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Stonehearst Asylum (2014)
Very happy I took the time to see this
Stonehearst Asylum is an excellent movie.
It has so many great actors in it. They all played their parts wonderfully.
It was suspenseful, intriguing, dramatic, thrilling and in a way horrifically ironic.
I guess that does describe Poe, who wrote the story.
It has an interesting twist at the end, which I didn't expect, and I am always looking for a twist.
However, the twist was refreshing, even sardonic which is rare these days.
This is a tight film. You won't find yourself looking at your phone, ever.
Hence, I highly recommend it.
9 out of 10.
Left Behind (2014)
I wish there was a way to give a movie a
minus 1 million. Because this sorry excuse for whatever it is would get it.
Nic Cage obviously just wanted a paycheck. What pisses me off is he's the only reason I watched it.
I know about the 'Left Behind' series and what to expect as far as a story.
But for Cage to attach his name to something that is 1,000 times worse than the Kirk Cameron version from 14 years ago is unforgivable.
I had high hopes that were immediately diminished in the opening scene. The "omen" was the music. I thought "no way will anyone play such douchey music for something that supposed to be a thriller." I was wrong. And then it just got worse...and worse...and worse...and I can't believe I was still watching when it got even.....worse.
This was such a missed opportunity for the "Christian Family Apocalyptic Genre." I'll venture to guess that 99% of the budget for the film went to that Devil Nic Cage!
White Bird in a Blizzard (2014)
Eva Green fans like me will be disappointed
It started well and then went straight downhill.
What a self indulgent boring movie. Narration....sideways movement.
Flash back, flash forward, flash sideways.
And the got more and more tedious.
By the time we found out what happened I was too bored to realize it was the climax.
I watched this movie because I think Eva Green is awesome. That said, she was completely wasted in this movie. She's so hot and such a great actress.
They could have had at least a few scenes where she slapped her husband around and been more of a lush.
Anyway, don't waste your time with this pretentious drivel.
Dead Within (2014)
A long boring meal...
With no dessert.
A story about nothing.
Unless, and this could have made it awesome, they had made it about two meth heads going through a 5 day binge beset by paranoia.
It was nonsensical.
Clearly, the budget had to have been about 30 dollars maybe $40.
Message to the makers, give the woman a reason for paranoid psychosis.
If that had been introduced, especially at the end it would have been a great twist.
The way it ended, was bleck.
She's been bitten and going zombie insane. Like none of us have seen that before.
Resolution (2012)
Well done....Spoilers
I'm happy I watched 'Resolution.' The story was interesting, it was new.
Shortcoming, it get's a 5/10 on the believability scale. I understand tension needs to be built. However, at the point where they view the future on the screen, the plot fell apart.
No worries though. I was surprised that somehow, they reestablished a feeling of tension in spite of my disappointment. I was able to get back into it.
I really liked the dialogue, the scenes and the chronology.
It ended well. I had no idea, I was confused, which I like, until the credits rolled.
To the people that made this, excellent job.
Draft Day (2014)
A football movie without football
I'm a huge NFL fan. The Redskins are my favorite team, have been for 40 plus years.
I was looking forward to a "football" movie.
What I got was a stupid soap opera. I wanted some freaking football. More action, diagnosis of players.
Character development.
The film, in order to make any sense, should have started with Cleveland and Seattle's season before to explain why they were in the draft position they were in.
Have Costner and pals in the film room diagnosing why their team sucks and why they want to move up in the draft to fill a needed position with a potential star to begin with.
It makes no sense. Especially since the Seahawks won the freaking Super Bowl this year. They have the LAST pick in the first round.
But no, a bunch of rudimentary split screen conversation that is complete BS and uninteresting.
By the way, Costner just wouldn't wake up on draft day at 9am and mess around talking to people.
He would have been up all night and if he went to sleep at all would have woken up at the teams complex.
'Draft Day' blows, whether you're a football fan or not.
Watch a daily soap opera, it's more interesting and dramatic.
