Martina_Helene Reviews

Jubilee (1978)

Awful, until the last 1/5 when it becomes somewhat bearable

[2/10 · 15 April 2008]

One word to sum up Jubilee would be awful. It was so incredibly flawed. It was a huge waste of time for anyone looking for anything intelligent. The writing was terrible, the acting was even worse, and Jarman's directing was ridiculous. Jack Birkett who played the media mogul was definitely the WORST actor in the entire film and maybe gave one of the worse film acting jobs of all time. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. The three main girls (Jordan, Nell Campbell, and Jenny whatever) were absolutely atrocious actors, I have NO idea why they were chosen. And they were ugly too (except maybe Jenny). Not enjoyable to watch any of them in the least. Adam Ant was okay at best, but ended up being the best actor in this 'movie'.

Jubilee was trying to make some political/social statement making it, but in the end it just ended up as film rubbish. It was so ridiculously stupid it was laughable. There was stupid violence and killing that made no sense within any context.

Also the film had a rather sexist view of women. I felt that it was trying to show what would happen if women end up taking over the world (especially having Elizabeth I (a powerful queen) go forward in time that was 'futuristic' when the movie was made right after the women's rights movement of the 60s). Basically, it would be a terrible world where no one would be able to 'control' the women so therefore they would end up going crazy, killing men, murdering police officers, getting naked at anytime, having sex with anyone, etc etc. Which was not a nice message and I did not appreciate it at all.

I'm annoyed because I am in a 'New European Cinema' Class where we watch movies from 1970s on from Europe, and two of the kids in my class recommended it and my teacher let us watch it without even watching it herself. What a waste of class time, especially because there are so many better English movies, it's atrocious that she wasted our time.

For a reason that I do now know, the last 1/5 of the movie got slightly better, but it was still way below mediocre film making. Basically 'better' means almost bearable. However, the last fifth (the last 20 minutes) and they isn't even good enough to bear watching this awful film.

The premise was an interesting one (Queen of England goes ahead in time to see futuristic times) but Jarman completely failed at making a movie worth anyones time. And there was some listenable music.

Really, it should never have been made, it is a waste of film.

The Covenant (2006)

Skewed

[4/10 · 4 January 2007]

I understand that this movie is science fiction/fantasy, but the thinking behind this movie was extremely skewed. The basis went by the fact that the Salem Witch Hunts, and other witch hunts in Europe, actually attacked people with supernatural powers. It gave justification to one of the most blatant executions of innocent people in American History (the Salem Witch Hunt). Also, most of the people that were considered "withces" in MA during the 18th century were older women living alone. It was a prejudicial and hysterical movement, in which NONE of the accusations were true. Yet, The Covenant made it seem like people actually believed to this day, that there really were witches.

In General, it gave a really and impression of "witch" which was a derogatory word that came from the religion "wicca". Wicca is not an evil religion. It is a pagan based religion that worships the goddess and demands respect for nature. The boys of "The Covenant" were extremely mean to each other, even to the ones they considered there friends. Most of the characters did not have redeeming characteristics. The acting wasn't horrible, but was not even close to outstanding. I would have to say the best part of this movie was the cinematography there were some really pretty shots of a New England background.

Not worth seeing

Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

One of the Best...

[9/10 · 14 December 2006]

I'll preface this by saying that I have not seen this movie in a good amount of time. Yet, I just saw the trite and rather disgusting remake "Creul Intentions" and it made me want to comment on Dangerous Liasons.

DL is truly a great movie. It has all of the elements of a triumph in film making. The acting is superior. Malkovich and Close (sp?) are amazing. The setting and the storyline flow greatly. The writing is great, the directing is good. The balance and chemistry between the actors and their characters is exceptional. The thing that makes this movie disturbing and a trifle hard to watch is the subject matter, the characters are conniving, crazy, and intriguingly watchable.

Paramount Film Making!

Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Nice Comeback for the Franchise!

[9/10 · 19 April 2006]

I was supried with the comeback! After seeing Scary Movie Three, and being slightly disappointed, I was happy to come to a theatre, and be laughing for the majority of the movie. I always laugh when no one else does in the theatre-and this was one of those movies! It made fun of serious movies, such as, Million Dollar Baby, and added a really funny slant to the movie. But, also scary movies as well, it made fun of the ridiculous-ness that was the Village, War of the Worlds, The Grudge, and Ring 2.

Anna Farris, was, as always, hillarous, and so was the rest of the cast.

