johnbirch-2 Reviews

Doctor Who (2023– )

Holed below the waterline before it began

[3/10 · 3 June 2024]

Five episodes in and the new series of Dr Who, the return of RTD, has shown itself if be hamstrung decisions made by RTD himself before it began.

And I do not mean the Messaging that many have complained about. While that hardly helps, series have had overall themes in the past and it has not been a problem.

No. The problem here that has applies to pretty much every episode is the idea of having a single story completed in one episode.

The result has - every time - been a rushed stories, "with a single leap he was free" denouements every time, a lack of adequate explanations to what the heck has been going on time and again, and in many cases madly missed opportunities.

And that is just the plots. The single episode policy means that the characters and "monsters" have not depth. In several cases we have no idea where the monsters came from, what their motivation is, why they are there, and so on. To find a monster scary you need to know something about them.

And this even applies to the Doctor (less Ruby). This Doctor runs away and cries in just about every episode. He is a total wimp. Dr Who is many things - silly, alien, scary, clever - but never, ever a wimp. Yet here we are...

Doctor Who: 73 Yards (2024) Season 1, Episode 4

This was Dr Who... until the final few minutes

[8/10 · 3 June 2024]

This - at last - felt like Who.

Arrive in an ordinary location, then totally unimportant looking event separates the Doctor from the Companion and.... of you go!

And here the Companion has to live her entire life in order to escape, with a Mysterious Companion of her own> Ooooo.... Spooky! Loving it!

Bu then... it all falls apart. Because not only do te final few minutes not make much sense - another "with a leap she was free" denouement - but it explains NOTHING, which leave you wondering what the heck the point of the entire story was.

It is a kind of Groundhog Day story, after all, but at least in Groundhog Day the protagonist learns something as time is reset. But here nether Ruby nor the viewer learns anything at all.

So what was the point? With only eight episodes in this series why do a story that wipes itself out?

So annoyting!

Doctor Who: Boom (2024) Season 1, Episode 3

Great start to the story.. what do you mean that's it?

[7/10 · 3 June 2024]

In "proper" Dr Who this would have been the first event in a really interesting story,, maybe over 4-6 episodes, discovering the history of this battle-scared planet, with the Doctor finding a solution and getting them to all live in peace at the end.

Instead all we get is, in effect, the beginning after which the Doctor and companion gets into the Tardis and flies away.

What? Where the heck are you going Doctor? Do your job!

I mean - yes - it is an episode full of tension because of the mine, even if the trope of someone standing on a mine and it going click is a) wrong (that would not happen) and b) has been done. Several times. There was an entire film used it only a couple of years ago.

But we do also get a crazy robot (or two) and a sort-of "ghost", so there are some good ideas. Ideas that really could have been explored more in a proper multi-parter.

But no. There is a denouement, but it is chucked in almost in passing at the end in a deeply unsatisfying way.

Doctor Who: The Devil's Chord (2024) Season 1, Episode 2

Great idea appallingly badly realised

[2/10 · 3 June 2024]

This is a really nice idea. A proper monster who steals music, and as a result shows how importance music is.

Moreover a nice sort-of backstory with the Maestro being related to the Toy Maker, in some way, so some evil continuity here. You sort of know where you are with this guy.

And the Doctor and Companion off to see a thing - a great trope seen so often. You know something is going to go wrong because it always does.

So the set up is great. And then it all rather falls apart.

The Maestro had all the personality and acting depth of the pantomime dame that they appears to be - and one from your local am-dram rep's pantomime, not the good one at the big theatre. He's a bit rubbish, to be honest.

But then the Doctor run's away and starts to cry. What the actual....? Since when - ever - did Doctors do that? Since when did a Doctor need their companion to help them calm down?

They then go and find the "Beatles" early in the careers, despite the Abbey Road being laid out like it was at the end of their careers.

If that wasn't bad enough the "Beatles" look nothing like the real Beatles. At all. "Suspension of belief" only gets you so far. You can only tell who John is because he wears John's glasses... about 3 years before John acquired those glasses.

And this all builds to a climax to the story that is rubbish. No need to say what it is, other than it is suddenly absurdly easy to beat a monster that was supposedly unbeatable 30 minutes before. It's classic bad story telling of the "with a single leap he was free" variety.

As for the out of context musical number... why? Did they run out of story and needed filler?

