mikehavekin Reviews

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

What the hell was that.

[1/10 · 17 September 2019]

This was an amazing achievement: taking Bill Murray one of the funniest actors ever born, and making sure absolutely nithing he does or says is even remotely funny. Plus this is completely bizarre, i was contemplating asking for my money back from the cinema. Terrible.

The I-Land (2019)

Poor shark

[1/10 · 15 September 2019]

The only character that i felt any sympathy for was the shark. It would have been like eating marine ply having to snsck on any of these actors who were 100% wooden. Shockingly bad series, the producer realy hates humanity.

After Life (2019–2022)

A razors edge

[10/10 · 1 July 2019]

After life, skirts areas many people don't wish to visit. It brought out n me parts of loathing, hatred, disgust and lots of laughter. In the end it's pure genius. I can't recommend this enough.

What Keeps You Alive (2018)

I was rooting for Jackie by the end.

[1/10 · 3 March 2019]

Jules is so gargantuanly stupid in her choices that she shouldn't be in the gene pool.

I'd have thrown her of the cliff by the end. Has this woman never ever watched a horror movie. I'm surprised she don't go into the basement with a candle. Garbage.

London Fields (2018)

Annoying.

[2/10 · 20 February 2019]

I'm going to be brief: Jim Sturgess overacts so much it's embarrassing, my neighbours three dogs bark from the minute they leave to when they get back, Jim is way more irritating than them. It's like amateur dramatics night.

Give this one a wide berth.

Jason Bourne (I) (2016)

Agghhhhhh

[1/10 · 18 November 2016]

If we are to have negative interest rates applied to our savings accounts i want to have the ability to have a negative number on the IMDb rate it panel. If i gave this minus 6 billion it would bring the average down to something about right. In the UK we had a TV character called Duncan Norville whose catch phrase was "chase me". I felt this film had taken that as, literal. Chase me in Germany , chase me in Iceland, chase me in London. I felt like literally scratching my skin off after an hour it was so bad. I work in IT and it takes me an hour in the morning to remember my own password and locations of files. These guys can work out vectors and trajectories of someone walking in a crowded riot in about 3 seconds and WHY WHY OH WHY wouldn't your wear a hat or wig.

Please please can you stop pretending we can instantly work out even the hardest problem on anybodies computer, mainframe, server in 4 nanoseconds it makes my managing customer fault tickets an impossible task, it makes me look stupid, when it takes 4 days to recover lost files.

Rant over ......not quite... don't make another film in this series, this one has well and truly placed nails, embedded with diamond flakes, into a tungsten coffin lined with depleted uranium.