postmortem-books Reviews

Six Minutes to Midnight (2020)

Sloppy fim-making, plot holes and what the hell was Judi Dench thinking?

[1/10 · 28 May 2021]

I suppose if your film is being financed by the Welsh Film Board the least you are expected to do is film in Wales. Which is all well and good except that this was supposed to be Bexhill on Sea in Sussex and you'd be hard pushed to find moors and sandy beaches anywhere near there. This misplacing hits you between the eyes immediately if you know the area.

Then we have the rather silly "plot" which verges on the Sexton Blake/Boy's Own lunacy at times. Izzard is handcuffed and in a second floor room at one point but manages to overcome his guard and in the next shot we see him escaping by leaping over those stone walls so redolent of Welsh farming and never found in Sussex countryside. Just how did he get from the top floor to the ground without going down the stairs? Don't ask. And he finds a very convenient telephone box in the middle of the moors... The girls in the final scene holding up flares to attract the German plane - conveniently and rather stupidly in two rows close enough to be decapitated by the landing aircraft. Their teacher reminded me of Helga from 'Allo 'Allo, all shouty and over eager.

Tosh. Utter tosh. Judi Dench must have been short of a few bob to get involved with this farrago.

Summer of Rockets (2019)

Poliakoff, the BBC - a perfect recipe for unadulterated tosh

[1/10 · 7 March 2021]

I was caught off guard by the Netflix ad on it's opening screen and watched the first episode without checking the writer and reviews. Only after I had endured the 60 minutes of "wokeness", political and social sniping, re-writing of history and ghastly acting linked to a toe-curling script that I discovered that it was a Poliakoff production. I still have the pins in my eyes from his last offering. What does he have over the BBC that his offerings are inflicted on the paying public so often? And another Keeley Hawes (Finding Alice) mis-step. I feel no need whatsoever to continue the series.

I Care a Lot (2020)

Are actors desperate to do anything these days?

[1/10 · 21 February 2021]

I like Rosamund Pike and I like Dinklage but one has to ask if they really are so desperate for work that they would embark on such poorly scripted and disastrously thought out plot. "Hey, Rosamund, can we throw in a bit of lesbian action? Nothing to do with the story but it might detract from the garbage plot that is served up." "Yes, sure. Do I get to show my t*ts as well?" "Hadn't thought of that but we can throw in a gratuitous wet T shirt scene if you like." "Great. Count me in." And with that premise the story swirls round the plug hole and disappears into the sewers of Hollywood. One only wishes that the guy who threatened the Pike character in the first 5 minutes had actually shot her there and then rather than coming back 2 hours later at the end of the film to do just that.

Actors: do you have no quality control whatsoever?

Finding Alice (2021– )

Only watching it for the plot holes and the ridiculous attempt to jemmy in every PC character possible

[1/10 · 1 February 2021]

Having suffered three episodes of this tripe I am now going to complete the series because I cannot believe that such nonsense makes it to the screen and people were persuaded to invest money into the production. Did none of the actors ever take the writers (Nye and Hawes) to one side and politely question the dialogue, the plot and the characters? Plot holes are rife throughout the series and severely damage the authenticity of the story. Releasing a body from a morgue with no paperwork and burying the body in your back garden? The morgue assistant running a bereavement counselling group in the basement of the hospital? Keeley Hawes able to wander into the morgue at any time in her pyjamas and view dead bodies being groomed? Oh please! Then every conceivable variant character is squeezed into the plot. Trans, gay, lesbian, wheelchair bound, Downs Syndrome, druggie, long lost son, - the list goes even on and I've only got to episode 3 so far. It's a joke. But not in a good way.

Summerland (I) (2020)

Sentimental mush with plot holes a-plenty

[3/10 · 3 August 2020]

Oh dear. This was our first venture back into the cinema since the easing of the lockdown and perhaps we were too eager to see something - anything - and should have been a little more discerning in our choice.

Like much of the film industry this movie now reflects a PC wokeness that precludes accurate historical referencing. Sadly, it holes a film below the waterline as the viewer can feel "preached to". The character of the 10 year old girl, Edie, is so 21st century post-modern feminist that the "message incoming" alarm gong goes off more than once with the words that no child of that age or that period would ever come out with.

I can't really elaborate on the plot holes without revealing spoilers but one has to question how Alice drive around the countryside and up to London on what would have been very limited petrol supply. Chasing a train in a car from the Sussex coast up to London and then supposedly arriving at Victoria station at the same time? Give me strength.

