jackbaumel Reviews

Constellation (2024)

Here is the premise

[24 February 2024]

Here is the pitch: we are going to steal the premise from the Cloverfield Paradox movie that Netflix did in 2018: the ISS's has a unnamed McGuffin experiment on board with something to do with quantum physics (particle accelerator of some sort?). The experiment apparently tears a hole in the fabric of spacetime, causing multiple dimensions, or alternate universes, or alternate timelines to collide and intersect. Chaos ensues . However, since we want a series, we are going to fill this sucker out with "This is Us" soap opera filler until the viewers scream for mercy or leave. The opening disaster on ISS was fantastic, ultra-realistic with terrific special effects and CGI. Then the plot pace slows down and the character development and filler scenes take over. The acting and production values are first class.

Don't Worry Darling (I) (2022)

Massive Spoilers Ahead

[27 October 2022]

Good cinematography. Decent acting. Set and costumes stolen from Mad Men series. Engaging until you realize that this is the stupidest plot in history. Chris Pine has created a matrix-like simulation for incels and other dweeb males where in they can live a 1950s affluent lifestyle, complete with house, vintage cars, etc. In a remote desert town. There are a couple of hitches: first, their physical bodies are lying comatose while in the simulation so they must check out for 10 hours a day supposedly to work to support the whole deal. Second, to have a female companion in the simulation, they have to kidnap one IRL and keep her physical body restrained and comatose. While in the simulation, the females are somehow programmed to become compliant and submissive without a memory of their previous lives. We see a couple of glitches: empty egg shells, a random plane crash nearby. OK, now a couple of the females' programing is faulty. One attempts suicide. We never find out the result: she and hubby are disappeared. The other, after a series of flashbacks and hallucinations, has an epiphany. She kills her husband(?) and bolts. After an astoundingly stupid chase, she gets to the exit portal at which point the movie ends. Was this satire ? A commentary on male/female relationships? Who the hell knows? Devoid of characterization. Devoid of character motivation, except for one woman who stays because she lost her kids IRL. Devoid of resolution. BTW, the non-player background figures wear bright red suits.

Night Sky (2022)

Here is your answer why

[16 August 2022]

It is the lost syndrome: writer comes up with interesting premise, writes pilot, sells pilot, gets great cast, stretches out premise set up as far as they can get away with, writer realizes that they have no finish for original premise and writes episodes going off on tangents until audience gives up. This seems to happen to most streaming series eventually. If you need closure, see a play or movie or read a book.

Loot (2022– )

Just weak

[13 July 2022]

Bad writing, direction, and editing gives talented cast absolutely nothing entertaining or engaging to work with. This show is just the latest in a long string of Apple TV losers that prove that the first season of Ted Lasso was a fluke.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

"Whatever Happens, that's the Plan"

[9 July 2022]

3 stars for the visuals. The rest are for the script and direction. Mindless nonsense! BORING endless repetition of thrilless escapes, chases, etc. They just threw everything at the wall to see what would stick. It looks like 15 scripts got thrown in a blender.

The Old Man (2022– )

Idiotic writing and dialog, melodramatic comic book

[23 June 2022]

Great old pro acting. Watchable. However, it is full of logical holes. Bridges character is a degenerate psychopath who kills on whim. He even lets his dogs kill an injured FBI agent who was sent to arrest (not kill) him. Multiple killings of FBI/law officers by "hero" is abominable Putting him down is the right choice. Cell phones the CIA can't trace? 72 year old outfighting special ops types half his age? FBI compromised by CIA? Cringe dialog abounds.

Father of the Bride (2022)

Nothing burger

[19 June 2022]

Liked the actors, but absolutely nothing interesting or engaging happened. No plot to speak of, no humor. Liked the actors, but absolutely nothing interesting or engaging happened. No plot to speak of, no humorLiked the actors, but absolutely nothing interesting or engaging happened. No plot to speak of, no humorLiked the actors, but absolutely nothing interesting or engaging happened. No plot to speak of, no humor.

The Man Who Fell to Earth (2022)

Fantastic cast

[26 April 2022]

Mediocre writing for pilot. Some business/dialog was downright stupid. Great potential, though. Watchable.

Alien says he comes from, "terrestrial planet on border of solar system". What morons passed on that line? STRIKE ONE!

