I just have to throw in my two cents about this show even though it's finished running, at least a few people have to say how bad it was, otherwise people in the future will think everyone back in the early 2000's was high on crack or Oxycontin... So I've watched it a few times and never even cracked a smile, that's how bad it is. Some people on IMDb have had the gall to compare it to Seinfeld...WHAT? In what Canadian backwater universe are you living in to think this could hold a candle to Seinfeld? I think the people who say that probably HATE Seinfeld and are only saying it because Seinfeld was the biggest hit comedy in the last 40 years. Anyone who likes Seinfeld couldn't even like Corner Gas because the two shows are so different. Comparing this to Seinfeld is like comparing it to Baywatch, it just makes no sense. Seinfeld was a comedy whereas Corner Gas is not. Corner Gas is more like something you read in the washroom and then flush down the toilet. I just can't believe it ever got on TV in the first place. I watched a DVD once on how to install insulation in your attic that was more entertaining than this show. People keep saying it's such a true depiction of what it's like growing up in a small town and all I can think is thank GOD I didn't grow up in a small town because if this show is anything close to it, I would have blown my brains out.
Reviews
41 Reviews
Muscle Beach Party
(1964)
A pretty stupid corny movie
21 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I like to watch old 60's movies for weirdo nostalgic reasons; the old cars, sets, musical instruments etc., usually I can stomach the shallow plots and bad acting but this one's just too much, it's just dumb plus I've never been able to stand Don Rickles. Buddy Hackett's also kind of annoying. The plot is so bad they've written in a girl who whenever she dances she shakes really fast and guys fall off their surfboards and the movie run backwards so they fly out of the water and back onto their boards, that kind of retarded thing so they actually had to put in novelties like that because they knew how lame the movie was. They used the shaky girl twice, once on the beach and once in a bar scene, how stupid. Actually, this movie is a lot like one of those Elvis Presley beach movies, very similar. Somebody said this was made by the same guy who did Bewitched. IMO, an episode of Bewitched is far more entertaining than this film which isn't saying much.
Atlantic Rim
(2013 Video)
The guy who gave this a 10 works for the production company
9 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
That one review by someone who gave this an 11 out of 10 clearly owns or manages the production company (called The Asylum) that made this terrible film and judging by his comments, he is a very, very immature person, but then anyone who would make a film like Sharknado obviously has something wrong with him. I think this 'Asylum' company, (guy/company, whatever 'he' or 'it' is), should switch over to making cheap porn. Actually what he 'should' do is quit making movies altogether and get a job flipping burgers if it's not beyond his skill level. I wonder if he's some spoiled rich kid that wanted to be a 'movie' producer so daddy financed him.
The Descendants
(2011)
only good quality
2 February 2014
Warning: Spoilers
No one will probably ever read this but what the hell.
This was a pretty weird film. It 'promotes' what I see around me which is the boomer generation acting like adolescents because they don't want to 'age' so they treat their kids like siblings instead of like children which is bad for everyone involved.
It also shows the shallowness of our times, aging, entitled, dysfunctional boomers living the high life with inherited money they didn't earn, living like hobo kings in Hawaii, the 1st generation that was weaned on Television, the medium which so heavily exudes eternal youth, having to deal with aging and death and having to be the 'adults' when they've never been able to grow up themselves because of the influence of Television. And to prove my point, the very last scene is of Clooney and his two daughters staring straight at you because YOU are the television and THEY are the audience and they're watching March of the Penguins -- this is how they're dealing with the death of their mother -- by turning on the TV and tuning out!
The only reason I can see this movie getting such high accolades is because I think our culture is SO desperate for direction on the issue of death and dying that it's grasping at even a shallow movies like this one out of desperation. The irony is that the alienation that's causing people to turn to movies like this one is the medium of television and movies themselves.
The only redeeming quality of this film is that the George Clooney character decides not to sell off a huge chunk of Hawaiian land that's been in his family for a few generations so it doesn't get developed into a resort (yeah, dream on!). I doubt that would happen in real life but it does send a good message I suppose.
This was a pretty weird film. It 'promotes' what I see around me which is the boomer generation acting like adolescents because they don't want to 'age' so they treat their kids like siblings instead of like children which is bad for everyone involved.
It also shows the shallowness of our times, aging, entitled, dysfunctional boomers living the high life with inherited money they didn't earn, living like hobo kings in Hawaii, the 1st generation that was weaned on Television, the medium which so heavily exudes eternal youth, having to deal with aging and death and having to be the 'adults' when they've never been able to grow up themselves because of the influence of Television. And to prove my point, the very last scene is of Clooney and his two daughters staring straight at you because YOU are the television and THEY are the audience and they're watching March of the Penguins -- this is how they're dealing with the death of their mother -- by turning on the TV and tuning out!
The only reason I can see this movie getting such high accolades is because I think our culture is SO desperate for direction on the issue of death and dying that it's grasping at even a shallow movies like this one out of desperation. The irony is that the alienation that's causing people to turn to movies like this one is the medium of television and movies themselves.
The only redeeming quality of this film is that the George Clooney character decides not to sell off a huge chunk of Hawaiian land that's been in his family for a few generations so it doesn't get developed into a resort (yeah, dream on!). I doubt that would happen in real life but it does send a good message I suppose.
