john22900 Reviews

Honeymoon of Horror (1964)

it's only raison d'etre is the nudity inserts not in most prints

[3/10 · 2 December 2009]

This barely rates and registers at all on any scale. Almost everything about this production is pretty terrible. The best thing about it is the nude inserts that do not appear in most prints. But I would certainly like to find a copy of the film that included them. Another big problem is that the entire film is irritatingly predictable. Most of the characters are annoying and with one or two exceptions do not permit the viewer or the audience to sympathize with the characters. Many of the characters in this story are either simps or wimps. The line readings are annoyingly monotonous and the actors appear to know that this film is a turkey and therefore do not hide the fact that they are merely going through the motions. Their feigned interest is contagious to the viewing audience. In fact the only thing that would have made this film much better would be a lot more ample nudity.

Frankenstein 1970 (1958)

atmosphere not acting make this movie

[7/10 · 20 September 2009]

Atmosphere is important in any horror film and this movie has it in spades. Unfortunately, that's all it has. Really very little to recommend here. Karloff is good in this movie but completely wasted in this effort and far too campy and hammy to really chill the audience. The monster itself is also a huge problem. Not so much when we first see the monster but as it progresses in its various stages of creation, it just gets sillier and sillier. The music tries to scare up a few chills whenever the monster appears but it is all really wasted. The best thing about the movie as I previously stated is the atmosphere. I especially like movies that have isolated creepy castles in them that are filled with secret passageways and hidden laboratories from which all those mad scientists conduct their business. The opening sequence of the film is by far the best part of the movie but the surprise ending tries to come close only that it is really telegraphed all throughout the movie and really isn't much of a surprise when you think about it. Although this is by far not the worst Karloff film it is not the best either. It's really too bad that Karloff, if he wanted to spoof the Frankenstein character he played, that he should have offered to play the part in ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN.

Serenade für zwei Spione (1965)

one of the all time best spy spoofs

[9/10 · 7 September 2009]

This film is definitely tongue in cheek but it's mot what one might call a laugh riot. It is more of a highly humorous film than a gag ridden film. The plot is entirely throwaway. What makes this film so watchable is the stars of the film, the action and pace of the film and of course the very sexy ladies who inhabit this movie. I saw the English language version of this film a long time ago on the LATE LATE SHOW and sometime later the English language version also showed up on Cable. It's a damn shame that this movie is not on DVD. I'd be first in line to buy it (the English language version). I understand there may be a foreign language version of this film in existence but I also understand it does not have subtitles which is a shame. In my opinion the best and probably the funniest scene in the picture takes place in the desert around Las Vegas where the hero is buried up to his neck in sand and cannot move. The way he gets extricated is, well, you'll just have to see the movie to find out.

Santo in the Treasure of Dracula (1969)

one of the best Santo films

[9/10 · 7 September 2009]

I saw the uncut version of this film a while back and it is this one I am reviewing here. The uncut version of this film contains nudity which is just one of the reasons why I am recommending this film especially to those who are unfamiliar with the Santo films. This particular Santo film is in many ways unlike the usual run of the mill Santo films and that is another reason I recommend this film. I wish the uncut version of this film was more widely available in an English language version or at least in a version that contained easy to read and understand subtitles. If I have one complaint about this film it would be the hamminess and overacting of the actor who plays the ersatz vampire Dracula role. That aside, this is one of the best of the Santo series of films.

Summer of Sam (1999)

not a complete disaster it could have been a lot worse

[4/10 · 29 August 2009]

The trouble with Spike Lee is that his first movie, DO THE RIGHT THING was about as perfect a film can get or be. Therefore subsequent films will be compared to this effort even though Lee has made a long number of films which also include the wonderful MALCOLM X even though many parts of the film are historically inaccurate and sugar coated. As for SUMMER OF SAM, while a real departure for Lee, the film also contains many of the other elements of Spike Lee's other films that tend to render them either unwatchable, irrelevant or just plain dull. In SUMMER OF SAM the major flaw is the distinct lack of any likable characters with which the audience can identify with or sympathize with. Also, Lee's presence in his own films tends to be a major distraction rather than a viable addition to the narrative with one exception - DO THE RIGHT THING. Lee's films have a distinct tendency to be historically inaccurate especially those films that are based on true life and biographies. Lee's films also have an annoying tendency to be over-dramatic in inopportune moments. Unlike DO THE RIGHT THING which expertly built up to the shocking and powerful climax, other Lee films tend to dissipate the narrative making it seem disjointed.

