johnnyhbtvs27 Reviews

Tarot (I) (2024)

A Massive Failure

[2/10 · 6 May 2024]

Tarot manages to achieve status as one of the worst horror movies of the year all before the title screen appears.

The acting in the movie is woeful enough without the terrible dialogue they have to spout on top. Horror movies get a lot of leeway in the stating the obvious department but this takes that to new level. Not a moment passes without someone on screen describing what is happening at any given time.

The deaths I expected to be more Final Destination like, instead we're treated to standard quiet, quiet, bang! Cut to black...

Going in I thought they would have the chance to change their reading by following the premonition and acting accordingly but no, unless you're the final girl, dead.

The audience reaction during this ranged from eye-rolling to snoring in one case. Contender for worst of the year.

Humane (2024)

A Great Concept Done Well Enough

[7/10 · 29 April 2024]

Humane builds on an interesting concept but doesn't quite stick the landing. The opening half hour does a good job setting up the plot and opens up different ideas to a really good premise.

Once Enrico Colantoni shows up he becomes the star of the show giving off Bobcat Goldthwait vibes without the voice. He is great in this part ranging from sympathetic to menacing in the blink of an eye.

For a debut feature, this is good work from Caitlin Cronenberg and shows the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's nice to know once David is done directing he has Brandon & Caitlin continuing to make thought-provoking work.

Road House (2024)

Road House 2024

[5/10 · 22 March 2024]

One of the great things about the original Road House was seeing Dalton clean house and improve the bar bit by bit. That is severely lacking here with next to no time spent in the actual Road House and barely any screen time is given to the people at the bar. One of the highlights of the Swayze movie was him getting to know the staff and getting rid of the bad elements at the bar. Nothing of the sort goes on in this movie.

Jaoquim de Almeida is wasted as the sheriff and has little to do while Daniela Melchior has less of a role than Kelly Lynch had in the original if that was possible.

The movie's saving grace is Jake Gyllenhaal who is clearly having a lot of fun in the role and has good chemistry with an OTT Conor McGregor in the movies best moments. Best stick to the original cult classic.

(Glad to see Arturo Castro's Moe live, by far and away the best character in the whole movie).

Madame Web (2024)

The Worst Episode Of That's So Raven Ever

[1/10 · 15 February 2024]

How can Madame Web possibly be so bad? Let's dissect:

• I had the misfortune to see this in IMAX and it makes the vision scenes even worse, causing a jolt every time they happen with ridiculous loud noises and shaky cam. It was like a really bad episode of That's So Raven.

• How studio executives could watch the opening 10 minutes of this and think the amazon stuff was good enough is mind-boggling.

• Tahar Rahim is the worst comic book villian that has ever been put on screen. His line delivery is dreadful to the point it makes you wonder if he was going out his way to play stereotypical villian A.

• Dakota Johnson clearly was very awkward playing against the green screen and would give Kristen Stewart in Twilight a run for her money in terms of stilted performance.

• The product placement in this movie is something to behold. Never in my life have i seen a product endorsed so blatantly like the Pespi endorsements. Having Dakota Johnson hold a can of Pespi for a solid two minutes of screen time is ludicrous.

• S. J. Clarkson the director is simply not experienced enough to tackle such a big budget movie with so much green screen. For this to be her first movie and handed a property like this. Crazy.

• All the stuff relating to the Parkers, especially Ben, is done so heavy handed. Having Adam Scott playing Ben Parker is so ridiculous and does nothing to help the film.

• No one comes out of this with any dignity, even Sydney Sweeney is awful in a rather mute role. She is given nothing to do and doesn't get a moment to stand out either.

• The end scene with Dakota Johnson & Tahar Rahim and the close up as she says "i am" in relation to his downfall is the worst scene and zoom shot i can recall seeing in a big budget studio movie.

• Not having the Spider-Women in costume (bar in visions) was a strange one. At the end of the movie it eludes to future suit ups but this movie is that bad there will be no chance of that ever occurring.

A shambles of a movie.

