murking Reviews

Vice Squad (1982)

This is not for the squeamish.

[4/10 · 6 March 2008]

I was in my early teens when this film began in heavy rotation on HBO. My mother didn't screen many films, but she happened to catch one or two scenes of Ramrod brutalizing Ginger or Princess and forbade me to watch it. Of course I could not resist, was caught, and had my TV privileges taken away from a month.

Are these scenes of brutal violence towards women tame by today's standards, have they since been topped? Not really! Perhaps if it was tried today we'd get a bit more insight into Ramrod's motivations. Childhood trauma and what not, not just revenge.

The actors play this pretty much straight forward. Hauser is singular in his approach, and Hubley alternates between faux-demur and animalistic rage. Quite a lot of anger in her own right. Sherman the lead/director comes off as rather wooden, but give him credit for his Dirty Harry-esqueness and his place in cinematic history. Cable TV audiences have enjoyed this sleazy classic for three decades with more to come!

Terror at Orgy Castle (1971)

A romp in a cold studio

[8/10 · 1 September 2006]

This has to be one of the best non-synch sound productions I've seen. You can include The Hand of Pleasure, also seen on this DVD with this assessment, as they're both made by Zoltan Spencer's Satyr IX Productions. Sadly there are no additional credits.

Many films of this period were shot on the cheap, synch sound costing a considerable amount of additional set up and shooting time. But where there was money well spent was on the dames. OO-Fah! There be some fine ones here! And the plot actually holds water in an incredibly bizarre way. For the most part, it's a typical haunted house movie, but I love the thrill-seeking hippie spin on it. What would a freaky free loving couple subject themselves to in a haunted house. Considering the rampant occultism of the period, anythings possible.

Satyr X seems to have a house band as wellm taking up the dead air left by the narration- only audio track. They're jamming out kinda nicely, 3 or 4 piece band.

Wait, I'm midway through Hand of Pleasure, and wow, we have sync sound..and an appearance by a 70s gap-toothed porn queen. Real 70s grunting, and of course, no erections. I like Spencer's productions, you can tell they're really trying to do a real film.

Evil Come Evil Go (1972)

They must have ran out of dough...

[6/10 · 1 September 2006]

I was shocked in the first place that this film was any good. I was beginning to lose hope in Something Weird's oddities, mainly the pure sex romps bereft of plot.

Here you have an unwanted dose of ant-sexual religious fervor, laid upon the plate of Grindhouse hippie storefront cinema. Plus some lesbianism thrown in for sheer ambiguity. As uncomfortable as the players seem, the sex scenes come across with mild realism. Sara Jane's first victim, presumably picked up in a Cafeteria (?) boasts about his love 'em and leave 'em ethos, and considering his sexual choices, it's a good strategy. She laughs as she complies with his perfunctory sexual demands, before she wastes him.

Later, we have a classic triangle when the lesbian friend shows up and convincingly rescues her girlfriend from Sara Jane's clutches. Unfortch, it's a trick. But very well played, and nice boobs on the blonde, BTW.

How can I explain the ending? Are the girls converted back to a free love ideology? Or have they lost their bloodlust out in the open air? So easy to kill in the privacy of a hotel room.

Rockey X (1986 Video)

You look a little sweaty!

[4/10 · 3 March 2006]

This is fun stuff. You got Buck Adams, who seems to have actual fight experience as a rod- raged sex-crazed animal. Stunning realism, unusual for the laid-back cowboy, he heh. Karen Summer's visible landing strip is like a female murkin. Jerry Butler as an earnest pretty boy fighter. Wish I quizzed him about this when we spoke some time ago. Holmes is...Holmes, AIDS notwithstanding.

Classic smut like this is fun. They do just enough to put this across as a "real movie" with fine porn acting and doing their own stunts as well as screwing. Shot directly on video. It wouldn't look right any other way.

Tropic of Passion (1973)

You've ruined Hawaii for me!