Avalanche Sharks
(2014 TV Movie)
Hopefully the last *%$# shark movie we have to see
1 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I knew this was going to be bad but I had NO idea just how bad. The whole idea was of course retarded but on top of that, the acting was terrible too. The whole thing looked like it was made by guys who do really cheap TV ads, you know, like ads for 'Ed and Melna's Furniture Emporium' with a cheesy logo effect. Man, the effects are REALLY bad, nothing even looks slightly real. There's one whole section I'm sure was all stock video footage of people snowboarding, it didn't even match the 'look' of rest of the movie, I thought it was a commercial at first, it probably was, it was probably a bunch of stuff they shot for a sporting goods store that went out of business. I'm just amazed these movies are getting made and put on TV. I really wonder if we're witnessing the end of television. Perhaps the internet has killed TV too. Maybe there's just not enough money in it anymore to make anything except 'reality' shows and terrible 'movies' like this one.
Hackers
(1995)
Vacuous moronic tripe for computer dweebs
24 November 2013
I watched this today because it was on cable and all I can say is it was TERRIBLE! REALLY, REALLY TERRIBLE!! It is yet another cheezeball Kalifornia take on "the future", the future in the eyes of some sleezball movie producers trying to cash in on some boring segment of society (hacker kids?) that they totally did't know anything about but wanted to make a few bucks off of because they heard it was "the next big thing".
The 'costumes' are so effected, the acting is terrible, Angelina Jolie is here, 20 years old and playing a troubled teenager and her acting is garbage. I've never thought anything of her but now I think even less. Not to rag on her because she's never been anything more than what she was in this movie: some kid who thought she was an actress.
I can't believe the woman who played the shrink on the Sopranos had to lower herself to be in this piece of garbage. How sad.
The 'costumes' are so effected, the acting is terrible, Angelina Jolie is here, 20 years old and playing a troubled teenager and her acting is garbage. I've never thought anything of her but now I think even less. Not to rag on her because she's never been anything more than what she was in this movie: some kid who thought she was an actress.
I can't believe the woman who played the shrink on the Sopranos had to lower herself to be in this piece of garbage. How sad.
Killer Bees
(2002 TV Movie)
One actress in this looks like Jerry Sienfeld !!...
17 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Ha! It's the actress that played Georges girlfriend that Kramer and Elaine thought looked like Jerry -- she's honestly in this movie (as Audrey). Anyhow, pretty bad movie. . The funniest part though is there a honey festival complete with jars of honey and people dressed in John Belushi Saturday Night Live bee costumes and the bees swarm the festival. One guys car is smothered in bees but they're nowhere else but on his car, of course they don't explain why they've only swarmed 'his' car but it's obvious that they just didn't want to go to the trouble of gluing anymore little things on any of the other cars and that pretty much sums up this movie. It's like if some teenagers got a hold of a camera and decided to 'make a movie'.
Black Dynamite
(2009)
Anyone who liked this doesn't know the 1970's very well
15 November 2013
Well, if you're like me and you watched this movie only because of the high 7.5 star reviews, then I'm here to hopefully save you 2 hours of your life. First off, if you like things like Key and Peele (formerly of MADtv), then you will almost certainly not like this. If you think seeing a black guy in a totally pimped out over-the-top car covered in flashing lights, looking like Snoopy's dog house in Charlie Brown's Christmas is funny, or seeing a white teenage boy in a rusty Dodge Neon with a big aluminum wing bolted to the trunk is funny, then you probably won't like this movie. I grew up in the 70's and saw all the movies this one was trying to 'spoof' and the originals were WAY funnier but for a completely different reason. The originals were outrageously stupid yet took themselves terribly seriously and THAT was the whole joke about them! I actually think after Sanders started making this, he perhaps even got caught up in it and started thinking "You know, I could make a movie just as 'cool' as an original 1970's films", like he started feeling like Tarantino, and that's just plain sad. To me, this movie would probably appeal to teenage stoners who like to get high and watch Robot Chicken -- people who need to have dumbed-down humour spoon-fed to them as apposed to having to think for themselves.
The Edge
(1997)
Weird movie, Anthony Hopkins plays an analogy representing the wealthy 1% of society
27 October 2013
I read where Hopkins caught life-threatening pneumonia while filming this in Canada and in reality, THAT's what will kill you out in the wilderness -- running around in just a tweed jacket in the remote Canadian wilderness without even an axe and a few books of matches. Alas, back to Hollywood 'reality'. I'm pretty sure if a bear was chasing you across a log that was straddling a stream, it would not grab one end of it and start trying to shake you off it a-la a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I'm reviewing this as I watch it and I see the bear is back again, this time to kill the black man. So this 'bear' is going to be a recurring character in the film, a stalking bear that's decided to go after two city slickers. Boy, they sure crashed that plane in a bad spot! What are the odds? Anyhow, now Baldwin and Hopkins just caught a little chubby grey squirrel, the same kind you see in the burbs. I wonder if the film crew had to bring it with them or they just grabbed him off the sidewalk and gave him a few peanuts for the shot. Oh oh, now Hopkins was just trying to do a little fishing and guess what 800 pound buddy just snuck up on him through all that brush without making even a single sound? Yep, Mr. Bear! RUN Mr. HOPKINS, RUN!! Fast forward -- they just managed to kill the bear and it's a good thing 'cause as soon as they stripped the fur off it and somehow made a couple of nice fur coats for themselves, the weather went from 'tweed jacket' weather to snow-covered sub-zero fur-coat weather within about 1 day! ... How'd THAT happen? Winter sure must come fast in the Canadian far north. LOL!