Gran Turismo (2023)

Everything that "Le Mans '66" and "Ferrari" should have been

[10/10 · 25 March 2024]

There have been a few high-profile motor racing-related films in recent years, and invariably they have been... disappointing.

So this unheralded little film was a surprise (well. I'd not heard of it). No great stars I recognised, and all the better for it.

The is what motor racing movies are about. All the action of "Rush" or "Grand Prix", plus being mainly a real, true, story - really. I was checking it a watching it because it all seemed to unlikely. But amazingly it was all pretty much true.

And it's genuinely exciting stuff. You can't take your eyes off the scree, it's like being there with all of the rush of "Rush"

I utterly loved it. Every minute.

This is what motor racing - and sports - films should be about - the racing, and the sport.

W1A (2014–2024)

The scary thing is how close to the truth this is

[10/10 · 30 October 2023]

I loved this when it went out - it was so funny and seemed to far fetched, so extreme.

But now in the real world the council will I work is moving out of its old 1930s council building into an office EXACTLY like this. So much so that it is as if this as not a fake documentary but a real one, and our relocation team have been watching it. Avidly.

"Inspiring" bollocks on the walls? Check Glass walled meeting rooms? Check Touchdown desks where you could be sitting next to anyone, but no-one from your team? Check Load of middle managers talking bollocks like some crazy cult? Check

Seriously. W1A is less a comedy and more an awful warning about the future of office life for everyone.

You laughed. But this is the future. You have been warned.

Ghosts (2021– )

First series an 8 or 9, second series rather less!

[6/10 · 14 September 2023]

I really enjoyed the first series - perhaps because many of the episode ploys were lifted from the UK series, but even so it was very enjoyable, similar to but also different from, the series it was based on.

Series 2 has been a real disappointment. The episode plots are noticeably thinner and very forgettable. Whereas in series 1 - as with the UK series - each episode often had multiple ideas, episodes in Series 2 often have just one.

What is more each episode seems to stand alone. Everything is resolved, and I am pretty sure you could watch the entire series in an random order without any confusion.

The characters, who developed over Series 1, were also stuck in aspic in Series 2.

The UK original ended with me wanting more, after Series 2 of the US version I find myself not caring if there are any more.

A Seaside Girl (1907)

A "Benny Hill" sketch from 1907

[9/10 · 2 August 2023]

May Clark - fresh from the first ever Alice in Wonderland four years before - appears in a short film that might have almost been a Benny Hill sketch from the 1970s or 1980s.

Today it looks pretty awful as three lecherous men - one a Scot in full highland dress - interrupt and then chase a young woman who had been doing no more than read a book on the beach. For some unaccountable reason she ends up going off with one of them - maybe to escape the other two?

However, filmed likely all on one day in Bognor Regis it is a piece of a lost world. A few knowing spectators gurn at the action, a dog swims into frame at one point - clearly no second takes here!

We also see a bicycle shop, several bikes in a chase, one with an invalid trailer - but above all we see a bathing machine, and the men who manned it by the pier.

The Edwardian world with Edwardian sensibilities and Edwardian humour.

Alice in Wonderland (1903)

More "Scenes from Alice" - but amazing SFX for 1903!

[9/10 · 2 August 2023]

The first ever film attempt at Alice this is more a tour de force of film trickery - and for its time it does it so well. Alice shrinking and growing is very impressive, so much more because this was not attempted the 1915 version.

Clearly a film made for people who knew the story it presents the most famous scenes (although the trial is missing at the end) which would have delighted audiences of the period.

The only real criticism is that Alice is way, way too old. The part here is played by a young women who looks to be in her early twenties, whereas Alice should a precocious 10 year old at most. This is made all the more obvious when the playing cards appear played by children, so the Alice looks down on them when they should be grown-ups looking down in her!

But that aside so much fun stuff in here. I particularly loved the executioner rubbing his hands with glee when the Queen tells him to cut off Alice's head! That is not in the book, of course, but it is in the spirit of this film.

A quite remarkable film given the date!

Alice in Wonderland (1915)

The most faithful dramatisation of Alice?

[10/10 · 2 August 2023]

Particularly given the sate this is quite remarkable.

I only came across it by chance, and being a get fan of Alice I had to see it.

The costumes have been described as bizarre or even grotesque, but they are in many cases astonishingly good version of Tenniel's illustrations for the book. Indeed this is amazing faithful to the book - far more so that most films made more recently - with most of text being lifted straight from the book itself. If it appears nightmarish that is because the story is as much a nightmare as a dream.