Self Reliance (2023)

Good Premise, Just Missing Something

[6/10 · 13 January 2024]

Self Reliance is a fun debut directing gig from Jake Johnson. Johnson takes an interesting premise and brings some good moments to it although not quite sticking the landing.

The movie could have went in a more intriguing direction by giving it more of a horror vibe when the attacks happen. You never get the sense Johnson is in any real danger.

The real heart of the movie is between Johnson and Anna Kendrick who's easy chemistry together makes the movie. The stuff featuring Kendrick are the movies standout scenes.

There are some nice cameos from Andy Samberg & Christopher Lloyd. Ultimately it is Jake Johnson's charm that carries the movie but this still feels like a missed opportunity. Recommendable.

Candy Cane Lane (I) (2023)

Eddie Murphy Christmas Movie

[5/10 · 1 December 2023]

Candy Cane Lane is on the less offensive side of Christmas movie releases but suffers from being far too long at an energy draining two hours. Just when it starts wrapping up another 30 minutes come from nowhere.

Eddie Murphy carries the movie and helps to push it over the line. It is a step up from his previous Amazon Original, Coming 2 America. Jillian Bell is annoying as always but fits in better in this zany christmas movie.

It may not be everyone's cup of tea but Candy Cane Lane passes the time and is at least better than the 50 Hallmark exclusive movies which are soon coming down the pike.

Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)

A Great Look At Historical Events

[9/10 · 20 October 2023]

Killers Of The Flower Moon is wonderful. Martin Scorsese's output recently has been terrific and he is on fine form here as well, showcasing his ability to take his time with the story while racking up the suspense to a neat finale.

Seeing Robert De Niro & Leonardo DiCaprio share a screen is great and they are given many scenes together and ignite the screen with their chemistry. De Niro has a much bigger role than i expected and it will be funny seeing him up for Supporting Actor when he has more screen time than most lead actors will have this year.

Just as the film is starting to feel it's length, Jesse Plemons appears and breathes new life into it. Plemons is a great actor and deserves the best roles possible, as a character actor he may be the best around since Philip Seymour Hoffman.

The storytelling is sensational and Scorsese handles the violence in his typical strong way. Likewise, typical Scorsese, the score for the film is spectacular and Robbie Robertson deserves a lot of praise for the success of the film as the music is vital to the piece.

Lily Gladstone is new to me and she is wonderful here as Mollie Burkhart. Gladstone has the hardest job here managing to convey so many emotions throughout the film. An Oscar Nomination could well be in her future and she would be fully deserving.

Killers Of The Flower Moon is a triumph and continues to show that Martin Scorsese is one of the greatest film directors of all time.

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)

Very Poor Prequel

[3/10 · 6 October 2023]

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is a weak prequel with nothing to recommend it. The first 20 minutes move along nicely but once it's established who has risen it quickly goes downhill.

For a movie of this caliber it has some famous names involved. Why David Duchovny, Samantha Mathis, Henry Thomas & Pam Grier signed up for this is anyone's guess. None are given much to do, especially Mathis who i had to go back and look to remember which role she played.

The movie's only bright spot is the sibling relationship between Isabella LaBlanc & Forrest Goodluck. They have good chemistry together and when tragedy befalls one of them, it is a genuine shame to see.

Another forgettable October horror release, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines will be gone from the memory bank by the time the credits roll.

The Nun II (2023)

Worst Of The Franchise

[2/10 · 17 September 2023]

For a movie about a demonic nun, this contains very minimal nun.

The Nun 2 is a dreadful movie. The kind of film which relies on quiet, quiet, bang! (To quote the good doctor) to see it through. The more Conjuring Universe movies they do, the more they eat themselves and make little sense.

The movie is 1hr 50m and feels every minute of it. It takes Taissa Farmiga over an hour to reach the boarding school and by then all interest has waned.

There are some scenes that have potential, like the scene at the newsstand, which could have been really good but is executed so poorly and drags on too long it loses all effect.

