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All I Need (2016)
A near miss.
The premise is good: a girl wakes up, tied up in a room full of other girls who have also been kidnapped. She's the only one who's conscious, and a killer is dragging them off to die one by one.
But then the movie tangents into some guy and his problems, and although the two stories ultimately merge together after jumping from one to the other, his entire tale is slow-moving enough to sap the energy out of this film almost entirely.
Meanwhile, our heroine is the kind of person who does some smart things... but who fails to think of so many obvious ways to try to help herself that the bad writing kills any sense that she's actually intelligent.
Also, the film-makers seem to have such a lack of understanding of basic physics (not to mention how ventilation shafts work), that it kills a lot of the suspense that they're trying to build, putting a final nail into the coffin of this movie.
While there are some decent moments, I would not watch this film again, and I'd really like to have back the time that I invested in it. If you're bored, and not looking for anything really good, give this one a go... but only if there's nothing else on.
Pegasus Hunter (2016)
Not great.
The movie is longer than it should be, and it meanders. Quite a few scenes go on a bit too long, and the humor isn't quite to my tastes. I feel like this film is kind of a cross between "The Foot-Fist Way" and "Project Grizzly," if that gives you some kind of picture.
It takes a long time to get to the actual hunt, but I did get some laughs out of this movie, and others probably will too. Give it a shot, especially if you can get it as a free rental. (I watched via Amazon Prime)
Boogeyman (2005)
I've seen worse
This movie is about a man who had a traumatic childhood incident involving a boogeyman that left him permanently afraid of closets. Naturally, the boogeyman comes back into his life and trouble starts again. If this doesn't interest you so far, skip this film. If this grabs your interest, you may want to give it a try.
The Good: The directing was good overall, varying from crappy MTV-style shaky incoherent garbage to some strong mood building and memorable visuals. The acting was all well within acceptable limits. There are a number of suspenseful scenes that may make you jump, especially if you already have a thing about closets/boogeymen/The-Thing-Under-The-Bed. There is some very brief nudity.
The Bad: The main character has no real personality other than being traumatized by the boogeyman, and he doesn't even do that well. He should have post-traumatic stress, but he constantly will do things like position himself places where he can be seen, but cannot see anything creeping up on him. Most people I know with PTS sit with their backs to a wall at all times, and keep their eyes on the door. If this guy is so screwed up by the Boogeyman, you would at least think that he might take some precautions. Having no real personality, the main character gives the audience little to nothing to identify with. I found myself not really caring whether he lives or dies.
The Ugly: The main problem with this movie is a common ailment that I call "Why Is This Happening Syndrome." The main symptom of WITHS is that the only reason for the plot to occur is because somebody thought it would make a cool horror movie. Secondary symptoms include: -Shallow characters with little personality -An overemphasis on special effects over substance -Incoherent or badly written plot. In this case, there is no reason why the boogeyman should exist. His existence is not explained by the film, and the motivations and actions of the creature seem rather random from within the story, making sense only from the external perspective of "It would be scary for __________ to happen next..."
Overall, I give this movie a 5 out of 10 on my personal scale of 10 being perfection and 1 being Ang Lee's Hulk. It is watchable and enjoyable. There are a few boring bits, but the good scenes make up for the bad scenes (or at least balance things out fairly well).
High Strung (1992)
It's a hit or miss movie
I was working at a video store when this movie came to my attention. I had seen the box any number of times and thought about checking it out because it has Jim Carrey in it, but never got around to it. Then one day a customer returned the movie while I was working and I asked how it was. "Terrible!" he said. "It's just some guy hanging out in his apartment, complaining about everything that annoys him." And that's when I decided to see it; to me, that sounded like a pretty decent film. I was pleasantly surprised. It was better than decent; it is one of my favorite films of all time. The directing is interesting, the acting is not great, and the plot is light but cute. The reason to watch this film is for Steve Odekirk ranting about all the things that annoy him, from smokers to people on gameshows, to Happy The Clam. It's good, it's funny, and it stands up extremely well to repeat viewing (I can't get bored of it). But you probably need the right personality type to appreciate it.
Bringing Down the House (2003)
Not too bad.
This was definitely not Steve Martin's best movie, but it probably wasn't his worst either. He definitely was not the highlight of the film, something which makes me think that his talents could have and should have been put to better use. The best part of the movie was Eugene Levy hitting on Queen Latifah and his unbridled lust/enthusiasm for her. Other than that, it was okay but not great. There was a good fight scene and a number of truly funny moments, but most of the humor in the film comes from "Silly White People Acting Black" which usually just doesn't do it for me... And it didn't really do it for me in this case either (except for Eugene Levy, who was awesome). I give it a 5 out of 10 (on my scale of 10 being near-perfection, and 1 being Ang Lee's Hulk).
