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New Amsterdam (2018)
Entertaining, yet extremely corny and out of touch with reality
From personal experience, hospital life is exciting at times but mostly dull and routine-fueled. That's why writers turn it up to 11 in medical dramas: to make medical careers seem like an endless stream of intense situations, with life-changing moments with patients occurring every single day. I know that you can't be 100% true-to-life realistic in a show, that fiction is always present.
But I think they overdid it with New Amsterdam. First I'll focus on what the show does right:
* New hospital director is very dynamic, innovative and not afraid to get his hands dirty, he is persuasive and has a solid presence, and he speaks Spanish!
* Plot twist: he's got cancer! It's not your average medical drama huh?
* Characters are interesting and well-written, the pacing is great and it keeps you watching - the whole thing is entertaining, which should be the main goal of ANY show
However, there is an unfortunate number of things that stand out - and at first you try to turn a blind eye, not pay attention... but they start piling up, and for me, the stack collapses when you hear the psychiatrist say in a completely serious tone: "you're extremely gifted at Twitter", to a 16yo trans kid that tantrum-cancelled him on twitter for not green-lighting a sex change surgery. The kid literally slandered a doctor, potentially ruined his reputation online and there were zero consequences. None. Nada. And of course, the surgery was green-lighted (a year after the episode).
The show tries way too hard to portray this idealistic, ridiculous idea that there is always a happy ending. The "moral of the story" messages I've got from this show are as follows: If you're the boss, you can do whatever you want and change whatever you please with no consequences. If you're persistent enough and believe it hard enough, everything will be just fine. There are no sad moments, and if one slips in, it doesn't last too long - good vibes only! Everything always has a closure. Flings aside, every workplace is super healthy and there is no envy or jealousy. Everybody plays along well with each other and nobody tries to sabotage you, make you fail or seek an opportunity to replace you and your well-paid position. And most importantly: everybody loves the boss as long as he smiles and plays it cool. They will be super worried about you if you collapse due to having cancer, despite only knowing you for what, a month?
Like I said, the show has plenty of good moments and is entertaining enough, but boy is it corny. And as you watch more episodes it's more and more obvious that they're just pushing a political agenda.
Bee Movie (2007)
Even for a kids movie, it's a train-wreck
I firmly believe that kids movies don't necessarily have to make sense or be realistic to be good, but I also believe that there's a very thin line that you have to base your writing on just so the movie isn't a bunch of random, unrelated occurrences. This line is called common sense. I don't want to bore you with a wall of text so I'll just list what bothered me the most: 1. When Barry (the bee protagonist) talks, Vanessa (the human co-protagonist) has a completely believable shock reaction - soon afterwards, other humans (and in great quantity) hear the bees talking and aren't shocked at all 2. We see Barry getting into a car by accident and the family inside is panicked, but soon afterwards, an entire court is filled with bees and nobody bats an eye 3. Barry wants to sue the human race for stealing honey from bees. This story ark is all developed in NYC, but for some reason it affects flowers and bees from the ENTIRE world, despite 90% of the movie developing in NYC. According to this movie, the world is one small place where NYC and California are the only places in the world 4. It's full of American culture references, so many of the jokes will fall flat unless you're American 5. Bees have an unbreakable "don't talk to humans" code. Barry breaks it and without blinking an eye, every single bee in the hive breaks it as well just because of the honey 6. You can learn how to fly a plane in minutes with a couple of instructions from a bee And now for the blatant scientific inaccuracies that will bother us adults: - Bees are able to seamlessly fly at extremely high heights - A ton of dying flowers will come back to life in less than a second with just a pinch of pollen I could go on but I think you get the point. I like when movies are crazy and fantastic, but Bee felt like a train-wreck with a dash of potential. Wouldn't recommend it.
Zootopia (2016)
It would've been a solid 8 if it wasn't for Shakira
The movie was amazing, the animation was top notch, the story was quite good, the characters were likable and believable... but Shakira's voice completely put me out of the film.
You see, no one would even care about this woman if she wasn't dating Piqué. Her fame days were over and everybody in the hispanic world was fine with it, but somehow she banged her way back to fame with mediocre, catchy songs and that distinct voice of hers that sounds like she's gargling while she sings.