It's a pleasant surprise--definitely see it!

Match Point (2005)

Needed a test audience.....

[6/10 · 16 January 2006]

You know how in some movies, there is a test audience, and sometimes if the audience really dislikes one part of the movie, the writers and editors change it? For, example, in American Beauty, the original ending was that the next door neighbor boy got taken away in a police car for the murder. But the test audience really hated it, so they changed the ending.

Match Point needed a test ending for the entire second half of the movie. The first half of the movie was a romantic drama, about scum bag people, basically. The lead was such a liar and a scum, he makes the combination of Jude Law and Clive Owen's characters in Closer look like saints. Especially with the ending and the second half of the movie. It was beyond my comprehension to see the motivation and this buried evil person inside Rhys Meyers' character, to have killed his pregnant lover and her neighbor in order to make it look like a robbery. And most of all get away with it. But, hey, look at Scott Peterson, right?

Usually, in movies there's this redeeming character(s) to make the bad characters even out. Not, in Match Point. Johannason's character was basically a stupid b*tch, Rhys Meyers' wife was so incredibly annoying I don't know how he couldn't have strangled her. The parents were social climbers and so self involved it was ridiculous. The brother had to be the least immoral character in all, even though he left his fiancé for another lover. But, hey I guess that's better than marrying just for money, especially in Rhys Meyers' case right?

There were a few acceptable things in this movie, that did make it bearable and even a bit likable, but I definitely wouldn't go as far as saying this movie is a movie I love to hate. I will not be watching it a second time.

The acting was exceptional. Scarlett Johannason was really great, she's such a vision, she's so good to watch. Very understated, I can't think of a movie where I have seen someone act drunk so on target. I thought two of the funniest parts of the movie, was when she says "I'm just a small town girl from Colorado." Sorry, Scarlett, even with your acting skills that's hard to believe. And when she said "My career hasn't gone exactly as planned." I'm sure Scarlett had no idea that she's be a 21 year old legend.

The chemistry was there, and the tension. The cinematography was nice, especially because London and the countryside are so lovely.

I was so built up for this movie, so excited, was disappointed and felt almost nauseas after watching it. Basicially, I thought this movie was good, but I would NOT recommend it.

The Constant Gardener (2005)

A few Gripes.....but overall better than Average

[8/10 · 14 September 2005]

I suppose I will start out with the bad and work my way to the good aspects of this movie. There were 3 or 4 problems that I had with this movie. First of all, the plot. The plot was made to confuse the heck out of you!! For the first 1/2 hour (at least) the audience has pretty much no idea what was going on. The plot is muddled, and it's hard to follow. Don't get me wrong, I do like complex plots and movies but this movie was deliberately confusing. Second, it was too long, there was definitely room for cutting the film. Especially the ending-the funeral scene was so on, it was one of the best parts. I could totally see the movie ending with the African children running, but I felt it went on and on and unnecessarily showed her death and his-the audience already knew why, how, and when both of them died....if a character is going to tell the audience how a death happened, there is no need to show the audience, and if the death is shown, there is no need to talk about it. I also felt that certain parts of the movie were contrived. Tessa's motives for instance. The murderers and the drug companies motives and actions. I think what the film was trying to accomplish was how corrupt drug companies screw over many people at a time and tried to tie that to one or two individuals (Tessa and her husband), and it did not transfix well onto one or two people. And last but definitely not least, Rachel Weisz's face!! She is so ugly it is almost distracting, I can't believe they chose her for the role. Her nose is disgusting and so are her teeth. My friend thinks she's gorgeous...I most definitely do not, but she did grow on me after a while.

Now for the good parts! The cinematography was amazing. Such amazing shots, it almost covered up the muddled plot!! And Ralph Fines acting was truly amazing, best I have ever seen him. I could totally see an Oscar nod this year-he totally deserves it-I couldn't even tell he was acting!! And as I said before, the ending was great. And even though the plot was muddled, there were interesting points about corruption and big businesses in general! (7 1/2/10)

Entourage (2004–2011)

Quick, light, and fun as hell!

