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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
How to do everything wrong.
When you try so hard check all boxes that you don't check any of them is a good way to sum up this movie. Megan Fox is not only wrong for the part but just a mistake to cast in any movie. The turtles look ridiculous, splinter looks awful and is nothing like the old lore, the cinematography was perplexingly expensive and cheap looking at the same time. Somehow they even messed up pizza...
When you revive a franchise, don't sell your soul to do it. That's the lesson I hope someone learned here because this is a train wreck. The saddest part of all is Will Arnett made the mistake of joining this cast. Poor Will...
Spaceman (2024)
Interstellar 2
Oh my goodness, can we please stop allowing these space dramas that prioritize a human's emotions over the survival of our species? It's amazing how stupid hollywood thinks the world is (I fear they're right). Scientists are screened for depression and their ability to overcome emotional imbalance. This movie takes you as a sucker and rides the wave of human weakness to an absurd and illogical conclusion. Please, if you plan on watching this because it has to do with space or aliens, disregard it. It's a film that focuses on emotions as a positive thing (it's literally sabotaging a space mission) and acts like an alien would actually care about our chemical reactions and act as a therapist. I'm not sure how Adam Sandler could possibly ruin his acting reputation more than he has but this is just another notch on the failure board for him. Shame.
Air (2023)
Great acting!
Napoleon Bonaparte once said, "History is a set of lies agreed upon." This is a great example of a story told in retrospect with all kinds of liberties taken to enhance the story. If you're looking for a fun story with great acting from an all star lineup, you're in luck. If you're looking for a historically accurate story about the famously lucrative Jordan + Nike signing, you might want to look elsewhere. I think there were a lot of fun moments in this story and while it definitely over glorifies Jordan, it was quite entertaining whenever he would pop into the background and say a line in his famous voice. All in all I enjoyed this and think if you're at all interested in Jordan or any of the actors in this movie, you'll probably enjoy it.
Operation Varsity Blues: The College Admissions Scandal (2021)
Interesting Documentary Ruined By Morality
I love documentaries. I love learning about things. What I don't like is motive behind documentaries beyond education. Unfortunately most "documentaries" these days seem to have motives and lessons they are trying to give. The majority of this documentary is educational but every once in a while they'll pepper in some random commentary from a person that has nothing to do with the story to give character opinions on people or to give their opinion on how things should be done. At the end some lady is droning on about how the justice systems should have fined these people exponentially to raise money for "under privileged kids". That's not what the justice system is designed to do. To think they are going to now have to choose where that money goes and enforce that it's not going into yet another person's pocket is the real issue here. These people are just virtue signaling as most people do these days.
In summary, it's a decent enough documentary if you are interested in the subject since most of the conversations seem to be from actual transcripts and they didn't have the actors play up any of the discussions. It's the third party opinions trying to teach some lesson that bothers me.
Beau Is Afraid (2023)
Wow. That's the only real word I have for this movie.
I'm an oddity. I don't get anxiety from social interactions or stress but sometimes stories overwhelm me. This is one of the few that have made me pause a movie several times and walk away from it. I think it took four separate viewings to get through this. The amount of anxiety it induces is insane. I'm not sure I really followed the story and that could be because of the four different viewings. None the less, this is more of a piece of art than it is consumable media and I think that's rare these days. This is one of those, "everyone should watch it" type movies just for the experience. It's not a great movie by any means. I didn't get any deep lesson or meaning from the story. But this movie will haunt me for a while.
Silo (2023)
I'd like my money back
I was so excited when I heard my favorite book series was becoming a series. Unfortunately they've butchered the story and made it all about personal freedom vs the book's premise of moreso finding out what happened and why they're there. The acting is pretty good except for the black antagonist (I can't be bothered to even google his name). He is a drain on this tv show and anyone with a brain would say his acting is atrocious. Also, how would he have an ebonic accent if they've been in the silo for this long? It's just silly. This show focuses way too much on day to day life in the silo vs the book is very much a sci fi discovery. As the book goes on more and more information is sort of released about the whole concept and why they did it. This show focuses on "they won't let me have a baby and that makes them evil" while we are over here sterilizing animals and breeding positive traits. Humans are hypocrites. We deserve this terrible show.