So, two different things (and I'm gonna get hated on for this but I don't care) but it definitely affected my experience with Zootopia. Shakira was so incredibly out of place I couldn't believe my ears. I would've preferred Lady Gaga (and I'm not a fan of her either).
12 Rounds (2009)
Awful, just... Terrible, don't waste your time
I wrote this in real time as I watched the movie. Every point is a reason to avoid this movie at all costs. It's the worst thing that I've had the disgrace to watch since This Means War. It's an absolutely horrid cliché fest from beginning to end.
MC = main character
- Witty dialog between husband and hot wife
- Outrageously efficient police tech
- Villain is nonchalant about being monitored
- Villain easily fakes death, fools police
- Villain gets together with hot piece of meat
- Witty dialog between MC and secondary character
- Mc plays hero
- Villain has terrible aim and MC is immune to bullets
- Infinite ammo
- Against all odds, MC gets the bad guy
- Mc cares more about wife than he cares about friends and booze
- Mc argues with wife over petty thing and she says cliché line about disappointment
PREDICTION: Something bad will happen to her - this happened
- Villain takes it personal against MC, blows up his house and car, vows to kill wife
- MC easily steals sports car, but it's justified
- villain kidnaps wife instead of killing her, wife becomes damsel in distress
PREDICTION: MC rescues wife, they live happily ever after - this happened
- White cop swings gun around in black neighborhood, doesn't get shot
- Villain uses riddles as hints, MC easily solves them
- Villain decides to watch the world burn and torture MC instead of just getting away
- Best buds 4 life moment between MC and secondary character
- Higher ups pull MC back to reality
- Mc is also a fireman!! No oxygen needed though, only coat
- BOMB DEFUSING TIME!!
- Mc plays hero... Again
- Mc drives fireman truck, no permission needed because he's the MC... He destroys everything in his way but it's OK cause BOMB
- apparently, the MC is more efficient than the FBI
- villain goes full SAW, now it's all about solving riddles and getting clues
PREDICTION: "YOU'VE KILLED AN INNOCENT MAN!" - this didn't happen
- "Keep talking to him so we can get his location"... Doesn't work
- "No cheating~" says the villain, as he threats to kill MC's wife
- MC saves villain from head-shot instead of using villain's dead hand to avoid bomb from exploding
- MC gets to drive federal vehicle like its no big deal
- everything explodes, everything was destroyed, but nobody died so MC saves the day I guess?
- MC gets cocky with villain and things get harder, color me surprised
- villain kills MC's best bud, but it's OK, he's not his wife
- s**t goes meta, MC wonders why villain didn't just kill him and his wife when he had the chance
PREDICTION: MC will corner villain, villain will break down and give a pathetic speech about love, vengeance and other dumb s**t - this didn't happen
- Villain replaces high ranked security employee like it was no big deal, gets access to millions of dollars to steal
- Mc's wife gets cocky. Spits on villain's face, despite being at his mercy - Mc's wife knows how to pilot an helicopter, it's easier than a car anyway
- Villain gets hit by MC's wife and suddenly decides he wants to kill her, just as MC is in place to rescue her
- Mc beats the living s**t out of villain, but he's got the ace of spades, imminent bomb explosion unless they jump from a moving helicopter
- Villain loss in his own game, MC rescues wife as they safely land on a pool, as money rains over them, they kiss and I'm tired of writing everything wrong with this s***fest of a movie... Wait, the torture is over, credits are rolling! THANK GOD
I want my neuroses back. By the way, I'm giving it a 1 because of the realistic shock-wave when the house explodes.
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (2013)
It wasn't that bad, but it was bad indeed
I despised the very idea of this movie existing, but after watching it... it turns out it wasn't that bad! But... that doesn't mean it was good.
I'll try to be as objective as possible, since some people here aren't reviewing... they're just spewing their hate.
STORY 1/10
It's pretty decent and acceptable... within the first 15 minutes. Then, something that had so much potential (a crown that could help you dominate the world) is all wasted... on a high-school. And instead of an epic fight or something of the sorts (in order to retrieve the crown)... we've got a high- school dance. It all goes downhill from this point. Clichés are everywhere, and of course, as you might expect, the villain steals the crown just in time, turning into a sort of demon who can mentally-control others... and yes, she wants to rule Equestria. How original.