[3 August 2005]

Once again HBO bangs out another great TV series. This time a comedy revolving around up and coming heart throb of the moment Vincent CHase and his close group of friends and his "trusty" agent, aka, his Entourage. The writing is one of the best things about this show-it's amazingly funny and true to life, this TV show is universal for so many people, even if it is in an uncommon setting. The acting is getting close to being on par with the other amazing HBO shows (ehm...The Sapranos) and has gotten better as the two seasons have progressed. I would have to say (along with many others) that Jeremy Piven gives the best performance out of the cast as the rich, funny, and kinda frightening agent. I really am in love with this show. I watched one or two episodes of the first season and a few snippets of the other season one episodes and I loved it. I then started watching the second season and loved it even more! I got the first season on DVD and watched all of the episodes, and it really gave me all the background I needed to fully understand some of the inside jokes in season 2! I would definitely suggest watching the 1st season and getting the DVD set, and if you haven't started watching the show yet-DO IT on Sundays at 10 PM on the one the only HBO!

The Island (2005)

Finally, a GOOD action flick!

[9/10 · 25 July 2005]

A refreshing, tency bit clichéd, fun, sci-fi, action thriller!! This is definitely one of the best action movies I have seen in a while!! Not the most original (has aspects of Matrix, and other important sci fi and action films) but good enough. The concept was quite interesting, there are people being held inside an area because of a planetary contamination. They are made to follow strict rules concerning dress code, sleeping patterns, eating habits, and interaction with others. Every once in a while a new survivor of the contamination shows up. These people look forward to one thing, and that is the Island, the last uncontaminated place on earth, and every day or so another person gets picked to leave and go to the Island. Lincoln Six Echo has questioned these practices and by roaming through the sphincters realizes that there is no ISland and everyone who supposedly goes there gets killed or goes through deadly surgery. Needing to save his friend, Jordan Two Delta who is next to go to the Island, they make an escape and realize that they are clones of people who pay millions of dollars to have them made. Little do these payers know that the clones actually have feelings! Jordan and Lincoln go on a wild goose chase with lots of bash em up fun action, with time for a sex scene in there (the clones are programmed not to have a strong sex drive-thats why it's there first time). Lincoln meets the person that he is a clone of, and Jordan sees pictures because she is a model. With help of some other people the clones are set free in the end!! The acting is pretty believable for an action flick, I mean how can you go wrong with Scarlett Johannson and Ewan McGregor. The cinematography is eye candy too. The only two problems I have with this movie is that it runs a bit long (a little over two hours), they could have easily edited out about 10-15 minutes of it. And, it takes place in 2019, which is hard for me to believe. Overall, this is a compelling, fun, and good movie- I would definitely suggest seeing it on the large screen! 9/10

Mean Creek (2004)

The good outweighs the bad in this outstanding picture!

[9/10 · 14 July 2005]

Mean Creek is an amazing movie. It is so refreshing to see a good movie when there are so many worthless ones around presently. There are many great things about Mean Creek, and a few not so good things. The writing is excellent, the directing is great. The acting is so well done, it seems more real than half the "reality" TV shows on TV today. The young actors which consist of Trevor Morgan, Ryan Kelley, Scott Melchowitz, Rory Culkin, Carley Shroader, and Josh Peck. I was blown away by their performances. There is another thing that makes Mean Creek so unique. It's cinematography (sp?). Most of the action of the movie takes place within one day, and at a Creek. The filming of the Creek is so magnificent, there are great shots of the Creek itself, the water, the forestry around it, and there are some great pictures of the animals that call the creek home. The subject matter of Mean Creek is extreme and dramatic, which is another reason for the amazement at the young actors in this film! The main subject revolves around the themes of forgiveness and revenge. The first five children plan a simple revenge trick on the bully, yet something horrible happens are all of the children are forced into an extremely difficult situiton in just a matter of minutes. The ending is a bit ambiguous, and open ended. WHich, I think is good in a certain way but I would have wanted more closure about the fate of the children. I am surprised by the lack of representation at the award shows for this picture. I truly believe this film in underrated and under viewed, because it's an indie and it's a directors debut.

Clueless (1995)

I am totally but crazy, in love with: Clueless!

[10/10 · 12 July 2005]

Definitely one of the best "teen" movies of the 1990's, and of all time! This movie is so delightful, and well done! It's also quite hilarious! I first watched it when I was only seven or eight years old, and I still love it! I've seen this movie so many times, that I practically know all of the lines!! It has a great script, witty and funny. Cher is a great lead character, although she is a bit clueless, she is smart and lovable. She cares for so many people and things it's just hard not to love her! Alicia Silverstone (Cher) does such a great cast, but she's supported by a stellar cast including Stacey Dash, Britney Murphy, Becton Meyers, and Paul Rudd (among many others)! If you have not seen this movie-you must! It's good for anyone: all ages, sexes, etc!