db-beurylaw Reviews

First Man (2018)

If a movie is this dark it's unwatchable

[2/10 · 21 July 2019]

The movie is boring, boring boring. But I found all of actions scenes to be so dark that you cannot see what was going on. On several occasions the screen was totally black. I was shocked to see cinematographer Sandman was nominated for an Oscar and several other awards. The film makers evidently thought that a dark screen was mysterious and interesting. It was not. Just awful. I remember Jimmy Carter wanted John Glenn as his running mate, until he discovered how boring he was. He made Walter Mondale look exciting. The lesson of this is that astronauts are brave and resourceful but boring. Apparently Neil Armstrong was boring. The film makers captured this perfectly.

Captain Marvel (2019)

The Mysoginsists are out in force in these reviews. Brie Larson was awesome.

[8/10 · 31 March 2019]

So many terrible reviews from the public. The movie is as good or better than the movies with a male as the protagonists. The nerds don't like women as the center of attention. I saw the same thing two years ago with Wonder Woman. The nerds liked everything about Wonder Woman, except for the woman. Here several amateurs go out of their way to praise Samuel L. Jackson and the cat. It's there way of putting a strong female lead in her place. You'er not even as good as the cat. I saw the same thing with Wonder Woman. A strong woman repells weak minded men. They write that Gal Gadot was terrible, flat can't act. I'm reading the same thing written ( by nerds) about Brie Larson, even though she's won every major acting award while still in her 20s. I'm sure these nerds voted for Trump while even aware he is a idiot, conman who's every business failed. Read their reviews about Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman. They're not against women, mind you, just those women, or any other that gets the part. Now read comparable amateur reviews of movies with a male lead. Nobody is viciously attacking Robert Downey. It's an action adventure based on a comic book. As such it was a good movie. Brie Larson carried the film.

Peter Pan (1960 TV Movie)

Seriously messed up an entire generation

[3/10 · 24 March 2019]

I can't believe the positive reviews. And people say it's great for small children? When I was a child I was subjected to this bizarre mess. I couldn't figure it out. Was Peter Pan a middle aged lady? Was I to believe that she was a boy. Huh? This totally ruined the Peter Pan story for me. I thought the point was that the middle aged lady was pulling a fast one by pretending to be a boy. Was that what it was about? I totally missed the point of the story. It might have worked on Broadway, but on TV it just left me confused.

Love Happens (2009)

Lost me when he set the Cocatoo "free"

[3/10 · 11 March 2019]

I love birds and other animals. I once had a house with an atrium. I kept a cockatoo in there with some parakeets until I noticed that they were miserable at night, even in warm weather. They are tropical birds. They have been raised in captivity with no clue how to care for themselves. Also releasing a tropical bird in Washington was really abandonment. It was not a grand gesture, it was cruel. That scene was much the same as if he left a dog on the side of the road. I turned it off.

Petticoat Junction (1963–1970)

Petticoat Junction the Ultimate Bait and Switch Rip Off

[1/10 · 27 May 2018]

Amazing that no-one called the producers for this obvious sexual come on. I was six when the first advertisements for the show were shown and I immediately recognized the bait and switch. Everything about the show was suggestively sexual and it never delivered. In the opening we have three gorgeous girls swimming nude in a water tower. The water tower is used to service a 100-year-old steam locomotive. Why, in heaven's name would any intelligent woman get into a 100-year-old filthy, unfiltered water tower? And why be (apparently) nude with your sisters? Why because the producers are telling you this is a sexy show. The theme song invites you to ride the train that goes along the tracks to the junction. Petticoat Junction! The question I have is why would anyone want to do that? The Shady Rest is a run-down hotel in the middle of the sticks. Do you have to ride a train to get there? Isn't there a modern hotel off the interstate? Obviously, the hotel has no pool. Why else would the girls get in that rancid water tower. Maybe they had to bathe in the tower, because this hotel has no plumbing. Ewww. Then there is the hotel name. It's the Shady Rest. Shady as in "suspicious, suspect, questionable, disreputable, dishonest, illegal, dishonorable, unscrupulous or unethical." Oh sure, throw in the word "Rest" so the owners can claim innocence, but really would you board a 100-year-old train to go to a run-down dump hotel, that offers the opportunity to get out of direct sunlight?

Then there are the other cast members. Edgar Buchanan, Bea Benadaret, Smiley Burnette and Rufe Davis. Benadaret was a classic whore house madam. She was there to collect the cash and keep the girls in line. The other old men would be chosen because they were no longer a threat to the girls and would not corrupt the "merchandise". They were sort of octogenarian Eunuchs. Even though I was six I saw through this bait and switch. The show itself was as asexual as possible. The plots were always about the has-been old comedians. After the suggestive opening, he girls were no where to be seen. This was in the age of strict censorship. Barbara Eden couldn't even show her navel in her Jeanie costume. If you were lured in to see an adult sexy program, you were taken for a ride on a 100 year-old train. As a comedy, the shows weren't funny. It was as bland as any show has ever been. I think people tuned in to see something happen. It never did.

Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

Four times as bad as any other movie

[1/10 · 20 May 2018]

Fifty Shades Darker is really four movies in one. Four really bad movies: The Love Story: I think my sister has a plagiarism lawsuit against the film-makers. Course she was six at the time she came up with the story. She was playing with her dolls and she said that," her boyfriend was the best boyfriend in the world. And tonight, he is taking her to the ball and she will be the prettiest girl there. So, he bought her the bestest dress and real expensive jewelry. His old girlfriend showed up, but he said no, no, no, you go away. And he made her go away. The end." The Drama: Christian's old girlfriend was stalking Anna. Finally, she cornered her and pulled out a gun and was ready to shoot her. But then Christian walked in the door and the "drama" was over. The Survivor Story: Christian of course owns a helicopter and pilots it. He has engine trouble and apparently crashed it. It is such a national story that the News networks covered it live. Oh, Dear what happened to Christian is so important to the world, that everyone dropped everything. And yet, everyone in the audience had a problem caring in the slightest. Problem was we didn't see the plane crash or the aftermath. Then Christian walked in the door and the "drama" was over. The porno: Its easy to make a porno. The porn industry cranks out several thousand every year. And the porn producers have no clue how to make a movie. And yet every porn movie is better than this one. The two principles are reasonably attractive. They have no interest in each other and it shows. There is an effort at Bondage sex, but its sort of like a TV sit-com version of bondage sex, in that there is really no sex. They raise the issue of bondage sex and then avoid doing anything sexy. So there you have it. Four awful movies for the over-price of one. It could dominate the Razzie awards by taking four places in the worst picture category.

She's Out of My League (2010)

Take it from me, this is a very real comedy

[9/10 · 20 May 2018]

I feel compelled to write a review after reading some reviews that stated that this film could never happen in real life. This film is pretty much my life story. Kirk is an average looking guy who works at TSA at the airport. He meets Molly who is a beautiful lawyer who chooses to be a caterer. Twenty years ago, while working as a public defender I met the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Blonde hair and blue eyes, the whole package. She was clearly a" hard 10", and I was seriously a" soft 6". Worse she was 25 and I was 42. She worked in catering, although today she works at TSA. She asked me out several times, just like Molly asked out Kirk. Like Kirk I did not believe this was a relationship, or if it was a relationship, it was not going to last. Like Kirk's co-workers they questioned her motives and the reality of him dating an amazing woman. One of my co-workers said, "I am no where near as pretty as her, and I would never go out with you." Ouch! I got the nickname of "Carlo Ponti". If you do not know who Carlo Ponti was, look him up on the IMDB. When we went places together, my friends would ask "Why is she here?" Other men would hit on her, while we were holding hands! So many scenes are reminiscent of my courtship with this awesome woman. Especially the scene where Kirk takes Molly home to meet his father. My father just blurted out, "She's so beautiful!". I empathize what Kirk was going through as the insecurity was over-whelming. So twenty years later, we're still together. So I give this movie a 9. I do not give out "9s" lightly. I give it a 9 for realism. Ha! This is an above average rom-com. If they would have asked me I could have given them a lot of ideas. Being average and dating beauty is a real challenge. I do have some criticisms: The point of the movie is that Alice Eve is such a rare beauty that it creates problems for a regular guy. There is a scene at the Hockey game where Kirk believes that Molly is setting him up with her girlfriend, played by Kristen Ritter. Kirk can't believe Molly is interested in him, but he's Ok with Kristen Ritter? Ritter is a hard 10 as well. I love Ritter but casting an equally attractive woman ruins that scene and undermines the plot. Even worse Lindsey Sloane is cast as Kirk's ex-girlfriend and the plot is she is supposed to be so unattractive that the idea that she is not wearing underwear is cause for guys to lose their appetite. But Sloane is attractive, maybe not a 10, but the actress would turn heads in any bar in America. The casting director is afraid to cast average looking women even when that is what the plot calls for. This is a common problem in light comedies. The casting director wants to attract fans with an array of eye candy. But this works against the plot. How many times have you seen the "nerd character" played by a stud?

Gringo (2018)

Non-stop action and characters

[8/10 · 11 March 2018]

I was entertained throughout. Harold is a hard working regular guy and everyone around is a total creep. His wife is cheating on him with his boss. His other boss, Charlize Theron is also is also sleeping with his boss. Together they are breaking just about every US and Mexican narcotic law. The 3 of them go to Mexico and that's where the violence and intrigue goes off the charts. There are numerous twists and turns, with a surprisingly happy ending. You had to love Theron, as conniving and happily using her sex as any woman ever has.