Pompeii (2014)
Disappointed
at how incredibly awful 'Pompeii' was. Sheesh, it was such a cheap rip Ripoff of 'Gladiator.' It seems as if Hollywood assumes the 14 to 24 year old kids have never heard of or seen 'Gladiator.' So they do a cheap "Cliff Notes" version of it.
But in the new extremely dumbed down version, they start with the scene in Morocco where Russell Crowe kicks butt in the arena.
Then they introduce the "high class" girl that falls in love with the cute slave guy.
Then they veer off into the teen soap opera BS.
Good God Man!!!! The hero and the African gladiator start off as enemies. But what do you know? After the little cute guy Orlando Bloom look a like that is 5 foot 4 earns his respect, they become best friends. Who could have predicted that? It's a cotton candy film with bad CGI. Pathetic really.
If they had wanted to make a good film, they'd of had the volcano erupt at the beginning and made it 'Pompeii, Zombie Apocalypse.' I would have watched that until the end, unlike this piece of trash.
Oh, my cat that was sitting next to me told me.
Joe (2013)
Nicolas Cage reminded me of what a great actor he can be.
I'd forgotten how much talent Nicolas Cage has. Watching this movie brought back memories of what great work he did when he was younger.
Films like 'Raising Arizona' and 'Peggie Sue Got Married' or 'Moonstruck' from his early career.
I like his work lately in the films 'Lord of War,' 'Ghost Rider, 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice' to name a few.
However, until now, I've had a hard time shaking the image of his mid to late 90s and early 2000s blockbusters. Clearly, an actor has to make the huge score when they're hot. But for some reason I stopped taking him seriously.
'Joe' is such a fabulous production. It's so real. Most of the characters are clearly not actors. You can tell they're from Louisiana and they've done back breaking work their whole lives. No professional could portray this as effectively as these men did.
I have to hand it to the producers and director for assembling this. It's even more real than 'True Detective' in it's earthiness.
Back to Cage. The way he acted, his character was fascinating and true to life. He's an unlikely hero, like most are in real life. Flawed, pained, but with an intense genetic code that abhors injustice.
His struggle drives him to fight for victims of injustice. Though he knows the outcome of his urges may have negative consequences, such as incarceration or even death, he can't fight who he is.
He's a man that on the surface wants "to go along to get along" but loses the battle with his internal dialogue. This emotional conflict causes him to suffer a deep and chronic emotional pain.
It's why he drowns himself in alcohol and hookers. If you notice, he pays the Madame but only kisses and hugs her. That was his tonic when he had the urge to kill. It quelled him. Unfortunately for Joe, this "pill" had it's limits.
It illustrates his avoidance of intimacy. He's scared of getting too close to anybody for fear of having his love object taken away.
Of course, like any reluctant hero and latent optimist, he ventures in again. He can't keep himself from caring about those that are vulnerable and value the rigid standards he lives by.
For him, this is a purity. Joe the character, a victim of his own machinations, wanted to rescue the innocent souls. Keep them from falling off the path he had long ago.
His heroic persona manifested itself in his willingness to give his life, in the hope an uncorrupted soul would be able to overcome the demons that drove him to such desperation and ultimately expiration.
Joe was an angel in every sense of the word.
He left the world he lived in a better place.
'Joe' is a 10.
Lone Survivor (2013)
This is easily one of the best films ever made
I've watched it about 10 times now and will watch it more.
I thought 'Black Hawk Down' was the best ever, and it is a ten, but 'Lone Survivor' is an 11.
It's riveting. The acting is simply incredible. I felt as if I was there, and felt the pain these men were going through.
Yet for them, it wasn't pain, it was an honor to represent each other as a team.
It's a disgrace Mark Wahlberg wasn't nominated for best actor and this film didn't receive an Oscar.
It is a top ten in HISTORY.
Snowpiercer (2013)
Wilford, the smartest man in the world forgets to bring a thermometer with him into the future....
