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Duke of Knockers II (1995)
Improved duke, enhanced knockers
This is much better than the original, in every way and, thanks to being a Ben Dover production, has a wry comic sense. It's the same plot as before, with the unlikely English nobleman seeking a new American wife, interviewing the top-heavy candidates. Leann is the only returning girl (she comments that the duke looks different and the gardener is new), but they all give hearty performances. In a highlight scene, Letha and Honey engage in a tennis match that quickly turns topless. Minka has two hot scenes and Brittany adds to the fun. It is very well made with a lightness of touch throughout, and beautiful big-titted girls who aren't slow to get down to action.
The Duke of Knockers (1991)
Flaccid Duke
Despite the attraction of four top-heavy babes, this picture does little to arouse. After a number of lesbian scenes, which lack a sense of passion, eventually there are three full sex scenes . The minimal plot has an English Duke seeking a big-titted American bride, testing out out three applicants. These thee extravagantly coiffured blondes are ready, willing and all have the requisite huge knockers. The Duke realizes his own secretary has a great pair herself. (Don't know how he didn't notice before). Still, there are a number of scenes of swinging jugs to keep one interested.
Not the Bradys XXX: Bradys Meet the Partridge Family (2010)
Blondes have more fun!
This is a cheerful sequel, using canned laughter to replicate the original sitcom. All three of the blonde babes has an extensive sex scene. Even mom and dad get it on with Mrs. Partridge. Lexi Belle as Marcia is cutest but all of the girls are sweet. This is very well made, with lots of facials. Luckily, Ron Jeremy has only a non sex cameo. A feel-good adult film!
The Divorcee (1969)
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha !
After catching her husband Hank in bed in another woman, Betty Brant gets a divorce. This sets her on a path on unconfined sex with a lot of guys (and one girl). Ultimately, she realizes how empty this makes he feel, but only after we have watched her go through some very enthusiastic sex sessions with every man she meets. This could have been a depressing procession of repetitive scenes if not for the vivacious, voluptuous Marsha Jordan. She was unknown to me, but she was a superstar in the world of softcore movies of the late 60's. Attractive, well-endowed, and with a number of extravagant blonde hair-dos, she makes Betty a memorable lead. Also, she doesn't believe in bras.
One Naked Night (1965)
Great photography for '60s cautionary tale
This is a low budget exploitation tale, mostly shot silent, relying on sorrowful narration by the girl who has come to New York after her whore mom's suicide. Moving in her only friend, a pin-up model, she finds idyllic, if temporary, romance with a photographer, then a sculptor, before descending into a mildly debauched sex party scene. The photography and editing are sharp, set to a relentless cool flute and bongo soundtrack. There is twisting. The scenes of bygone New York are beautiful, from the girl's arrival at Grand Central, to Times Square in a less gaudy age, to unchanging Central Park. This is worth a look for fans of 1960's style.
24 XXX: An Axel Braun Parody (2014)
Dammit! Another classy Axel Braun parody
Axel Braun seems to have invented the porn parody genre and continues to exhibit great care with his product. This imitates the style of "24", and even some of its plot lines, to such a degree that it is a success as a thriller, as well as a sex pic. Kurt Lockwood is spot-on as Jack Bauer, looking at tines eerily like Kiefer Sutherland's character. His deadly enemy, Nina Meyers is ably portrayed by the slinky, big-bosomed Alektra Blue. Penny Pax has the two best scenes, oral and then lesbian at the beginning of the movie. A cameo by Ron Jeremy scores big laughs. The whole show is well plotted and looks like the intention was to produce a top classy adult feature. It hits the bullseye.
An American Werewolf in London XXX Porn Parody (2012)
Good effort at adding sex to a classic horror story
This follows the original plot closely, adding hardcore sex scenes. Surprisingly, it has location shooting with Dee, including a dialog scene on Westminster Bridge, with the Houses Of Parliament as backdrop. Relying on low budget SFX, the filmmakers have a go at reproducing the principal scenes of the first film. Dee is lovely and winning as the girl who helps him (except for her distracting, hideous tattoos), with a prominent Welsh accent. Ward is extremely engaging as another top-heavy nurse, with a full-on scene with a doctor that is the most satisfying of the picture. Overall, this is a fun, breezy remake, with a number of well made hardcore scenes.