Arnold (1973)

cheesy fun

[10/10 · 10 July 2009]

I really like this movie for a number of reasons.

First it delivers the shocks and the laughs almost at the same time.

It does not pretend to be high art.

This movie is fun in a lot of ways. If you have not seen it, you know right at the start that the greedy bunch of relatives and hangers on are going to be dispatched one by one. Part of the fun is guessing who is going to be next on the list. Stella Stevens has seldom looked better than she does in this movie. She has a terrific body and that alone is worth the price of admission. But there's so much more. The cast is comprised of mostly character actors who have had some connection with the bizarre and macabre cinema before. Among the cast members are Victor Buono, Elsa Lanchester, Roddy McDowell, Jamie Farr, Farley Granger, John McGiver and Bernard Fox. Needless to say everybody in the cast gets what they so richly deserve. But the final supreme joke involving Bernard Fox and John McGiver is the topper!

The Murder of Mary Phagan (1988)

This is one great and terrific movie

[9/10 · 6 July 2009]

I've seen this movie/miniseries once or twice now and it just gets better with every viewing.

The cast is perfect and the acting uniformly superb.

The best part is that this is a true story and is based on a true historical murder case.

One small problem is that dramatic license has been taken in the telling of certain aspects of the reality which I think detracts from the overall quality a bit. Not really enough to do any serious damage to the film but personally I prefer films that are based on true stories to be absolutely faithful to all aspects of that story. That is my own personal preference. I realize that some parts of the story, namely the lynching and the aftermath of it were horrifying as well as gross but I also think that portraying those elements just as they occurred in history would have made this film an even more powerful movie than it already is.

Throughout the history of the cinema there have been antiwar films and anti vigilante films that did not moderate their violence, brutality, savagery and explicitness. Such filmmakers usually are criticized for dwelling on the violence and the grim details. But in my opinion it is precisely those same elements that elevate a mediocre or good film to epic classic stature. Make no mistake. This is by no means a mediocre film. I just wish this film had not been as squeamish as some of those other movies. A minor complaint, I grant you. But still very worth seeing! A must-see for fans of great cinema.

Four Kinds of Love (1968)

some nicely built women

[5/10 · 3 July 2009]

There's not much to this movie.

The women in this movie are much better to look at than the men.

For the most part the women have nice bodies and pretty faces.

Two of the men that are almost instantly recognizable are Jay Edwards and William Rotsler aka Shannon Carse.

The best looking brunette is probably Carol Turner who is very hot but there is a blonde with a nice set of large breasts too.

This film is in black and white and most of the film is spent on nudity and sex. No plot to speak of. The film is better when it concentrates on the naked women, not the men who thankfully keep most of their clothes on during this movie.

Not a complete washout but not the best black and white soft core movie either.

Heads or Tails (1973)

beware of short, cut or edited prints

[10/10 · 21 June 2009]

I give the full length uncut English language version of this film a ten out of ten. But be aware there are heavily cut prints available as well as foreign language ones that are also cut.

This is a very hot film. This may even be one of Rene Bond's best movies. Ushi Digard appears as well and she is very hot. Ushi appears just a slightly bit older in this film but that doesn't matter at all because even in spite of the extra couple of years, she still has that quality that made her a huge sex superstar.

So if you are in the market for this film, make sure of what you are getting before you pay for it. Make sure the version you get is the English language uncut version.

Mondo Topless (1966)

the usual Russ Meyer

[20 June 2009]

This is another great put on movie by Russ Meyer. Nobody but nobody makes a film like Russ Meyer although I am sure many have tried but nobody even comes close to combining all the elements so skillfully as Russ did in his movies.

