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JasonGOrtiz
Reviews
My Little Pony: The Princess Promenade (2006)
The Majesty That Is "The Princess Promenade"!
In my life, Pre-Princess Promenade, I was a mess. A miserable buffoon who walked around spouting racist vulgarities, shoplifting from The Goodwill and punching random toddlers in the face. My life was empty and in desperate need of something to provide fulfillment. I was on the verge of suicide when an amazing thing happened. This movie came on and I immediately felt a surge of life shoot through my veins! I had finally found that missing piece and my life felt complete!
I took the razor away from my wrist and ran out onto the street where I began hugging everyone I could find. I grabbed an old lady and after she stopped screaming, I hugged her tight and whispered "You are special and I love you." I was overcome with a brand new positive attitude!
When the cops came I gave each of them a big kiss on the cheek and told them I understood why my face was being held to the hood of the car and that they were both really good at their job. Life had new meaning!
That night in jail I walked up to a group of ruffians and sat down. I told them their game of spades would have to wait, for I had something amazing to share with them. I told them all about this wonderful little movie called "My Little Pony: The Princess Promenade" and how it had really changed my life. I don't think many of them were quite ready for my message of hope, but I believe that I touched some hearts that night. Later on I let everybody know that I was not upset and that I thought my two new black eyes really complimented the color of my face. I was now literally seeing the world through a brand new pair of eyes!
Well, needless to say, this film affected me very deeply. It is a powerful story about what it means to really be alive. It is, without a doubt, the single greatest achievement in cinematic history and is comparable to "Citizen Kane" and "The Godfather". It will continue to change lives and live forever in the hearts and minds of those who it has already touched.
A very heartfelt thank you goes out to the amazing filmmakers! You, my friends, should be seriously considered for a Nobel Peace prize, for I believe that a few more movies of this caliber could bring an end to hunger, poverty and war. Thank you!
Up (2009)
Oh, Pixar!
You've ruined the way I look at movies!
I mean, after 2001 I found it impossible to watch any animated feature and not compare it to the the breathtakingly beautiful visuals, flawless storytelling & inspired creativity of "Monsters Inc". Even Dreamworks' best entries into the animated feature category, great movies like "Over The Hedge" and "Shrek", could never quite reach the bar that you selfishly set so high.
Damn you Pixar!
If that wasn't bad enough, within the last few weeks I saw "Wall-E" for the first time, AND was able to see "UP" the day it came to theaters.
Well, not only can I not watch an animated movie without comparing it to everything you've put out, I now can't watch ANY MOVIES without comparing them to your work.
STOP IT!! You're setting the bar WAY too high!
How in God's name are filmmakers supposed to compete with something as perfect as "Wall-E"? And then follow it up with something that's just as good, but totally fresh and different as "Up" is? It's just not fair!
OK, I got a little carried away. But Pixar is definitely due it's praise. "Up" is, much like "Wall-E", a complete movie in every sense of the word. There's really nothing missing. Within the first 15 or 20 minutes, you've already laughed, cried and everything in between. THIS is what going to the movies is all about.
The story that unfolds in "Up" is engaging and as far from boring as possible. The plot is always moving forward at just the right pace, telling it's story in such a creative way that you almost have to pause and think "How the heck did they think of that?!" It does deal with some pretty heavy subject matter and could have potentially crossed over into territory a little too dark for a "family" movie. But it's handled with such care and sensitivity that it never feels inappropriate. The montage in the opening moments, detailing the relationship between the main character and the love of his life, is so moving that it could crack even the most stone-hearted viewer.