The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich (1968)
Not that there are parallels to be drawn with any politician today...
A leader of low intellect who specialises in insulting people and inventing racial lies, with the help of big business, finds himself leader of the country, despite polling a minority of the votes. Blaming all of the nation's trouble on foreigners and minorities, and vows to create an employment surge while make the country great again. Not that there are any parallels in the world today (2017). This ought to be required viewing for every schoolchild and, in fact, everybody , as it is a comprehensive, detailed look at the reasons why one limited individual with only a twisted philosophy of hate rose to become a murderous monster, wreaking terror across Europe. Aided by sparing use of witness interviews and Shirer's own comments, this is a towering account of a horrific era.
Fixer Upper Mysteries: Framed for Murder: A Fixer Upper Mystery (2017)
Promising start of a possible series
This is the latest in the cosy mystery movies that Hallmark specialises in. As usual, it is set in a beautiful, picturesque American small town, although filmed in Canada. Jewel is the winsome lead who has a property restoration and renovation company. When one of her neighbours is found dead, she suspects foul play. There is a reason that she is averse to seeking hep from the police which is revealed later in the story. Luckily, a famed true crime writer, Colin Ferguson, has just arrived and is her latest client, and is willing to assist in her snooping. Their relationship is warm and fun, with hints it could develop into romance in the future. The mystery itself is reasonably involving even if the culprit is guessable long before the denouement, and the details are well laid out. A nice touch is that Jewel uses her skills and observations learned in the fixing-up business to uncover a hidden treasure and then to trap the killer. This is a promising beginning and should be a welcome addition to the ongoing amateur lady sleuth series.
Not the Wizard of Oz XXX (2013)
High quality parody is a classy effort
Porn parodies are now commonplace but there this classy attempt is well made, imaginative and enjoyable on a number of levels. This loosely follows the plot and look of the MGM classic, even down to the opening sequence being in black and white, before turning into glorious colour when Dorothy arrives in Oz. As Dorothy, Maddy Reilly is a delectable mixture of innocence and sexiness, giving the character a sweetness and earnest determination. Veteran Nina Hartley has a cameo as Aunt Em, finding a way of raising money by offering physical relief that definitely wasn't in the original. Once in Oz, Dorothy is greeted by the Good Witch, threatened the Evil Witch, and meets a single, horny Munchkin. Once on the yellow-brick road, she joins up with The Scarecrow, The Tin Man and The Cowardly Lion, before being captured by the Evil Witch, who unleashes her flying monkeys. By the end, she finds the way to return to her drab Kansas home. Of course, every encounter is punctuated by vigorous sex acts but this almost succeeds despite the hard core stuff. It is a handsome production, surprisingly well acted and witty. And did I say it is also a musical? The songs recall the original but all naughty take-offs that could be listened to on their own. To sum it up, this is great fun for broad-minded Oz fans.
Double Load 2 (1994)
Minimal plot, maximum babes
This has a very slight plot about a kidnapped girl and her concerned captors, but it is not be taken seriously. This is really just a collection of explicit sex scenes. The females are all extremely well built which is the main selling point here. The scenes themselves are almost romantic is style, filmed concisely, without the intensity common in the porn genre. The movie opens with Lisa Lipps in a scene that has no connection to the rest of the movie. This is Lisa at her optimum so is worth checking out. Wendy Whoppers scene is the only one that seems to be simulated except for the money shot. Perhaps by choice of Miss Whoppers herself. I can only guess it has no connection to the original film. Despite its lack of cohesion, if you're looking for classic big boobed gals, they're here.