The "surprise" ending was flagged up way before I was enmeshed in the sentimental mush that was washing up on the shores of this offering. Gemma Arterton portrays a character that, despite everything, remains unsympathetic. Tom Courtenay who is making a specialisation in late life bumbling "sweet" characters also stars.

On Chesil Beach (2017)

Are there two versions of this film?

[8/10 · 25 June 2020]

We just watched this film last night when it was aired on BBC2 and something leapt out at us which we never spotted when we first saw it in the cinema a couple of years ago. The fact that Florence was probably sexually abused by her father was made quite evident in the TV version but I am pretty sure was something that was not there in the cinema version. I mean it's something that you wouldn't miss is it? Could it possibly be that there are two versions of this film? Anyway, that makes Florence's "frigidity" much more understandable although the fact that she was able then to form a marriage and have children with Morrell doesn't quite add up.

But the film still makes an emotional impact. Those of us who were teenagers in the early 60's perfectly understand the immature fumblings and physical over-eagerness that caused great difficulties in marriages between two people who were virgins and sexually unaware.

Unlikely coincidences are always troublesome in stories and the possibility of Florence's 10 year old daughter, Chloe, turning up at Billy's manky record store in a rough part of London (assuming Florence, husband and their children lived in a better neighbourhood) is pushing it a bit.

Still, all in all, a thoughful film and Saoirse Ronan is a fine actress and always a delight to the eye.

Oh... Rosalinda!! (1955)

Will leave you open-mouthed - and not in the best way

[2/10 · 3 March 2020]

I came upon this quite by chance on Talking Pictures whose output I enjoy 9 times out of 10. This was the one that misfired for me. Knowing the original Die Fledermaus very well I was somewhat flummoxed by the updating and by the serenely bad lypsynching of the actors. I'm not sure how Dennis Price and Anthony Quayle got themselves involved in this debacle but the sight - and sound - of the former tackling the "singing" was NOT a joy to behold.

Hand in Hand (1961)

Poignant Memories

[10/10 · 12 January 2020]

If Loretta Parry is still reading the reviews here I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed this film especially as I had a very similar relationship with a girl of the same age as me (11) at the time the film originally came out. I have only just seen Hand in Hand today on Talking Pictures and found it enchanting and affecting. It brought up many happy and poignant memories.

The Good Liar (2019)

Plot holes galore weaken what could have been a much better film

[5/10 · 10 November 2019]

Obviously I am having to be very circumspect about describing the plot holes without giving away the twists in the story so bear with me if I am deliberately vague on certain points.

There are the makings of a good film here and with high calibre actors as McKellen and Mirren as the major players the director got off to a good start. Unfortunately you need a plausible story on which to carry your actors and there are too many plot hole questions which begin to arise fairly quickly. Combine that with a twist in the story which any self-respecting viewer would spot fairly early on and all that remains is the story to unfold to its inevitable end. The ages of the characters are totally incorrect for the back story. McKellen and Mirren should be close to 100 years of age not 80 and 72 as we are told and all the way through, this, for me, undermined the plot which makes the revelation when it comes absolute nonsense. There are many other questions that cannot be discussed here without spoilers so you will just have to love 'em or loathe 'em as you see fit. I'm just one of those geeks that can't get past the detail. A reasonable entertainment for a wet afternoon.

Red Joan (2018)

Be warned: although "inspired by a true story" it is very far from the truth.

[5/10 · 2 May 2019]

Having researched the life of Melita Norwood - the real name of the fictional "Joan" played by Judi Dench in this film - it is obvious that this film has moved far from the truth of the deception that Joan carried out. Norwood came from a fervently communist/socialist household and NEVER went to Cambridge university. She studied Latin and logic at Southampton University for a year before dropping out. There was no love affair with a Russian sympathiser and she worked at British Non-Ferrous Metals Research Association. She had already married a communist sympathiser before she was recruited by the NVKD because she was secretary to the research director at "Tube Alloys" a codename for atomic research facilities. She had ZERO understanding of the science and wouldn't have known one end of a pipette from another but she did have access to the research papers which she meticulously photographed and handed over to her Russian handler. History has deemed her deceptions as more damaging to British security than the infamous Cambridge Five. Thus the film plays fast and loose with the real history and rather cynically tries to entice the viewer into sympathising with "Red Joan" (who didn't have a barrister son in real life either). As a total fiction I would have given the film a guarded thumbs up as it is grips the imagination of the viewer but the "inspired by a true story" claim at the opening credits is very misleading. Joan/Melita was a traitor as much as Lord Haw Haw and she continued to support the Russian communist cause even when it was slaughtering millions of its own population.