Let It Ride (1989)

When I saw this movie, it was a great day, a fabulous day

[10/10 · 19 January 2017]

We recently had the opportunity to spend an entire hour talking to Richard Dreyfus! Richard was surprised that this is our favorite Richard Dreyfus movie. Not Jaws, Goodbye Girl, Close Encounters, But Let it Ride. We left that chance meeting saying, "I'm having a great day." The film is all about characters and what a bunch of characters. If you break down the movie, a loser becomes a winner and has a great day at the track winning race after race. Snoozers! But what a cast of crazies that make every minute either hilarious or at least amusing. Dreyfus was great. David Johansen is exactly the kind of loser that hangs out at the track or a casino. Poor Terry Garr always playing the suffering wife (See Close Encounters and Oh God.). She plays the long suffering wife. Again! Lots of funny people in small parts. It was shocking that so many of the professional critics dissed this very funny comedy. One idiot goes off on cinematography and editing. The test of a good comedy is: "Is it funny?" The answer is yes. The other key to great comedy is "Does it speak the truth?" Again, yes. I grew up in Las Vegas, worked in Casinos for 6 years. I met everyone of these characters. The sad fact is that Yes Jay Trotter won a fortune, but he'll be back and eventually lose it all back. But see the movie, You'll have a great day.

Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016)

The Second "comedy" this year without any comedy

[6/10 · 28 October 2016]

Wow was this a disappointment. This movie reminds me of the extremely disappointing "Hail Ceasar", a great Cast, advertised as a comedy but utterly devoid of anything remotely funny. It is sort of like a horse race without any horses, a bar that does not serve alcohol, a basketball game where there is no basketball. Just some people standing around talking. The first scene telegraphs how this film is going. There is a meeting between Isla Fisher, Zach Galifanakis and their neighbors, Matt Walsh and Maribeth Monroe. Monroe talks about a number of euphemisms for making love. You could tell it was supposed to be funny and absolutely was not. At all. A portent of things to come. Fisher and Galifanakis play a boring couple who live in the suburbs. They are very boring. This is a change of character for Galifanakis, who usually plays a wild man, think "The Hangover" movies. Here is broadens his horizons; He plays very boring. Not a good move. The boring suburban couple only excitement is the new neighbors moving in next store. They are handsome and sexy, but not funny either. John Hamm and Gail Gadot try to recreate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolee in "Mr. and Mrs Smith" only without the chemistry or wit. The plot is extremely predictable. Fisher is suspicious of her new neighbors. Galifanakis works at a top secret defense contractor, but he is clueless as to the real motives of Hamm. Of course Hamm and Gadot are spies, I mean they make James Bond look like a butcher. The worst scene is the conclusion. Walsh is supposed to meet with a crime lord known as "The Scorpion" played by Patton Oswalt. Spoiler: the big conclusion makes no sense. The Scorpion pays a suitcase full of cash for some microchips. But he finds out he is dealing with Galifanakis instead of Walsh, he decides to shoot him and Fisher. Some questions arise. Why? The Scorpion has what he wants, who cares who he was dealing with? It would make more sense if he wanted the cash as well as the microchips. And why was Fisher there? She wasn't needed and she was put in danger for no purpose. And then Hamm and Gadot are brought into the standoff with no explanation. The Scorpion and his goons have all these machine guns and are ready to kill all four of them. Fisher thrawts that by grabbing a butter knife, which she sneaks to Gadot. Oh that changes everything, Gadot has a butter knife which trumps 8 guys with machine guns. Seriously.

The 4 stars then get away from the goons by jumping out the window into a swimming pool. Everyone know that goons with machine guns are powerless to shoot people who are in a swimming pool. Galifanakis is afraid to jump, until the Scorpion shoots him twice in the chest. Then he decides to jump into the pool. Again, everyone knows that pool water cures bullet wounds in through the heart.

The script is stupid, predictable and unfunny. If you gave a 1000 chimpanzees 1000 typewriters, they would produce 1000 screenplays better than this one. Why 2 stars? The reason I went to see it in the first place. I like all 4 stars. But shouldn't they have been able to tell that the script was not funny or interesting when they read it? How can they make such crap?

Fury (2014)

Attack of the Nazi Zombies, oh brother

[2/10 · 7 April 2015]

There should be a second rating for truth and accuracy. I read an article in the New York Times that praised this movie for being very accurate. The Times got it wrong and the film makers got it very, very wrong. Why is it so hard to make an accurate movie about World War II? Many of the participants are still alive and they are always very offended with filmmakers present nonsense, like this movie. First of all the film makers chose to have this story take place in April of 1945, then they ignore the situation as it stood at that time. The war in Europe ended on May 7, 1945. The fact is that the five man crew of this tank had to know that the war was almost over as they were fighting deep in Germany. At that time the Allies (US, Britain, USSR et.al.) had more than twice as many soldiers and way more equipment than the Germans. Most of the German army was trying to get to the West to surrender to the Americans because they knew that they would be treated better than being captured by the Russians. In April alone 2.3 million German soldiers surrendered. To watch this movie one would believe that the Germans outnumbered the Allies and outrageous acts of valor were required. In fact, the allies were aware of the mass surrenders and trying to minimize their casualties. It is true that the US Department of war gave the armies inferior tanks. They chose to manufacture Sherman tanks which had far less armor and artillery. It was chosen because it was cheap and could be manufactured in greater numbers and the allies had far more of these tanks. But the German tanks were better, that much is true. As a result the Allies attacked in mass formations. Not one loan tank. This brings us to the final climatic scene. The five man tank crew are all alone in a broken down tank. There is battalion of about 250 Germans coming they're way. Pitt decides to stay there and battle the 250 Germans alone. In a broken down tank. In the last month of the war. His heroic (stupidity) attracts all four of his comrades who agree to a pointless fight to the death. The terrible part is that the Germans mindlessly walk into the Tank's line of fire as if they were Zombies. Maybe they were left over extras from Pitt's last movie World War Z. Maybe Hitler was so desperate for soldiers he enlisted the very old, the very young and even the recently undead. Anyway, even though the Germans co-operated in being slaughtered by the Americans they eventually overwhelm them. But there is more: in the closing scene we see scores of dead Germans surrounding the disabled tank. Notice that none of the dead Germans fell on the rough road. They all managed to die on the soft grass. I thought for a moment that the newly arrived troops moved the bodies off of the road, but they would have laid them in rows. This was not the case. The Germans were lying about as they had fallen. Just not on that rough, dirty road!