Almost all of Russ Meyer's movies are put ons. I am sure Russ intended them just that way. It was his idea of winking at his audience which probably are mostly men. But the true fact is that Meyer's movies not only made women objects of desire and physically awesome and intimidating but in comparison to the men in his movies were far more intelligent than the men in them, and this was something Russ did long before anyone ever heard of the women's movement.

The Critic (1963)

great idea for a DVD

[10/10 · 15 June 2009]

It is an outrage that this and other certain animated features are not out on DVD yet! May I suggest a DVD of the best of animated classic short subjects and cartoons which should include THE CRITIC and the Bugs Bunny classic cartoon MUGSY AND BUGSY just to name the two that instantly come to mind! Others that may be provided on the same program would include RUFF AND READY, GERALD MCBOING BOING, TOM TERRIFIC, CRUSADER RABBIT, TENNESSEE TUXEDO, PENELOPE PITSTOP, GUMBY, MIGHTY MOUSE, HECKLE AND JECKLE, SUPERMAN, WOODY WOODPECKER, BETTY BOOP, FELIX THE CAT and DAVEY AND GOLIATH. I realize some of these are claymation as well but why not if they're good!

Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)

ripoff scifi so bad it's funny

[6/10 · 21 March 2008]

SPOILER ALERT! First of all, the title and the video box have something in common: they respectively hype and show the pre-hysteric women of the prehistoric planet - something alas the movie does not contain at all! There is one "prehistoric" woman and she's not very prehistoric! However, she is played by Irene Tsu so who cares, right? Suzie Kaye is a crew member on COSMOS I and she is great to look at too! Hubba, hubba! In fact, between those two, they're the only reason to tune in and watch this ripoff because there are no prehistoric women, half-dressed in loin cloths like Raquel Welch, Victoria Vetri or Julie Ege.

The plot concerns a spaceship (COSMOS III) that is overtaken by the "savage" Centaurians on board. The lead spaceship, COSMOS I, headed by the "sober"(?) captain, Wendell Corey, flaunts a directive to return to homebase and instead turns back to look for COSMOS III, which has presumably crashlanded on a planet in the SOLARIS system, which by the way is a dead giveaway for the plot twist at the end of the movie.

COSMOS I lands safely and then sends out an expedition to look for survivors (if any) of COSMOS III (what, they couldn't land closer to the wreckage than that?) In the meantime, one of the Centaurians, Irene Tsu, leaves COSMOS I, to go for a little walk just for the hell of it. Meanwhile the rescue expedition encounters iguanas that explode into flame when hit by pellets ejected from toy ray guns! They also encounter steaming pools of acid which one very clumsy and expendable crew member manages to fall in. Meanwhile back to Irene Tsu (and none too soon either). She gets kidnapped by a guy named Tang, whose mother and father were crewmembers on the crashed spaceship 18 years before! Finally, the rescuers reach the crashed spaceship and find a few bones and skeletons - and a fake spider that does in Chief, Stuart Margolin. One almost wishes it had done in perennial funnyman, jokester and co crew member, Paul Gilbert instead (talk about your sexual harassment!). The talk goes on endlessly, if not between Wendell Corey and Keith Larsen, then between Keith Larsen and John Agar! The talk wouldn't be so bad but those scientific explanations go on endlessly and even seem to confuse and confound the scientists on board the spaceship! The end twist would have been more believable had we not seen other primitive men try to kill Irene Tsu and Tang who at the end are supposed to be Adam and Eve, the FIRST MAN AND WOMAN on this new planet which as the movie fades out, Wendell Corey decides to name EARTH! If you don't take this movie seriously, it is one big laughfest. Oh, not as many laughs as say PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, but it has its share.

Straw Dogs (1971)

Sam at the top of his game

[10/10 · 9 February 2008]

A much better film in my opinion than the same director's THE WILD BUNCH. Not only is the arc of the film done so brilliantly but the whole psychological underpinning especially of the two major characters are turned completely topsy-turvy. Hoffman's character is especially interesting. The arc his character follows becomes predictable as it approaches the half way mark and his girl's constant teasing with its undertones of insecurity and doubt makes his transformation by the end into a kind of instrument of extreme violent revenge a self-fulfilling phantasmagorical prophecy.

