jcobane Reviews

The Exorcism of God (2021)

Come for the exorcism, stay for the excellent scenery-chewing of Joseph Marcell.

[7/10 · 12 March 2022]

The story presents a slight twist on the conventional exorcist plot that might have benefited more from a no-holds-barred Ken Russell approach, censors be darned.

I want to compare it to James Wan's Malignant, in the sense that none of it is particularly frightening, but the insanity of what I was seeing definitely put a smile on my face. (There's still some very effective exploitation of religious imagery desecration here, that should creep out anyone raised Catholic.)

That said, I would not have sat through all of this if it wasn't for Joseph Marcell, the butler from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When he first officially enters the picture, he's dropped off by a taxi in exactly the shot you're imagining. I almost stopped the movie. But he ends up breathing all sorts of unique life into his character, and gives the movie a much needed jolt of energy that carries it through to the end.

Capone (2020)

A flawed look at Capone's last days.

[6/10 · 13 May 2020]

An art house take on Capone's last days that has a lot going for it. Mostly it's the performances. Tom Hardy obviously chomping at the bit to do some Gary Oldman-esque fat-suit work, and to that end he mostly succeeds.

I feel like Hardy was leaning in more of a Death of Stalin direction with his performance, but you get the sense that the film almost betrays him. It only wants to dip a toe or two in the waters of comedic absurdity when it should have jumped right in.

I know it's useless to make suggestions after the fact but I'm drunk and this is the Internet. Maybe reallocate the time spent on the rather meaningless lost son subplot. Give it to the obsessed FBI agent. Develop him. A lot of comedic potential in the FBI's interest in a legendary criminal with the mind of a twelve year old. There's hints of that in here. Lots of hints of greatness.

I should clarify I'd never have dreamt of an Al Capone comedy until I saw this movie. Those elements are in the movie's DNA already. It's hilarious at points, but I never got the sense that the film wanted to be as funny as Tom Hardy wanted it to be.

Now, whether that's the film's fault, or Hardy's, who's to say. Either way, I don't regret watching it.

The Roads Not Taken (2020)

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring.

[7/10 · 11 May 2020]

The Roads Not Taken begins with a ringing phone over the opening credits. The credits are synced to the ringing. It took me years to get past the beginning of Once Upon a Time in America, beginning as it did with an incessantly ringing telephone. Every time I'd just throw my hands up and say not today, Sergio!

But eventually I got over that hump and was richly rewarded. Which is why I simply dug my fingernails into my palms and waited this one out. I'm glad I did. For whatever reason, there's always a good movie on the other side of an interminably ringing phone.

(It has a point, the ringing. It's thematic.)

The movie is hypnotically paced. Somewhere in the back of my mind I imagined myself glancing at my watch, stopping the film, and doing something else with my time. But I never glanced at my watch. Not once. OK, there was the one time I checked how much longer the film had to go, but not because I was bored -- it was because I was worried it would end too soon.

The performances are -- let me say this. It's not fantasy. I thought the premise (or at least my initial interpretation of the title) was going to go in more of a whimsical About Time-ish direction. Like this is a man who is experiencing a supernatural event in which he must choose which path to take. It's not that. It's very much a man with dementia existing in different places in his memories, envisioning different choices, while his daughter tries to connect with him in the present.

So the performances are brilliant. There was a moment in a cab early in the movie when I was afraid Sally Potter was going to do like what Terrence Malick did with those three little weird movies of his. You know the ones I mean. Where he just got his video camera and followed actors around. They were like, "So where's the script, Terry?" And he was like, "JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT IN POST."

There's a bit in a Costco parking garage that's just perfect.

Lastly, I want to talk about the music. It's the best thing about the movie. I will be buying the soundtrack. I haven't bought a film soundtrack since The Mission.

Oh and one more thing, with regards to phones ringing in films -- there's a limit. It's two. Two rings! That's all you get! If you need more you gotta use silent film intertitles. Them's the rules.

The Assistant (III) (2019)

An anxiety-driven remake of Dracula as told by one of his unwitting minions.

[8/10 · 3 May 2020]

Imagine getting a gig at Castle Dracula. Never seeing the Count but handed a mop and told to clean up the blood stains in his chambers while he slumbers. The Assistant is an extremely methodical dissection of the smallest aspects of the banality of evil. The kind that end up in office wastebaskets.

Dragged Across Concrete (2018)

Zero craft.

[3/10 · 24 March 2019]

I won't even go into the issues with the plot. If you can't see the problems, and you don't attend KKK meetings, maybe look into KKK meetings. (That's S. Craig Zahler-quality dialogue, folks!)

There's zero craft on display here. Watch the bank scene. Ignore the totally useless and exploitative "character-building" exercise, which only bloats the film, and could, by a real writer, be condensed into a few moments of screen time. Watch Frank Melamed, the bank manager, in relation to Jennifer Carpenter's character, and marvel at how a film could be made by orangutans on loan from the LA Zoo.

My advice for Zahler: you are living the dream. You're making films! You are literally the only person on this earth who could actually benefit from attending a film school! A little more that, a little less cross-burning, or whatever you do in your spare time.