While We're Young (2014)

I liked it better under its original title, "Broadcast News"

[5/10 · 7 April 2015]

Maybe you've heard this story before. The protagonist is giving a lecture on ethics and sticking totally to the truth when reporting facts. The class derisively wanders out, leaving just a stranger who was enthralled by the talk. The protagonist and stranger become close and work together. Some humorous events take place. But they the protagonist finds out that the Stranger deviated from the facts in a minor way, but this is an ethical violation that cannot be tolerated and they end their relationship. Remember it? It was Broadcast News and it was a far better movie. Here, Ben Stiller plays Josh a documentary film maker who is so dedicated that he has been working on the same film for eight years. Adam Driver plays Jaimie, a talented young film maker who's willing to cut a few corners to make a quick and successful film. When Josh finds out that Jaimie did not have a personal relationship with the subject of his film, it ends their bromance. The problem is Holly Hunter and William Hurt were a lot more interesting and the comedic moments a lot more fun. This is especially true at the climactic scene where Josh disrupt a dinner party with his tirade about Jaimie's ethical deviation. Stiller's Josh went into hysterics, while Holly Hunter was authoritative. You were impressed with Hunter's ethics. You thought Stiller's character was a twit. Ever heard of praise in public and discipline in private? Rent Broadcast News, it's the same film done better.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015)

If you object to Comedies being too long, you should stick to music videos.

[4/10 · 20 February 2015]

I have 2 complaints with this movie and most modern comedies. One is that it is only 93 minutes, about 10 of which are the credits where they thank everyone who had anything at all to do with this movie. So the movie is an hour, twenty minutes. I'm not spending $12 for a little over an hour of entertainment. I've read several morons who complain when a comedy is over an hour and half as being too long. I think you have an attention deficit disorder! To those people I say stay home and watch a sit-com. With commercials, they are barely 15 minutes long. Better still watch You-Tube. Some of their films are 30 seconds. I want my two hours. If they can't come up with enough material to entertain me for two hours, don't make movies. Secondly, I want to tell these film makers that there are these people who are delightful, intelligent, funny, talented and great to watch. They are called women, and believe it or not there are a lot of them. You can't tell it from most movies, like this one. It could have been made in a men's prison. I don't watch films that are all men. Or all women for that matter.

Interstellar (2014)

If this is how humanity is to be saved, we are doomed

[2/10 · 15 November 2014]

This is stupid. Stupid, stupid stupid!!! And boring. I want to congratulate reviewer melkurion and incorporate his or her well written review. I wish he or she had written the script. If you like stupid movies that make no sense, I suggest you get a copy of "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" another amazing insult to your intelligence. At least "Voyage" was fun to watch for the mere stupidity. This one is simply extremely boring. The first 45 minutes is Mathew McConaughey as a single father talking to his daughter? You can go to any park on Saturday afternoon and see the single fathers talking to their kids and it will be far more entertaining. Then Cooper (McConaughey) stumbles into a super-secret NASA installation, not in Florida mind you, but apparently in a corn field in Iowa. He is immediately snapped up to pilot the last remaining space ship on a dying planet. He has to save the earth from a dust storm. The angst is that he has to leave his daughter and it might be a few hundred years before he gets back. Here's the reason I write: NASA is sending its last space ship, its only hope to save our species, with a pilot they just met, two other guys and one woman. Huh? If you're going out to find another habitable planet, and chances are the people sent are never coming back, and you send one woman? The writers do know where babies come from, don't they? Anne Hathaway plays "Brand" and is the only woman on board. What if she gets killed? What if she is infertile or not very good at getting pregnant? The entire future of the human race is riding on her. She is 32 years old and looks older. They would have been better off leaving Cooper at home and sending his daughter. Any reasonable effort to save the human race would have been to send three young women, one viral young man and a whole lot of frozen sperm. The reason that there is just Hathaway is because of the movie convention that we must always have more dudes. Always. Even if the situation calls for women, even if it only makes sense that the participants be female, there must be mostly men. And director here fell back on the cliché from SI-Fi movies of the 50s: Why is there a chick in the space ship at all? Because she is the daughter of the Professor who is masterminding the project. If the professor didn't have a daughter, they would be all dudes in the space ship. Brand couldn't be accomplished on her own? She gets to be in the space ship because she's the daughter. The science may have come a long way from the 50s, but the male dominated film industry has not. As I said the whole movie made no sense and is an insult to your intelligence. Add in the chauvinism and you got a fun night out.