The characters here are what really stand out to me. They are presented with as much depth and detail as any flesh and blood actor can convey. Pixar has never shied away from creating characters with layered personalities, complete with shortcomings and flaws. It's this "real" approach to character development that makes you forget you're watching an animated movie. While you may not have experienced the exact situation that confronts Mr. Fredrickson, the film's elderly protagonist masterfully voiced by Ed Asner, the emotions that he expresses are immediately and profoundly relatable. Even in moments that find him doing his best "Grumpy Old Man" routine, you never question his intentions or stop rooting for him. The other central characters, Russell (An eager wilderness scout looking to earn his final badge by helping Mr. Fredrickson) and Dug (A canine that has been given the ability to articulate his thoughts into clear, albeit goofy English) both provide well-placed comic relief and end up fitting perfectly into Fredrickson's world. Both are have their own minor subplots, that give depth and credibility to each. I found the one dealing with Dug's conflict between allegiance to his original "master" or doing what is clearly the "right thing" to do, particularly effective. Kevin, a flightless female (No, that's not a typo!) bird who is the mother to a few little fledglings, is brilliantly brought to life without ever speaking a word and adds some emotionally gripping moments. She also happens to be one of the most hilarious characters I've ever seen.
The bottom line is this: "Up" is just really fun to watch. It's equal parts moving, funny and exciting. It's pure fantasy that feels real. It picks you up out of your chair, strips away that part of your adult self that blinds you from the true wonders of life and for an hour and a half it allows you to see the world as a kid again. It's more than just a movie.
After I left the theater, I couldn't help but be reminded of how I would feel after experiencing Spielberg's early work when I was a kid. When I saw "E.T." for the first time at 5 years old, it was all I could think about for the next few weeks! I would replay it in my mind over and over again, reliving every moment of excitement, heartbreak and sheer joy. As I sit here, a month from turning 30, I have to admit that unfortunately that type of experience has become all too rare. But for the second time in as many years, Pixar has managed to relight that passion in me. I am forever grateful for that.
Thank you Pixar.
[Rec] (2007)
Scariest Movie I've Seen In Many Years.
It's such a shame to me that this movie will go widely unnoticed by American audiences who will only be aware of the upcoming remake. In my opinion, and I know that it happens to be an opinion shared by many others on this site, there is no need to remake this film. A strong marketing campaign for this original work would be a more fitting route, albeit less successful financially. And that is the problem: Money. It's sad to me that the art of film is often sacrificed for financial gain, but hey, it's a business.
So, on to the movie itself. Wow. Honestly, and this isn't me just trying to beat my chest in a declaration of machismo, I don't get scared by movies much. It only happens every couple of years. I still watch horror movies all the time. In fact probably 75% of the movies I watch are horror/thriller/suspense/gore or whatever you wish to call them. Needless to say, I've seen just about every "scary" movie out there. I guess the reason I watch so many is the desire to be scared. I'm "chasing the dragon" if you will. I love being scared by a movie. I don't know if I've become desensitized or films today just aren't as scary. Maybe it's a combination of the two.
At any rate, it's not often that a movie comes along that truly scares me. This one did. And it did it well. And often. It was true white-knuckled, heart-pounding, "Holy Crap!" scary. I know a movie is really frightening when my girlfriend becomes completely silent while watching. Where normally every ten minutes there's a "Why'd he do that?" or a "I bet she's lying!" or even "I think that zombie looks really fake.", with this movie there was just silence. Paralyzed silence. Because I watch so many horror movies, by default she does as well.
We've seen it all and while this one treads familiar waters: i.e. contagious virus, zombies, characters stuck in one location, documentary style filming, etc.; it does it in a way that feels fresh. What it does extremely well, and better than "Blair Witch" or "Cloverfield" in my opinion, is using the one hand-held camera in a way that feels like a director is putting a lot of time and thought into the shots without taking away from the intimacy or realism.
The plot is original where it needs to be and the ending is anything but a let down. In fact this is one of those movies that when it ends, and after you wipe the poop out of your pants, you have to talk about it. Theories are discussed, opinions are formed, new things are learned; it's a definite "water-cooler" film.
I felt like giving it a 10, but I always reserve that for movies that have been out for a significant amount of time. But I have a feeling that this little gem might earn that right in the future.