The title character gets a little over 3 minutes screen time (mostly coming in the climax) and that is the films biggest issue. They introduce other form of demons and forget all about The Nun.

The Nun 2 is far and away the worst movie in the franchise and sadly it looks like we'll be seeing more of Maurice in The Conjuring: Last Rites. Oh goodie.

Haunted Mansion (2023)

Another Disney Disappointment

[4/10 · 14 August 2023]

Blighted by bad CGI and a lengthy running time, Disney once again fails to capitalise on the interesting premise of Haunted Mansion. So much more could be done with the idea and instead we're treated to the tried and tested formula.

The cast appear to be having fun (no one more than Danny DeVito) and there are a few laughs to be had but the movie just isn't interesting. Jared Leto plays the villian and continues his new occupation as the man of many disguises.

The reported budget for this is 150 million. Haunted Mansion could easily have went straight to Disney+. There is no need to see this on the big screen and that is Disney's big problem right now. Throwing money at big budget disasters while everything else that could be remotely interesting gets thrown on the scrapheap.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006 Video)

No More Thanks

[1/10 · 7 August 2023]

Take a drink every time someone says "i know what you did last summer" in dramatic fashion.

Every so often a movie comes along which is directed so horribly that it makes you wonder how it is possible for the director to have been given the job. Such is the case with Sylvain White.

The acting in I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is so chronic it makes Freddie Prinze Jr. & Jennifer Love Hewitt look like major players in comparison.

The movie fails at every level and by the time the supernatural element enters the picture all i could do is roll my eyes and wonder how this ever got the greenlight.

Insidious: The Red Door (2023)

Insidious: Another One

[5/10 · 20 July 2023]

Insidious: The Red Door is a movie that has potentially good horror moments but fails at nearly every turn.

The scene with Patrick Wilson playing the memory game at the window has an amazing set-up and ends with a loud crash and bang, such a waste. Another was the MRI scan scene. I think they could have took it further and done more with it.

It appears this was supposed to be Dalton's story and him dealing with The Further but once Patrick Wilson signed on to direct, they made it more about the father & son element.

There is a nice one minute cameo from Specs & Tucker (I would like to see the full Youtube video of it) and Lin Shaye pops up briefly. Rose Byrne is underused as she has been for most of this franchise and is basically in it as a favour to Wilson.

As with all Insidious films, once it gets to the end and they end up in The Further the movie loses it's way. The Further has always flattered to deceive and here is no different.

Insidious: The Red Door isn't the worst horror sequel and keeps the franchise chugging along.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

No Spielberg's Indiana Jones

[4/10 · 29 June 2023]

I want to live in a world where Indiana Jones is a trilogy and stopped with The Last Crusade.

Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny has all the issues that have plagued other summer blockbusters this year. It is overly reliant on CGI and expects nostalgia to see it through.

James Mangold is a competent director but he's no Spielberg. It's almost like he's read a guide to making an Indiana Jones movie and missed the mark. There is no heart to the movie which is the Spielberg spark it's missing.

The CGI is horrific with the worst saved for Harrison Ford's face. The movie is like 90% CGI and may as well have been like animation at times. Past characters are written out in abhorrent fashion and threw away without a care.

The last 30 minutes. Well...they nuked the fridge. (Bring back the aliens)

The Flash (I) (2023)

Flashpoint

[7/10 · 14 June 2023]

The Flash is better than it had any right to be. After numerous scandals at Warner Bros. It seemed a forgone conclusion that it would be a mess. How wrong that take has proven to be.

The elephant in the room, Ezra Miller. Most people wanted a recast (myself included) yet Warner stuck to their guns. It becomes apparent very quickly why they didn't as Miller dominates the film in a dual role. And dominate Miller does.

Watching this, it's a shame to see Miller's life in such a mess as they are clearly talented and have so much potential but seem determined to throw it all away.

The main thing The Flash has going for it is comedy and it has some really great laugh out loud moments throughout. The interplay between the two Flashes is great and carries most of the movie.