Now they just reached a hunting cabin where there's some smokes, booze and a gun so Baldwin can finally get drunk, take Hopkins outside and threaten to kill him with the gun only to step backwards into a big deep pit with sharpened sticks in the bottom! OH NO! VERY bad luck AGAIN!! These two sure have a thing about good and bad timing! So Hopkins has saved Baldwin now and even though Baldwin tried to kill him, he's going to forgive him and bring him back to civilization via canoe, but that's the 'character' of the 1%, even if you try and kill them and fail, they'll turn around and save your life because deep down, they're such GOOD PEOPLE! LOL! But maybe it's more like without the 99% endlessly consuming, the 1% can't profit and thrive.
Well a helicopter just showed up and Hopkins waved it down but unfortunately, just as it was landing, Baldwin died. Yep, there's that bad timing thing again. He managed to hang on all those days in the woods but the very MINUTE that help shows up, he simply ups and dies.
Oh, and on the final quote from Hopkins as he arrives back to civilization.
Hopkins: Why is the rabbit unafraid?
Styles: 'Cause he's smarter than the panther.
Translation:
Why is the 1% unafraid?
Cause they're smarter than the 99%
Now they just reached a hunting cabin where there's some smokes, booze and a gun so Baldwin can finally get drunk, take Hopkins outside and threaten to kill him with the gun only to step backwards into a big deep pit with sharpened sticks in the bottom! OH NO! VERY bad luck AGAIN!! These two sure have a thing about good and bad timing! So Hopkins has saved Baldwin now and even though Baldwin tried to kill him, he's going to forgive him and bring him back to civilization via canoe, but that's the 'character' of the 1%, even if you try and kill them and fail, they'll turn around and save your life because deep down, they're such GOOD PEOPLE! LOL! But maybe it's more like without the 99% endlessly consuming, the 1% can't profit and thrive.
Well a helicopter just showed up and Hopkins waved it down but unfortunately, just as it was landing, Baldwin died. Yep, there's that bad timing thing again. He managed to hang on all those days in the woods but the very MINUTE that help shows up, he simply ups and dies.
Oh, and on the final quote from Hopkins as he arrives back to civilization.
Hopkins: Why is the rabbit unafraid?
Styles: 'Cause he's smarter than the panther.
Translation:
Why is the 1% unafraid?
Cause they're smarter than the 99%
My Neighbor's Keeper
(2007 TV Movie)
Not bad for a cheap Vancouver - made movie
16 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I really thought from the onset that this was going to be yet ANOTHER terrible Vancouver movie but it ended up having a few good twists and turns so I would definitely recommend giving it a shot if you happen to run across it. Laura Harring is in it and she's pretty sexy and is a good actress. The main characters were all good. It's too bad though that these Canadian films always try and look like they're made in the U.S., I can understand as they're trying to appeal to the U.S. market which is 10X Canada's but it's just sort of a shame. They went out of their way to show the side of a cop car that said "Seattle Police" on it and the detective is this middle-aged black dude with that sort of American cop swagger and Bronx kind of accent, you know, a hardened American street cop, but at the end of the film, the camera pans across a grave yard and you clearly see a big maple leaf on one of the graves and it's obviously a Canadian war vets stone -- any Canadian would recognize that from a mile away so that was a bit of a blunder. Anyhow, not a bad film.
Metal Tornado
(2011 TV Movie)
when you want to make a movie about a metal tornado...
5 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Then you have to throw all logic right out the window and that's exactly what they did with this movie.
I get annoyed when people make films that are based around science but then get the science wrong. In this film, there are some blatant mistakes like the dome part of a silo on a farm that gets ripped off by the 'magnetic tornado' yet that would not happen in 'reality' because the domes on silos are made of aluminum which is not magnetic.
Also, you can't 'download' energy from anywhere and quickly 'store' it, at least not currently and this movie is filmed in the here and now so the entire basis is impossible.
Now for the 'evil entrepreneur' who runs this fictitious power company in the film called 'Helios'. I guess since the film company that made this is based in Ottawa, this shows what part-time government employees who have little film production companies think 'entrepreneurs' are all about, evil men that will do anything, even kill employees who find design flaws in their systems.
Most of the acting was quite good, Lou Diamond Phillips and Kate Drummond were stand outs. I can't understand why they chose Nicole de Boer for the main role when they could have used Kate Drummond -- it makes no sense but then neither does a tornado made out of metal... or sharks etc. The small part by Camille Solari was humorous.
They should have just pulled out all the cheese and gone all in and made the chainsaw that gets magnetized at the start of the film and seems to develop a mind of it's own, go a frigging killing rampage. Why not -- the whole thing was so unbelievable that they could have just done anything with it at that point. Most of these films would make far better comedies than sci-fies if they would just take them in that direction.