The Two Faces of January (2014)

Hey if you find a body in one of the rooms, I didn't do it

[4/10 · 13 October 2014]

Vigo Mortensen plays Chester, a swindler who is taking his ill gotten gains on an extended tour of Europe with his younger wife, Colette (Kirsten Dunst). Chester gets corned in his posh hotel room by a private Investigator who is trying to get some of the stolen money back. They talk in the bathroom and a struggle ensues and the PI hits his head and dies.

Here is where the plot falls deader than the PI: Chester discovers that the PI was staying in the same hotel. He decides to put the body back in his own room. As he is doing so, his American Tour Guide, Rydal, comes up and helps him move the body. You know the old joke: Friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies. Together, they place the body in his room. They then decide that Chester and Colette must flee the hotel as soon as possible. For some reason the hotel insists that Chester and Colette leave their passports with the front desk. I've stayed in 17 European Countries and never had to do that. (None of them were Greece) Chester decides they must leave their passports behind.. Why? If the hotel takes your passport, they just want to make sure you pay. It's not like the clerk is going to ask: "How was your stay? Did you use the honor bar, an in-room movie, murder any of your fellow guests?" Any moron would act like nothing is wrong and check out. Chester practically ran through the lobby shooting, "If you find a dead body in one of the rooms, I didn't do it." Besides the PI hit his head on in the bathroom counter. The logical conclusion is that he hit his head, crawled to his bed and died. End of story. Normal thing to do is just cancel maid service and put the "Do not disturb" on the door. Instead, they have to find some black market guy to make them fake passports and that will take five days. (huh?) They then have to travel all over Greece to find a hotel that will let them stay without a passport. Kind of an excuse to show Greek ruins.

In typical bad movie fashion, the police are on alert and thousands of officers and instantly dispatched to find the killer. On a trip and fall? (The reason the police are after Chester is because they checked out and left their passports!) Come on the police don't close the borders and the airport for every little homicide.

Rydal travels with the couple, even though Chester is a psycho-jerk. Colette is as bland as Kristen Dunst can be. Her character hints at a much better plot and movie. She is a lower class girl who sneaked into a party of rich men and snagged the wrong one. It would have been much more interesting if she had newly discovered her sexuality and had no idea of how to control it. But the movie doesn't go there, she is bland as white bread. Instead the motivation comes from the fact that Rydal has a father obsession and he thinks Chester, oh never it's too stupid and boring.

The characters are boring and it makes no sense. The first 15 minutes were interesting, but it was downhill from there.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

A Movie you don't have to see to hate!

[1/10 · 18 July 2014]

Do you remember a game show called "Name That Tune"? Contestants were able to name the name of a song on as little as two notes. This reminds me of "Sweet Home Alabama" When the film came out, I read the title, the star and about ten words and I knew the entire movie. I've never seen this movie, I can't take that degree of punishment. But I have seen bits and pieces and I've read the "plot" and I know I'm right. Reese Witherspoon (Meredith) plays a top New York fashion designer. Wait stop right there. Isn't it trite that characters in these types of movies always have a ridiculous glamour job like that? Producers think its interesting, but really it is something we can't relate to. Meredith got married after high school in Alabama and now she has to go back to a small town in Alabama to get her estranged husband to sign the divorce papers. She can't get divorced without his signature. OK, this is not only a tired plot, (actually an exhausted one) it was re-written by a moron. You don't have to chase down your estranged husband personally to get a divorce. There's these people that do that sort of thing, they're called lawyers and process servers. Your husband does not have to sign, only the judge. Not only that you can file for divorce where you live, as in New York. You can take my word for it, as I've passed the bar in three states, one of which borders on Alabama. I guess if you're a top New York Fashion designer, you never get the chance to meet lawyers. Only about every day. Problem is you don't have to be a lawyer to know that you can get a divorce where you live, regular people came into my office all the time asking for a divorce when the spouse lives in Europe, Asia, even Alabama. So, you won't believe this, but when she goes back to Alabama she realizes that she really loves the stud ex-husband, not the stud rich guy from New York. She left him standing at the alter. What an original thought. Who saw that coming. We've only seen that 10,000 times since Dustin Hoffman did that in the Graduate in 1967. Because Hollywood knows that you think living in a small backwoods town in Alabama is so much better than being rich and successful in New York. I've been to Alabama and I've been to New York. If you have money, New York is way better. A spoiler alert is superfluous for this film. The ending was given away the day it opened.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Finally a film that tells How the West Really Was

[9/10 · 2 July 2014]