Cheerleader Ninjas (2002)
Might be worth seeing once
I rented this movie on a whim and it started off pretty good. Unfortunately, things went downhill from there and it went from being funny bad movie to being a "kind of painful and only occasionally funny" bad movie. There was some good nudity in it, but those scenes were spoiled by the camera cutting away to some nerd fantasizing or some other crap. If it's really late, and there's nothing else on, and you're really bored, you might as well give it a shot. Heck, if you have a free rental and you like crappy movies that know they're crappy and have some fun with themselves, you might like this okay... just keep you hand on the fast-forward button. Also, there are WAY too many fart and masturbation jokes and the movie tends to drag out towards the end.
Overall, I give it a 3 out of 10. (On my scale of 10 being perfection and 1 being Ang Lee's Hulk.)
Vampires vs. Zombies (2004)
Didn't expect much, and was still let down
First and foremost, there aren't any vampire vs zombie scenes. The zombies are vampires, or at least are caused by them. It's a messed up movie that doesn't make much sense at all. the special effects are really bad, the camera angles are bizarre
(and not in a good way), the fight scenes are lousy. It pretty much just sucks. The only real reason to watch this film is to make fun of how bad it
is, and to catch the occasional lesbian scene. And there are much better bad lesbian movies you can do that
with, if that's what you're into.
Hulk (2003)
Easily the worst movie I have ever seen.
The first time I tried to watch it, I had to turn it off. It was that bad. Let me explain this to you; I don't EVER turn off movies or leave
before they are over. My motto is "Every movie has at least 1 thing about it that is good". I have gone to the local video store and rented everything in the old
release section, starting with the 'A's and making my way
alphabetically. And I never turned anything off before. Never. I have sat through crappy horror movies, boring dramas,
braindead action movies, sappy romances, and unfunny comedies. I have sat through bad porn. I have sat through bad gay porn, and I'm NOT GAY!! I have sat through the Star Wars Holiday Special. This is what it means when I say that the film was so bad that I
had to turn it off.
I gave it a second try, and managed to force my way through until
the end. The movie sucks. I was expecting a bad, cheesy action movie with mediocre special
effects. I was right, but it was also an incredibly long, drawn out,
slow paced, nonsensical piece of utter garbage. The dialogue not only is extremely poorly written, but the
characters talk at length about nothing. There's this one scene in the movie where Betty Ross goes to talk
to David Banner, presumably for a specific reason, and the scene
goes like this: She walks in and introduces herself. He rants, raves, and drools for something like 10 minutes. She walks back out again. What the HECK was the point of that!?
The casting was bad, the acting was good only in the sense that
they did what the director wanted. The CGI Hulk effects were
cartoonish and he looks somehow a bit Chinese.
The movie is bad. Not "so bad it's funny", not "purposefully bad to
make a point", not "low-budget bad", just BAD in the strictest
sense meaning evil, painful, and malevolent. I tried to make fun of
it as I watched it, as that is one way to get entertainment out of a
bad movie, but it was just too bad. My normally quick wit was
paralyzed by the sheer awfulness of this film.
I tried watching it again one time, just to see if it was as bad as i
remembered, but my eyeballs took such offense to the notion that I
might once again subject them to the pure and utter hell that is this
movie, that they popped out of my eye-sockets and tried to roll out
the front door. I crawled along the floor, bleeding out of my empty eye-sockets
and listening for their squishy rolling sounds. Eventually I caught
them, washed the dust and cat-hair off of them, and put them back
in. It took me several hours to do this, and I somehow got one of
them in backwards. But, all in all, it was far more enjoyable than sitting through this
pitiful excuse for a film a second time.
The Delicate Art of the Rifle (1996)
Possibly the best independent film I have ever seen
The movie has all kinds of down sides to it; It seems to be a
student film, it's confusing in places, and the acting is mostly poor. But I love it anyway. The film takes you on a tour of a larger than life campus where the
little things that are true of all universities are magnified. There are
rumors about the 19th floor on Fucault Tower, and a bunch of other
interesting Campus Legends. The directing is good, the script is really good. The film succeeds
for me on almost every level. I like the characters, I like the setting,
and I like the reason for why Walt starts shooting people. I laugh, I
cry... well, not actually cry, but the movie has a number of touching
moments that are very well done and that stand out. If you're hung up on acting, special effects, needing a
straightforward plot, you might want to skip this one. If you like well-written, quirky films, give it a shot. So to speak.
The Attic Expeditions (2001)
Surreal mind-bendy fun
I personally loved the movie. You may not figure it all out, in fact I'm
sure that you won't figure it all out. It's one of those movies... but it's
a GOOD ONE! Besides, Seth Green, Ted Raimi, and Jeffery Combs all rock!
As for scariness, I don't rate it very high, although there are plenty
of good scenes that are pretty freaky. Of course, not many films scare me much. I highly suggest seeing this movie, if it seems at all like the sort of
film you're into.