marty_666 Reviews

Hannibal Rising (2007)

Hannibal Swandiving

[1/10 · 17 January 2008]

Film nerds world wide don't need to be told how amazing Silence Of The Lambs is. As a serial killer movie, it is - in my opinion - number one, with Se7en a hair behind it. I don't have to go on about it's fine points, and if there is one flaw, it's constant breaking of the fourth wall, something I'm not a fan of. Still, this isn't enough of a detraction to mar the film in the slightest. It's a masterpiece. Nuff said.

Hannibal was really well done if vastly different to the book, even if Jodie Foster didn't return to reprise the role of Clarice Starling. Gary Oldman was creepy as f@#k as Mason Verger, and Ray Liotta was amazingly slimy as Paul Krendler.

Red Dragon was, I thought, a very solid film considering it's director is not known for making emotionally intense films. It followed the book faithfully, and had an amazing - some would say TOO amazing - cast. Hell, even Manhunter, Michael Mann's take on the same book was a great flick. Which leads us to Hannibal Rising.

Sigh.

Where to begin? I must admit that this review may be a little biased as I couldn't stomach more than the first twenty minutes of the film. I turned it off, and if I hadn't hired it, I would have burnt the disc. It was abysmal. It was the Batman and Robin of the Hannibal series. It took a great franchise and butchered it beyond the point of recognition, to a point that made Mason Verger look like a pretty boy. And I'm being polite here.

First of all, Gaspard Ulliel as Hannibal. WTF? I'm not saying he's a bad actor, not at all, but could they not have cast someone who wouldn't have had the problem of performing in a movie not written in their native tongue? Not that I think non-English speakers shouldn't appear in English spoken films, far from it, it's just Hannibal has been well established as having an English - or if you want to be picky with Anthony Hopkins' heritage - Welsh accent. Ulliel has a very strong French accent. Now call me petty if you will, but wouldn't it bug the hell out of you if when Vader spoke his first words in Revenge Of The Sith, he was voiced by Hayden Christensen?

Next, we have certain elements of the story to contend with. I haven't read the book for Hannibal Rising, but if it's anything like the movie, then I'm very disappointed in Thomas Harris. Young Hannibal as some sort of half-hearted Samurai apprentice? Come on, that has to be the lamest idea I've ever heard, up there with at least half of the plot of X-Men 3. And trying to humanize him by showing his first kill as being motivated by some sort of loyalist chivalry towards his adopted aunt...Jesus wept!!

Avoid like the plague, particularly if you're a fan of the first four films. Stinks worse than Jame Gumb's woman suit.

American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002 Video)

Two blood-soaked thumbs down

[1/10 · 14 January 2006]

One of the great things about American Psycho (the book), was that it was just so OUT THERE compared to pretty much anything else written up to and around the same time. It showed the nihilistic and dehumanizing lifestyle that excessive wealth and a spoiled upbringing can cause. It showed that even the most "normal" looking people can be quite abnormal. And it captured a moment of the past in all it's entirety. And it also pushed the limits of censorship, with its vivid and DEEPLY graphic descriptions of the antagonist's sexual and homicidal conquests.

The movie was excellent. Great cast and a very faithful - if watered down - adaption of the novel...but seriously, the only people who could get away with filming the novel word for word scene for scene, are the Troma team.

Having said that, I was curious when I first heard about the existence of this film, knowing full well Ellis did NOT write a follow-up to his novel. Upon reading the synopsis, I was already cringing; a girl who "survived" Bateman's "murders", killing to get through college.

Then I saw it. I had to. Not out of some misguided faith for anything even slightly related to the original, but to see just how they were going to attempt to make the movie work, considering it's been well established that Bateman didn't actually kill, it was all part of his Psychosis, a side-effect of his lifestyle and over-active imagination. So I hired the movie.

Really, there should be a warning issued on the cover: WARNING - YOU MAY REQUIRE A VOMIT BAG WHEN WATCHING THIS FILM. Not because the killings in the movie make you squirm worse than Ashlee Simpson's "singing", but because it is truly THAT bad that you will be dry-retching halfway through the opening credits.