Hollywood loves the Western. The first real movie, "The Great Train Robbery" was a western. Over the past 110 years the studios have made about 50 westerns a year or about 6,000 westerns. Most were romanticized baloney showing how glorified and exciting it was to be in the small dirty towns that dot the west. Finally someone makes a movie that points out that it is all bullshit. The West in the second half of the 19th century was dirty and dangerous. Herding cattle (or sheep) is incredibly boring. There were very few women and those that were were reduced to being prostitutes. Then you have a bunch of uneducated idiots who tote a gun everywhere and you have, well a modern Republican paradise, but hell for the rest of us. Seth McFarlane's movie make a great comedic point of all of this and the film works best when it shows the west as it was. I grew up in Nevada and once you get away from Vegas and get to the small towns you can see how boring and brutal life was and some places still is. OK, I could have done without the fart jokes and the scene were a sheep pees in Seth's face. McFarlane should have stuck more to his theme about reality of the west. The other unbelievable part is Charlize Theron. It would be hard to believe that you would encounter two beautiful women in one small town. Even more was that she was so street smart and valuable to Seth. But she was awesome and moved the story along. Sara Silverman was more realistic as a hooker who had to service the whole town. Yes, Seth McFarlane is a poor actor, but so was Bob Hope, Steve Martin, Jerry Lewis and a whole bunch of comedians who brought laughs to the screen. One thing that needs to be said: The IMDb has to police this site better. This movie was released at about the same time as "Blended", a horrible piece of garbage. There were numerous public reviews posted on the Blended site that were clearly fraudulent. Apparently publicists for Adam Sandler/ Happy Madison Productions wrote fake reviews because there is no way that crap could rate a 10 out of ten. I don't believe that anyone is that stupid to rate a poor movie like Blended that highly. Conversely I believe that the same people gave this movie an extremely low grade. I strongly suspect that many of the review were inflated for Blended and deflated for this film because they were both in the theaters at the same time and both competing for movie goers ten bucks. This move is not a 10, but there is no way a reasonable comedy lover would give it a "1". I take a "10" grade seriously, only great movies deserve a "10". Good movies deserve an 8. Adam Sandler deserves the Razzies he always wins.

Walk of Shame (2014)

If you're looking for a good time, pick up the lady in the yellow dress

[9/10 · 2 July 2014]

For the first 20 minutes, I was bored and not impressed. I was just about to give up on it, when funny things began to happen. Similar to "After Hours" a movie I really like. But I have to say that "Walk of Shame" is better and funnier. I am writing because I am so offended by the negative reviews. Some people have no sense of humor. Yes the movie is raunchy, but that's the point. A nice girl, Megan Miles (Elizabeth Banks) gets thrown into the underworld of LA and has hilarious adventures to find her way out. It wouldn't work if she were properly dressed and dropped off in suburbia. Comedies should be judged on just being funny and this was is very funny. If you want a great totally believable plot rent a heavy drama. Not that great comedy does not rely on facts. The basis of good comedy is that there is an element of truth. That's why this movie works. I could see a person having a night of drinking go horribly wrong. If you are suddenly dumped in the wrong part of town. Without your modern things (Car, credit cards, cellphone, etc.) its amazing how vulnerable you can suddenly become. (I was once needing to be picked up and my cellphone was dead. I suddenly realized I didn't know friends and family's phone numbers.) The stuff in this movie could happen, although probably not all at the same night. The movie relies totally on Banks, who is awesome. I loved her on 30 Rock and she can carry a comedy. I am so sick of comedies that feature only dudes, which is nearly all of them and it was great to see a woman carry the show. Jenny McCarthy is probably rightfully steamed as she could have carried this movie off, but she was never given so much comic gold to work with.

Blended (2014)

Sort of like the Brady Bunch, only without the cerebral humor

[1/10 · 28 May 2014]

Here's the story, of the lazy actor, who keeps turning out crappy movies all the time. This ones awful, like the others, he'll do anything for a dime. Here's the story of the well known actress. She made a career out of having a famous name. But she's working with Adam Sandler, so you know its lame. A pile of crap, a pile of crap, that's hoooow they produce a pile of crap. Here's the story he has three daughters. She has two sons. (What a novel twist, its what makes the story telling fabulous!) They have a terrible first date because the Adam Sandler character is a jerk. (What a stretch for Sandler going entirely with type.) Then they meet up again on a vacation to Africa. (Why Africa? Because Sandler wants to take his family on vacation and he wants you to pay for it. Plus he did every fart and poop joke a thousand times, and now he's innovating. He's doing wild animal fart and poop jokes, Quite the creative genius, that Sandler.) The problem here is like every Sandler movie: Its only funny enough to entertain a Lemur (Oh another reason to film in Africa.) And Sandler's ego. His every expression all the time is "Ain't I adorable and don't you just love me?" "I am just so cute!" The problem is the studios only release so many "comedies" per year. If Sandler makes one of his ego trips, that's one less comedy that gets made. Then Seth Rogan makes two stoner comedies and you can see that there's not much room for comedy for adults. Then the studios make a half dozen "romantic comedies" that aren't really comedies at all, just romance novels put on the screen. Its sad for people who like good comedy. I blame the critics and the awards. No one gives an award for comedy. Good comedy is not recognized and rewarded. As a result hacks like Sandler can film his paid vacation and put it on the screen.