Michael Keaton is back as Batman and gets a lot more screen time than i was expecting and as soon as Danny Elfman's score hits, wow.

A few others pop up in rather pointless cameo roles (Gal Gadot, Jeremy Irons) while some cameos are amazing (Nicolas Cage finally facing off with his giant spider, George Clooney!).

The biggest problems with The Flash are the same bugs most movies in the DCU face. The CGI is horrific at times (considering Marvel are starting to experience the same problem it can be forgiven) the baby scene in particular.

The other issue is lack of threat and poor villian choice. Zod was good in Man Of Steel but is given the short shrift here and barely makes an impact. Michael Shannon has been outspoken of this movie so maybe wasn't interested and it shows.

The post credit scene is going to be a sticking point with some. Anyone sore on Henry Cavill, Ben Affleck & others leaving the DCU may be annoyed to see that not everything may be changing after all.

Reality (I) (2023)

Reality Is A Winner

[7/10 · 30 May 2023]

Reality loses a little of it's sparkle on film but is still a gripping well made drama. The main trio of the cast Sydney Sweeney, Josh Hamilton & Marchant Davis are all excellent and play their parts well.

Sydney Sweeney shows she is one to watch and with the right material can go on to do big things. Her upcoming appearance for Marvel will surely elevate her to superstardom, here's hoping she can continue to throw in a few more movies of this size as well.

Josh Hamilton does great and continues to appear in interesting movies without getting the recognition he deserves. He is very underrated.

Reality is a good movie of a great stage play and well worth the time. It is thought-provoking and worth the price of admission alone to know that there is someone on this earth called Reality Winner.

To Catch a Killer (2023)

To Catch A Killer/Misanthrope

[5/10 · 25 May 2023]

To Catch A Killer has a great first and second act but is let down by the ending. Shailene Woodley & Ben Mendelsohn are great in the central roles and have good chemistry together and keep you invested.

The first hour is especially gripping and rises above the usual cop drama but once the killer is revealed the movie goes downhill fast. I feel Ralph Ineson is spectacularly miscast here and it just doesn't work.

By the end it is all long, drawn out speeches between Woodley & Ineson and the movie can't end quick enough which is a shame as the movie had promise.

Typical third act woes. A real shame.

Mafia Mamma (2023)

Toni Collette Deserves So Much Better

[2/10 · 5 May 2023]

"Eat. Pray. F**k."

As soon as I heard that line, I knew I was in Catherine Hardwicke world. Boy, did it get worse from there.

I spent most of Mafia Mamma's running time comparing it to the Trotter brothers going to Miami in the Only Fools And Horses episode 'Miami Twice'. The whole Mafia thing was achieved a lot better in Only Fools, not to mention more laughs.

Listening to the dialogue being delivered is like nails on a chalkboard. Never more so than in the opening ten minutes when Toni Collette discovers she is being cheated on. At year's end this scene will be up in contention for worst scene of the year. It is horrible.

Toni Collette is a great actress and can do comedy well but with this script and Hardwicke on directing duties, she doesn't stand a chance. The comedy is so on the nose and everyone in the cast plays it far too big.

There is only so many times you can say the name of the movie you are drawing inspiration from or parodying and Mafia Mamma mentions the Godfather ad nauseam. Cannoli, Sonny, Vito...so many eye-rolling references.

One of the year's worst comedies.

Peter Pan & Wendy (2023)

Jude Law's Captain Hook

[4/10 · 28 April 2023]

Peter Pan & Wendy may well have been called Peter & Hook as that is where the heart of the movie lies. Jude Law makes for a decent Captain Hook and is the best thing in the latest, pointless, live-action disney movie.

Alexander Molony is a bland Peter Pan and doesn't get to showcase much outside a couple of fight scenes with Hook and has no chemistry with either Wendy or any of the 'lost boys'.

Tiger Lily, Smee, John & Michael, even Tinkerbell is an afterthought here and contribute nothing to the story. Wendy fairs slightly better but most of her scenes fall flat.

