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Reviews
Dragon Eats Eagle (2022)
Not sure why this is labeled a comedy
It says here it's a comedy but I don't think the director was even trying to make a comedy. I guess the two sides lobbed a few insults at each other but they're just the stereotypical talking points that wouldn't make anyone laugh because you've seen it relentlessly. It is, however, a REALLY heavy handed lecture with the usual conspiracy theories thrown in. Most of the time the characters aren't even talking to each other, they're making longwinded speeches. And the speeches have no clear message. If we're supposed to be learning something here, I guess it's that the director is confused? Finally, the bargain budget acting talent was weak. But every part of this movie felt like it was made for a high school project so it's understandable. They might have been better with a decent script but if all you're doing is reading speeches to a camera it doesn't give you a lot of opportunity to display your skills.
De uskyldige (2021)
graphic animal abuse
I got about 20 minutes into it and had to stop watching after the children abused an autistic child and tortured and killed a cat. I like graphically violent movies but can't stomach violence directed at the most innocent and helpless.
Memoria (2021)
SO. PAINFULLY. SLOW.
This film should have been edited to half it's length. Tons of LONG random shots of scenery that has nothing to do with the story. And the word "story" is generous as you could tell it in about 10 minutes without all the filler. Yet I watched - just to find out what the noise was. Each scene was of nothing happening for an eternity. I can't tell you how many times I checked to see how much time was left in the movie. (ugh, only another 5 minutes has passed?) I was so angry at myself when it got to the end and it was utterly disappointing. Save yourself the 2+ hours of tedium.
Secret Space UFOs: Rise of the TR3B (2021)
Disappointed again
I don't know why I keep watching UFO "documentaries" hoping to finally see something that will confirm my sincere hope that aliens exist. Grainy footage and anecdotes isn't gonna cut it. My expectations were even lower for this one. I was just hoping for some insight as to how a TR2B might operate. There was about 5 minutes of that and it was pretty weak. There was a guy who attributed a quote to a long time director of the Skunk Works. He literally said to google it. So I did and there's only a few mentions of it on some UFO sites. That's like saying the bible is true because the bible says the bible is true. And maybe the reason air and space agencies often have arrow iconography on their insignia is because through all of human history we've know that pointy things fly well. That seems a lot more likely than a huge global conspiracy. Eh why do I bother.
Saturday Morning All Star Hits! (2021)
What?
As a child of the 80's yeah these shows are pretty spot on but the humor is not there. Aren't parodies supposed to be funny? I feel like for the most part these would be pretty close to the shows as they actually were in the 80's and not really parodies and that's not good because what I found funny as a kid is banal and tedious to me now.
The Monopoly on Violence (2020)
Libertarian propaganda but I learned a lot.
The Amazon description led me to believe this was about actual military and/or police violence but by about 20 minutes in I realized this was actually about seeing having to make compromises to live in a society as "violence." I could shoot holes in libertarian propaganda all day but this review is about the movie. It was informative about the unexpectedly broad range libertarian ideals and I learned more about the philosophy in general. It's always good to understand other people's beliefs and I feel better equipped counter libertarian proponents in debates.
What Happened, Brittany Murphy? (2021)
didn't need to add the "social media influencer" bottom feeders
I didn't know much about Brittany Murphy other than remembering that when she died I thought it was incredibly tragic because she seemed like a legitimately sweet person, a good actor, and way too young. One thing that bothered me was that they twice showed texts of list of drugs and I'm not sure if they were ACTUALLY from an autopsy report or just random lists of drugs shown for sensationalism because they really ignored the possible overdose that would be all but guaranteed if they were found in her system. And the fact that they spent so much time airing random social media conspiracy "influencers" talking while doing makeup tutorials really makes me wonder how accurate the documentary is. It definitely made it feel trashy. Maybe if people were more responsible about what they baselessly say, people like Murphy wouldn't be driven to things like eating disorders, drugs, and desperation. Her last few years were quite a tragedy.
Shiva Baby (2020)
Not comedy
It's certainly not a comedy as it's billed here but it's a pretty good drama despite all the Jewish stereotyping. The main character endures a brutal ordeal. The movie is a good reminder of why I always drive my own car to family gatherings - so I can leave as soon as I've had enough!
Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
Kinda silly. (minor spoilers that don't ruin the ending)
Everyone in America has a gun, except half the henchmen in this movie. And if your job is guarding a literal armory under attack by a busload of them, why would you pick an ax and a chain to fight off a busload of them? And bright red Porsches are apparently hard to see in nearly empty parking garages. I had high hopes with so many excellent actresses in one film. Unfortunately the writing was hokey and didn't give them much to work with. I have no idea how the producers got so many big names to go along with this. The cast was the only reason I didn't rate this movie a 3.
The Fix (2018)
Incredibly funny!
This was one of the funniest shows I've seen in a long time. I laughed out loud multiple times per episode. I binged it in one night. It only loses a star because of Jimmy Carr's nails on chalkboard laugh. Luckily it's infrequent (but the first episode had me worried.)
Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness (2021)
I guess you have to be a player of the games
I'm not a gamer so none of this really made any sense. Nothing was logical. The writing seemed poor but again, maybe the story is in the games. It seems to me that had they made more than the ridiculously short 4 episodes for one season they could have told a story more accessible to the general population. (It had nothing to do with the movies.) The animation was a little glitchy but impressive overall.
Opal (2020)
Awful
This has no redeeming qualities. Jack Stauber strikes out on this one. So tedious that during this 13 minute short I checked 3 times to see how much time was left.
A Glitch in the Matrix (2021)
Nothing new. No science.
If you were in a college dorm getting baked with your friends after watching The Matrix in 1999 - you won't learn anything new. I was hoping for some science and actual scientists. Instead I got random youtubers behind goofy avatars. Philip K Dick's lecture from the 70's was pretty interesting though, so it gets a few stars for that. If you're REALLY interested in seeing this, wait until it's free.
Le chant du loup (2019)
not sci-fi
This is listed in the sci-fi category but there's nothing sci-fi about it so if that's what you're looking for, look elsewhere. it's a decent war movie though.
Climax (2018)
a wannabe avant garde Reefer Madness knockoff
No plot. No character development. The entire first half of the film is pointless. How could they spend so much time with the characters just talking and we learn so little about them? And how is this movie considered horror?
It's clear nobody related to this film has ever been anywhere near acid. A completely over the top and ridiculous depiction. 20 people having a bad trip at the same time? Nobody leaves? The sober one starts cutting herself after the crowd yells at her for 15 seconds. Sibling sex? It really just turns into a bunch of yelling and people wandering around aimlessly. It's exactly like the "horrors" of weed in the old propaganda film Reefer Madness.
But if your ideal artsy French film is 10 minutes of an upside down camera, this is the movie for you. Seems like a bunch of theater majors gave this one a good review.
Sh'at Neila (2020)
I'm stopping after episode 4.
Well I've made it through episode 4 but I can't deal with the whining of the intel guy with the glasses and the tank commander with the glasses anymore. I keep hoping they'll be left for dead or fragged by their own guys. Seriously two of the most annoying characters to ever be on film. That they haven't gotten their own men killed is a miracle.
The history and some of the stories are interesting but I just can't take those two guys anymore and I can't force myself to continue. Dubbed voice actors always suck so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. Maybe these two characters aren't so intolerable in other languages, but in English i wanted to strangle them.
Top Secret Videos (2020)
moderately funny
The video commentary is pretty funny but the NSA storyline and the associated acting is lame. Luckily that's a minor part of the show. I don't know what's up with all the 1 star reviews. No 2's, 3's, 4's? Seems suspicious. I find it exceptionally hard to believe these reviewers think this is one of the worst things they've ever seen.
Sarah Cooper: Everything's Fine (2020)
I wanted to like this so much...
Being a huge fan of her trump lip-synching I was really excited about this. And with so many A-list celebs signed on I figured it had to be great. But it seems like no thought or effort was put into this. Did the writers think they were making a comedy? I have to wonder what people were thinking while filming this. Did anyone say "Ya know what? I'm not really laughing." The last 12 or so minutes were excruciating - both because of the complete lack of humor and my disappointment for Sarah. I hope she gets another chance because I think she could do so much better.