I get annoyed when people make films that are based around science but then get the science wrong. In this film, there are some blatant mistakes like the dome part of a silo on a farm that gets ripped off by the 'magnetic tornado' yet that would not happen in 'reality' because the domes on silos are made of aluminum which is not magnetic.
Also, you can't 'download' energy from anywhere and quickly 'store' it, at least not currently and this movie is filmed in the here and now so the entire basis is impossible.
Now for the 'evil entrepreneur' who runs this fictitious power company in the film called 'Helios'. I guess since the film company that made this is based in Ottawa, this shows what part-time government employees who have little film production companies think 'entrepreneurs' are all about, evil men that will do anything, even kill employees who find design flaws in their systems.
Most of the acting was quite good, Lou Diamond Phillips and Kate Drummond were stand outs. I can't understand why they chose Nicole de Boer for the main role when they could have used Kate Drummond -- it makes no sense but then neither does a tornado made out of metal... or sharks etc. The small part by Camille Solari was humorous.
They should have just pulled out all the cheese and gone all in and made the chainsaw that gets magnetized at the start of the film and seems to develop a mind of it's own, go a frigging killing rampage. Why not -- the whole thing was so unbelievable that they could have just done anything with it at that point. Most of these films would make far better comedies than sci-fies if they would just take them in that direction.
The Perfect Roommate
(2011 TV Movie)
A film production company based in Ottawa, Canada?
5 September 2013
It's funny when you read the reviews for a terrible film like this one and see one person, in this case "Coop Burtonburger" giving it a 10 out of 10 and saying it was the 'best film they've ever seen!' because you just KNOW these people are involved with the film in some capacity. The guy has only ever reviewed 1 film and it's THIS ONE and his giving it a 10/10, too funny. I wonder if he own Capital Productions, the company that made this piece of garbage.
Come on man, gimme a break. I've never even HEARD of Capital Productions/ It's clearly some little production company that's feeding off government tax credits which is why it's based in Ottawa. the Capital of Canada.
Anyhow, a pretty terrible film all around.
Come on man, gimme a break. I've never even HEARD of Capital Productions/ It's clearly some little production company that's feeding off government tax credits which is why it's based in Ottawa. the Capital of Canada.
Anyhow, a pretty terrible film all around.
Bigfoot
(2012 TV Movie)
These SyFy films are not 'camp', they're just plain STUPID!
14 July 2013
Unlike one of the previous reviewers named djderka, I do not believe AT ALL that SyFy's movies are funny B-Movies for the Millenniumer's and that somehow, if you're not from that generation you're just not 'getting it'. That is such an insulting, arrogant and stupid thing to say to anyone who's not from your age category. That's as stupid as me saying that anyone who's older than ME can't appreciate bad movies made from 1974 to 1994, that's just BS, anyone with a brain knows in general the difference between a good and bad movie. If these SyFy movies are TRYING to be funny then they're doing a very poor job of it and if you find anything in this funny as in "HA HA, they MEANT that to be funny", then I'm afraid you're just a moron.
I actually suspect that 'djderka' probably works for SyFy in some capacity which would explain why he claims they 'purposely' made the cop car have a dull finish instead of a shiny one to make the film look cheesy (I guess a subtle SyFy joke that only a Milleniumer like djderka would be able to 'pick up' on). No djderka, sorry to burst your bubble but they did it because it's faster/easier/cheaper to render the finished CGI effects and that's the ONLY reason they did it. EVERY object in this movie that should have been shiny was dull. But I guess djderka thinks they made ALL those finishes dull to purposely get a laugh from all his in-the-know buddy gamer Milleniumer's.
I actually suspect that 'djderka' probably works for SyFy in some capacity which would explain why he claims they 'purposely' made the cop car have a dull finish instead of a shiny one to make the film look cheesy (I guess a subtle SyFy joke that only a Milleniumer like djderka would be able to 'pick up' on). No djderka, sorry to burst your bubble but they did it because it's faster/easier/cheaper to render the finished CGI effects and that's the ONLY reason they did it. EVERY object in this movie that should have been shiny was dull. But I guess djderka thinks they made ALL those finishes dull to purposely get a laugh from all his in-the-know buddy gamer Milleniumer's.
Like watching a paint-ball fight in a frozen Canadian rock quarry
15 June 2013
Warning: Spoilers
So before I bash this movie, I have to say that for the budget which is supposedly $500,000, they did a pretty good job of certain aspects such as very resourceful and creative use of locations. I'm not going to bother reviewing it because there's not much to review so I'll just spout out some things I noticed.
I spent quite a bit of time in Montreal Canada where it was shot so I recognize the way the light looks and the fact that it was obviously shot in a snow-covered rock quarry in the middle of winter so I found that part quite depressing. All I kept thinking was how cold some of the scenes looked, like when they get covered in snow -- their hockey outfit/armour would get snow down inside it and soak their undies and neck warmers etc. Man that would be really miserable.