The Bubble (2022)
Not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.
For the cast they put together you'd expect a bit more but personally, I don't feel worse off after watching it. It was entertaining but maybe a bit too long. Cut it down by about a half hour and it probably bumps up a bit. I do think with the talent they had they shouldn't have focused so much on the boring characters. The red head (literally can't even remember her characters name) was just boring and I couldn't have cared less for her. I think they assumed she'd have sex appeal but it takes more than that to win over people as a main character in a comedy. Pretty much everyone was a tad less funny than they should have come off. Still don't regret watching it.
Champions (2023)
It just doesn't work...
Champions has an identity problem. First of all, Woody shouldn't have done this film. You can read it on his face the entire movie that he's out of place and doesn't feel comfortable. In today's society we cancel people for practically anything so they have a fine line they have to tread of making him out to be an a-hole so they can redeem him later. The movie is a constant balance of him doing stupid stuff and then nice stuff so that at the end you love him. If you've seen the Ringer with Johnny Knoxville then you've seen this movie. It's basically kids with downs syndrome saying demeaning things to adults for jokes the entire movie. Yeah, if you have a kid with mental disabilities they're probably going to get a kick out of the movie. For any normal adult it's cute at best and grows tired of the same sort of jokes after the first couple minutes of being introduced to the team. Where is the originality in today's movie writing? It's all safe bets and storylines that they know is going to resonate with at least 50% of, let's call them less educated people. Rant over, continue watching rehashed stories with different actors and claiming it's "a great feel good film".
Inside (2023)
Good Premise. Bad Execution.
To start, Dafoe is just not a good pick for this role. I'm sure they secured a ton of extra money because they got him but wow, it was just bad. The premise was a cool one. Guy breaks into a house to steal stuff and gets locked in. This is a movie with bad acting (sorry Dafoe), poor casting, bad plot logic, and uninteresting overall. Even the ending was just kind of weird and dull. It drags on unnecessarily and is too long. I love survival stories. I love complex situations where people have to figure out odd ways to survive. I could not care less about the characters nor the stupid apartment he's stuck in.
The Greatest Beer Run Ever (2022)
Neat story!
Not a huge Efron fan but he did a decent job. He just has a hard time pulling off characters being so ripped, it just doesn't make sense sometimes. That said, this movie was quite entertaining. I never believe dramatizations "based on a true story" anymore because I've never actually seen one stay true to the original story. Ok, ok, there are a few exceptions but it's really rare. If it seems too good to be true it probably is. I can't imagine this story is true other than a few loose concepts they followed. That said, it's funny and entertaining. I do wish they would have cut out the whole spin on the vietnam war. War is complex and you can't just vilify the US for it. Same with Iraq war there were certain things it accomplished but yeah, overall both wars were pretty crappy. I'd recommend this movie to anyone that wants a feel good story with a couple laughs.
When You Finish Saving the World (2022)
I get it. Do you?
Maybe it's because I see a lot of similarities in this movie and the squid and the whale that I "get it". Yeah, it's kind of day in the life and yeah, the main characters aren't very likable but that's kinda the point. Personally I didn't like a single person in this movie. The question is, were you supposed to like them? I don't necessarily think so. I think the mom was overbearing. She reminds me of my mother. She works at a school with autistic / deaf kids. She gets too involved and often gets put in her place by those above her and then gets depressed saying if they'd just let her do her thing the kid would be much better off. Not her place to do it. As for the kid... kids are going to be kids. He's an idiot because he lacks life experience and that's ok. He has worked hard toward his own goals and when others around him aren't terribly impressed by his accomplishments he's sort of floundering and looking for ways to cross over. He realizes a love interest is political so, naturally, now he is going to be. This is being a kid and it's ok. To summarize this movie had two lessons; one person cannot save the world and to know your place in it. The other is a bit more complicated, maybe something like be yourself or realize not being yourself can be very easily spotted and embarrassing. Props to Jesse for this. It wasn't mind blowing but it was quite good.