Outer Range (2022– )

Really bad melodrama

[17 April 2022]

Contrived weirdness! Really poor writing. Not entertaining. Not enlightening. 8 hours for a reveal, that I guarantee won't be worth it. Did I mention that the cinematography really sucks?

Slow Horses (2022– )

Deja Vue all over again

[6 April 2022]

With the exception of the acting, Apple serves up another disaster. Totally unoriginal MI5 cliché. Poorly directed, poorly paced, un realistic, mediocre cinematography. Overtly and emphatically politically biased writing (even though there is nothing wrong with right wing extremists taking their turn at being the bad guys). Apple proves once again that the first season of Ted Lasso was a fluke.

Big Bug (2022)

Basically dark version of the Jetsons

[17 March 2022]

Excellent production values can't hide bad pacing, lame humor. It is a dark cynical live action version of the Jetsons where the technology tries to take over. Not enlightening or entertaining.

Vikings: Valhalla (2022– )

Watchable, but barely

[10 March 2022]

Mediocre production values across the board. Not accurate, not engaging, no charisma. Watchable as filler without commitment. Nothing more to say so I'm vamping.

Severance (2022– )

Mind blowing and creepy

[23 February 2022]

I have no idea what to rate this. Some will love it. I personally found it off putting. After a while, I stopped caring about it because I wasn't learning anything or enjoying myself.

1883 (2021–2022)

Heartbreaking Epic

[21 February 2022]

Magnificent production values across the board. Flawless realistic if compressed drama of the trials and tribulations endured by a family crossing the country on a wagon train.

The King's Man (2021)

Weird Stew

[18 February 2022]

Mishmash of mismatched scenes and tonal jumps that just don't add up to a movie, but an overlong collection of good and terrible pieces that don't work well together; sort of like this sentence.

The 355 (2022)

Mediocre

[15 February 2022]

Great actresses. Poor script. Poor story. Good locales. Too many substandard fights. Too many substandard stunt chases. Just watchable. Could have been a Netflix movie.

Inventing Anna (2022)

Tooooooo loooong

[15 February 2022]

Vivian character was a complete bore. Anna Chumsky mugged and overacted. The story is too dragged out. Material for 3 episodes tops! Julia Garner, as usual, is fantastic, but the character she created is off putting. Typical Netflix_take a good story for a movie and make an 8 part series out of it.

In from the Cold (2022)

Insane Garbage

[5 February 2022]

The actors try, but this is just weird. The writers just strung tropes and cliches together hoping something would emerge. Nothing did. What we got is a terrible mashup of The Americans, Homeland, Killing Eve, Mission Impossible, and Manimal.

The Afterparty (2022–2023)

Afterbirth

[30 January 2022]

The 4 stars are for Dave Franco. Tiffany Haddish plays Tiffany Haddish. The gimmick of each episode switching genre was a good idea. Unfortunately, it was not funny or entertaining.

Peacemaker (2022– )

Stupid show, great production values

[17 January 2022]

No excitement whatsoever. Isn't an action hero supposed to get some adrenaline going? Just repetitive comic book humor like this: No excitement whatsoever. Just repetitive comic book humor like this.

The Tragedy of Macbeth (2021)

German Expressionist misfire

[15 January 2022]

Great acting from Denzel and Dorman. The majority of the cast, unfortunately, were announcing, not acting. Staging was off-putting. Reviewers complaining about "woke" are uncultured trogladytes.

Mayor of Kingstown (2021– )

Highly watchable garbage

[14 January 2022]

Great cast. Great production values across the board. Great pacing. Unfortunately the plot can barely be called one. Internal logic is completely missing. Character actions and reactions are over the top or vastly inappropriate. I like action as much as the next guy, but the violence level is rediculous. And of course, there are the oblitory woke lectures jammed in to meet requirements.

Yellowstone (2018– )

Cheesy Fun

[9 January 2022]

Sons of Anarchy meets Dallas. Over the top soap opera with sex and lots of violence. Every challenge results in murder and mayhem. Beautiful Montana scenery. Lots of beautiful horses. Did I mention the sex and violence?

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

First half hour was so cliche

[12 November 2021]

And the fight on the bus so badly done that I turned it off. I now have to write a bunch of drivel to get this review published. Still more required. I apologize if you have to read this.

See (2019–2022)

Nope

[27 October 2021]

I was willing to give this a lot of suspension of disbelief, even for the mad max grooming and jewelrry. However, the character with the styled tapered modern haircut was more than I could take. At that point, it was all I could see and my attention was shot.