The Bookshop (2017)

Words, silence, continuity faults...they're all there.

[1/10 · 13 January 2019]

Oh dear. Oh dear. Being in the book trade I was naturally drawn to this title on Netflix but was quickly aware that this was one of those "arty" films that seems quite worthy but fails to engage most of its audience. I was immediately struck by the stilted nature of the acting. Everyone from adults to kids talk in the most unnatural way especially Bill Nighy who have always admired but in this film he plays a weird recluse living in a gothic house surrounded by brambles that a younger woman would steer well clear of. Then there's the silences. Any film that depends on long silences as it pans across landscapes for no particular purpose should be flagged up with a health/boring warning.

And continuity. For heaven's sake, the setting is supposed to be the East Anglian coast but was obviously filmed somewhere on the south west coast. Rolling hills and heavily wooded coasts are NOT to be found in East Anglia. The bookshop was a mixture of secondhand and new titles - and some of the new titles on show were only published since 2000. Ordering 250 copies of Nabokov's "Lolita" wouldn't have happened -even in a major store like Foyles in central London let alone a small village bookshop. That was the moment I knew that this was so far removed from reality that I had no belief or interest in the rest of the story. Tosh of the highest order.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (2018)

Decent enough fare for the silver-haired cinema-goers

[6/10 · 23 April 2018]

If the title of this review seems a little condescending my only excuse is that I am one of those silver-haired cinema-goers and I quickly sussed out from the actors involved (Tom Courtney, Penelope Wilton) that we would be served up a variation on "Quartet" and "Exotic Marigold Hotel". And so it transpired. Nothing wrong with that I will be the first to admit but perhaps I was looking for something with a bit more bite. Guernsey was a Nazi occupied territory during the war and there is a story to be told but here we fall back into something that is more or less a romance/mystery story which telegraphs its ending way before the end of its two hours running time (cuts could have been made).

There are plot holes, coincidences and events that may worry the more discerning of viewers and when one begins to wonder just how many changes of clothes the character played by Lily James can squeeze into a very small suitcase one realises that the incidentals are beginning to overtake the story.

Not having read the book I cannot comment on any changes that might have been made.

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Unnecessary remake.

[2/10 · 5 November 2017]

I am loathe to put the boot in to any film but the barrage of publicity for this, plastered all over the BBC news and chat shows - Graham Norton and Andrew Marr interviewing the phalanx of "stars" in a suitable subservient way - has pushed this reviewer over the edge. It is a film that didn't need a remake since the original was perfectly acted and nuanced. Perhaps that is half the problem - I know the "solution" and therefore the denouement is no surprise- but there is something more deeply flawed with this movie. Firstly - that moustache. Ridiculous and in the end it becomes something that you stare at and wonder just why something so outrageously stupid would NOT get in the way of what words the actor is actually saying. You stop listening and just try and see where it is stuck on. Branagh stomps around the various scenes like Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia (even down to walking along the top of the snow-covered carriage as if he was king of the castle) and then addresses the suspects in a scene that is reminiscent of The Last Supper painting. Everywhere he goes everyone knows him. Absolutely everyone. The opening scenes in Jerusalem are unnecessary and only serve to raise Branagh/Poirot into God like status where the population of the city are happy to take his word and trample a suspect policeman to death. No jury, no trial, lynch mob rules. All of which seems to bother the guardian of justice not one jot.

Cut to the train - at last. We hear that the train is full and that Poirot will have to share a cabin for at least one night. As we discover that there are just 12 passengers on the whole train I wondered what happened to all the other empty berths on the other carriages. Let's just pass over that one. We are now introduced to the various characters. I don't know how much these stars got paid for this movie but boy, apart from Michelle Pfeiffer, they don't have too many words to say. The main action is sitting around looking suspiciously at each other. Depp is mostly unintelligible evidenced by his recent performance on the Graham Norton show where he found it difficult to string two words together. It is only Branagh who has the dialogue - and he works it as hard as he can into some kind of Shakespearean dialogue. Judi Dench plays the part Wendy Hiller took in the 1974 film. I know Dench is supposed to be the public's "favourite" but Hiller's sneering haughtiness will remain one of the highlights of the earlier film long after this one is forgotten.