[8/10 · 3 March 2006]

How do you imagine Bob Chinn and his greasy camera got the bucks to fly him, John Holmes and a couple of skanks to Hawaii? This is still early in their career, makes you wonder. This still has the raw grittiness of any Times Square number. But it looks like a vacation for these guys. Holmes rides in a big rental car with a straw hat, checks into a fancy hotel, big room with a balcony, balls of course, and in his way, investigates some crime involving blackmail, heroin and of course...the director. Either by design or as an afterthought, JH and Chinn perform one of their trademark kung-fu battles and it is just the funniest thing you've ever seen. Just feigning the impact of their feeble blows so dramatically could injure just about anyone. This along with Jade Pussycat must have had a great influence of Boogie Nights and any sort of porn-art connoseurs.

Teen-age Fantasies: An Adult Documentary (1972)

Bordering early hardcore with sex hygiene films

[7/10 · 3 March 2006]

The scratchy film start with the usual medical disclaimer, advocating the great social changes the 60s produced, as well as the new legislation that made sex film not prosecutable by obscenity laws. This is a very early attempt to integrate porn performers, actual couples, odd sex couplings with the scientific approach of the earlier sex hygiene films which before were the only way you were gonna see that THANG in action. There's a couple scenes of young couples describing then performing their preferred modes of intercourse, a scene with an old guy and a young girl we could really do without. But what holds this film together is the charming and gorgeous Rene Bond. She's so cute and inviting...and performs a lot of fellatio! 5 or 6 in fact. Fully descriptive and so disarming. You don't even have to see her whole body, which you don't. The head is enough!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Ironic stares and Daddy complexes

[2/10 · 23 December 2005]

My main beef right off the bat is this___________ ___________________ You know what that is? That's dead space, dead frickin' air. Fill in the blank. You have producers who pay the director to pay actors to ACT! But never mind the whys of why this film is bad. Lets get into the particulars, as yes you must compare it to the 1971 version. It's the same story, the same characters, some of the same dialogue. The overall feel of this film experience is flat and joyless with a hint of perverse smarm. How many times can you put up a lame piece of dialogue for the very talented and charismatic Johnny Depp to read and you get a Milk Dud back and more actors stare back in hipster amazement? These actors, their talent not withstanding do doubt auditioned hard and spent hours in the makeup chair, only to shine for a very brief moment when they get to express their characters'...motivation (?@) But the focus is all on Depp and oh what a wonderfully lovable weird character he's supposed to be. Well, lovable only in Charlie's eyes. Tim Burton is a pretty weird looking guy himself, does he think it's funny when people stare at hi whenever he says something? What if an AD stared at him like a Klingon when asked to adjust a light or get him coffee? He's be fired! The only reasoning for this logic could be the typical projection that goes on between a director and his favorite actor, who represents an idealized version of the director himself. Maybe it's to poke fun at himself, for directors surely need that. To quote Francis Coppola "I think the film director is one of the last truly dictatorial positions in society today". And thus it's those guys who truly have tasted success that go on to make films that are truly out of touch with their audience. Maybe you just want to please the mall audiences that will chew and chuck their popcorn and mimic their annoying mirror images on screen ala Mike Teavee and Violet Beauregarde. But I am a film fan and intellectual who writes long rambling online reviews....someone kill me!......and I've seen the original and it's great and want this movie to be good, or at least worthwhile...watchable...anything....

What a waste of time and resources. for every second of irony-stupefecated silence gawking at WW is time that could have been spent exploring the individual characters. Not that I needed to see more about their lives, but they're on the tour, give em a shot to say something witty, something original for Chrissakes. The whole mumbling bit, repeated by Wonka to Teavee is just hostile. The makeup of Violet B. and her mom is is the only improvement from the original I think. Between her and Teavee you truly get an illustration of what the suburbs produce, hackers and fitness gurus, TV junkies and snipey Caucasians. Veruca Salt this time, is ultimately played with some subtlety, but I preferred the manic unrelenting sledgehammer that was the original girl. A rare role for the great James Fox (see Performance, people!) goes largely wasted, as Mr. Salt, for all secondary roles are relegated to gawking and sighing in resignation. "Am I the only sane person here?" he thinks. Augustus Gloop is just a joyless,unfortunate and scary sight. You at least feel good for him in the end as he walks out saying he tastes good. At least he has some self-esteem.