The script sounds like it was written by a 10 year old boy, full of the usual clichés like "We got company" and "Incoming", "Fire in the hole", There's basically no script, just snippets of cliché dialogue stolen from other classic albeit stupid movies like the second Aliens when Ripley goes to the planet LV-426 with a group of 'space marines' to see what happened. This movie tries to be like that like instead of a Latino Pvt. Vasquez from Aliens you have Carmen Echeverria as a little hot headed Latino except this girl's not much of a hot head, she just spouts dumb clichés, ie: They're in a gun battle and she yells out "Come to mama" and "We got company" and then a french hockey player guy yells out "Come to Pappa" before shooting an Alien.
After standing in the rock quarry, they come under fire from a spaceship that keeps trying to kill them and for about 5 minutes they just keep shooting bullets at it to no avail, even losing a team member until one of the idiots finally yells out "Carol, rocket launcher", and this chick takes out a rocket launcher and shoots the spaceship out of the air with one shot. Why did they spend 5 minutes trying to shoot it with machine guns when they had a rocket launcher? Don't ask any questions because your travelling with the Z-Team.
The soundtrack is almost non-existent, just a bunch of random hyper drumming stuff with the occasional obligatory chanting choir.
Again, some aspects were good for the budget but they should have spent even $10,000 on some kind of writer, and then they should have actually looked for real actors, like even local acting students if they couldn't afford to pay them and then perhaps this would have been watchable.
As it was, I got about 1/2 way through before switching the channel and watching some yuppies build a big McMansion on PBS instead because even that was more interesting and less predictable then where this movie was heading.
I spent quite a bit of time in Montreal Canada where it was shot so I recognize the way the light looks and the fact that it was obviously shot in a snow-covered rock quarry in the middle of winter so I found that part quite depressing. All I kept thinking was how cold some of the scenes looked, like when they get covered in snow -- their hockey outfit/armour would get snow down inside it and soak their undies and neck warmers etc. Man that would be really miserable.
The script sounds like it was written by a 10 year old boy, full of the usual clichés like "We got company" and "Incoming", "Fire in the hole", There's basically no script, just snippets of cliché dialogue stolen from other classic albeit stupid movies like the second Aliens when Ripley goes to the planet LV-426 with a group of 'space marines' to see what happened. This movie tries to be like that like instead of a Latino Pvt. Vasquez from Aliens you have Carmen Echeverria as a little hot headed Latino except this girl's not much of a hot head, she just spouts dumb clichés, ie: They're in a gun battle and she yells out "Come to mama" and "We got company" and then a french hockey player guy yells out "Come to Pappa" before shooting an Alien.
After standing in the rock quarry, they come under fire from a spaceship that keeps trying to kill them and for about 5 minutes they just keep shooting bullets at it to no avail, even losing a team member until one of the idiots finally yells out "Carol, rocket launcher", and this chick takes out a rocket launcher and shoots the spaceship out of the air with one shot. Why did they spend 5 minutes trying to shoot it with machine guns when they had a rocket launcher? Don't ask any questions because your travelling with the Z-Team.
The soundtrack is almost non-existent, just a bunch of random hyper drumming stuff with the occasional obligatory chanting choir.
Again, some aspects were good for the budget but they should have spent even $10,000 on some kind of writer, and then they should have actually looked for real actors, like even local acting students if they couldn't afford to pay them and then perhaps this would have been watchable.
As it was, I got about 1/2 way through before switching the channel and watching some yuppies build a big McMansion on PBS instead because even that was more interesting and less predictable then where this movie was heading.
Killer Mountain
(2011 TV Movie)
How to write a script for Sy-Fi
2 June 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Get a hot chick, in this case Emmanuelle Vaugier (she was on 2 1/2 men and is a hotty), add some dudes, go to some place remote, (in this case an abandoned mine shaft in the Vancouver area), introduce some blood thirsty CGI creatures that will kill them off, one by one until the end when there's only 1 guy and the hot chick left, have them suddenly hold hands before the credits roll (because they have fallen in love while fighting to survive), then have them walking away from the camera making jokes and planning their future together. That's it, formulaic trash and it's all the same. "Tasmanian Devils" had the exact same ending. Only watch this if you're ill and stuck in bed or really have nothing else to do.
Tasmanian Devils
(2013 TV Movie)
Danica McKellar is pretty hot
4 May 2013
Warning: Spoilers
The best thing about this movie is that Danica McKellar is pretty sexy in a tight white shirt which they played up well as she is good eye candy.
As for the movie, it was definitely better than most of these cheesy Vancouver sci-fi movies. It was definitely watchable as opposed to being totally unwatchable. The CGI is about 50/50, the 'creatures' do not move realistically etc., but they never do in these low budget sci-fi's There's a good part where a woman gets ripped in two and a guy has his face ripped off.
I wish Canada could have some pride and just be Canada as opposed to always pretending to be some other place. In this movie, Canada pretends to be Tasmania and it's not convincing at all. Why not just make the movie about 'Canada' and have the people being attacked by wood-eating insects that came in in a shipment of furniture from China and are destroying the forests -- at least then it would be somewhat factual.
As for the movie, it was definitely better than most of these cheesy Vancouver sci-fi movies. It was definitely watchable as opposed to being totally unwatchable. The CGI is about 50/50, the 'creatures' do not move realistically etc., but they never do in these low budget sci-fi's There's a good part where a woman gets ripped in two and a guy has his face ripped off.
