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Reviews
Monkey Man (2024)
Monkey Man is just meh
Dev Patel takes himself way too seriously in this misguided action film. There is actually a line in the film where a character asks him "Don't you want to sleep?" and without making eye contact, in a sweat, he pauses and says "I never sleep."
The story is all over the place. As if they had cool scene ideas and forced them together with little to no cohesion.
The action is good in parts and terrible in others. The shaky cam is definitely a style choice but after a while it gets annoying and nauseating.
The training montage alone was enough to get me busting out laughing. Without spoiling too much, Dev Patel starts punching a big bag of rice in this poor religious combine, gets super sweaty, takes his shirt off because why not, and beats all the rice out of it. Meanwhile everyone in the combine is cheering for him and praising him for how great he is. What's his connection to them? No idea. Why do they care? Also unsure.
Oh and the combine he's at is a Muslim trans community. The inhabitants of which join him in the fight later and murder people. Yes, I'm serious. Could have been hilarious if they played it off as humor, but they didn't. It's all very serious.
In my screening most people seemed bored and uninterested. A handful of people were still sleeping when credits rolled.
It isn't terrible but it sure as hell isn't good. Everyone praising this movie as a revelation can relax. The Raid movies are much better and cover a lot of similar ground.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Terrible in Nearly Every Way
The first thing this movie needed was a better script. Half of the lines are laughably bad, it starts off introducing our main character waking up to an alarm clock, and is filled with absurd decisions that make no sense whatsoever.
I'm sure the cupcake was a film executive addition, or a bad producer decision, but it brought the other animatronics down and made the movie feel cheap.
The movie isn't scary in the slightest. It builds little to no tension, the scenes are not frightening, and there are multiple scenes that take away from the horror completely.
From my eye, it seems like they shot a horror movie, realized it didn't work, and turned it into a comedy with horror elements in post. Almost as if some greedy exec thought they might get their Scream...(cough cough Matthew Lillard)
Cheap laughs that don't land, horrible rhetoric, character beats that go nowhere, and bland acting all around.
An absolute waste of time and an embarrassment for all those creatively involved with the movie.
Sharp Stick (2022)
Absolutely Abysmal
This has to be one of the worst movies ever made. 80 minutes feel like 3 hours as a 26 year struggles to figure out her sex life.
To say it was bad feels like an insult to the word bad. They haven't even made words to describe the kind of mental torture that comes with watching this movie. Deplorable is the only word that might come close.
Lena Dunham has proven herself a hack of a film maker. How did someone read this script and go "yeah, sounds like a hit!" If these are the original ideas Hollywood is funding these days the executives need to be fired immediately.
I feel bad for the cast. On paper it seems like such a sure thing, but my god was it a complete waste of time.
Skip this one. Save yourself.