Change Your Image
Movie-Timer
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Flint Town: Two Worlds (2018)
MAGA
This misinformed and democratically-corrupted episode shows neo-liberalism and mainstream media brainwashing at its worst, painting President Trump in such a bad and unfitting light. Too bad, I was enjoying the series.
In Like Flynn (2018)
Wow, I loved this film
I wasn't expecting to be wowed by this film, but it's jam-packed with action and class, which is pretty fitting for an Errol Flynn feature. In Like Flynn does a great job of reviving the epic swashbuckler genre while letting us into the pre-Hollywood adrenaline-fuelled life of one of Australia's finest. Nice job by all those involved: great direction, writing, soundtrack, costumes and sets. Take a bow!
Super Cyclone (2012)
Sooooooooooo Bad.
Dear Asylum, How dare you introduce garbage like this to my television set. Truly your movies should be stamped with a large warning, "Careful! We really, really suck!" Honestly, does anyone on your staff know what they're doing? Is your mission statement nothing more than to pump out atrocity after atrocity as cheaply as possible? Now we know who picks up Hollywood's reject pile. Yeah, yeah, we know...at least you're making movies. What are we doing? Well, we're not embarrassing ourselves like you are, that's for sure. And we're also not dragging the movie industry into the toilet while we're at it. Good one, Asylum...flush another one down the pipes.
11/11/11 (2011)
It isn't Scary... It isn't a Thriller... It isn't Creepy...
I'm so disappointed to rate this film so low. I love a good Satanic apocalypse! The problem is, there was nothing scary, heart-pounding, or creepy about it whatsoever. In a nutshell, here's the scoop: A family moves to Nowheresville, USA including a 10-year-old boy who's scheduled to turn 11 on November 11, 2011. We know things will go awry when the kid makes the astounding revelation that the numbers in the address of their house total 11 - ooh, scary. So, gradually, the kid (albeit quiet from the get-go) starts acting weirder and weirder as the fateful date approaches, including knowing his mom's pregnant before she does.
There are a bunch of weirdos around town including a dingbat old lady who's continually looking for her cat (which has no relevance to the movie other than its powdery corpse later found under the boy's bed), and the realtor they purchased the house through who ends up being apart of a Satanic cult. How they knew the child demon seed was moving to town, I don't know, nor will you. I know what you're thinking - this might still be okay, right? Kinda like a modern-day The Omen. Sorry, no dice.
So, dingbat keeps trying to lure the kid to her place where she can kill him because she knows he's destined to be the son of Satan. So, the obvious question is, why does he need to come to your place to be killed? Drop a boulder on the kid...hello? Anyway, dingbat strikes out as do several others who try to spill the beans on the local Satanists and find an early demise for their troubles.
But don't worry, the Satanic posse has an inside mole...a nanny who looks like a witch's apprentice (just the type I like for my kids). I love the part when the dad discovers the nanny's manipulating the boy including teaching him about the apocalypse and scratching his body with this chicken claw thing...and what does he do? Why, go to work of course. Call the cops? Nah.
But he'll be sorry, cuz when he comes home, the boy's gone off the deep end and is suddenly looking to open a can of whoop-ass Satan-style. A bunch of people die in a sort of ho-hum fashion, including the kid and I practically fall asleep from the lack of scare, thrill or creep.
I'd like to see this movie remade with the boy just as a normal kid who the Satanic cult insists is the son of Satan. Then it's like a Taken meets Damien Omen -- THAT I could sink my teeth into. Geeze, I should write scripts...Oh wait, I already do.
Get the Gringo (2012)
I liked it
Get the Gringo, a sort of Oceans 11 meets A Fistful of Dollars, has many positive qualities...plus a few not so positive.
What I liked:
This film was witty and well written. Gibson portrayed a criminal, whom by all standards we shouldn't like, but wind up rooting for - no small feat in movie making. This is attributed to Gibson's natural charm, acting ability, and a solid script.
Like Oceans 11, the story cleverly unfolds with intriguing insights into both the criminal mind and the Mexican corrections system.
The casual wit and ease of Gibson's character. So, another American-tossed-in-a-Mexican-clink flick where he gets who-knows-what atrocities done to him...oh no, my friend. In a refreshing twist, Gibson all but manhandles the Mexican hoods. He's getting his money back and that's that.