SPOILER ALERT! By the end, Hoffman realizes just how disdainful he has become with his girlfriend and her twisted mind and sense of values - that at least a part of his revenge fantasy was goaded on by her immoral and vicious behavior - and much more pride and confidence in himself than he ever thought he had. The defense of his home against the men who raped his wife and are now trying to kill him and his erstwhile charge, the retarded man who apparently accidentally and without premeditation, killed a young teenage girl in the village that was trying to seduce the man.

The Lost Continent (1968)

less than meets the eye

[7/10 · 9 February 2008]

Okay, let's get one thing straight first. This is far from the best horror/science fiction movie ever made. It starts off pretty well but then degenerates into melodrama...and pretty awful melodrama at that. The cast of this film is pretty good though and deserves to be in a much better movie than this. The first half of the movie is far better than the last half and a lot more believable. Once the remaining passengers and crew board the life raft and it drifts into neverneverland, you almost wish the acidy seaweed would eat right through the raft and eat everybody. Unfortunately, it doesn't. But then that would shorten the movie before we get to see the very very buxom Dana Gillespie, who singlehandedly makes this movie bearable enough to sit through. She hardly has any speaking lines at all but then she doesn't need them. She just has to stand there and look just the way she looks. She is a standout in more ways than one. But then this part of the movie with the remnants of the Spanish Inquisition is totally and completely silly. This section is like an unfunny drawn out Monty Python segment. The direction is workmanlike but in the end all for naught. This movie doesn't have an end where you know what is going to happen to the surviving characters; the movie just ends, period. One of the few things that would have made this movie better was Dana Gillespie having a lot more screen time.

The F.B.I. (1965–1974)

one of the great cop/detective shows of all time

[10/10 · 7 October 2007]

What a great show this truly was! And based on real FBI case files too! Couldn't ask for better than that! Efrem Zimbalist Jr. was perfect for the lead! Quinn Martin produced this show along with that other great TV show "The Fugitive"! Down through the years there have been many detective and cop shows and this one was one of the best! Along with 77 SUNSET STRIP, DRAGNET '67, IRONSIDE and BURKE'S LAW, these shows were great to watch and a lot of fun too! 77 SUNSET STRIP starred the aforementioned Efrem Zimbalist Jr.! DRAGNET '67 starred Jack Webb and Harry Morgan ("M.A.S.H."). IRONSIDE starred the great Raymond Burr ("Perry Mason")! BURKE'S LAW starred Gene Barry! I have but one question: why isn't this show on DVD yet!!!!!!!!! In fact, why aren't all the shows I mentioned in this comment on DVD yet!!!!!! Come on, guys! Get with it! Get a move on! These are all great shows! And they all deserve to be on DVD! Start getting these shows on DVD NOW puh-leeze!

The Brainiac (1962)

cheesy Mexican horror film guilty pleasure

[9/10 · 12 May 2007]

May contain spoilers! First of all, beware of any cut prints of this film. I have noticed that in a lot of current releases of this film that the drowning scene is cut and for aficionados of truly bad and cheesy cinema, that is unfortunate. The logical loopholes in this story are so huge you could drive a Mack Truck through them. In other words, you really have to suspend your disbelief quite a bit in watching this movie. That said, however, for a Mexican horror film it is very entertaining and a lot of fun to watch. It's almost like watching a Mexican version of PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE. As cheesy as the special effects were for this film and the fact that it was obviously made on a very low budget - think Roger Corman - it is probably one of the better Mexican horror films. I would like to see this film come out on DVD in the full uncut dubbed English version and as an extra on the DVD, the full length uncut Spanish version. I wish they would come out with the full uncut dubbed English version of EL VAMPIRO Y EL SEXO, another milestone in weird Mexican horror cinema.

The Old Man's Bride (1967)

beware of short, cut or edited prints

[9/10 · 31 March 2007]

I base my vote on the original full length short of this film I saw in the movie theater a long time ago. The short that is available at the present time is not the full length short.