The irony spreads, even to Charlie Bucket's family. Kudos to the set designers for making their abode incredibly crappy, that works. The relatives in bed are given some catch-phrases to work with, but they too are not immune to gawking with impunity as the candy-crazed drama plays out. Charlie's parents are the only ones who have an excuse not to overact, or what passes for emoting here. They simply work hard and are too tired for active parenting. BTW it's a surprise to see Helena Bonham Carter here, due to her propensity for breaking up her directors marriages including Burton and Lisa Marie. Yo...how does that happen? and Yo....where's Charlie's paper route? And yo....who blew the budget so wide open they could only afford one Oompah Loompah and simply CG'd the rest. Again, another example of this version's lack of soul.

Now Johnny Depp. He's a fine actor, he's right for the part, but not everything he's capable of can turn around a bad script and a director in a slump. Oh why do directors give in to ironic staring and DADDY COMPLEXES! Every damn movie I see has the main character fighting through endless melancholy from a bad relationship with their father. Actually this one is well realized, the whole thing with Dad Denist Christopher Lee, always welcome, a Burton stalwart. But to have this infect Willy Wonka, in the current context of Michael Jackson-isms lingering too near the surface and too near the children, it's just too damn creepy to even go there.

All in all with the extra details chucked in, it's all tied together rather quickly at the end. You know the Bucket's integrity will never be questioned so you don't need the Fizzy Lifting Drink episode. So the weird Wonka and the bewildered Bucket are in business together. I give 'em 10 years before Charlie wises up, has Wonka committed to an asylum and sells his stock in the company to Mr. Salt. It's just business.

Johnny Guitar (1954)

McCarthey-esquire cinematic witch hunt

[9/10 · 25 October 2005]

Fantastic cast, beautiful cinematography and a deeply complex screenplay dot the landscape of this classic. Every character has quirks that bounce of each other's weaknesses. Greed, love, jealousy and even a bit of pacifism arise their heads. Johnny Guitar himself is a man who'd rather strum than shoot. His fear of his own abilities threaten his romantic actions upon his return to Vienna's. Vienna's drive and ambition drive her past her once romantic desires. By now it is too late to make it a love affair or a business. She has too many wolves clamping her heels. Emma is the ultimate divisive force. Seeking to destroy all the signs of love or progress she sees. She' s frustrated and the only joy for her is pushing the townsfolk to do her bidding. It's the last years of frontier justice and she's making the most of it. Corey and Turkey it seems just want to better themselves from their criminal past and future riding with the likes of the Dancing Kid. This playboy wanna-be's intentions are the most doomed to fail of all of them. Bart just wants a good fight.

The Hillside Strangler (2004)

Ultraviolence with bad intentions

[5/10 · 17 October 2005]

I suppose it's a bit trendy to do so, but Tartan films certainly does take advantage of the direct to DVD/late night cable market. The books recounting the ill deeds of Gein, Dahmer, Gacy and Buono/Bianchi are well documented. Cram as much shock into 90 minutes as possible and if you can effectively capture the pathos and motivation of these grandiose sickos all the better. I love a challenging film, one that leaves me a bit mentally drained without long-term ill effects.

I'd say this is one of the better ones, due mostly to the benefit of having two protagonists with anti-social manias to capture instead of one. And the casting of fairly well known actors doesn't hurt either, although the roles actually could have been reversed physically speaking. What I remember from the book's photos is that Bianchi was much more vital and really did look like a cop, not the skinny smarmy John Watersy used car salesman-y figure Howell presents. And Angelo Buono was tall and lean and the book described him as incredibly fastidious and anal, whereas Turturro is a bit too cliché Italian. Either way, the formula works and I think their chemistry is still effective.

This is definitely the hardest of this series of movies by the producers. The language, the real-time realism, the fear of the victims are all very palpable.