I'm in a state of disbelief that a movie with a cast of John Hurt, Tilda Swinton and Ed Harris could turn out this badly.
Chris Evans doesn't count as he isn't really an actor. Or maybe he was a liability.
I'll back that up with his famous line (he's sniveling by the way) "and you know what? Babies taste best....sniffle...sniffle."
I'm a fan of the post apocalyptic stuff and I think it's almost impossible to make a film of this genre less than mediocre.
Okay, so this Wilford guy (Ed Harris) invents a perpetual motion engine for a train and wants to ride around the world on it until the end of time because the world is frozen by a geo-engineering disaster.Good for him.
He brings a bunch of people with him, from very rich to dirt poor. It's up to him who gets on the train though as it is under his strict control.
This is where my issues with the film start. Why have poor people on the train at all? Especially if you're going to steal all of their possessions and make them cannabalize themselves?
No matter what, they'll deplete resources and have the capacity to harm you and your rich friends by getting angry and revolting.
This plot hole makes the story pointless.
Moving forward, Captain America begins his march of death up the train cars and starts fighting with the storm troopers.
Right then I thought "why don't the "powers that be" just unhook the car from the rest of the train? Let it slide off the tracks into oblivion. Problem solved!
That way the rich people can get back to partying in the night club or whatever it was that they liked to do.
Roll the credits!!!! We have the most mediocre Short Film Ever!
Last but not least, the ending was ridiculous. It's supposed to be so cold no one can survive outside yet the woman and her child walk off the train after it crashes and don't freeze.
Sheesh, this may be the BIGGEST plot hole in history. You invent a perpetual motion engine for a train yet you don't know the temperature outside? Right then I knew I'd been totally had. Not had like in the twist of say 'The Sixth Sense,' but had in the way someone had picked my pocket of 10 dollars.
If you watch the movie, fast forward through all monologue/dialogue and get to the action sequences.
Bad Country (2014)
Great film! Worth every second! Reminded me of 'True Detective' but way better!!!!!
When I saw the cast, I was really excited to see 'Bad Country.' However, out of the gate I was slightly annoyed by the fake southern accents. No big deal, I can get over that.
A couple of minutes in, I was able to suspend my disbelief long enough to realize this cast of amazing talent would deliver, given the plot, exactly what I thought they would.
The riveting opening scene of the movie goes like this.
It's a sting and Dafoe is an undercover cop on a buy but his ID is blown because, right at the moment he's about to close the deal he's seen on the local TV news report walking down the courthouse steps after testifying in the "trial of the century" by one of the criminals snorting coke. I mean right then!!! The Coke snorter then shouts "HE'S A COP!!!!!! HE'S A COP!!!!"
I thought this was really awesome, being an undercover cop that is famous and gets to be on the TV News. How cool is that?
Anyway, a massive fire fight ensues. But he's such an awesome cop, he and his buddies win the gun battle while causing no casualties at all! They easily arrest the thieves they had under surveillance and take them back to the station for interrogation.
The criminals won't talk because he's such a great cop, but since he's a double barreled stud cop, he tells his comrades this will lead to "something bigger" and they should let the bad guys go so they can follow them around with cloak and dagger.
And of course, Dafoe's hunches are always right. See, he's an awesome cop and really, really, good at his job. So good, he gets to be on the TV news all the time even though he's a super secret super spy cop that's undercover.
So then all of his colleagues are like "yeah! Let's go catch the bad guys!!!"
If you can stomach it passed this part you may find yourself hoping, even praying Dafoe and company fall in a swamp, any swamp and get eaten by the creature from the black lagoon or a fifty foot alligator.
My recommendation is to turn 'Bad Country' off after Dafoe's big hunch. 'Bad Country' is one of the worst pieces of garbage ever made.
Battledogs (2013)
Clearly there should be a sequel and maybe more
I haven't been so entertained since 'Sharknado.' 'Battledogs' is, which I thought wouldn't be possible, a far superior film.
The script allows two of the acting professions finest leading men the platform to show the wide range of their craft.