Bones and All (2022)
On the fence
I'm on the fence here. While I think the concept was great and some of the acting was great there are some problems. There are times where the acting is awful and times where I simply don't think they cast the right people to play these parts. Honestly the best performance of the entire movie was the Sully character. Yeah, teens will probably enjoy the love story but anyone who has ever been in a relationship will find it cheesy and unrealistic. The Lee character trying to be trailer trash and failing was amusing to me. Seeing him try to smoke a cigarette while obviously not knowing how to. Looking the part is half the battle. These are two high art kids who drive lambos trying to play trailer trash carnies and it's just not working for me. This is just yet another one of those movies that had a ton of potential but fell short.
Triangle of Sadness (2022)
Whoa, an actual good movie ?
This movie is a great example of what happens when you throw away society and go lord of the flies style. I'm an anthro enthusiast so this type of movie is just gold in my eyes. The acting is great, the story is well written and doesn't really give away anything at any point. There's no political leaning or hidden message. It's not trying to appeal to gen z or baby boomers. I liken this movie to the feeling I got when I left high school. All the sudden the cliques don't matter. The reputation you had with all the girls or boys are out the window. You spent years and years building some sort of image and it's poof, gone. None of those people matter anymore. It's a reset button and I loved every minute of it. Great job to those who made it.
The Whale (2022)
Impactful but for the wrong reasons
You can see that I gave the movie and 8/10. I actually REALLY enjoyed watching this film but it's for the wrong reasons. The acting (minus Sadie Sink aka the daughter) was absolutely amazing. Not that I don't think she can act but rather her character isn't developed enough to get over her awfulness. I wasn't big on the character in Stranger Things and it's pretty much the same thing here with more foul language. That said, Brendan Frazer was absolutely amazing. Deserves all the accolades he's been getting. I also think the Liz character was so well done as well as Thomas. This all suffers from bad writing unfortunately. With this level of acting and cast they could have hit a home run and possibly made one of the best films of all time but there were little things here and there that just sucked like why the heck is there a pizza guy (Thomas). It's like they wrote him in with all kinds of foreshadowing and then did nothing but look at 'the whale' and then run off. It could have easily been done without the setup like some salesman comes to the door. That said, there are some religious overtones but it doesn't get preachy and it doesn't force it down your throat. I think there's something to be said about that. I'm not religious and hate when people use the generic route of "welp, it's god" so it is refreshing to have sort of a weird take on that piece. Again, all of these people deserve any award they get.. From super hero movies to reboots of everything, it's nice to see something original and well acted. Bravo.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
The cheese stinks but it's worth a nibble.
I wasn't sure what to expect going in but I do think the movie was worth the watch. Yeah, there are overarching religious plot points but they don't shove them down your throat. I find it interesting that M. Night Shyamalan has become so well known for his twists that this movie almost creates suspense in waiting for said twist. I do think the acting was kind of meh. I don't really see the obsession people have with Dave Bautista lately, he was pretty good, playing the diachomatic (I made a word) giant tattooed gladiator type guy who is sensitive, good with children, and never really ever angry. There's a lot of purposeful stereotypes here that I won't get into but the cheese stinks. It's sad that we can't have original thinking in major motion pictures anymore.
Apocalypse Now (1979)
Platoon did it better.
I watched a bunch of 80's military movies for the first time. Platoon, Hamburger Hill, and Apocalypse Now. I was surprised at how poorly this movie held up. I care way more about the war itself and the struggles of it's soldiers and their relationships vs some silly unbelievable story. This movie is for casual movie watchers who like stuff like star wars and avatar, eating up genericism and regurgitated plot you've seen a hundred times. Maybe it just hasn't aged well? I think that must be it because the amount of people simping for this trainwreck is deplorable and shameful. Shame on you. Shame.
The Northman (2022)
I just can't
I gave it two stars because it is beautiful. If you crave action movies with cliche action movie plots and shallow storyline you're going to like it. I imagine most people who liked this are also big on the super hero movies, star wars, and fast n furious movies. For the rest of us who need a bit of substance, this was a dud. It's sad because I love history and would love to actually see some historical viking content that looks this great.