In the novel and the 1974 film the train gets stuck in a drift. Here it is struck by an avalanche and teeters on a wooden viaduct. Ain't CGI wonderful? The engine is derailed but never fear he comes a gang of ten workers who will dig away the snow and pull a 100 ton engine back on to the tracks - with their bare hands. Marvellous.

And the music score? Possibly the most disappointing part of the whole film when one considers the classic Richard Rodney Bennett score for the 1974 film. Patrick Doyle's offering is just insipid and uninspired. The closing credits roll with some vapid pop song burbling away in the background.

Well, if you've never seen the 1974 film and you don't know the ending you may enjoy this but perhaps you should locate that earlier film and wait for this to end up on the £3 shelf at Tesco. It would appear, to judge by the final quip by Poirot in the film that Branagh is planning to redo Death on the Nile. God help us.

The Limehouse Golem (2016)

Nighy shines in poor blood-fest flick.

[4/10 · 2 September 2017]

I decided to see this on the strength of the trailer - Victorian murder mysteries being one of my favourites - and also the fact that Bill Nighy was starring. Bill and I went to the same school together in the 60's and were taught by the same English teacher who inspired Bill to go into acting (at which he has proved immensely successful) and myself into writing (not so much so!). Nighy has done some great films over the years but, sadly, this is not one of them. The fault lies not with the characterisation of Inspector Kildare but with the gore fest of a film he has to wade through. Maybe I'm getting long in the tooth but at a certificate 15 I was not expecting such gruesome blood letting which seemed to substitute for a cohesive plot which, considering the enormous holes to be found, was possibly intended to divert the audience. The mystery of whodunnit is entangled with a confused subliminal message of cross- dressing and homo/lesbian tendencies which did nothing to advance the story or make it any more viable. The scene in which Segeant Flood holds the hand of Inspector Kildare towards the end of the film was so unlikely that it just made me laugh. There was a good film to be made from a good book but this is not it.

Paterson (2016)

It was the dog that dunnit.

[1/10 · 9 December 2016]

Here's the summary: A bus driver named Paterson drives a bus in a town called Paterson, NJ. He lives with a woman who doesn't work but paints black and white designs on everything that doesn't move. A week in the life of this pair runs as follows: He gets up and goes to work. Writes some poetry in a notebook. We watch as he walks to and from work. There are twins dotted all over Paterson. She buys an expensive guitar as she wants to become a country singer and she also makes cup cakes. There is a dog called Marvin. Marvin eats the poetry notebook. Paterson despondent. But then meets a Japanese man who asks him if he is a poet and gives him a new blank notebook. Closing credits. By which time the red hot pins stuck in my eyes had become permanently embedded. What sounded like clapping rose from one section of the meagre audience, except it wasn't clapping. It was a woman slapping her partner trying to wake him up.

Marvin was good.

Eddie the Eagle (2015)

Puts a smile on your face - one for the DVD collection.

[9/10 · 10 April 2016]

We went to this expecting not very much. In fact, if we hadn't already booked the tickets beforehand we might have given it a swerve as we'd had a late night the day before. Well, we're glad we made the effort as this is a gem of a film that puts a smile on your face which lasts way beyond the cinema doors. You will probably have to be British to appreciate the full quality of Eddie the Eagle's stubborness and undoubted bravery in his attempts to get to the Winter Olympics. We all saw him as a lovable "geek" and this film lovingly replicates Eddie's bottle-end glasses and gurning facial expressions. OK, the film telescopes events and there are a number of clichés that would have damned other less well-made films. We all knew what the outcome of Eddie's attempts on the Olympic 90 metre ski jump would be but nevertheless we were held, enchanted, right through to the triumphant end.

Hail, Caesar! (2016)

Coen, Coen, Con

[1/10 · 13 March 2016]

We should have been fore-warned when the cinema was only a third full as the curtains rolled back. Obviously the absentees had read the IMDb reviews and had decided to do something more interesting such as cleaning the oven or worming the dogs. We forked out £19 to see this pile of nonsense - primarily persuaded by the trailer which contained the only bits of humour in what turned out to be a very long 1.75 hours - and it makes me as mad as hell that decent actors such as Ranulph Fiennes and Tilda Swinton should add their effort and names to such a pile of cr@p. Between them they probably put in less than 24 hours work and got paid xxx thousands. Don't have your pockets picked by these frauds. You've seen the other reviews. You know what to do. Stay at home. Worm those dogs. Put your rubber gloves on clean the oven. You know it makes sense.

The Martian (2015)

A film for kids. PC ridden and cliché bound.

