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Reviews
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
This film is bad and for that reason...I'm out
I'd heard this was pretty bad so I had trepidations upon entering the theatre. However, it is far worse than I was led to believe. This film is political. There's no denying it. I don't go to the cinema to receive a political re-education course. Oh, and there is way too much CGI.
The Party (2017)
A parody that doesn't know it's a paraody
This was so bad it was good.
We were 11 minutes into this when my wife first said to me: "This is rubbish". I tried to defend it on the basis that it could only get better. I expected that the film would become more subtle as events unraveled. I expected my expectations to be confounded. I was mistaken. The film starts off with the subtlety of a sledgehammer and becomes ever more preposterous thereafter
All 7 characters are unlikeable. Every character is a two-dimensional stereotype: The banker snorts coke (natch); the pregnant lesbian wears dungarees (to a posh party); The ageing lesbian is a professor specializing is some niche of feminism; there's an ageing hippy (who spouts about broken Western medicine); every female character is extremely high achieving and they pepper most of their dialogue with references to strong women and post-post feminism; the men are all buffoons. It's all so wearily 2017. I hoped these lazy stereotypes would be thrown off as the film progressed, thereby confounding our - i.e. the viewers - lazy pigeon-holing. Unfortunately, the clichés remained in place until the bitter end.
The dialogue is execrable: these people are friends yet they talk to each other with contempt. April (Patricia Clarkson) cannot talk without directing a scathing insult to whomsoever she is addressing. Yet, no one ever picks her up on it: they either ignore the insult or respond with a feeble defence that enforces the cliché of their character.
At one point, there is an attack on the profession of the banker. Just in case some viewers wanted further confirmation as to how morally high-brow this film really is.
The story is contrived beyond belief. It's trying way too hard to be clever.
This film marks the high-water mark of the liberal elite.
Man Up (2015)
Pegg doing what he does best
I don't really buy into Simon Pegg doing the Hollywood blockbusters: I like that he's in them because he always bring humour and quirkiness to his roles but the roles always seem a bit contrived. In 'Man Up', however, he is in his element: Doing British comedy. And I believe this is his best comedy since 'Hot Fuzz': The film zips along and there's laughs thick and fast. It's true that we can guess how the film is going to end a mile off. But isn't that the case with all Rom-Coms? At the end, the boy gets the girl or the girl gets the boy. It's the pay-off we, the audience demand! However, this film brings a lot of laughs along the way: The Rory Kinnear character is hilarious, for example. And there's the Duran Duran dance sequence which is classic Simon Pegg. Lake Bell is very good. I was surprised to discover later the she is American. She was totally believable. I watched this on a flight yesterday and I'm going to watch it with my wife asap as I know she will really enjoy it too. This film will make you feel happy!
Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)
Mission Impossible meets Sherlock Holmes
This film goes completely over the top. The storyline is quite ridiculous. But, in addition to the action / stunts / fights / shooting that is the usual motif of this type of film, we now have the inclusion of the Sherlock Holmes factor: intelligence. Yes, folks, Ethan Hunt and his nemesis, Solomon Lane, are locked in a battle of wits. It's like Holmes and Moriarty all over again. Each of them reminds the audience at regular intervals how they have got the other's next moves all worked out. But B knows that A has got his moves all worked out. So B does something different. But A knew that B was going to do something different and had planned for that outcome. But B knew that A would realise that B would change his plan and so then B doesn't his plan after all.Or maybe he changes his plan in a different way. Who knows? Who cares? The result is a storyline of bluff laid upon double bluff laid upon triple bluff until we really have no idea which character is the most intelligent because we have no idea what is going on. But then there's a motorbike chase which is fine because we know how those work. Ving Rhames must have weeped when he first read his lines in the script. Ditto Baldwin.
Jingle All the Way (1996)
The most under-rated Xmas film
This film must be the most under rated Xmas film ever! When I think about how awful 'Elf' is and yet has a better IMDb score than 'Jingle All The Way' it makes me weep. This film is great for kids: my 17 and 15 year old boys have always loved it. But it's also great for adults: we can all relate to the pressures on parents at Xmas and the crazy toy rushes ( not to mention the one parent who does it all perfectly and makes the rest of us feel bad). There are lots of funny moments in this film. Sinbad is excellent and so is Phil Hartman. I urge you all to give it a go. This film is much funnier than Elf and Fred Claus and all other so-called 'funny' Xmas films.
The Holiday (2006)
Richard Curtis has got nothing to worry about...
This is really pretty bad. It's a blatant attempt to 'do' a Richard Curtis style romantic comedy. It has all of the twee-ness, all of the schmaltz, all of the 'Englishness' but none of the charm. And, quite importantly, there's no comedy!!! It's faintly amusing in a couple of places but that's all you get.
Jude Law comes across as a simpleton throughout the film with the most incredibly gormless smile plastered across his face. Jack Black is wasted in this. His character is simply making up the foursome. Kate Winslet does her best. Cameron throws herself into it also. But it's just a naff film. The scenes between the developing couples are cringe-making. People don't talk like that! It's so contrived - the awards ceremony for Eli Wallach made me want to vom! Also, we are meant to believe that the Kate Winslet character is a 'leading lady' with 'gumption' yet she lets her ex-boyfriend in London - who cheated on her by the way - continue to walk all over her! And when it is revealed that Jude Law's character is a widower with 2 delightful daughters - Jeez Louise: I was dry-heaving by that stage. Oh, by the way, Cary Grant was not from Surrey - he was from Bristol.
Really, I could pull apart every scene in this film (if not every line) with just how predictable / twee / contrived / boring / clichéd / unrealistic / vom-tastic it all is. But I won't. This is my warning to you.
If these words deter just 1 person from watching this film, then I will have failed miserably!
Closer (2004)
Somewhat contrived
I went to the cinema looking to witness a searing indictment of modern relationships. However, there were too many unbelievable moments to make this film any more than a stylish accessory. 3/4 times in the film, someone did/said something that would never happen in real life. These moments jarred and in so doing they ruined the credibility of the whole film. The name of the Natalie Portman character? Clive Owen's first conversation with the Natalie Portman character? Natalie's last action in the film? I'm a fan of Patrick Marber but I felt that events were thrown in just because they looked clever. The overall effect was that this was a contrived film. There's no life lessons in this film. 5 points for the soundtrack, pithy conversations, shots of London, good use of rain and wholly essential lap dancing content.