The best scene in the movie is a moment shared between Peter & Hook as Hook is famously about to fall to his peril. Hook's line in this moment is genuinely sad and in these parts the movie works.

Peter Pan & Wendy is another soulless entry in Disney's canon of forgettable live-action movies and fails in every way the 1953 version succeeds. On to The Little Mermaid...what could go wrong?

Renfield (2023)

Nic Cage Does Dracula

[5/10 · 23 April 2023]

I really wanted to like this one, I really did. Renfield starts off promisingly enough with Nicolas Cage & Nicholas Hoult superimposed into Tod Browning's 1931 Dracula and delves into the Dracula mythos. All good fun.

Things take a turn when Awkwafina is introduced alongside a subplot about a dead cop dad and a gangster family called the Lobos. This is the movies biggest issue. I signed up to watch Nic Cage finally tackle Dracula. I got almost a supernatural buddy cop movie. Such a disappointment.

Hoult and Cage are great in their roles and it's a real pity they aren't used in a better film. Awkwafina is fine and can be used well in the right material but this isn't it.

There are some nice action scenes and some really funny moments, mostly involving Nicholas Hoult in his support group meetings (a real missed opportunity to be something more).

Ghosted (I) (2023)

This Movie Should Be Ghosted

[3/10 · 23 April 2023]

Ghosted is a below par action comedy and the first blotch on Dexter Fletcher's copybook. Most of the blame must fall at Fletcher's feet from the limp action scenes to the ridiculous cutting at any given opportunity.

Chris Evans & Ana De Armas on paper sound like a good pairing but that is severely not the case here. There have been some poor mismatches in the past (Depp & Jolie, Roberts & Nolte) but this one is right up there.

Chris Evans spends the whole movie just mugging to the camera while Ana De Armas falls flat on her face with the action (which is surprising considering her Bond turn). De Armas is also given the burden of a horrendous wig which takes you right out the movie.

Adrien Brody turns up halfway through (with a ridiculous accent to show he's the bad guy of course) and fairs no better. I spent most of Brody's screen time wondering whether he was wearing a prosthetic nose or not.

Just when it looks like Chris Evans is branching out from Marvel movies, Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan turn up for reasons unknown and add nothing to the plot. It almost feels like a requirement that they have to be in this.

The blandness of the movie is only increased with the music choices especially for the action scenes with all the usual suspects appearing like My Sharona & Are You Gonna Be My Girl. They are joined by numerous Dua Lipa songs & even Uptown Funk, it's all very unoriginal.

If there is a worse star pairing this year, it doesn't bode well for 2023. One of the year's worst and it's only April.

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

Up There With The Best Movie Franchises

[9/10 · 3 April 2023]

John Wick: Chapter 4 is another great entry in this wonderful series. The franchise has got it's bond beats down in the form of:

1. Meets up with Laurence Fishburne and receives new artillery.

2. The Hit Squad is called and the DJ plays records and narrates the action.

3. John Wick goes through 'mini bosses' to reach the 'big boss'.

4. Insane set pieces which can last for up to 20 minutes.

5. Dog.

This series could last another 10 movies and i would be front and centre every time. John Wick has joined the elite of film franchises which only contain great movies and no duds. Here's to many more.

Children of the Corn (2020)

Better Than Expected

[3/10 · 21 March 2023]

Children Of The Corn (20) is the third movie in the series to bare that title and surprisingly isn't as bad as i thought it would be going in.

Most of the good work is down to the performance of Kate Moyer as Eden. Eden is the first cult leader since Isaac to give off a creepy vibe while also convincing as a menacing presence.

All the beats of a typical COTC film are here and that is sadly where the movie fails. Every corn movie feels the need to show some pathetic CGI creature towards the end and here is no different. He Who Walks is ridiculous and would be better served not shown at all and simply left to the imagination.

The real kicker for the movie is the last couple of minutes. It appears out of nowhere and is just a redundant jump scare (if you could even call it a jump scare) and even more bad special effects.

COTC Rankings: A very bad series with few highlights.