I wish Canada could have some pride and just be Canada as opposed to always pretending to be some other place. In this movie, Canada pretends to be Tasmania and it's not convincing at all. Why not just make the movie about 'Canada' and have the people being attacked by wood-eating insects that came in in a shipment of furniture from China and are destroying the forests -- at least then it would be somewhat factual.
Cradle of Lies
(2006 TV Movie)
Looks like it was made by first year film students
9 February 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This film was SO ridiculous. It looks like the story was written by maybe a 13 year old boy. There's just no basis as to why the plot would ever even happen. This guy wants to meet a woman so he can have a 'son' because that is the stipulation for him to inherit a bunch of money from a relative. If that were the case, why would he not just knock up like 10 chicks and then marry the 1st one that has a boy and then give the rest of them alimony -- it just doesn't make any sense. Instead he becomes infatuated with a woman who's biological clock is ticking down -- it's just plain stupid. It's like something they run on the Women's Network for lonely secretaries to watch while cuddling their cats to make them feel 'lucky' they're single and not mixed up with a good looking but despicable man like this dude. Anyways, if you have nothing else to do it's sort of funny just because it's so bad. I was sorry to see that Tara Spencer-Nairn had to get roped into doing this but I guess if you're a Canadian actress you basically have to take anything that comes your way.
The Satan Bug
(1965)
terribly boring
22 December 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Well, I guess I'm the only one but I found this movie incredibly boring. I loved the sets, the old cars and how it was filmed -- very Spartan, and I really wanted to like it but I just couldn't. There's also some odd holes which others have mentioned too, like they find the virus in a box under a rock in a river and when the guy takes it out to check it, suddenly these two bad guys step out of nowhere. Why were they there? That part was pretty cheesy and unforgivable. Also, near the end there is a ridiculous struggle that takes place in a helicopter which is pretty laughable and the end of the movie literally comes out of nowhere.
However, if you have nothing else to do and it happens to come on TV it might be worth watching if you have time to kill.
However, if you have nothing else to do and it happens to come on TV it might be worth watching if you have time to kill.
Things to Do
(2006)
I thought this was pretty good
29 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I'm pretty critical about films so a 7 out of 10 is about as high as I go unless I think something is outstanding. The story was good in my opinion and I liked that fact the protagonist actually figured out an interesting career choice for himself which is admirable for a film to even commit to when for the last few decades it's almost become fashionable to be a self-loathing slacker and I'm not btw entirely blaming people for feeling this way as I think computers, as neat and powerful as they are, by and large have made most peoples work environments horrendously boring. Anyhow, my point is, at least they didn't have the protagonist meander back to his crappy office job or hang himself from a tree in his parents back yard while listening to some kind of grunge music although that could have actually been funny in a sick way.
The only negatives I felt was that some of the acting was not very good and reminded me of the films university students make or local film clubs that can't afford actors and I've seen that actually work before since I think you can either act or you can't so sometimes you can hit gold by using totally unknowns but it's rare and I found that aspect very distracting. The way the film was shot was very good, very professional looking and I liked the production quality and there's some very nice subtle editing, flashes of light on the quick edits, that kind of thing which I thought was really creative and really added to the film. All in all I think they did an excellent job for a film that it says was made for $500,000? That's pretty much peanuts these days. I'm not sure if that's accurate but if so I am very impressed and congratulate the people who made it and look forward to their future work.
The only negatives I felt was that some of the acting was not very good and reminded me of the films university students make or local film clubs that can't afford actors and I've seen that actually work before since I think you can either act or you can't so sometimes you can hit gold by using totally unknowns but it's rare and I found that aspect very distracting. The way the film was shot was very good, very professional looking and I liked the production quality and there's some very nice subtle editing, flashes of light on the quick edits, that kind of thing which I thought was really creative and really added to the film. All in all I think they did an excellent job for a film that it says was made for $500,000? That's pretty much peanuts these days. I'm not sure if that's accurate but if so I am very impressed and congratulate the people who made it and look forward to their future work.
Daniel Davis
16 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Daniel Davis was excellent as Moriarty in this episode. That's all I wanted to say. The following below is nothing.
Diagnosing anomalies in the recreative Sherlock Holmes hologram game programs, Lieutenant Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III discovers protected memory contains the arch-villain character professor James Moriarty, who has become self-conscious and demands fulfillment of a recent promise by the crew that they would think up a way for him to leave the holodeck . To Picard's astonishment, Moriarty proves empirically his will suffices to leave the Holodeck, he even retains a physical body. Picard grants him the benefit of the doubt despite his crimes in fiction, but refuses to grant life to the countess Barthalomew, who was created as his ideal but holographic mate. Moriarty manages to seize control of the Enterprise to force the crew to obey anyhow at pain of total destruction. That still leaves the technological challenge, but Data's logical deduction comes up with an entirely different viewpoint, inspiring another challenge and approach
Diagnosing anomalies in the recreative Sherlock Holmes hologram game programs, Lieutenant Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III discovers protected memory contains the arch-villain character professor James Moriarty, who has become self-conscious and demands fulfillment of a recent promise by the crew that they would think up a way for him to leave the holodeck . To Picard's astonishment, Moriarty proves empirically his will suffices to leave the Holodeck, he even retains a physical body. Picard grants him the benefit of the doubt despite his crimes in fiction, but refuses to grant life to the countess Barthalomew, who was created as his ideal but holographic mate. Moriarty manages to seize control of the Enterprise to force the crew to obey anyhow at pain of total destruction. That still leaves the technological challenge, but Data's logical deduction comes up with an entirely different viewpoint, inspiring another challenge and approach
Absolon
(2003)
Absolonley BORING
10 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
The only reason I can suggest watching this is that Kelly Brook (who posed for Playboy) is in it and she's quite a babe so it's fun to watch her strutting around in a tight top and tight pants but besides that, this film just doesn't cut it.