[2/10 · 18 October 2015]

What is it about directors that they have to stoop to the very worst of clichés when making "space" films? I'm old enough to have seen "2001" when it first came out and it seems to me that far from emulating Kubrick's marvellous film Ridley Scott has regressed to some kind of Boy's Own adventure movies style - but peopled with every kind of PC cliché and dialogue that constantly sets this viewer's teeth on edge. Here's the scruffy ethnic that lives in a pile of mess but has worked out how to save the stranded astronaut - and develops his idea in the most childish way even though most of us had worked it out a good hour beforehand, Gruff Sean Bean growls and fights against the system. Pretty female astronauts are in control, a teenage NASA technician (female) spots something none of the more experienced men in real life would have noticed at the drop of a hat, the hideously white NASA director is stupid but the USA's new friends - the Chinese - come to the rescue. The scenes of jubilation in Times Square, Trafalgar Square and somewhere in China with massed crowds waiting with bated breath as the "live" rescue mission is beamed directly on to large screens is just pure nonsense. Pretty landscapes. Pity about the people, the dialogue, the plot and the suffocating PC-ness of it all.

Man Up (I) (2015)

Grief Encounter

[1/10 · 31 May 2015]

Let me say right at the start that I like Simon Pegg - or perhaps I should qualify that a little. I liked the early Pegg films, "Shaun of the Dead", "Hot Fuzz", "How to Lose Friends" and even "Run, Fat Boy, Run" although the latter had the incipient signs of straining for laughs. Sadly "Paul" and "World's End" saw the chuckle motor running on empty and with "Man Up" it finally careers over the cliff. Perhaps its that Pegg, likable as a young innocent abroad in his early films, has hit middle-age and is still trying to recreate a persona that inevitably dies when your hair recedes and the bags grow under your eyes. The plot line of this farrago is demonstrably thin and is played out over what seems an interminable 90 minutes. One has to ask why no-one, in the process of making this film, ever stood back and said "this just isn't working" and call it a day. A silly plot, a babbling Pegg, a pretty unpleasant character played by Lake Bell with whom one has very little empathy, is brought to a climax that beggars belief - employing what has become Pegg's trademark shots, i.e. running through streets weirdly empty of all cars followed by cheering teenagers - in which Pegg and Lake plight their troth in front of assembled parents and friends and then nip off to the parent's bathroom for a shag. The predominance of the "f" word and endless references to blow-jobs would be evidence enough of desperation on behalf of the film-makers but then they wheel on Rory Kinnear to give a performance that, in other times, would have you wondering what the hell an RSC actor has to do to destroy his own career. Trains, meeting under the clock at Waterloo Station, misunderstandings? Tragically one can only assume that this is a Brief Encounter for our dystopian times - a Grief Encounter that you should avoid at all costs.

A Royal Night Out (2015)

A film empty of any content playing to an empty theatre

[1/10 · 16 May 2015]

I had a pretty good guess what this would be like from the trailers but the full-length film delivers the awfulness in spades. Why any film director would even think, in their wildest dreams, that there was an entertainment to be made from the thinnest of true life facts is beyond me and that so much effort and money could be lobbed into a swirling vortex that pumps out this candy floss froth is truly astonishing. From the fake sets through the fake accents to the not very good lookey-likey of George VI (Rupert Everett spectacularly fails in what must have amounted to 1 days work) this film has already been dealt a death blow in my local cinema. On a Saturday night there were just a grand total of 10 people in attendance - and 2 of those walked out half-way through. Its a "Carry On Princess" - but without the laughs or the saving grace of double entendres.

Far from the Madding Crowd (2015)

An entertaining 2 hours - but does it beat the 1967 version?

[6/10 · 3 May 2015]

Although I have given this - it would appear - a miserly 6 out of 10 it is only because I can still recall the Schlesinger 1967 version which, for me, eclipses this version on a number of levels. Carey Mulligan, however, is the high point and she certainly presents a Bathsheba Everdene who any man could easily fall for. Her inherent beauty is perfectly fashioned and she sucks in empathy and admiration every time she appears in a scene. My main problem is with Matthias Schoenaerts who, too frequently, is portrayed rather too much as a lumpen farmhand. I think a professional critic has likened his dialogue with Michael Sheen's William Boldwood as rather like Ralph and Ted's dialogue from "The Fast Show" and once you have that image in your head its difficult to watch any of their scenes together. Schoenaerts doesn't even attempt a Dorset accent and on occasion a mittel-European phrasing creeps into the dialogue. A miscasting would be my opinion. Bates in the 1967 version was - and remains - the perfect Gabriel Oak. The story was condensed somewhat and there were some plot lines that weren't sufficiently developed to allow for complete understanding. Tom Sturridge's Sgt.Troy was duly dastardly and the "sword" scene was atmospherically achieved but where one could understand a woman falling head over heels for Terence Stamp's Troy it was a little tough to see why this Bathsheba could be so infatuated as to be taken in so completely. Maybe I'm nitpicking and I'd say to anyone who was thinking of seeing this: go ahead and enjoy the story and beautiful scenery. Its not a wasted 2 hours by any means. But then get the digitally remastered 1967 version being released on June 1st and then compare the two.