1. Children Of The Corn (84) 2. COTC II: Final Sacrifice 3. COTC IV: The Gathering 4. COTC III: Urban Harvest 5. Children Of The Corn (20) 6. COTC V: Fields Of Terror 7. COTC: Genesis 8. COTC 666: Isaac's Return 9. Children Of The Corn 10. COTC: Runaway 11. COTC: Revelation.

Scream VI (2023)

Decent Entry For The Scream Series

[6/10 · 12 March 2023]

After Scream (2022) i went into Scream VI with slight reservations. Scream VI marks a step up in my book from the last Scream and manages to bring some freshness to the series.

The core four (as they like to be called) return and are all likeable characters and it's good to see the twins (Jasmin Savoy Brown & Mason Gooding) receive more screen time.

Courteney Cox is back as Gale and finally gets a decent run in with Ghostface and i'm glad they decided against killing her off. Hayden Panettiere is also back as Kirby and it's good to see Panettiere on the screen again.

The opening with Samara Weaving is well done, though it would have been good to see it play out a little more as Weaving is a good actress and could have done more with a few extra minutes.

The movie has some spectacular set pieces, namely the subway scene (which will no doubt be the best horror scene of the year) and moving from building to building via ladder.

With Scream you always have to leave your brain at the door and the killer reveal was a bit of a letdown. Having a family of killers could work but the manner in which they appear (family of the killer from the last one) is worn to death and it may aswell have just been the boyfriend again.

The whole subplot about Samantha Carpenter being Billy Loomis' daughter and possibly being the killer is redundant as the writers will never actually follow through and do it or they would have pulled the trigger with Sidney years ago.

Scream VI is a really good slasher and for a horror franchise six movies in, it is doing a fine job exceeding expectations. A good effort.

Creed III (2023)

Solid Entry In The Rocky/Creed Series

[7/10 · 12 March 2023]

Creed III is another good addition to the Rocky/Creed series which continues to flourish despite going on 47 years. It is a tribute to the franchise that apart from Rocky V, every movie has their moments.

Michael B. Jordan steps up to director as well as actor and producer and does a fine job, following in Sylvester Stallone's footsteps. He is up against quite possibly the greatest villian of the series in Jonathan Majors' Damien Anderson. Majors is a force to be reckoned with and continues his hot streak after Kang The Conqueror.

The movie takes time to establish Creed's home life and there are some nice moments with Tessa Thompson & Mila Davis-Kent.

The boxing scenes are what the series is built on and Creed III doesn't disappoint. All the boxing matches are phenomenally well done and seeing it in IMAX increased the spectacle. All the pre-fight hype helps set up the fight and using people like Stephen A. Smith bring some realism to the piece.

It's unlikely Creed III will be the last in the Rocky/Creed series but as long as the quality remains at this level, who are we to complain.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Kang The Conqueror

[6/10 · 17 February 2023]

Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania is the first movie of Phase 5 for Marvel yet never really gets off the ground. It continues Marvel's recent trend of producing bloated CGI messes.

There is nothing wrong with Ant-Man 3 yet it is so spectacularly average you can't help but wonder what could have been with the Quantum Realm with a better script and more time.

It has all the usual Marvel beats with comedic nods to other Avengers, characters there to be the wise cracking humour of the piece eg. Veb, M. O. D. O. K. They provide some funny moments but once the usual last 30 minutes of huge CGI battles occurs, interest wanes.

The real star of Ant-Man 3 is Kang The Conqueror. Kang is who we are all here to see and he doesn't disappoint. Jonathan Majors is fantastic in the role and i can't wait to see him out in the open and tackling the other Avengers.

There are some nice cameos from Tom Hiddleston, Owen Wilson & especially Bill Murray, who is great as Lord Krylar with his screen time limited. Kathryn Newton does well taking over as Cassie Lang and makes me think a Young Avengers could work.

Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania is on the lower tier of Marvel movies but with it's inclusion it sets up Phase 5 nicely and I'm intrigued to see what's to come.