So check this movie out before "Quarantine" comes out and you will not be disappointed. Without a doubt it's the best horror/suspense movie of the last few years along with "À l'intérieur", "El Orphanato" and "The Mist".
Monsters, Inc. (2001)
The best Pixar effort so far.
I know. That's a pretty bold statement. Don't get me wrong, "The Incredibles" is certainly worthy of mentioning in this post as is "Toy Story" & "Finding Nemo". Hell, there hasn't been a weak Pixar film yet. "Cars" is definitely my least favorite, but was still miles ahead of anything Dreamworks has done.
But for me "Monsters Inc." is just the complete package. Obviously the animation is stellar. That pretty much goes without saying for this company. But the animation isn't even the greatest strength of this film. Like "Toy Story" before it, the characters in this movie possessed depth and personality, as much as any live action film. Whoever didn't fall in love with Boo upon first introduction, is either heartless or a robot. And furthermore the relationship that develops between Sully and Boo is absolutely touching, while the dynamic of Mike and Sully's relationship is complex and anything but uninteresting.
And then there's the real accomplishment of "Monsters Inc." which is the originality and creativity inherent in every aspect. This film has such a rich imagination that can be found in everything from the Characters to the films sense of humor. And the plot is one of the most original pieces of screen writing I've ever seen. The first thing I thought after seeing this movie for the first time (And I went to catch the Star Wars: Episode II trailer, not expecting too much from the actual movie!) was "How in the hell did they dream that up?!?" I always admire when a movie provides a story that you know was given the utmost thought and attention, and this is no exception.
Upon further viewings I began seeing it as timeless fairy tale. Like a household bedtime story that's been around for centuries. I was certain it would have at least an 8.0 rating on this site and was a little confused to see otherwise, especially with other Pixar works in the top 250. But alas I know that this is all just my own opinion and not everyone agrees. Is there anyone else that feels so strongly about this movie? Am I crazy? Dellusional? Maybe all of the above.
But at the end of the day this truly is a great piece of film. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and walk, no run... you know what take your time, but get somewhere that has this movie and watch it. Alright, you know what? Forget about the whole "take your time" thing. Go now!
Dexter (2006)
Wow...
I just spent the entire day watching the second season of Showtime's... Drama? Yeah, but it's more than that. Um... Comedy? Has it's moments, but not quite... Let's see... Thriller? Definitely suspenseful. You know, I don't think that there's a label befitting a show like this. How about "Dexter"? Yeah. That's the one. "Dexter" is the only way to classify this show, because there is truly nothing else like it on television.
Not since the middle seasons of "The X-Files" have I been so mesmerized by a television screen. I literally just spent 12 straight hours with nary a thought outside of: "Holy crap! What's gonna happen next?!?".
I first became a fan of this show when I started a subscription to Showtime two years ago. I saw all of the first season episodes "On Demand", and became curious when I read the plot summary. I hadn't heard anything about it at that point as I don't think it had quite taken off yet.
Needless to say, one episode in and I had an addiction. I finished the first season in two days and immediately proceeded to tell everyone within earshot about this wonderful new televised adventure. I still love the reaction when describing Dexter to someone who knows nothing about it. "Wait, so the title character is a serial killer? And he's the good guy? The killer?!?" And it's not so much that Dexter is a good guy, it's that you can't help but root for him. Go ahead and try. I dare you.
Dexter is truly one of the most unique shows I've ever seen and likewise one of the more interesting characters ever brought to life. Every episode has the viewer questioning Dexter's morals and whether or not he's justified in doing the things he's doing. Isn't that what great art is about? Making you ask questions? Some of which you really don't want to be asking yourself? So, if you haven't seen Dexter yet, I strongly suggest doing so. The first season is on DVD (Already have a copy and watched it through twice.) and the second season is On Demand or all over Bit Torrent sites.