I was on the edge of my Lazy-Boy the entire film, gripped in suspense, thrilled by the action and on the verge of tears from the drama.
Stars Craig Sheffer and Dennis Haybert have set the bar so high with 'Battledogs' it's unclear why they didn't receive Oscars.
I can only think that they so outshone their peers, it was out of pure jealousy they were purposefully not recognized.
9 stars out 10, only because the Battledogs didn't bring about a nuclear apocalypse, which they were certainly capable of.
The Art of the Steal (2013)
Something is missing.
I can't put my finger on it though. I liked the characters, the actors and the idea.
It may have something to do with the fact that it tried too much to be like a "Guy Ritchie" London gangster movie.
Those are some of my favorite movies. Action packed, characters too stupid to get out of their own way, double crossing friends, and winning in spite of your incredible incompetence.
'Art of the Steal,' I think, tried to be that but fell short. The first half of it didn't do enough to create an anticipation for the second half when the gang of misfits gets back together for "the BIG JOB."
In the end, it just wasn't funny enough.
A Late Quartet (2012)
The most pretentious movie of the year
This is easily the most pretentious movie of the year. Not one character is believable.
How can anyone relate to this artsy fartsy pablum? Most people in the real world deal with these problems on a daily basis but don't have their stories dramatized.
But since it's an elitist type deal, the hoity toity crowd, it gets high ratings on IMDb.
Only dooches relate to this film, most likely the worst of the decade, due to how awfully snobby it is.
If I had my way, I'd send 'The Sons of Anarchy' in to break this pupu up.
Now that would be a great film. These snooty tooty people getting their behinds kicked by a biker gang.
You add Jason Statham to the mix and you've gotta a good film...as long as he's drinking a Schlitz tall boy at the beginning of every scene.
Grand Piano (2013)
Boring,. Lame...Elijah Wood should stick to what he does best
Which is being a midget in stupid Dungeons and Dragons movies. Wow, I tried watching this film, but it was so pretentious, lacked so much suspense, that I finally turned it off.
Stupid doesn't even describe how stupid this movie is. Elijah has redefined what an actors face should look like when he wants to show that he needs to take a leak.
The whole film, it seems as if he has his legs crossed, like a little girl waiting for her kindergarten teacher to respond to her raised hand and the head nod of approval allowing her to make a mad dash to the restroom.
This movie is pure duuuchebaggery on a level unseen in decades.
The Dollanganger Saga: Flowers in the Attic (2014)
Future Valedictorians of the University of Dumb Children
Why was this movie even released? It's the dumbest story I think I've ever seen.
I am a film junkie. I was waiting for a twist, or something or anything.
Nothing happened.
How can kids be this stupid? Years in one room and an attic? For God's sake, any teenager would rebel in someway.
But no. Fruit loop son blindly trusts his mom, and his sister blindly goes along with it.
Moronville. I mean, this is so unrealistic the word stupid is an understatement.
I or anyone else that had any common sense would have punched grandma and mom in the face after about two days.
Then I would have throttled her. Then I would have peed on her forehead, stolen everything in the house and hit the road.
Also, this movie is so bad, it should be digitally erased so that no human being should have to suffer the indignity of living through it ever again.
You're Next (2011)
Slow to start but completely satisfying!
'You're Next' began like regular horror movie fare. Slow build up, a little suspense, then boredom, then....
And THEN!!
The action begins! In an exciting 10 minute sequence, a house with an extended family reunited for the weekend to celebrate a 35 year wedding anniversary is unceremoniously disrupted by an onslaught of cross bow arrows, shot from outside the house and through the glass windows.
Several family members are either killed or wounded.
What follows is a battle, and like war with soldiers without uniforms, it's difficult to understand who the enemy is.
In order not to spoil it, there is a member of the group with skills unanticipated.
And wow, does this cast member do a remarkable job. The character is completely believable.
Watch the movie. It's unique.