FFS, I've seen porn films with scripting that looks like "Pulp Fiction" or "Fight Club" by comparison. It was truly a woeful excuse for a "film", and 88 minutes of my life that I will continue to binge-drink every weekend in an attempt to blank out. 88 minutes that I would purposefully build a time-travel device to go back and re-gain; screw making myself rich, if I could un-watch American Psycho II, I'd do it twice just to be safe.

In summation, this movie was such a shamelessly pathetic waste of time and money that I'm sure If Brett Easton Ellis, Mary Harron, Christian Bale or even the damn Go-fers from the original were to see it, they would kill themselves just to be able to turn in their graves over even the very NOTION of this film.

AVOID LIKE A SCORTCHING CASE OF HERPES!

Snatch (2000)

Do You Know What Nemesis Means?

[10/10 · 26 August 2004]

I was never really too keen on "Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels". All my friends constantly quoted it, raved and ranted, and then when "Snatch" came out, everyone made an even bigger deal of that. I watched Lock Stock, and though I did like it, it didn't really tickle my fancy. But Snatch, that's a completely different story all together.

When I saw Snatch at the cinemas, I was shocked to see a couple leave only fifteen minutes into the film. As they left, you could hear their intellectually deficient comments; "this movie is so boring". I couldn't believe it! I'd recommend this movie to ANYONE, The Pope even!

There are hundreds of thousands of reasons for anyone to see this movie; each word of the script being a reason.

Snatch is possibly one of THE best written movies I've seen. It's smart, witty, funny and has just the right touches of dark humour. With characters like Turkish, Mickey, Tommy, Brick Top, Bullet Tooth Tony and Cousin Avi; their witty repartee will have your personal quotes list full for months after watching it. The camera work and editing complement each other to keep the film's pace on its toes, much like the boxers at the center of the character's stories.

Jason Statham has some of THE best lines in the movie, constantly slamming anything even slightly intelligent his partner Tommy has to say. Brad Pitt turns out an excellent performance as the Irish-Gypsy-Pykie Mickey; his accent is hilarious.

Even though the story line is only a simple one (following a massive Diamond through England's criminal underworld), it is the connections each character has to the diamond and each other that really makes this film stand out from all the usual jewel-heist films.

Another 10 / 10 from me on this one, it's just a pity the follow up to Snatch was a "collaborative effort" from Mr. Richie and his um.......wife.

Garage Days (2002)

Not a long way to the top for this one...

[24 May 2004]

Finally!! An Australian movie that doesn't portray us as a bunch of Steve Irwin clones, who run around saying "G'day", "Mate" or "Fair Dinkum"! Not that the cast of Garage Days is an example of your typical Australian but anyway...

When I saw the trailers for this film I was surprised to see director Alex Proyas (The Crow, Dark City), had moved away from the dark, Gothic feel of his two biggest films. The Crow had a big impact on me in my youth, and Dark City was very twisted, so I was naturally interested in seeing Garage Days upon it's release.

I very impressed, it was funny and entertaining, yet dramatic and even kind of touching.

Kick Gurry and Pia Miranda star together again (both had been in "Looking For Alibrandi") as Freddy and Tanya respectively. Freddy is a wet-behind-the-ears singer and guitarist in an unnamed band, with great dreams for stardom; Tanya is the band's pessimistic, almost tomboy-ish bassist.

Virtual unknowns Chris Sadrinna and Russell Dykstra as drummer Lucy and manager Bruno have, without a doubt, the best lines of the film. Odball characters like Angie (Yvette Duncan, an Australian MTV host) and Kevin (Australian TV veteran Andy Anderson) add a nice eccentric touch to the film.

Musically, some very smart choices were made for the soundtrack. Opening with AC/DC's classic "It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Want To Rock And Roll)" was a smart move, as was the vibrant title sequence backed by Spiderbait's "Buy Me A Pony". On another musical note, you'll notice ex-Jerk singer Jonnathan Devoy playing the singer of the punk band in Freddy's flashback.

The story of a group of wannabe rockers is one many music lovers are more than familiar with, and it is on the basis of this pipe dream that the movie works so well. The sub-plots that delve into each character's separate lives goes just far enough to make them feel like real people.