SPOILER AHEAD! The film deals with a May-December marriage much like the Anna Nicole Smith marriage to Marshall was. The old codger tells her that she'll never have to work again because he has some hidden money. The first chance that our newlywed woman protagonist gets, she cheats on her older husband with an itinerant handyman after they leave him behind in the dust and drive away in the old fart's broken down gasomobile. But the geezer catches up and while getting his car serviced at a gas station, the wife goes off again to get her own body greased by someone else. This is about where the available print of this film ends. But in the original that I saw in the theaters, there was more. In the end - and this is the part that is missing from current available prints of this film, after getting rid of gramps, our newlywed goes in search of his hidden treasure and finds it too - unfortunately it is also booby trapped with dynamite and our greedy little newlywed gets blown to smithereens. The end.

Female Chauvinists (1976)

great film for fans of big busts

[9/10 · 31 March 2007]

Finally Roxanne Brewer gets a starring role in a film. All I can say is "it's about time". If only Roxy made more X-rated movies a la Russ Meyer or Uschi's many simulated sex epics, she could have been a huge porno star like Uschi, Candy Samples and Marsha Jordan. Another big bust model who would've made it big in simulated sex films would have been Roberta Pedon. But be that as it may, thankfully we do have this film along with a few others that Roxy made that are available for viewing. As it happens, Uschi and Candy Samples are both in this film too as well as one of Richard Pryor's ex-wives, Deborah McGuire who also made a few like=minded features (and even showed up in a Russ Meyer film too). This film delivers the goods in spades and is a great send-up of the woman's liberation movement.

Point of Terror (1971)

a mediocre film that should have been better

[6/10 · 31 March 2007]

I gave this film a 6 and is that ever generous. The reason I gave it that much is simply because of Dyanne Thorne. Without her, this movie would have totally tanked and there'd be no legitimate reason to ever see it. The problem with this mediocre film is that it doesn't go far enough. There should have been more nudity instead of those god awful songs. The singing isn't so bad but oh those lyrics just make my brain hurt thinking about 'em! The sexploitation elements are all there alright but they are very underused, which basically was the trouble with a lot of these kinds of films made in the 70's: they just didn't go far enough. Had they pressed a hard R rating instead of a very soft R, this movie probably would have been a lot more watchable than it is.

Cracking Up (1983)

not Lewis's best but not his worst either

[6/10 · 29 March 2007]

The best way I can describe "Cracking Up" is it is a medium effort by Lewis, not his worst but not his best either. This Lewis film is worlds above "The Big Mouth" for example. The best and funniest sequences are the ones in which Foster Brooks and Zane Busby appear in. In fact, Zane Busby's scenes are among the funniest (and most annoying) in the entire picture. The annoying part of them is what makes them so darn funny. I wish Foster Brooks had more screen time than he does here but what he does with what he has to work with is very very funny. Lewis's main problem in this film is that he milks a gag on far longer than it is funny. This was not so much the case in many of Lewis's earlier films especially ones not written or directed by lewis himself. Lewis can be very very funny as his earlier pictures (after Martin) indicate and Lewis has a wild and fertile comic imagination that has served him pretty well. But as usual when Lewis writes and directs for Lewis, Lewis the editor does not know when to say "Cut!" and often scenes drag on far too long than they need be. I consider Jerry Lewis a true comic genius, much better than Chaplin, but not quite as good as Buster Keaton whose comedies in my opinion are very very underrated.

The Navy vs. the Night Monsters (1966)

slithering omnivore trees and Mamie

[7/10 · 24 March 2007]

The only thing that would have made this movie a lot better would have been a nude shower scene with Mamie. The real night monsters of this film are the ones under Mamie's blouse. And those really are monsters! But seriously, this movie is not half bad once you get past the idiot plot. The cast, such as it is, is worth a look-see in spite of the plot and terrible dialog. The romantic triangle subplot is a mere throwaway and the monsters look like people and midgets camouflaged and moving like the walking carpet in THE CREEPING TERROR. But this movie is a lot more entertaining than that film. For a drive in type horror movie, it's okay as they go, but almost entirely predictable and you can even play the "okay who's the next celebrity cameo who is going to get devoured by these fugitives from a greenhouse.