There's a fight scene at the end which is humorous in a pro-wrestling kind of way, you know: Good guy knocks bad guy out, good guy tries to diffuse bomb, bad guy gets up, whacks good guy over the back with a shovel, busts all his ribs, good guy passes out, bad guy grabs bomb turns his back on half-dead good guy, good guy crawls along floor in utter agony and grabs an electrical box and yanks electrical conduit which electrocutes bad guy because he just 'happens' to be standing on the two hot leads at the other end of the 30 ft. conduit! MY GOD, who thinks this stuff up?? Somebody's 8 year old son? And why do these people never just shoot each other with the gun that's lying on the counter top the whole time? And then if that's not bad enough, the good guy gets up and walks out the door like nothings happened, no limping, moaning, nothing. Of course after this, he meets Kelly Brook in a warehouse full of people, cue the cheesy porno film guitar music, they grab each other and start tongue kissing like there's nobody around, two 'bro's' are watching and grinning and one bro slaps the other on the back like "Hey bro, let's leave the two love birds alone". The End, roll credits. What cliché garbage!
The idea was interesting but just so poorly executed and yes, the budget was low but that's no excuse for bad writing, lighting and music so unless you want to bother watching it for Kelly Brooks curves, I truly wouldn't waste your time.
There's a fight scene at the end which is humorous in a pro-wrestling kind of way, you know: Good guy knocks bad guy out, good guy tries to diffuse bomb, bad guy gets up, whacks good guy over the back with a shovel, busts all his ribs, good guy passes out, bad guy grabs bomb turns his back on half-dead good guy, good guy crawls along floor in utter agony and grabs an electrical box and yanks electrical conduit which electrocutes bad guy because he just 'happens' to be standing on the two hot leads at the other end of the 30 ft. conduit! MY GOD, who thinks this stuff up?? Somebody's 8 year old son? And why do these people never just shoot each other with the gun that's lying on the counter top the whole time? And then if that's not bad enough, the good guy gets up and walks out the door like nothings happened, no limping, moaning, nothing. Of course after this, he meets Kelly Brook in a warehouse full of people, cue the cheesy porno film guitar music, they grab each other and start tongue kissing like there's nobody around, two 'bro's' are watching and grinning and one bro slaps the other on the back like "Hey bro, let's leave the two love birds alone". The End, roll credits. What cliché garbage!
The idea was interesting but just so poorly executed and yes, the budget was low but that's no excuse for bad writing, lighting and music so unless you want to bother watching it for Kelly Brooks curves, I truly wouldn't waste your time.
The Good Times Are Killing Me
(2009 TV Movie)
Something good out of Canada?
23 September 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I'm always bashing Canadian films because frankly they usually stink. You don't have to be a genius to make a good movie but you do have to have brains and good taste and Canada just usually never seems to get it right, especially 99% of the Vancouver garbage. With that said, this was one of the best Canadian (and British) films I have ever seen. The acting was really excellent all around, great British actors in the AA meetings, no cheesy Canadian CBC-type bad lighting and/or bad film quality and the story was quite good but there was one major flaw in my opinion which the writers/producers might want to think about next time.
This whole thing about Kelly Rowan being SO drunk that she thinks she slept with the lawyer who she's up against when in fact she slept with a totally different guy? (You don't know this until near the end), that's just not believable in my eyes. I drink a hell of a lot and I have NEVER been so bombed that I could have been that delusional. This was a pretty good film but that is one HUGE Achilles heel IMO. Had you been able to do a better work around, I would have given it more stars but that was really lame.
Also, from a post-production point of view, that 'fading to white' video effect you used when Kelly Rowan was trying to remember what actually happened? That was very cheesy. It just didn't match the Caliber of the rest of the film. It looked like some post-production house just slapped it on in the final edit without consulting anyone. Bad move.
Aside from that, I thought it was very good. Again, excellent acting from everyone involved. I hope to see Canada involved in more movies of this quality and who knows -- maybe the people who make these movies might actually read these reviews and take the comments seriously.
This whole thing about Kelly Rowan being SO drunk that she thinks she slept with the lawyer who she's up against when in fact she slept with a totally different guy? (You don't know this until near the end), that's just not believable in my eyes. I drink a hell of a lot and I have NEVER been so bombed that I could have been that delusional. This was a pretty good film but that is one HUGE Achilles heel IMO. Had you been able to do a better work around, I would have given it more stars but that was really lame.