Odd parts are left out - or lost - we do not see Alice grow or shrink in size, which is a pity. But on the positive side there is the wonderful Father William sequence - although oddly it only tells one half of the poem, and does not include Father William's replies.

The lead - Viola Savoy - as apparently a child actress on stage who made this and one other film right at the end of her career. She was obviously very gifted and - even better - looks very like the original Alice Liddell (it is only really Disney that made her blond, though Tenniel had suggested it). The only problem is that at 15 Viola is really too old for the role - certainly she too tall, towering over some of the other actors who should have been taller than the child that Alice was.

Other reviewers have mentioned that elements of "Looking Glass" - the second Alice book - appear, but really that is confined to the Walrus and the Carpenter wandering into the Mock Turtle's Lobster Quadrille. Beyond that I did not spot any "Looking Glass" elements - which is wonderful!

The Mock Turtle is brilliant by the way - Tenniel brought to life.

For a silent film of a book based on wordplay it does very, very well. You probably have to know the book to make any sense of it at all, but that is Alice.

And this really is Alice.

Crown Court: Crime in Prison: Part One (1973) Season 2, Episode 19

Standout episode

[9/10 · 3 June 2023]

Crown Court has a reputation having been a great place to spot future stars - where many future stars appeared on TV for the first time. And this one is almost absurdly stuffed with them.

From William Mervyn as the judge to Bob Hoskins as a simply brilliant con, this is "before they were famous" on steroids. It even features a future Bond girl!

But Bob Hoskins steals the show in a memorable and hilarious first 15 minutes. In a performance that would do justice to Porridge, he is simply brilliant - and then once he has ceased to give evidence he captures the eye just by sitting in the court reacting to things that are said.

If you have not watched Crown Court before start with this one. You'll be hooked.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

Surprisingly good children's and family film

[9/10 · 24 December 2022]

I had never heard of this film before it popped up on TV on Christmas Eve.

It is a rather beautiful film - a curious throw-back in its appearance the style of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and other classics of 50 years ago, with shades of Narnia.

The story, from an adult point of view, is maybe a bit messy but I don't think its target audience would notice. I know that my children - had they still been children - would have loved it. And I enjoyed it too, there being just enough to keep parents interested.

The lead - MacKenzie Foy, an 18 year old playing a 13 year old - does a great job, and a line up British acting talent is on display in full slightly over the top pantomime mode.

Life After Life (2022)

Love the book AND loved the adaption

[10/10 · 21 April 2022]

I have loved the book for some years - re-read it several times - so was a little nervous about the TV series. But it was perfect. Most of the scenes were almost exactly how I imagined them, and the characters too. Having the author, Kate Atkinson, involved obviously helped.

Yet my favourite scenes were ironically the ones where the series departed most from the book (which is not to say it was far), especially episode four, In many ways the TV series tied it all together better than the book did.

Even though I knew what was coming the series still packed emotional hit after hit, so I cannot imagine what someone who did not know it would make of it!

Station Eleven (2021–2022)

Sometimes a series loses its way. This one never really finds it

[6/10 · 29 March 2022]

I read the book some time ago and was genuinely surprised and found it had been made into a TV Series. As a book, it didn't seem to be a very obvious candidate for dramatisation. And I am not sure its a terrible well known book either

And that rather comes over in the series because large amounts of the story gets chucked, and warped, to the extent that its not really the same story, which begs the question - why?

Why set out to do this book, and then ... not do it?

However, like the book it begs a ton of questions that you really do not want to push too much because ... it all falls apart if you do.

It also, like the book, jumps around in time and place but in the series this works even less well and you rather fear that it may be used as a vehicle to ensure that the story never ends, becoming the bane of everyone's life, the Netflix series that never reaches a conclusion.

Last Train to Christmas (2021)

Loved this - trains, time travel and East Midlands!

[10/10 · 27 December 2021]

Way, way better than I expected.

So much in this film to enjoy - not least the little touches like the accents, and (not really mentioned by anyone else) that you can tell that time is running because the stations are getting closer to Nottingham (and excellent touch in the earliest sequence that it is Nottingham Victoria). There are some lovely little jokes in here that only East Midlanders will spot.

Train buffs will love the way the carriages change to match the new time period but there are also games, styles of dress, and chocolate bars. Just wallow in the nostalgia - someone has done some meticulous research.

