn't this have been done in a more interesting way? That way you don't need Lt. Saavik as much, a mistake nearly repeated in "VI" with the introduction of Lt. Valeris but at least she is put to much better use. 3) For all Spock's talk about Khan's intelligence, where is the evidence? Anybody could've captured the Reliant but the fact that he doesn't change the Reliant's access code, can't steer in the Nebula and can't fire a torpedo straight during the big fight scene doesn't support this. After the attack on the Enterprise when Kirk manages to lower Reliant's shields, who cares? Khan must surely know where the bridge of the Enterprise is from his study of the engineering charts (from "Space Seed")so why waste time looking for the override? Just fire. He comes off as one-dimensional. What a waste of a good performance by Montalban. Maybe having Chippendale dancers as Khan's crew wasn't a bright idea after all. A note on Captain Terrell. A wasted performance by the late great Paul Winfield. He is nothing to Kirk so why does all of a sudden, he "doesn't want to" shoot Kirk? I understand Chekhov's reluctance since he served with him but who's Kirk to Terrell? Just another officer. Waste him and everyone gets bumped up in rank. Given what Khan does with the Genesis device, how is a whole planet (rocks, trees, lava and all) formed out of the Reliant? If life is destoyed in favor it's new matrix, shouldn't the Reliant just essentially be a tree-covered ship floating in space? Another thing that made me go "hmmm", even at a young age. The 4 scenes worth watching: The introduction of Khan, his attack on the Enterprise and how Kirk wiggles out of it, the great CGI presentation of the Genesis device and Spock's touching death scene/funeral. Maybe you can tack on the scences when Kirk discovers Regula-1's crew's fate and Khan's final Cpt. Ahab-esque speech. The latter is well worth it. This is not a bad film. I strongly believe it's overrated and it was disappointing to see the story not being tight and downright dull in spots. The action scenes and special effects are worth it. I just wish there was more "wrath" in this movie and less talk.

House of Cards (1990)

Nothing short of BRILLIANT!!!

[10/10 · 25 April 2004]

One night I happened to be channel surfing looking for the next sci-fi, action, horror thriller when I happened upon PBS's broadcast of the BBC's "House of Cards." I put down the remote for a good 4 hours because what I was experiencing was something truly special. "House of Cards", of course, does not have aliens or chainsaw wielding maniacs. "HOC"'s monster is instead someone frightfully believable. Thanks to Ian Richardson's amazing performance, one can believe such a monster exists and can become PM or President. I won't beat the Shakespeare comparison horse (other users have done so and you can read their comments) but Mrs. Urquhart could easily hold her own in a series focused solely on her. Indeed, all of the characters are well-written and not dumbed-down to the viewer. If only American TV had the guts to produce something like "House of Cards" and let it end instead of dragging it on forever like the American version of "Queer as Folk." That aside, Dobbs and Davis have written a nice tidy political thriller which made me hunt down the DVD years after I saw the TV showing and made me recommend the trilogy to all my friends. I say give "House of Cards" and the sequels a try. Your remote and your intellect will thank you for it.

The Saint of Fort Washington (1993)

Makes you wonder how Russell Crowe got an Oscar before Matt Dillon.

[9/10 · 23 January 2003]

I first saw this movie on late night cable several years ago and found myself riveted to the point where I decided to tape it and now, 10 years later still find myself unable to record over it. It's just that good!! Matt Dillon and Danny Glover deliver performances subtle but powerful enough to make you forget they are actors. The New York locales add to the feeling of authenticity and makes you wonder if mayors past and present (including "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani) are barking up the wrong tree in attacking squeegie men trying to make a buck rather than concentrating on more important things.

Anyhow, back to the film: Ving Rhames appears as a thug our duo just can't seem to escape for as hard as they try to achieve their dreams, they are constantly forced to spend the night in a shelter with him. In seeing this film you also will be unable to shake feelings of frustration we all meet at one time or another at the hands of bureaucracy. Matt Dillon's character can't receive a check because he has no ID, Danny Glover can't mourn at a paupers cemetery because it's against regulations, etc.

This film is about trying to maintain hope, beauty, humor, dignity and caring when homeless and if this just sounds like your typical tear-jerker, just remember, as Glover's character points out when condescended by a yuppie: "three missed checks and that guy's living on the streets just like us." It's a powerful message when you begin to see just how hard it is to climb out of the pit once in it. Rent this film, you'll be be glad you did. This is a gem despite Leonard Maltin's half-assed review. This film deserves to be recognized more than it has been for Dillon proves he can act any of our "stars" under the table with just a filmless camera. You may need a hanky though. I can sit through the bloodiest of movies while eating yet this film moved me. I give this movie a 9.5 out of 10. SEE THIS MOVIE!!!