Spiderhead (2022)
Grew on me
I started the movie and immediately thought it was going to be bad. I do think Hemsworth was a bad pick for the character but overall I thought the movie was interesting which isn't something I can say about most movies these days. Yeah, there were some plot holes but I guess it was entertaining enough to let those go. The things that hurt it were some cliche crap like how they had very stereotypical prisoners and yeah, the "prison" was pretty poorly thought out and unbelievable. For instance, the shape of it was so odd and unnecessary. I won't spoil the story because I do think the concept is cool and I do think they went for it and succeeded in a lot of ways.
The 'Burbs (1989)
Not terrible
Watching this for the first time in 2022 and my first thought is, Carrie Fisher should not have been cast. She's by far the least likable character and she looks 15 years older than Hanks, her husband. Feldman's character was terribly written and I am glad Hanks has moved on from the scream thing he did in the 80s / 90s. Otherwise enjoyable and had a few laugh out loud moments.
The Art of Self-Defense (2019)
I was entertained.
Here's what I'll say. With the great character development and plot I think the writing could be better. It's a shame when you get so much talent and it's squandered on bad writing. Overall it was enjoyable to an extent because there's an alternate universe sort of feel. Kind of like with Kick Ass, but similarly still rooted in reality. While the writing makes you second guess and isn't simple they follow several tropes that just play out stereotypically and make for a bit of bitter taste in my mouth.
White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch (2022)
TRYING to make drama out of nothing
I started and stopped this documentary several times out of sheer frustration. They conjure up racism and things to try to get you to hate on them from nowhere. It's absurd that Netflix would allow this and honestly I'm now considering cancelling my subscription due to their seemingly trying to divide people on topics.
Mostly I just want people to think for themselves. Having one employee complain to a tv screen doesn't make that statement accurate. I've watched several companies over the years get an absolutely horrible reputation from one or two employees saying something that who knows if it was true. That company has a bad reputation from then on. I think this is one of those cases taken to the extreme. Shame on everyone who was a part of this. Not everything has to be about dividing people or creating enemies out of someone who makes money.
127 Hours (2010)
Ok movie, bad adaptation from the book
As usual, hollywood ruins another decent story. If they had told the story like the book plays out it would have been much better. In the book it is clear, Aron is an expert. The guy knows his stuff. He was really calm and collected and had really good reasoning for doing things he did. The movie plays out like he's some college freshman party boy, recklessly running around in the desert until he gets his arm stuck. To be honest, there's not a whole lot that happened other than the basics of the incident that are true.
I still think the story is amazing and I suppose it was cool to see it play out in movie form. Still gets a 6/10 because it's a cool survival story. I urge you though, read the book. It's short and way better than the movie.
Undercurrent: The Disappearance of Kim Wall (2022)
Too Long / Dramatized
At what point are we going to accept that not every person in this world is a princess or prince? No, you're not special. Was Kim special to someone? Sure. That doesn't mean we need to turn this documentary into some celebration of her. She happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I also found it really weird when a gal stated that this represents some sort of oppression of women and that women have to walk around in fear. Men are the worst right? Yes, one man represents us all and 50% of the population of the world are responsible for the fraction of the population who have this happen to them. I'm sick of this narrative and I'll give 1 star to anything that perpetuates the continued hate toward men.
On that note, the documentary drags on with meaningless scenes that have nothing to do with the story. The entire thing could have been summarized in thirty minutes but instead it's scene after scene of the sea and that submarine.
Joker (2019)
Perfection
This movie is a reflection of America. About how there are winners and losers in the game of life and how some people realize their spot in the loser category and lash out with nothing to lose. It creates a hero out of a bottom feeder and gives hope to those who aren't part of the privileged elite. Beyond the plot this movie has one of the best acting performances I've seen in years in Joaquin Phoenix. I've heard he was an absolute pill on set and it's obvious that his weight loss had to have been very tough to pull off. I want a sequel but I know it could never live up to this, now one of my favorite movies of all time. That's saying a lot coming from someone who hates the super hero genre. This movie doesn't fit that mold. It gives actual plausible explanations for the Joker origin story. It makes you want to understand where he's coming from and why he ultimately turned into a monster. Unfortunately I think a lot of us can sympathize with his character.