They didn't rely on the hero gets the girl stereotype (especially with Gibson's cinematic past). Sure, he's with the boy and his mother (Heredia) in the end, but there was no sweeping off the feet or marching into the sunset.
What I didn't like:
The liver plot. It didn't fit. It would have worked better if Gibson and the Kid (Hernandez) had established a closer bond and that we had been made more fearful and hateful of Javi (Cacho), the jail's internal leader.
The ease of fooling an international crime boss and business mogul. So, if I get a woman to call someone on my behalf, I can claim to be whoever I want...sorry, it doesn't work that way.
The conveniently placed dirt ramp next to the border fence...not likely.
And, while I personally don't mind hearing inner monologues via voice-over, it should be mentioned as it contravenes Screen writing 101...but no biggie in my book.
Conclusion:
Its positives far outweighing its negatives, this is a solid effort by Gibson and crew, most definitely worth a watch.
Anvil: The Story of Anvil (2008)
Like them or not, this is one helluva movie
Let's be clear - ratings of this film should not be about Anvil's talent.
Rather, ratings should focus on the unparallelled tenacity, heart and passion of Lips and Reiner. Anyone who denies these gents their well-deserved props after tirelessly and near thanklessly rocking for 30 gruelling years, does not understand the plight of the human spirit.
And as depressing as playing to a 3-person audience in Middle-of-Nowhere, Slovakia might be, these boys still rock out solid set after solid set based purely on their passion for the music - a trait few and far between with many passing prima donnas who think regurgitating an 80s song should somehow catapult them to stardom.
Anvil, particularly Lips and Reiner, on the other hand, could write a book on following through on your dreams...and what musical passion is all about.
Three Amigos! (1986)
Don't be fooled by its rating
From the three buffoonic Amigos to el Guapo and his sweater-knitting henchmen, this farcical comedy-western is a mindless journey of snickers and chuckles. Make no mistake, this movie IS stupid -- on purpose. The singing bush?...the Invisible Swordsman?...campfire-singing animals?...please. But the comedic brilliance of Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short sells even the silliest shtick.
On the other hand, there are some classic pieces and one-liners in here that demonstrate the film's writing depth, which shouldn't be overlooked, including the surprisingly deep relationship between el Guapo (Alfonso Arau) and his right-hand-man, Jefe (Tony Plana).
All in all, you don't really watch this to digest a movie and follow the evolution of characters, you watch it in chunks as skit after skit that affords endless enjoyment if you allow it.
So give it a go and have fun...you might be surprised.
Piranha 3DD (2012)
Delivered What it Promised
David Hasselhoff made a cameo...a large-breasted woman adorns the cover...double-D is in the title...need I say more? This film accomplished nothing less than it was supposed to - a cheap thrill and fun spin on the horror genre, and for this I give it props. My biggest surprise was some of the big names they signed: Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd, David Koechner, and we can't forget The Hoff.
Bottom line...you have to go into this flick with the right attitude and don't expect a cinematic masterpiece, just a fun romp with gratuitous and ample T&A. If you don't like that kind of movie, I think the cover was warning enough.
The Comebacks (2007)
Lighten up, people
Went for eleven straight years without a drink. What happened? Turned twelve.
While it's not the most ingenious piece of comedy ever contrived, it doesn't deserve the thrashing it's gotten on IMDb. If the prudes could get off their high horses long enough, they'd see that this movie is funny! Perhaps it's an acquired taste, but vulgar humour can be hilarious if you allow it to be. But we are a fickle and very led society, sometimes unable to enjoy things for what they are - the key word there is enjoy. At some point I hope the pickles come out of the butts and people remember how to laugh again because with the number of negative reviews by uptight individuals, it seems our forgot-about-fun society has a long way to go.
Last Days Here (2011)
You'll Miss the Metal of Yore
This is the sad story of Bobby Liebling, strung out on every narcotic you can think of, a mere shadow of the stage-commanding metal god we all remember him as, reduced to the heart-tugging confines of his parents' basement.
This is very much like the film, Anvil: The Story of Anvil, showing us the harsh realities befallen to some bands, despite their moments in the sun, and their God-given resiliency to forge on and keep the music alive.
