Change Your Image
robertparry14
Reviews
The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)
Awful writing and even worse accents.
The writer clearly watched Mary Poppins and one episode of Downton Abbey in preperation for writing this show. You simply cannot be British and think this was any good. The dialogue is just cringe inducing. It's trying to be British so badly it borders parody. Only thing worse was the American actors doing English accents. Completely takes you out of the show. The poor children also come out of this terribly, the writing is so bad they are insufferable. So too is the actress playing Dani. She was good in Hill House, here every bizarre pained facial expression will make you wish the ghosts would just take her out already.
Worst of all, it was just boring.
Criminal Minds: And in the End (2020)
The Garcia Show
This episode was writen by the actress who plays Garcia and you can tell. Totally self indulgent. I was disgusted she used it as a platform to to made it largely about her. Ruined the whole ending
The Terror (2018)
Every time something big happened...
All the quiet suspense bits work but when anything big happens it never makes sense in the context of the story. If you step back from the spectacle of what's happening these bits have just been put it to make more intriguing visual television. Was quite disappointing.
Black Summer (2019)
so wildly inconsistant culminating in an absolute mess of a finale
Laughable dialogue, poor acting, script, cinematography and editing. It's obvious different episodes had different directors who had completely different ideas about the direction and ability of the characters. One episode goes from them being laughably inept running around like in a Benny Hill sketch only to see them pulling off an Ocean's Eleven style heist in the next episode. One to avoid for sure.
Martyrs (2008)
Literally The Worst Film I've Ever Seen
The only way I can see that this film has so many positive reviews is that everyone who was involved in making it wrote one to hype it up. And utterly pretentious people who bought into the awful "Martyr" side of this gore-fest. This is awful.
If you like films where the same thing happens throughout (Hostel style torture) an then it ends abruptly with no explanation then this is the film for you.
Only pretentious people can see some deeper meaning or hidden message in this film. The whole idea of martyrdom is so poorly done and means nothing here. It wasn't clever. It's just no story with a lot of gore and a lazy attempt to attach some meaning in the last 5 minutes that makes no sense. A complete waste of time.
Oldboy (2013)
Should of been called "How to solve all your problems with Apple products"
Went to see the Oldboy remake last night, although a more apt name would have been "How to solve all your problems with Apple products".
Product placement was horrific. He just gets out, doesn't know technology so the female lead was like "ohh we find stuff out on this device called a mac book, let me show you the inner workings of it. Are you getting all this camera and folks at home??"
He remembers the restaurant he ate at had a Dragon in the title "Oh we can just use this app here on my iPhone to find all the restaurants in the area with Dragon in it. Are you getting this camera while I go on apple maps and scroll down the list" *camera is over their shoulder showing everything*
He knows that song that keeps playing but can't remember where it's from "oh there's an app that lets you play a song and it tells you what it is. Here let me show you and the people at home how to find it on your iphone" *literally holding the phone up to the camera*
EVERYTHING they needed to find out, they either ran to a Mac or used their iPhones. Not to mention the 8000 phone calls made each with a lingering shot so you first get the apple on the back and then see the caller picture ID picture then a shot of them swiping to answer it. I honestly half expected him to be swinging a Mac around instead of a hammer in the hallway scene.
And Sharlto Copley was just dreadful as the guy who set it all up. Totally hammed it up. His British accent didn't sound cockney like Dick van Dyke but it was as over the top and bad. It was just a sh!t, hugely inferior, dumbed down remake. Meh.