Night of the Witches (1970)

not bad for a drive in type movie

[8/10 · 24 March 2007]

This movie does not fool around. The main character, a preacher, gets right into the action within the first five minutes of the film and lets the audience in on just what a rotten heel of a guy he is - and will remain throughout the entire film. A rather strange and bizarre film and even more amazingly without any gore or blood whatsoever. The eye catchers are a coven of witches who have set up shop somewhere - the exact location is never specified - and live by the Zodiac and astrological prognostications - which foretell that any number of visitors who come across their path will die horrible and bloody deaths - so in order to prevent that from happening, they take the law into their own hands and poison them before they can die violently. The women who appear on this film are all pretty attractive and the men in it are mostly a bunch of low grade morons. But this movie is kind of fun to watch in a cheesy sort of way just as long as you don't take the goings on very seriously.

3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt (1964)

a very nutty comedy - literally

[6/10 · 19 March 2007]

Tommy Noonan at least makes a better creative and funnier writer than he does as an actor. The problem with 3 NUTS IN SEARCH OF A BOLT is that it doesn't go far enough. By that comment, I am not referring to the obvious digs at the psychiatry profession, which this movie accomplishes with the greatest of ease. There is also a few digs about movies, where the ideas come from to make them and how they get made. The problem is these digs are half-hearted and don't go far enough. Also, the sex and nudity quotient is just not there and it needed to be. The movie is even tame by the sex standards that were around when it was made! And that's what I meant by the movie just doesn't go far enough. If the film had the audacity to be an out-and-out sex film first and a good spoof of psychiatry second, this movie could have put Tommy Noonan right up there alongside Russ Meyer as a great director of sex films. As it stands, this movie doesn't even come close to even the worst of Russ Meyer's films. The funniest scene in the picture is the bar robbery scene where it seems that a lot of ad-libbing was going on or seemed to be and that made this particular scene a standout.

Magic (1978)

underrated and great suspense film

[9/10 · 16 March 2007]

This neglected film does not deserve to be neglected. In fact, it might even be one of Hopkins's best performances on film. Moreover, I even think it probably is even better than Hopkins's Oscar-winning turn as Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs". The reason I say that is because Hopkins's in the latter film was rather hammy and way way over-the-top but then maybe that was the kind of performance the director wanted. But Hopkins's performance in "Magic" is understated almost to the point of numbness and yet that is what I felt was so brilliant about it. The scene where Hopkins's manager, Burgess Meredith, forces Hopkins and the dummy not to utter a single word in the space of five minutes is one of the single most suspenseful scenes ever committed to celluloid. And although the time goes by slowly, the suspense keeps building and building and you can actually see the inner pain that expresses itself onto Hopkins's face. That scene alone is worth seeing the picture for. And while I love Ann-Margret, she is basically window dressing here but then who cares when she is so great just to look at anyway.

Supervixens (1975)

classic Meyer

[7/10 · 11 March 2007]

Along with the later UP!, Supervixens has almost as much sex as it does violence. The screen time given to both is about equal this time whereas in the past, Meyer seemed to tilt more toward violence than sex with a couple of notable exceptions like Vixen. That said, Supervixens can be described as sort of a road trip movie. Our hero works as a gas pump jockey for Martin Borman's Super Service with a wife who alternates between super horn dog and bitch extraordinaire and unfortunately does the transformation with the greatest of ease until a psycho cop, played by Charles Napier, ends her bitchery for good by stomping her to death in her overflowing bathtub and then dropping a plugged in toaster into it, electrocuting her to death and causing a full out blaze that completely destroys the house. Our hero is blamed for it and is hunted by the policeman responsible for doing the deed so our hero must take it on the lam and in doing so runs into a whole array of huge breasted females on the make for him including in the funniest scenes of the picture, Uschi Digard as a mail order Austrian bride of Stuart Lancaster's farmer. Ann Marie who must be seen to be believed also makes an appearance as well as one of Richard Pryor's wives - Deborah McGuire - as a deaf mute. Everything comes to a happy ending for our hero and his new girlfriend, who is a reincarnation of his first wife, the super-bitch but this time without the bitch part.