Last Vegas (2013)

Don't think of it as a movie, its more of a vacation- their vacation

[3/10 · 20 February 2014]

Frank Sinatra pioneered the idea of having a great Vegas Vacation-at someone else's expense. George Clooney perfected it. First you get some of your big-name friends, Dino, Sammy, Joey and Peter and make a movie in Vegas. It has to be a comedy-drama. Not a true comedy because that requires work on timing and getting the comedy just right. Not a true drama because it requires intensity and effort. More of a light drama. With these guys (Freeman, Douglas, Klein, Steinbergen and DeNiro, Academy Award winners all) they can effortlessly shoot every scene in one take, two at the most. The result is mediocrity at its worst. It is neither funny nor dramatic. Everyone is walking through the motions, so they can continue their vacation. Atyour expense. People will pay to see it because of these fine actors' history of fine work. This is not fine work. They are on vacation and you're paying for it.

12 Years a Slave (2013)

A little too black and white and red all over

[3/10 · 16 February 2014]

Making a movie about a Hollocaust is a surefire way to have your movie labeled a classic. Be it about the destruction of the native American nations and theft of their land, the murder of the European Jews or the enslavement of millions of Africans movies about how awful things can be real award winners. The gravity of the evil injustice is enough to catapult a mediocre script and production into an award winning epic. Even if the movie is not very good.

The plot of this film is that slavery is bad. No really, its really bad. We have to tell you that it was bad. Very bad. Awful, in fact! This film reminds me of another stinker, called "The Boost". In that movie the lesson was that drugs are bad. Really bad. Incredibly bad. In case you missed it, drugs are not good. By the first 20 minutes I got it. Slavery was no fun at all.

Here's the plot: Solomon Northrop (Chietel Ejiofor) is a free black man living an idyllic life in 1841 New York. He is gullible as heck and agrees to go with 2 slavers to Washington where slavery is legal. It never occurs to him that even free black men should watch themselves in slave country. After being plied with liquor, he wakes up in chains. He then has to work and get beaten for 12 years. Boy I didn't know slavery was bad until this movie. (sarcasim) There really is no plot just a lot of beatings.

What I found interesting was that white people in New York were delighted to meet black people. They were welcome into stores and parties and taken on trips. White people in the south were uniformly evil. They would beat a black person nearly to death just for getting a bar of soap. (Except for Brad Pitt, but he was the Producer.) They didn't really work their plantations so much as use them as platforms for the torture.

I give it a 3, It was an effort to show a horrible institution that can never be forgotten. But I didn't think it was all good versus all evil. I don't believe 1840s New Yorkers behave like white delegated to the Democratic Convention, nor do I believe that all Southerners were 100% vicious all the time. Yes Slavery was bad. I got it.

Carrie (2013)

Violates my 7 rules of remaking a movie

[2/10 · 25 October 2013]

I hate remakes. Nearly every single one is inferior to the original. The only reason the studios make them is cold hard cash. So I, once again present the seven rules of when a movie should be remade: Rule Number One: Never. They never remake a failure. The original was good and sometimes great. So why do it again? This is the opposite of creative. Apply the same activity to any other medium. Let say song writing. You write a song that is note for note, word for word, just like a well known hit. When your friends say you're just copied another song, you say its a "remake". Rule Number Two: Remake a movie when the original film and every copy, DVD, VHS Laser disk and every other medium has been destroyed in the very same fire and Western civilization will be destitute without a version of this film. That never happens. Rule Number Three: The film is based on a book, play TV show that was a classic and somehow the original failed to capture the greatness and we really need to see a good rendition. Rule Number Four: The original was the type that needed modern technology and effects and when the movie was made, the science was just not up to par. Rule Number five is similar. The original was made in black and white because color was too expensive back in the 40s, and the movie would be much better in color Rule Number six: The original has become dated. Made at another time and things have changed so much that watching the original is a pointless experience. The old horror movies fall in this category. 1930s Frankenstein is just not scary. Rule Number Seven: The original stars some reprehensible jerk like OJ Simpson or Adam Sandler. Turning to this movie it is word for word like the original. But every case member pales in comparison to the original. Sissy Spacek is worlds better than Chloe Grace Moretz. Piper Laurie, Amy Irving, John Travolta, William Katt, and Nancy Allen, all better. Moretz is too cute and in no way creepy. Didn't believe for a minute that she was an outcast, more like very popular. This film is just a money grab! The original is still available. So is the book

World War Z (2013)

Zombies! and they want to be taken seriously

[3/10 · 23 June 2013]