The Water Diviner (2014)

And with one leap he was free...

[5/10 · 5 April 2015]

I went to this film with a completely open mind and with no preconceptions or hang-ups about Russell Crowe. All I knew was that it covered the aftermath of the Gallipoli campaign in WW1. The first section of the film is set in Australia and to my mind is the most effective, dealing as it does with the trauma of a family that has lost 3 sons in the war. Anger, blame and guilt are effectively portrayed and the cinematography is stunningly beautiful. It is only when Crowe sets off to Turkey to try and locate the site of his son's deaths that the film begins to go off track and credulity is stretched beyond breaking point. Enter a sweet boy whose mother is also the most beautiful woman in Turkey and you already begin to realise we are being set up for a romantic ending. Add in stereotypical British cad officer with haughty attitude, rough and ready Aussies, good/bad Turkish locals who sing and dance at the drop of a fez and the palate is full and ready to be splashed all over the filmic canvas. The ensuing hunt and chase is reminiscent of Sapper and John Buchan at their Boy's Own worst and as unbelievable. There was a film here that had possibilities but it eventually got lost in the need to make it an action movie. The denouement shows our hero doing the "and with one leap he was free" action - literally. This was marginally better than sitting in and watching the Saturday night telly which is not saying much if truth be told. Would I take time to watch it again when it appears on the small screen? No.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015)

Disappointing and formulaic - a "teen" movie for the grey hairs and ever so slightly patronising.

[3/10 · 27 February 2015]

Hmmm...well, we all looked forward to this one didn't we? The first was a hit with the grey hairs (of which I am one) and I guess someone looked at the receipts and thought hey, we should do this again. But, of course, what happens is the studio tries too hard to replicate the formula but in so doing creates a parody of the original. Same characters, mostly the same actors with the addition of Richard Gere (for the US market?) and Tamsin Greig. Just mix in a little local colour and off we go. Unfortunately, this particular gravy train runs out of steam pretty early on with the characters all pining after each other with unrequited love. Dev Patel's character quickly becomes irritating and his mother's fling with Richard Gere is a nonsense. The plot weaves endlessly to a point where I really couldn't care less about any of the characters and wanted the whole thing to end. Eventually it did with a cynical reprise of the Slumdog Millionaire dance sequence. I guess the actors who gyrated ineffectually just gritted their teeth and thought of the moolah rolling into their accounts. One to avoid.

Inherent Vice (2014)

American noir meets Disney's Dopey

[1/10 · 1 February 2015]

If you are an habitual user of hash or love to snort cocaine this film will appeal to you big time. The characters wander through the 2.5 hours (and God, it feels like twice the length) in a drugged daze spouting incomprehensible twoddle. In fact you"ll be hard pushed to hear the dialogue which will give you an opportunity to either doze off or day dream about anything other than the tripe unfolding in front of eyes. It only takes some 5 minutes to get the "feel" for the film and it is one of unrelenting boredom and inconsequentialities. I have no idea who was doing what to whom or why and by the end I couldn't have cared less. The other 10 people in the cinema couldn't give a flying monkeys either. Do yourself a favour and give this tosh a miss.

Gone Girl (2014)

9 stars or 10 stars? What the heck - I give it 10.

[10/10 · 5 October 2014]

I was hovering over the 9 mark rather than the 10 just because there were a couple of plot holes that I had spotted but I thought, what the heck, its not every day you get to have 150 minutes of unmitigated suspense AND a sight (or two) of Rosamund Pike's bum (presuming it wasn't a body double in those scenes). With so much dreck being wheeled out - we got stuck with a couple of turkeys in as many weeks - it is a delight to be in an audience that leaves an auditorium where they have been greatly entertained.

A first class thriller which has you talking about it hours after viewing. Clever. Very clever. No more to be said.