But its also a great yarn. Time travel is always fun, and this is no exception as the hero tries to undo decisions he makes, and then find things don't go to plan.

But above all Michael Sheen is brilliant - a real tour de force as he plays the same character from his 30s to 70s.

The Dig (2021)

Beautiful film that took me by surprise it is so good

[10/10 · 29 January 2021]

This is a superb film that I could watch again and again.

I've been to see the Sutton Hoo treasures many times and have seen the story told on TV from Blue Peter to Horizon so I was looking forward to this... but also slightly worried about it. Films on subjects like this can be either dry or trivial or triumphalist or worthy or just bad.

But from the first scenes this film is beautiful. These is no other word. The outdoor scenes (and much of it is outdoors) is just breathtakingly gorgeous at times. This is Suffolk and wow does it look good. If anyone has seen the BBC series "The Detectorists" they will get the idea. It captures the big skies of East Anglia so well, sun through the early morning mists, or even after the rain like works of art. The stage on which the action is set is sumptuous.

As for the action - its just so good. Almost dreamlike at times - I found myself thinking of "The Go-Between" (also set in Suffolk, of course!) with dialogue over the top of action that is not taking place at quite the same time. Hard to describe, but its like memories.

Some of the film is a shade predictable - the small enthusiast verses the big guy, the mismatched couple and a possible tragic love story, the child's eye view at times, the repressed sexuality of the period - it's all there. But it is so well done.

The only downside is that this film - this photography - deserves the big screen, but most people will now see it on the small. This is such a shame. Its deserved so much more.

Collide (I) (2016)

Bullet proof cars and overloud effects

[4/10 · 20 January 2021]

It may be a fairly mindless action film, but even with that there is a limit about how much you can suspend belief.

Car doors do not stop bullets - very little of a car will stop bullets - so this gets silly very quickly, Small pistols to practically rocket launchers are firsed at ordinary cars and the worst that happens, most of the time, is that the side windows break - NEVER the front windscreen - only the sides. Which break several times in on sequence.

Cars do crash and catch fire, but that is no surprise because no-one seems to be in them.

The to compound all this, after half an hour of actors whispering at each other, the chase sequences are absurdly loud.

Not a film for anyone over about 10.

The Secret Garden (2020)

Yet another version of "The Secret Garden". Yawn.

[3/10 · 25 October 2020]

Oh for heavens sake - given the amount of children's literature out there why or why do film producers keep coming back to The Secret Garden?

This version is moderately interesting in that it has been updated to 1947 instead of the late 19th century, though in practice its a pretty weird 1947 and still comes across as being very Victorian.

In its favour its very pretty and visual beyond any of the (many) previous versions. But other than that the problem remains the story.

I'm sorry by the actual story remains a bit crap. I know its a "classic" but its incredibly preachy and worthy and saccharin, and making the garden all the bigger in this film just seems to make it all worse.

If there is any justice I hope this is the last version of this book on film.

Wild (I) (2014)

Read the book first. Really.

[9/10 · 25 July 2020]

It is very rare that a film based on a book is enjoyable for someone who loves this book.. This is am exception. This is a very good film that is a celebtaion of the book.

Indeed there are so many little things in it that either don't make a great deal of sense or which you will miss altogether unless you have read the book. Even if you spot the sasquatch - for example - it is meaningless without the book. Crater Lake features in the film several times without once even being named - but the book explains.

So great film, but so much better if you know the story already.

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Tone perfect homage to Eurovision

[8/10 · 26 June 2020]

Eurovision is a wacky, cheesy, camp, cringe-making, over the top but also at times self-deprecating, funny, a bit wonderful - and always too long. And this film is all of those things. As a results it absolutely nails Eurovision.

It looks like Eurovision, the songs are very Eurovision, the presentations are exceedingly Eurovision. And what is great is that the EBU - who run Eurovision - made the film. This is Eurovision making a joke about Eurovision. And it really works.

Also there is a brilliant musical number midway through that includes several real winners and contestants singing a montage of Eurovision songs, which is brilliant on its own

It is both a homage to Eurovision and a spoof of Eurovision and as a Eurovision fan I loved it. Even if it is a BIT too long.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

No wonder this went straight to Netflix... How could Spike Lee associate his name with this drivel?

[2/10 · 14 June 2020]

My wife put this film on so I knew nothing about it - and was amazed afterwards to find that it is a Spike Lee film because it is so bad we gave up with it about two thirds through.