However, I'm giving it 1/10 instead of 0/10 because of how good the adapting-to-the-human-world-and-tech thing was. It was pretty original and it made me chuckle plenty of times. Everything else was... shameful.
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CHARACTERS 4/10
Every pony in Ponyville has a mirror version in the "human" world (they even have the same name... how lazy you have to be to give them the same name, Hasbro), so personalities and character development are pretty much the same as the ones seen in the show. However, we've got an archetypical spiteful/bossy teenage girl as a villain (yay originality) and plenty of fan-service throughout the movie (4th-dimentional Pinkie, a "so awesome!" from Rainbow Dash and an extremely moe Fluttershy).
One thing I really disliked about the characters is how pretty everyone is. There are no short/fat/ugly people. Everyone's tall, with an athletic body (despite most of them not even practicing sports) and a gorgeous face (heck, even the nerds are gorgeous... they're just pretty people with ugly clothes), and the school's one and only bully is our villain: a teenage girl. Really?
And last but not least, the society-portrayal made when Sunset Shimmer turns into a demon was downright pathetic. Pretty much nobody panics after seeing a FRIGGIN' DEMON, and nobody else outside of the school seems to care about the intense and noisy beams of magic/explosions. It's like they're used to it. And what's worse: when Twilight and friends defeat Sunset Shimmer, the once spiteful/bossy/I'm-gonna-rule-Equestria villain is now a crybaby who just wanted friends. What. The. Stuff.
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ANIMATION 8/10
The animation was pretty good. No complaints at all. They did a really good job and the character design ended up being cute! That was a surprise.
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MUSIC 7/10
The soundtrack was good as well. The songs were cheesy, girly and catchy, just like you'd expect from a My Little Pony movie.
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BREAKDOWN - 5/10
Good animation/soundtrack but terrible plot and character development. It perpetuates a sexist view of both genres (boys play rock & roll, girls put on their make-up) and it was made to sell new merchandise, so yeah, not really a good movie, even though I love My Little Pony.
Don't give it a higher note just because it's for kids and don't give it a lower one because you were disappointed. There's a whole lot of masterpieces in the film history that were originally made for kids. Rate this with the same criteria that you'd rate a Pixar movie.
This Means War (2012)
I couldn't watch it for more than 20 minutes
I have a sixth sense for bad movies, and it caught this one in the first 5 minutes. Don't watch it if you have more than 100 neurones.
A gorgeous blonde is a failure at dating (how original) so her friend signs her up on a dating website without her consent, so she calls her:
Gorgeous blonde: OMG YOU SIGNED ME UP IN A DATING WEBSITE, GURL WTF!
Blonde's friend: GURL U NEED IT, U CAN THANK ME LATER, K?
Gorgeous blonde: YEA I DON'T THINK SO, HOW DO I DELETE THIS? ... OMG WAIT, THIS IS THE CUTEST GUY EVER, I'M SO GONNA DATE HIM
What she doesn't know, is that THAT guy is a CIA agent, whose dating skills are as bad (how original), so he asks his equally gorgeous friend for help.
CIA agent: dude, I'm rich, I'm a CIA agent and I'm gorgeous, but my life feels empty. I signed up on a dating website and I found this gorgeous woman, so I'm gonna date her
Friend: are you crazy? The Internet is full of weirdos and crazy people, I'm gonna stay close to the place you're dining at (200 meters). I won't stalk, but I'll be around, just in case
They date and everything is the coolest thing ever. I mean, what's better than two wealthy, young and white people dating? When the date ends, she goes to a video club to rent a movie and she casually finds CIA agent's friend. The guy gets hooked so he flirts with her and gets a date.
** BACK IN CIA's HQ **
CIA agent: dude this girl is awesome
Friend: oh yeah? I found love too! This gorgeous blonde
CIA agent: oh yeah? Do you have a pic?
Friend: yeah, do you?
CIA agent: yeah! Let's show each other, 1, 2, 3!
*same girl*
*awkward silence*
Friend: okay man, I'll put it easy for ya. Date her, I'll leave 'cause you're my best friend
CIA agent: what? NO! If you do that, this poorly written movie won't have a plot! Let's both date her and let's see who's the first she falls in love with
Friend: k!
And then I shut down my DVD. Total waste of money.