The Manson Family (1997)

New take..OK, run with it

[7/10 · 16 April 2005]

One can certainly forgive the filmmaker for not consulting with the family for accurate info. Dead end there. As Robin Williams said, if you can remember the sixties, you weren't really there. What remains is a great pop-culture plethora of reconstructions to choose from. What we sicko film fans have been waiting for for years is a truly hardcore no-holds barred version of the Manson saga. The two made-for TV versions are okay, Steve Railsback is great in The Stunt Man as well, and Ed Gein, very underrated actor.

Anyway, mad overdue for an NC17 splatterfest, and as long as it's low budget, you can expect some artistic license and the freedom to inject more social commentary on the subsequent generations who've adopted such an apocalyptic mind-set. JVB does get a bit carried away, integrating modern-day punks, junkies, tabloid journalists,Jim Jones recordings and poseurs into the mix. JVB goes out of his way to mirror the history of nihilistic punk attitude, straight on through the 80s with the Richard Kern film clips (You killed me first, starring the inimitable Lung Leg) So the film is a bit inconsistent. Far from perfect. It also combines remakes of the Manson documentary footage shot in the early 70s, while the girls are all armed and determined to free Charlie and crew. It's all over the place, very NBK. Also a very big dose of processed noise and simulated dirty film effects.

But the performances are good, the frenzy and mania are there. Very queasy and rough recreations of the Hinman/Tate/LaBianca murders. Strong stuff. Managed to cram a lot of character development into 95 minutes, despite also having fictional characters running rampant as well.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Best zombies ever

[9/10 · 26 February 2005]

I'm a bit of a zombie purist.. Dawn of the Dead is one of my top 10 favorites film. I love the cinematography, and the irony of the ambulatory corpses shuffling around the shopping center as is their old habit. But the recent glut of zombie film depicts them as steroid-enraged track stars drooling blood. They move so fast whenever one is killed or merely shot, the camera zooms in so fast you don't see the impact. Saves the big budget film some bucks on squibs I guess. But also it lacks imagination. You can always add the whiz and growl effects in post.

Well thank the producers of Shaun of the dead for not only giving the zombies a plausible pacing, but making them memorable personality wise. In Dawn you have the helicopter zombie, the machete victim, many more. When Shaun goes to the deli shop for the first time, you get the outlay of the neighborhood with all the familiar characters he sees everyday in almost the same spot. To name a few; The soccer playing kid The Jamaican guy washing his car The panhandler The Indian grocery owner The one-armed guy in the blue tux.

If you listen to the commentary track, you'll find that every zombie character appears in an earlier scene in a living state. All in all the film was great. Funny, action packed and only slightly ironic.

Constantine (2005)

Decadent

[3/10 · 24 February 2005]

I've seen a number of CG hell films in the last couple of years, so I'm familiar with the brand of special effects, including the Matrix effect, used this time with broken glass. But the plot of these style pieces are so thin and incoherent, you feel as if you are in hell, with stale popcorn. I got the feeling this script was written on cocktail napkins in the VP section of the Viper room in LA. Just decadent jaded people who hate living in the so-called city of angels and want to wallow in Navarro-Sixx-Phoenix inspired hell. What more can you ask for than sunshine and abisinthe, I ask while the snow is piling up outside. Keanu is still handsome, I guess, no thanks to his lifestyle and career choices (too many bad Satanic films) He still hasn't been in a film I like since River's Edge (1987) After leaving, I immediately wondered what kind of treatment this will receive on DVD. Is it arty enough to warrant a commentary track, entertaining enough to warrant a featurette. Let's just leave it at mysterious and monosyllabic. 2.0 channel, 5.1 channel and English subtitles will do.

Drop Out Wife (1972)

Swing, divorcée, swing!