Getting Wasted (1980)
Poor title for well intentioned 1960s set picture
Although there was several scenes of casual drug use here, the title seems off putting. The story concerns itself with teen Brian Kerwin being one last chance by going to a strict military school. Of course, a lot of his fellow students are more interested in goofing off than in discipline, setting up the comic scenes, including an elaborate scene of the boys trying to get high by smoking bananas. It's obvious influence is "Animal House"-it has Stephen Furst as the overweight loser-with added crudity and toilet humour, which are drawbacks. But where it scores is in the creation of the last 1960s. The treat of Vietnam is brought up a few times, and the general feeling of discontent is evident, personified in the hippie girl Kerwin befriends. She and her far our pals provide a tie-dyed contrast to the straitlaced academy. And then there's the music. Beginning with "For What It's Worth", every tune is a classic. Even the live band at a party have soundalikes for Grace Slick and Janis Joplin. Will a little more care, this could have been a winner. One clunker of a scene involves a cruel joke about a dog in a microwave, totally incongruous and unfunny. Apart from that, this has many worthy scenes, and a pretty good cast
Bottled Up: The Battle Over Dublin Dr Pepper (2013)
A small town takes on Corporate America: who wins?
This is a hugely entertaining and sympathetic look at the people of a small town who feel the heavy boot of Corporate America. The filmmakers paint an idyllic picture of the town of Dublin, Texas as it tells the story of the first bottling plant for Dr Pepper, a family run business which provided the heart of the town. Because the plant continued to use Imperial sugar in it's ingredients, instead of the cheaper corn syrup, the drinks it manufactured had a distinct taste to the main product, with a lot of dedicated enthusiasts prepared to travel hundreds and miles and pay higher prices to get their hands on Dublin Dr Pepper. Eventually, in the 2000s, the company suits move to crush the small town maverick and proceed to bring down their full monolithic weight in an unfeeling way. The movie is decidedly anti-Corporate and at the same time very conservative in romanticising the old values and unchanging life of a small community. Better, it is entertaining and filled with warm, passionate people who you would like to be friends with. It does offer a hopeful ending as the townspeople get behind a new, independent solution.
Double Threat (1992)
Terrific genre flick
Back in the early 90s, there was a whole genre of erotic thrillers that has disappeared now. This is a solid entry, featuring Andrew Stevens, who would go on to direct a number of this type of picture, as a Hollywood ne'er do well, living with ageing movie star, Sally Kirkland, about to make a comeback in a movie featuring Stevens. Rose is brought in as a body double as Kirkland's character would never strip for a film. Luckily, Kirkland herself has no such restriction, and gives us a lurid masturbation scene that is a highlight. The plot involves shady dealings, suspicious characters and gunplay, further complicated by a clever conceit of slipping in scenes from the movie within the movie, which appears to have a similar plot to the actual movie. The cast give it their all, to an incessant synth score and brightly colored costumes and sets. All in all, it's a fun ride.
Taken: The Search for Sophie Parker (2013)
Girls can be action heroes too!
This Lifetime movie is not one of their true life crime pictures, but rather a variation on Liam Neeson's own movie of the same name. There are parallels, as NYC cop Benz sees off her daughter and friend on a trip to Moscow. Despite trying to warn her about the dangers, its clear the airhead will soon be ignoring mom and looking for fun in a foreign land. When the inevitable happens and the girls are snatched by a sex trafficking gang, Benz snaps into action. She flies to Russia, takes no guff from the ineffective cops, and with help from an Embassy security officer, is soon gunning down Russkie gangsters as she hones in on the captives. The men here are hopeless, either obstructive, unhelpful or murderous. It makes a refreshing change to see a movie where two women take bold decisions. This is a great opportunity for the versatile Benz, who could have a whole new career if there only there was a demand for female action films . She continues to make interesting choices and it doesn't hurt that she is also insanely attractive
Arctic Flight (1952)
The Cold, Cold War
This B-movie rises above it's limitations to make an exciting, unusual thriller Set in in Alaska, with at least some location work, surprising for a Monogram picture, it feels cold just watching it. The background is populated with Eskimos/Inuits which helps, although the story involves white people. Reliable Wayne Morris is a freelance pilot, hired by jolly Alan Hale to help help hunt down a polar bear, for sporting reasons. With many references to how close Russia is, and with the Cold War in full flow, it isn't a shock when the plot turns into a spy thriller Lola Albright, always underused by Hollywood, is a feisty frontier gal, who loves Morris The most alarming scenes involve the polar bear hunt, as the beast is ruthlessly shot down and skinned, it's remains discarded on the ice, as Hale claims his trophy. Harsh scenes for modern viewers. But the rest is mostly a fine, tense thriller, directed by veteran Lew Landers, with a sure hand