R.I.P.D. (2013)
R.I.P.D. Don't waste your time
It's horrible.
'RIPD' would have been sort of watchable if Jeff Bridges had used his "the Dude" character rather than his 'True Grit' one.
I couldn't understand half of what he said.
Ryan Reynold's, what happened to this dude? Of late, he has like two or three "go to" facial expressions.
1. "I'm shocked!"
2. "I'm so constipated the veins are busting out of my head!"
3. "I'm a deer and those headlights are the coolest and brightest I've ever seen!"
Let's face it, his career may peaked in 2005 with 'Just Friends.'
Anyway, I tried to watch it three times and can't make it past the 30 minute mark.
I'm not going to try anymore.
It's.....THAT.....BAD.
The Conjuring (2013)
How about turning on the lights and calling 911?
I thought this was a good film. It had good character development. Good story development.
It had suspense. It had little shockers but had a happy, conclusive ending. However, it didn't have enough visualization of the "bad guy." This is unfortunate, and didn't enable me to suspend my disbelief.
The film could have differentiated itself from the usual by having the characters turn on the lights and calling the authorities.
This would have added a level of credibility to the story.
So here is my question to the powers that be. Why do so many horror flicks have to play out in the dark? Example, the person hears something. They then choose to walk into room after room without turning on the lights, and if they do, it's the dimmest one available, never the overhead light.
Also, when they go into the "evil cellar" the light never works. But they go in anyway, because for some reason they "have to know." A setup like that makes me feel detached and not care about the character. It makes them look dumb.
In a way, wouldn't it be logical in a drama horror for that person to be offed? Lastly, why not call the EMTs? Yes, there was a cop on site, but things were getting out of hand.
A little reinforcements could help.
The Colony (2013)
The Day After... the Day After...... the Day After Tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or it could also be called 'The Day After Tomorrow 28 Months Later' I really like post apocalyptic films. When I saw the DVD cover of 'The Colony' I was psyched.
Laurence Fishburne and Bill Paxton? This is going to be good! Like 'The Matrix' meets 'The Titanic' good! Bring on the mini-ice age baby! Bring on the "we shall overcome our suffering!" I didn't even bother to read the synopsis because I couldn't bare the thought of spoiling one little thing.
Unfortunately, it was not to be.
It's so bad, I saw a You Tube documentary the other day on the ruins of Detroit that was scarier, more suspenseful and had better zombies. Mind you the Detroit style zombie is a crack zombie, but still better than the "feral humans" in this thing.
It's so bad that when they exhale in the minus 30 degree weather you can't see their breath.
It's so bad, the CGI makes ScyFy look like Lucas Films.
It's so bad it makes 'Dora the Explorer' look like non-fiction.
It's so bad, Laurence Fishburne's character decides to off himself two thirds of the way through the movie. I understand why, I couldn't take it anymore either.
Last but not least, I can see why I haven't seen much of Bill Paxton in the movies lately, he's been busy eating Carl's Jr. and Jack in the Box, like all day every day for the past three years. His head could barely fit in the screen.
I only finished the movie because of the fast forward button. It was way worse than the beginning if that's possible.
Sharknado (2013)
Ocho Formaggio
What can I say? Syfy has outdone itself with the amount of cheesiness they can put into one movie.
I loved it though. So poorly done.
Examples- 1. It's supposed to be storming, and it is in the close up shots of the waves. Then they pan out and the ocean has barely a ripple on it.
2. They drive to higher ground, like 1,000 feet above sea level, yet the sharks somehow "fly up" to the house and swim around the living room.
3. There are sharks in the water, yet the surfer tells people to "GET OFF THE BEACH!" As if sharks will sprout legs and chase people like alligators.
An aside, maybe Syfy should do another one like this but set in Florida called "Gatornado!" Now that would be a little more fun.
4. I was surprised to learn sharks could live in muddy storm water runoff high in the hills.
5. Tara Reid was terrific. She has become everything I thought she could be. What a talent.
6. I didn't know sharks could attack people in 6 inches of water or that they could jump over boats and swallow people whole along the way.