Next to death for seemingly the majority of his life, Bobby somehow manages to conquer his demons, find love, and revive his musical career in a heart-warming culmination of survival, spurred by an amazing assortment of friends and family.
The metal lives, and Bobby, you're helping to lead the way.
Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl (1982)
Colin "Bomber" Harris vs Colin "Bomber" Harris
...And already Colin is working on that weak left knee of his...
I wish comedy like this was still being produced. From the wrestling skit to The Last Supper where Michaelangelo (Idle) is trying to convince the pope (Cleese) to flesh out the painting with 28 disciples and 3 Christs, to Silly Olympics and the Marathon for Incontinents, to International Philosophy where the great German thinkers take on the Greeks for a match of contemplative football, and of course The Four Yorkshiremen who take "when I was a child" exaggerations of hardship to the ridiculous level like only they could, and my personal favorite: Little Red Riding Hood who daintily kicks down trees and uses their lumber to wipe her nose while she's gnawing on a shank of meat.
And amidst all of this lunacy is an attention to detail and authenticity that transform a collection of satires into a masterpiece.
Nightmare Alley (2010)
Thanks Brain Damage...
...For proving that I was wrong when I thought I'd seen the most pathetic piece of film ever. Now don't get me wrong; I actually like movies that are so bad they're good, but this thing is simply horrific - the only piece of horror to be found.
Be honest Lawrence and Scarlet, did you get together with some buddies and a handy-cam? No camera work to speak of, horrible sound, lighting, and not a single iota of acting talent. Aside from that, the stories are so unimaginative, so absolutely mindless that I would have thought a bunch of remedial high school juniors shot a farce film in one night for kicks...while they were drunk.
If the skits were at least imaginative, I'd give you props for a $3500 effort, but sorry, no can do. The only thing you managed to do with this insult to movie making is prove that Netflix has absolutely no criteria to earn a spot in their roster. Yikes.
Circle of Pain (2010)
Even the DVD disc itself STUNK
Truly a situation where IMDb should provide a zero rating. I didn't expect much and yet I was still disappointed if not shocked at how utterly terrible this stink-bomb was. The MMA fighter cameos were unbelievably horrid. You don't expect them to act - fine - but, the writers should have set them up to look good. This, of course, begs the question as to whether there were actually writers, or perhaps they were winging it off the back of a napkin.
I think what could have saved this thing (doesn't deserve to be called a movie) is an original storyline; but alas, we were given the same tired plot as any other low-budget fight movie out there. I truly hope the creators of this slop are embarrassed and get out of the game because charging a fee to watch this beast is truly criminal.
I want my money back.
The Whoopee Boys (1986)
The sleeper comedy of the century
Y'know, I find it amazing...So many obscene-budget movies nowadays offer so little and deliver even less. Weak story lines, poor dialogue, and no originality... Then we have The Whoopee Boys. Like great Bugs Bunny episodes, I could watch this thing over and over and over (and I have). On the outside, it doesn't look like much, doesn't cast massive stars, but it delivers in so many intricate comedy-in-your-face ways. O'Keefe and Rodriguez play off each other perfectly. It's not that I roll on the floor laughing (well, maybe in some parts), but that I laugh on the inside, emit the odd guttural snicker, and I feel good after seeing it. There aren't very many movies that do that. For example, I just finished watching a couple of bombs: Crazy on the Outside (Tim Allen) and Fantastic Mr. Fox. TERRIBLE - don't see them. Yet here we have this innocent film made over twenty years ago that takes you by storm and engulfs you before you know what hits you.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Brilliance
Where to begin...Like Elvis and the Beatles, this film set the precedence for comedy in so many ways. Y'know, in some ways, it may have been ahead of its time (which is a comment toward the casts comedic brilliance). I say this because not a heck of a lot of movies are funny anymore. Anyway, back to the flick at hand... It takes vast intelligence to intermix silliness and intellect, the way Monty Python has. You watch the thing, know that it's ridiculous, but at the same time understand how much intelligence it took to pull it off. Some of the jokes are so deep, you need to cross reference an encyclopedia to get them. Besides that, their parody acting is unmatched. Completely believable - which is, of course what makes it so funny. Thanks Monty Python!