Fort Vengeance (1953)
Hackneyed if colorful Western
James Craig, long past his Hollywood heyday, and Keith Larsen, a bland, rugged youth, are brothers on the run from the law. They decide to seek refuge in the Great White North. Luckily for them, the recruiting standards for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police seem to be low. They don't run any background checks, taking them at their word that they are honest types who would love to take the Queen's shilling. Benign, old duffer Reginald Denny is soon kitting them out with Mountie outfits. Squaw woman Rita Moreno tries to catch the eyes of the brothers. The future EGOT winner did a lot of these "exotic" roles at this stage of her career, and is unconvincing here. There is a stab at historical accuracy with the introduction of Sitting Bull and his tribe, fleeing Little Big Horn. They are given an eccentric speech pattern and a yearning to recover their old hunting grounds. Clearly, they are doomed. The setting is a bit different to the majority of Westerns and most of it is shot outdoors. However, dramatically it is uninvolving and lacks credibility
Mohawk (1956)
"Indoor" outdoors picture
In an attempt to limit costs, most of the location shots are lifted from the outstanding John Ford movie "Drums Along The Mohawk" The characters are kind of off-the-wall, with the hero, Scott Brady, a sensitive painter, rather than a gunslinger. He is surrounded by man-hungry buxom babes, but he has eyes mainly for unlikely Indian Rita Gam. The rest of her people look fearsome, particularly Neville Brand and Ted DeCorsia, more familiar as snarling gangsters An entertaining time filler, although unconvincing as a Western adventure. Far more useful to seek out the real thing, "Drums Along The Mohawk", from 1939 (a classic year for Hollywood), which is one of Ford's classics, with strong performances from Henry Fonda and Claudette Colbert, with a true feel for the era, to which this one doesn't come close
Dragstrip Riot (1958)
Diverting early teen pic is precursor of Beach Party
The teen pictures of the 50s are great fun, as anew genre finds it's way. This one, originally known rather optimistically as "Dragstrip Riot", contains the basic plot conflicts that would later be twisted into "Beach Party". The hero is the alarmingly blond Gary Clarke who hangs out with a cool group of beach kids, sipping sodas and spinning tunes on the jukebox. There turf is invaded by a pack of greasy motorbike riders and their molls, lead by menacing Steve Ihnat. They leads quickly to rumbles and car chases and tragic death, before a showdown on the beach sorts it out. Along the way, the story stops so perky Connie Stevens can do an elaborately choreographed musical number in the diner. It may not be realistic, but it's snappy.
Mighty Uke (2010)
The Unstoppable Rise of the Uke
Wonderfully entertaining picture, this roams across the world to show the enduring attraction of this simple instrument. All ages seem to take to it {I have a friend who just took to it after his retirement} and the experts expound on how easy it is make sweet sounds. The history of the uke is given, showing it's huge popularity in the Roaring 20s, before it faded to become something of a joke. But there were enough diehards determined to make sure the legacy continued. The best sequences show a Canadian school that teaches the instrument and sends it's best students to the true home of the uke, Hawaii, every year for a concert. This is inspiring stuff, never taking itself too serious. It'll put a smile on your face/
Mickey the Great (1945)
Interesting to see young Rooney
Wraparound footage was done in the 1940s featuring three women reminiscing about their times as Mickey McGuire's gang members. It was unclear to me if they were recalling actual memories, or the movies they were in, nut it matters mot. This frame is just a hook to show a few Our Gang style comedy shorts. In the first, Mickey sets up his own radio station. Next, he helps find a chicken thief, to get his black pal's uncle out of jail. Then, sets up a shoeshine stand to get many for a Milk drive. The best episode has the gang dressing up as wild animals only to encounter a real (or at least, a man in a suit) gorilla. The last concerns a trotting race against their snobbish rival, who is their deadly enemy in most of the stories. The films are simplistic fun bu interesting to see the great Rooney before he become the top movie star he was to become. Also, look for Billy Barty as his little brother. Barty went on to have a very long career, although limited by his being a midget. The Barty highlight is his impersonation of a chicken!