In all, a fascinating movie.
9 out of 10 for proving that it takes real talent to make such a funny and awful film.
I was entertained BIG TIME!
Killing Season (2013)
Good film
I just finished watching 'Killing Season' and have to say I enjoyed.
Travolta and DeNiro both did a great job with their characters.
I've seen derisive comments about Travolta's accent but in my opinion they are unfounded.
The film had a nice feel to it along with an interesting story about how people deal with the emotional scars left from war.
Using the Serb/Bosnian conflict was a nice touch as it was one of the worst stains on humanity in the past 25 years.
The setting and cinematography were beautiful.
It was worth the time spent viewing.
This Is the End (2013)
Aimless film about vacuous actors just being themselves
I saw the 8.0 rating here on IMDb and thought it was a can't miss.
I like all of the actors in this film. I like the premise of this film. What I don't like and understand is why they completely butchered an idea that a freshman film student could get right blindfolded.
I'm disappointed.
The film started out right enough, with Seth and Jay bonding, getting high and playing video games. Nice set up for going to Franco's party.
The beginning of the party scene was good, especially with Michael Cera playing a caricature of himself (they all did, but he was the funniest).
At the onset of "the apocalypse," my hopes were very high. The convenience store scene whet my appetite for what I thought would be an excellent plot unfold.
Unfortunately, from there, any sense the film was going to make basically ended.
I watched what I could after the 35 minute mark as it disintegrated into a cornucopia of scenes with STUPID, POINTLESS dialogue in a dark claustrophobic setting.
"Hey," I thought, "maybe they should look out the window and assess the situation? You know, maybe see some zombies, the devil, whatever. Then they can take the film in a semi-interesting direction!"
Nope, the characters/actors were too self absorbed for that. Everything was about large head shots and more inane, unfunny mono/dialogue.
This had to be a collaborative idea and effort amongst them.
It's clear all the people involved in this film were high when they wrote it, high when they shot it, and high when they barfed it on viewing audiences.
Dudes, lay off the effin' pipe.
Away We Go (2009)
This film made me furiously search for my DVD of 'Lake Placid'
About 40 minutes in, I had to pinch myself to see if I was still alive.
Once I confirmed that, I pushed the stop button.
I then needed something, anything to make me laugh, so I dug around and found my 'Lake Placid' DVD.
Now, compared to 'Away We Go,' 'Lake Placid' is a masterpiece.
'Lake Placid' knows it's a ridiculously awful movie. It makes fun of itself, unpretentious, even with a cast of A list actors.
This shows a cool self awareness.
'Away We Go' wanted to be something like 'Sideways,' could have been similar to 'Something About Mary,' but just got bored with itself and self should have self immolated.
But, we aren't that fortunate now are we? If you need some sleep, view this....whatever it is, and in about 22 minutes, I promise you'll have the best nights rest in your life.
Winter's Bone (2010)
Very, very good film. Almost excellent.
'Winter's Bone' is a nuanced and excellently constructed film.
The characters are portrayed brilliantly by the this fine cast of actors. The roles are played so well that the word "believable" would be a gross understatement.
The lead, Jennifer Lawrence, has an extremely bright future. I see why she got the lead in The Hunger Games' and 'Silver Linings Playbook.' This young lady has at least one Academy Award in the near term.
John Hawkes nailed his role. However, his acting is so consistent it's almost become under appreciated. He needs some bigger roles, he can carry a film.
The directing was almost perfect. There were a couple of lulls, but in a way, they added to the suspense.
What I really appreciate about the directing though is the actors were allowed to act.
The scenes, through effective dialogue (no unnecessary banter), facial expressions and background were left to speak for themselves.
The film had a quality that rewarded the viewer if the requisite attention to detail was paid.
That said, for me it became exponentially more rewarding.
I could go on and on, but if you haven't seen this film, do so.
It's high quality, an oasis in the Hollywood desert.
9/10