Also, from a post-production point of view, that 'fading to white' video effect you used when Kelly Rowan was trying to remember what actually happened? That was very cheesy. It just didn't match the Caliber of the rest of the film. It looked like some post-production house just slapped it on in the final edit without consulting anyone. Bad move.
Aside from that, I thought it was very good. Again, excellent acting from everyone involved. I hope to see Canada involved in more movies of this quality and who knows -- maybe the people who make these movies might actually read these reviews and take the comments seriously.
Mission to Mars
(2000)
The spinning DNA? The Sea Monkey crying alien?
9 September 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I think I used to like sci-fi movies but I think they're all stupid now. M2M has this really annoying CGA of a DNA strand and the actors keep explaining what it is to the audience in case someone with an IQ of 75 just can't understand what DNA is. I can't stress enough how annoying this is as they are all astronauts/scientists. They would not have to be saying to each other all the time "Do you see that? Do you know what that is?" of COURSE their colleagues KNOW what it is!
Then there is this alien which the astronauts from earth meet on mars which doesn't talk, just makes motions. This alien looks like a very poorly animated, tall, skinny Sea Monkey, I kid you not. It has a long skinny noble face a gets them all to hold hands as it shows them an animation of how earth was hit by an asteroid long ago and it sheds a fake looking CGA tear.
The concept for this film was pretty good but it was terribly done.
Then there is this alien which the astronauts from earth meet on mars which doesn't talk, just makes motions. This alien looks like a very poorly animated, tall, skinny Sea Monkey, I kid you not. It has a long skinny noble face a gets them all to hold hands as it shows them an animation of how earth was hit by an asteroid long ago and it sheds a fake looking CGA tear.
The concept for this film was pretty good but it was terribly done.
Sharktopus
(2010 TV Movie)
Don't believe anyone who says this is good or funny...it isn't!
18 August 2012
Some of the other reviews are saying this was 'MEANT to be bad' as though this is some kind of NEW genre of movie making.
Listen, it's NOT. All this is is VERY, VERY bad, period. It was not made to be campy or a B-Movie or anything else. It was made to try to make a quick buck. Eric Roberts, the only notable name in the film, pumps out LOADS of films. Look up how many films he's made in the past and how many are current;y in production. This guy is super busy making bad films.
Here is an excerpt from an interview about the movie with Eric Roberts. The interviewer asked him where this movie would 'sit' on his resume: Eric Roberts: Well I have to be honest with you this project doesn't really fit in my resume. This budget was done for fun. And this project isn't in my resume any more than going to the gym does. Everybody knows they go to the gym, everybody knows I mean I made this movie.
But you know, I don't brag about it. If it comes up, I don't pretend it didn't happen because I made the movie because I wanted to, because you don't work for Roger Corman for money, he doesn't pay people.
So all sarcasm aside if you bring it up I'm going to talk about, and if you don't I'm not going to bring it up. That is where it fits in my resume.
Listen, it's NOT. All this is is VERY, VERY bad, period. It was not made to be campy or a B-Movie or anything else. It was made to try to make a quick buck. Eric Roberts, the only notable name in the film, pumps out LOADS of films. Look up how many films he's made in the past and how many are current;y in production. This guy is super busy making bad films.
Here is an excerpt from an interview about the movie with Eric Roberts. The interviewer asked him where this movie would 'sit' on his resume: Eric Roberts: Well I have to be honest with you this project doesn't really fit in my resume. This budget was done for fun. And this project isn't in my resume any more than going to the gym does. Everybody knows they go to the gym, everybody knows I mean I made this movie.
But you know, I don't brag about it. If it comes up, I don't pretend it didn't happen because I made the movie because I wanted to, because you don't work for Roger Corman for money, he doesn't pay people.
So all sarcasm aside if you bring it up I'm going to talk about, and if you don't I'm not going to bring it up. That is where it fits in my resume.
Concrete Canyons
(2010 TV Movie)
Another Showcase dud
10 August 2012
For starters, the acting in this seems pretty good. I rarely blame the actors in these movies as it's not their fault -- they're just doing a gig. Anyhow, Showcase has been playing these terrible movies shot in Vancouver at least twice a week lately (gaaaahhd!) You would think these made-for-TV movies were written by 12 year old boys. There's so many clichés like when this guy Sloan (what an original macho name, isn't it, and he wears a cowboy hat and jean jacket) arrives in Chicago (yes, he even wears the hat and jacket in the city), which judging by the drizzle is actually Vancouver no doubt, he goes to the police station and this sort of pretty detective woman (when are police detectives female and pretty -- btw, her name is Kincaid, as in Ruben Kinkaid, manager of the Partridge Family, another original name) says to him right off the top, some cliché like "This is Chicago, Sloan, go back ^&%ing sheep in the Andes". Obviously she doesn't say exactly that but you get the idea, it's like one of these 'This is the big city Sloan, you're not back in rural Vancouver'. I'm not going to waste my time watching the rest of it because I'm pretty sure I know what happens -- she'll start getting impressed by his tracker skills and they'll do the nasty etc. etc. Waste your time watching it but don't say you weren't warned.
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