The Headless Ghost (1959)
Cheap and harmless spooker
This is a very low budget and mercifully short B from England. Three exchange students visit a stately home and stay after closing to meet the historical ghosts. The two guys are innocent Americans (one of them is Richard Lyon, son of Ben Lyon and Bebe Daniels, and ,at that time, a TV favourite) and the girl is a pneumatic Dane, who should have gone on to better things. The ghosts are not portrayed as scary, and prominent among them is Clive Revill who would have a decent run in the business in later years. Like a lot of British pictures of the time,it feels like it was made with an eye an giving cast and technicians work, rather than with any desire on producing a quality movie. Overall, easy to watch, easy to forget
Home Invasion (2012)
Taut modern thriller with terrific Haylie performance
With this, Haylie Duff has her best movie role to date, a world away from the usual light parts she normally gets. When a home invasion goes wrong, leaving her boyfriend dead, she (the getaway driver), clobbers the cynical third member (C. Thomas Howell at his most snakelike), and seeks revenge on the poor victim, Lisa Sheridan. As her campaign escalates, Sheridan finds the police unsympathetic and the adoption agent suspicious as her normal life crumbles. It takes until a twisted climax before she sees the truth about her new "friend" But really Duff is the centre of the picture. It would have been easy to make her character into an eye-rolling maniac, but her natural empathy makes the viewer understand her motives, if not exactly support her actions.
Love in Pawn (1953)
Early curiosity for fan's of "On The Braden Beat"
This was an unknown film to me before it turned up in the small hours on TV. For older viewers, Bernard Braden is remembered as a witty presenter, big in the 1960s, a contemporary of David Frost and a forerunner of (ugh) Esther Rantzen. Here, in 1953, he is paired with wife Barbara Kelly in a farce about a struggling artist (complete with goatee) as his wife living on a houseboat. To raise money she hocks him to a pawnbroker! His new family kind of like him, particularly daughter Jean Carson (before her move to America) who does what she can to seduce him. Soon the situation becomes a national sensation, as Kelly is reluctant to retrieve her now confused hubby. Farcial situations abound. The couple of lots of sharp, punning dialogue, presumably supplied by "additional" scripters, Frank Muir and Denis Noren. The real revelation here is Barbara Kelly who is vibrant and sexy (she has a hot scene posing for Braden). A pity she never had a significant film career. She did stick to Bernard though.
Hændeligt uheld (1971)
Strange 70s style psycho-drama
The first unusual aspect of this film is that it's from Denmark! With an all-British cast as familiar setting I took it as being from the UK until a scene halfway through had Roy Dotrice on television talking about Denmark's economy. The climactic scenes move to Japan which is another scenic twist. Mount Fuji is prominent here. The story has withdrawn executive Dotrice finding himself at a groovy hippie party where he is naturally out of place. Upon leaving he gets into a nasty accident which he flees. Judy Geeson sees what he does, and turns up the next day at his office, in effect blackmailing him for a job at his firm. Dotrice, in his polite English manner, becomes increasingly perturbed as she insinuates herself into his life. After a brief liaison on the train in Japan, he comes up with a permanent solution to her attentions. At times it reminds me of other 70s character studies like "Hoffman", "Loving" and "The Touch". There is a hippie party, pot-smoking and wife-swapping; all signs of the times. Dotrice is very withdrawn and Geeson looks like a swinging chick. Both actors moved to the USA soon after this. Overall this is a nice discovery from a time long gone from cinema.