However, there were certain aspects of the film that I felt were too MTV / Hollywood inspired. It's a shame that when an Australian movie with a great director at the helm and a great cast is put together, that they had to take such strong influences from the US film world. Not that there's anything wrong with US films, but personally, I think we as Australians should be forging our own unique style, not borrowing from someone else's.

Still, it's a GREAT movie, with tons of laughs and many a memorable quote.

The Way of the Gun (2000)

Gun fires cinematic blank

[24 May 2004]

I hired this movie hoping that I'd picked something new, something different to most of the other movies produced at the time. I was wrong.

The opening scene (with stars Ryan Phillippe and Benicio Del Toro starting a fight with a girl and her boyfriend) hints at a funny, anti-social movie in the vein of Fight Club, but unfortunately each subsequent scene fails to deliver. As the story continues the movie gets more and more boring, yet something compels the viewer to keep watching. Actors like James Caan and Juliet Lewis seem oddly cast in their roles, and their performances are such that we the viewer don't feel any sympathy or compassion, nay, connection with ANY of them.

It's a shame this was director Christopher McQuarrie's feature debut, he'll have to choose a better weapon if he intends to truly do some damage in Hollywood.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

What The?

[1/10 · 9 February 2004]

I can't believe this was green-lit! Complete and utter cinematic toilet paper, this is the worst movie in the history of film. A waste of money, time, paper and film among other things. It's SO bad, it's not even worth saying anything else about.

Highway (I) (2002)

Don't Judge A Film By It's Poster

[5/10 · 9 February 2004]

I've seen the DVD box for Highway sitting on the shelf at my local video store for ages and I've always passed, opting for something else. One day my best friend suggested hiring it, and I thought why not, I wasn't going to hire it any other time. At first glance it looks like your typical teen-targeted product-placement-riddled road movie. Upon watching it, there is much more to this film than its average cover art lets on.

Jared Leto is perfect as the hapless pill-popping "God Of F***" Jack Hayes, and Jake Gyllenhaal is equally suited to the role of Pilot, his stoner child-hood pal. Their performances are commendable, as they generate a feeling of genuine camaraderie between each other. John C. McGinley and Jeremy Piven both come out of nowhere with excellent performances as over-the-top drug dealers. And Selma Blair almost fades into the background; she's not a bad actress but doesn't really do anything to make her performances stand out. The story isn't five star material, but it doesn't have to be, and that's where the movie succeeds, it doesn't try to take itself too seriously.

Some of the previous reviews for Highway on this site have been particularly scathing, which is fair enough seeing as each person is entitled to their own opinion, but for people who have yet to see it I suggest giving it a chance before pre-forming an opinion. I personally thought it was a fun, fast paced and unpredictable road movie, much better than some other trash released in '02 (e.g. the laughably lame "The Tuxedo", the feeble Mummy series spin-off sword-in-sandal outing "The Scorpion King", and the pretentiously boring "The Hours" to name a few).

After reading the previous reviews, one thing is obvious, the reviewers couldn't connect with the film, and just didn't appreciate it for what it was...fun and entertaining, which is what a good film is supposed to be.

Fight Club (1999)

This Is Your Life...

[10/10 · 9 February 2004]

Possibly one of the best films I have seen in a LONG time. David Fincher's dark, gritty style of filming along with Jeff Cronenweth's superb cinematography give Fight Club a visual style that makes you feel dirty just watching it. Jim Uhls' adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's novel is faithful to both the book's original story, anti-society based themes and nihilistic attitude, and after reading and watching both, it's hard to say which I like more.

Despite my distaste for him as an actor, Brad Pitt was EXCELLENT as Tyler Durden, though at times (very rarely), I did feel as if he didn't really believe in what he was saying. Edward Norton, one of today's most underrated, tallented and versatile actors, stands out as The Narrator, subservient office sheep one second, nihilistic underground terrorist the next. And Helena Bonham Carter is surprisingly good as Marla Singer, the perpetual thorn in The Narrator's side.

All in all, 10 out of 10, 100%; an EXCELLENT piece of cinematic history.