Change Your Image
brianjamesnaughton
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Infinity Pool (2023)
Dumpster fire
This movie is a flaming dump truck rolling down a hill towards a chemical plant. What it lacked in plot it made up for in drug-induced fever dream disco light Halloween mask orgy scenes. Fortunately, the movie has no plot so there was no obligation to relate any of the fever dreams back to it. Maybe that's a strength? I wouldn't recommend spending any money or time on this movie. Save yourself the money and just turn on some strobe lights, throw some paint cans against the wall, and crank up a recording of feral cats screeching into a megaphone.
Can I even come up with a plot description? No. Zero stars.
The Hate U Give (2018)
Poorly written
The junior varsity script undermined a varsity cast.
Bonding (2018)
Micah Stock kills it
Without a doubt this is the most original series on television. The writers really outdid themselves by humanizing a dominatrix and exploring her life. I can't help but wonder where they came up with the idea for this show.
The format takes some getting used to (~15 minute episodes), but it allows the first season to come in at about the length of a feature film; you can easily watch the whole first season in a few hours. I'd like to see longer episodes in the second season, but there is nothing wrong with the way it's set up now.
Micah Stock shines as he steals the series playing Zoe Levin's warm-hearted paramour. His performance sneaks up on you, much like it does the main character, and you finish the first season wanting to see more of him.
In an ocean of Netflix choices, this quickie is worth it.
Bloodline: Part 32 (2017)
Whaaaaaat?
Step 1: Look on cutting room floor.
Step 2: Assemble episode.
Step 3: Drop acid.
Step 4: Reassemble episode
Mother! (2017)
Worse than The Human Centipede
When I watched The Human Centipede I thought that I had hit cinematic rock bottom. Who would make a movie about a mad scientist who sews faces onto bungholes and then feeds the faces through the bungholes? Why did those three poor souls have to be sewn together into a centipede? Why did they have to suffer such a fate? Why was no one able to save them? Who would even make a movie like that? I wished that the end of the movie would be a cheap it-was-all-a-dream plot scheme where the mad scientist wakes up after having a nightmare about his aspiration to turn humans into a centipede after his failure turning three dogs into a dogipede. Alas, that wasn't the case, so I was disappointed.
I was disappointed with The Human Centipede because it was a disgusting movie with a ridiculous plot. But, a plot it had. I can't say the same for Mother. Mother is the epitome of sitting through two hours of Jennifer Lawrence grunting and panting and running around barefoot and then, when it is all over (thank God), you are left wondering what just happened. Among the things that make more sense than this movie are North Korea's foreign policy, flat earth theory, and the fact that Donald Trump's hairdresser still has a job.
To briefly summarize this....er, movie...I'll say that it opens with Jennifer Lawrence looking like she is in the Saint Barnabas burn unit. You then spend the next hour and a half watching Jennifer Lawrence watch Javier Bardem entertain strangers who watch Jennifer Lawrence watch Javier Bardem in their house while the strangers prostrate themselves before Javier Bardem. Michelle Pfeiffer and Ed Harris randomly show up as...well, nobody knows who they are because it's never explained, just like pretty much everything else in this movie. Michelle tells Jennifer Lawrence that she needs to spice up her underpants wardrobe, Ed and Michelle boink in a guest bedroom, and then they leave. The movie climaxes with poor Jennifer Lawrence trying to kick pacifier-sucking electronica fans out of her house while being chased around by said electronica fans. The denouement, if you can even call it that, is ridiculous and is never explained. I know it doesn't make sense now, but don't worry, nothing will make sense if you decide to sacrifice two hours of your time to watching this debacle.
Instead of watching this movie, I highly recommend that you spend two hours trying to set a pile of bricks on fire with a cigarette lighter. It will be more entertaining and you will feel more fulfilled afterward. The two stars I awarded this fart of a film are for the sound editing.