Where to begin? The performances are passable, but the story is both unbelievable and predictable, while the script is dreadful. Really poor.

To begin with swearing does not both me much, but it did here because it seems that all of the characters only knew one swear word, and used it in every other damn sentance. Seriously. And at times several times in the same sentance.

Seriously, are black Americans this unimaginative and lacking in vocabulary? Surely not. Damn it, if this was a white director I'd be accusing them of racism. So why the hell is a BLACK American director making them sound like complete idiots?

As for the storyline itself I can suspend belief but... come on! No need to go into detail but The Lavender Hill Mob is a more realistic plot. Carry On films have characters with more foresight.

Spike Lee has a great reputation. So was he asleep for this film? Did he lose interest?

The Boat (2018)

Excellent, gripping film

[10/10 · 12 May 2020]

Why is this film scoring so low - does someone have a vendetta against it? Because I have seen many films with much higher ratings that were much worse.

Basically, man stuck on a boat that appears to have a mind of its own. We are with him the whole way, seeing the whole thing pretty much through his eyes (and is an acting tour de force by the little-known sole actor).

And it is tense and exciting and everything you could want. Yes, if you want to examine in detail - like all such stories - you'd probably find faults, and it is a bit unresolved at the end (but that is a GOOD thing!) but a more entertaining hour or so? Hard to think of one.

The English Game (2020)

Wildly historically in accurate, but entertaining with the heart in the right place

[7/10 · 21 March 2020]

Historians of the game of football will be weeping over this six-part mini-series which is much more fiction than fact, but maybe in the end gets the right overall feel.

To start with the history - there is SO much wrong. Games played on the wrong grounds by the wrong teams against the wrong teams in the wrong years. Two clubs that were deadly rivals combined to make one team that the plays in colours that neither team ever wore, wearing a badge that had ceased to be used some years before (imagine a documentary that merged Manchester United and Manchester City to form "Manchester FC" and then played them in green and white stripes) . Three totally different FA Cup tournaments merged into one. wrong scorers, wrong team expelled, pantomime villians, wildly (and I mean really wildly) wrong venue standing in for the Oval Cricket Ground (dammit we know exactly what the Oval looked like in the 1880s - there wasn't a tree for miles!) - has no-one heard of CGI??

But after all that there is much to enjoy. Football really was like that - it was very violent (indeed the series maybe underplays the violence on the field), and Sueter and his Scots pals did change the game with a whole new style of play that left the Public School English creators of the game floundering, and maybe it is understandable that they do not make too much of this because it would be dull.

Much love interest and family saga is added that is total invention, but will keep the less sports obsessive audience in their seats (predictable though it is).

And there are subtle bits, like the complaints from the amatuers that a professional game will allow teams to buy success - which came to pass pretty quickly, and continues to this day - but also there is eplained the inevitability of it happening.

But above all there is arguably one of the most important men in the history of the game finally being given his due recognition - Fergie Sueter. And the great thing is the actor chosen to play him actually looks like the real player.

So they got one thing right.

Scotch on the Rocks (1973– )

A great lost political thriller?

[10/10 · 19 February 2020]

I remember watching this - I was only 11 at the time but it gripped me and I recall the denouement like it was yesterday.

It is suggested that the BBC refused to show it again due to its controversial nature. There is, after all, a real SNP (and was then - you wonder how the BBC got away with it) and they would not be too happy about being portrayed as a Scottish Sinn Fein. But apparently the tapes still exist in the bowels of BBC Scotland.

But it was definitely an exciting series for its time. I remember being gripped by all five episodes. Would it stand up today? I am guessing that it might be seen as over-long and a bit cheap and cheesy, as so many programmes of the period now appear to be, but who knows.

If only the BBC could open its archives and let us see.

The Edge (II) (2019)

You do not need to be into cricket to go on this roller-coaster ride

[10/10 · 16 September 2019]

Cricket has probably the highest suicide rate among former players compared ro any other sport. Now I know why.

This is a warts-and-all study of the rise and fall of the England cricket team from 2009-2014, but don't let that put you off as a knowledge of cricket is not more needed than a knowledge of baseball is needed for Moneyball.

Excepted that Moneyball was a happy, positive film. And so is this, for the first half. Then it decends into the dark as the players start to fall apart mentally, even on camera being interviewed.

Quite why this happens - well, watch the film and come to your own conclusions.