I heard this was a good flick and I like Brad Pitt, so I didn't learn much a bout it when I went in. As I sat there, I was shocked that it was about zombies, and it wasn't tongue in cheek. Remember Zombieland? Yeah, it was about Zombies, but you knew it wasn't to be taken seriously. Especially when they shot Bill Murray who was playing himself. World War Z is silly, stupid and not worth your time. The tone is that the world is being taken over by Zomnbies and only Brad Pitt alone can save it. Zombies are like unicorns, or Teddy bears with lasers, you can't do it with a totally straight face. This movie tries and falls flat on its face. The first scene of the Zombie attack lets you know that you are in for a silly ride. Pitt and his wife and children are caught in a tight traffic jam when the zombies attack. Suddenly all of the cars pull over to the side so that Pitt can drive. It was just like the scene in "Bruce Almighty" when Jim Carey (as God) causes all of the cars to pull to the side. Only that was a farce. Here the cars pull over to the side because the Director wanted to put in a car chase scene. Like oh yeah, the middle of being eaten alive by Zombies everyone pulls over to let Brad Pitt pass. Then after Pitt wrecks his car, he gathers up his family and puts them into a conveniently available RV. Again thousands of people are being attacked but only Brad is smart enough to get into the RV. Then they drive away across a bridge that is jammed with cars, but the cars have cleared a path for the RV. The word on the emergency Broadcast system is to stay away from big cities. What does Brad do? He takes his family out of Philadelphia and drives them to Newark. My understanding is that Newark isn't safe even when it is not over-run with Zombies. The dumbness just goes on. The movie was directed by Marc Foster who I remember directed Quantum of Solace, you know the James Bond film where there were such extreme close ups you had no idea what was going on. Same thing here. Lots of scenes where the camera was so close, you had no idea what was happening. Mr. Foster should not be directing anything. Beware of movies that have only one recognizable star. The drama is a star interacting with other stars. Here you had Brad. So there was no drama or character development or anything of interest, except a few very exciting action scenes. Which did not make any sense.

This Is the End (2013)

If you like latent homosexuality, vulgar language and this turds for you

[1/10 · 15 June 2013]

I hated this movie. As Roger Ebert once said, Hated it, hated it hated it. I expected to hate it, it was supposed to be like Pineapple Express, which is a terrible movie. I was stuck waiting for a Megabus and had 3 hours to kill and happened to be right in front of a movie theater. I thought the theater experience would show my what all the stoners are raving about. It didn't help. What surprised me is the latent homosexuality. All six of the actors play themselves and they are all hot for each other. The previews feature Emma Watson. Ms Watson is in the movie for about one minute before they run her off. Then its just 6 men with their hilarious bantor of their desire for each other, creative ways of using the word "fuck" in every sentence and how they are lusting for drugs. It reminded me of a horrible fraternity party I once went to where none of the women showed up. The boys got drunk and screamed about how they should such each others dicks. The movie starts off with Seth Rogan and Jay Baruchel playing themselves. Rogan wants to go to James Franco's house. Baruchel is whining that Rogan wont pay attention to him there and he doesn't want to share him with Franco. Really! Once they get there, Franco has two large paintings, he created, one with Rogan's name and the other Franco's. Could it get more gay? Baruchel then pulls Rogan away cause he can't go get a pack of cigerettes himself. (Acting like teenage girls) While there, apparently Aramgedden begins. They go back to Franco's house where six men are holed trying to figure out how to divvy up the drugs and one Milky Way.

If there was something funny here, I didn't see it. My old fraternity brothers were way funnier. What is disconcerting about this comedy and several other comedies of late is that they have all male casts. (Tropic Thunder, Hangover movies, The Interns, etc.) It all frat boy all the time. But as a former frat boy, I can tell you that we weren't latent homosexuals. Is Hollywood trying to send us a subliminal message? Gotta say that I am a liberal who totally supports gay rights (marriage, employment, all civil rights). I don't dislike gays, I just don't want that to be the theme of every movie.

I notice that another comedy this summer is "The Heat" which is just women (Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy). Is the Taliban supervising how movies are made? Its either all men or all women. The sexes don't mingle. No movie should be all male or all female unless its about a submarine or prison. As someone said on Twitter, "This is the End is close to gay porn.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

What? Wonderstone was wonderful!

[9/10 · 3 May 2013]

I heard such bad things about this movie, that I didn't go see it. Big mistake, this is a funny wonderful comedy. I guess some people think Adam Sandler movies are good. I don't get it. OK the structure was a little worn out, I felt like it was following a well worn path, but the it made me laugh and I enjoyed the ride. As usual Steve Carrell was great as a narcissistic D-list celebrity starring in a cheesy Las Vegas act. I lived in Vegas for 25 years and I can tell you that entertainers like him hang on to the same tired act way to long. (I'm talking about you Wayne Newton) When he tries to spruce up the act, well its hard to teach an old dog new tricks. As always Steve Buscemi supports the star with a weird characterization. I'd heard that Jim Carey was hardly in the movie. Missed the point. Carey played an offer the top magician who injures his body and thinks its magic. Yes it entertains but how long can he go on? I thought he was hysterical, reminded me of the fire chief he played on In Living Color.

Gotta mention Olivia Wilde. Can't get enough of her. Looks and her presence drew my attention to her in every scene she was in. I think I would watch her read the phone book.

Critics said this was a drama masquerading as a comedy. So many bad movies pull this trick. It killed the box office. It was a shame, this movie was pure fun. Its not too late pay per view it.