[7/10 · 18 February 2005]

This has to be Stephen Apostolof's best. The plot follows a woman's journey from marriage, to sexual frigidity, to disillusionment of marriage, swinging, disillusionment with swinging, and men in general. Granted the men are despicable but she allows herself to be used all the same. Angela Carnon is a potent mix of good looks, nastiness and a modicum of acting ability which exceeds the directors ability to maximize her performance. The film repeats itself and makes the lead a recidivist but the plot is interesting nonetheless. The lunchtime pep talks with Carnon and her friend played by Sandy Carey are wonderfully bad 70s philosophy. You just gotta live your life and have a good time. Which means just do IT, baby! This leads the conscience-ridden Carnon to look at herself in the mirror and see what a wreck she's become. " You've aged ten years in a month!"

Take Me Naked (1966)

Mavericks!

[8/10 · 16 February 2005]

This early work by the Findlays signaled the in depth creativity and intellectualism within the sleaze genre. It's hard today to gage why anyone would explore this route. But if you combine the uncovering sexuality sweeping the garbage strewn streets of downtown New York, it is most apt. This move is less shock value than their later films, but much more ethereal, cerebral and philosophical. The poetry goes deep, beyond any significant plot line. The whole film itself is a tone poem for the disaffected, the frustrated, the utterly desperate. It projects itself clearly over what are simply a series of nudie shots, then cutting to the most decrepit Bowery Bum you ever saw. Michael Findlay, looking slimmer and strong couldn't bring himself down enough to play the main role, spying on his own wife. Roberta has a nice bod, but has an overbite. Combine that with her horrible Queens accent and you know why she rarely performed on camera. Iv'e watched 26 minutes of this film so far and I think it's one of the Findlay's finest! I wonder who would have associated with this weird couple back in the way-out 60s. Unless you were working for them, probably no one. Yes they were weird alright, but far ahead of their time, someone should write a book about them.

Beverly Hills Copulator (1986 Video)

One wonders, do one...

[4/10 · 27 December 2004]

According to her repeated testimony and hardly credible autobiography. Traci claims to have no memory of her porn career, except that she was drunk and coerced into doing it, and that she was screwed up about sex all around. Perhaps only the latter is true, but how could someone not recall having her own production company. She was at the top of her biz and could write her own ticket basically. That is how she brilliantly conceived a way out of IRS prosecution and violent retribution by her former producers.

By the way, this is one of 2 TLC videos I have seen, and the standards of production are not that much better . The costumes are okay, garish in fact. It was the 80s and big hair and glittery clothing are essential. Still, if you have the chance, do see this rarity from the annals of porn history.

The Unholy Three (1930)

Lon's Hardcore!

[10 November 2004]

Two things I like about this film, nevermind it's historic significance. It's just plain mean! A classic example of on screen bitchiness among the whole cast. Harry The midget pinches Lila Lee not out of lasciviousness, but with utter contempt. Echo loves her, but is really mean as well.

And the fact that Lila Lee is smokin' hot, and does an incredible stunt, tumbling down an embankment then running out into the road crying for help,. Wow!

Head (1968)

Forget Rocky Horror-this is the best midnight movie

[7 July 2004]

Forget trying to make sense of this film, you missed the point. Yes it's surreal '60s cheese, but it's well made, thanks to Rafelson and a hefty budget which the monkees were never denied of funding. There are priceless moments like the part where Peter storms off screen trying to voice his complaint to Rafelson while the likes of Jack Nicholson and dennis Hopper also try to grab BR's attention.

The songs by King/ Mann/Weill and the Monkees themselves are fantastic, and the visuals are MTV-transcended and utterly groundbreaking. Gorgeous stuff. Can you Dig it features an incredible fusion of Bellydance and Psychedelic dance. I think Zappa is somehow shortchanged in the mix...the cow is given the punchline (?)

Elmer Gantry (1960)

Burt "baby" rules!

[31 October 2003]

This movie is the absolute peak for Burt Lancaster and Jean Simmons. It's timing is between cheezy epics and race films and hits on religion in a very engaging and daring way. Not many films serve up this kind of hot biscuit of sex and religion. It's Oscar win for Best Screenplay is a no-brainer, particularly in the scenes with the organizers of the Zenith revival. 5 stars all the way.