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Reviews
Santa Inc. (2021)
It's not THAT bad
Reading the reviews it looks like this is being review bombed by Christians who take offence to how this portrays Christmas. If this movie has a sin it's the same as "the happytime murders", in that it keeps relying on the "but this is kids style characters, they can't say naughty words!" Joke. It needed more comedic substance. It's not even close to a 1/10.
Father Christmas Is Back (2021)
I feel bad for the actors
I hope the producers feel a deep and eternal shame for making this hollow copy of the dreadful hallmark movie style. It's the lowest bar of comedy, just a series of disjointed events that happen one after the other.
In one scene around 1:15 the wife does a crazy dance while cartoony music plays while also making funny faces, and that is the height they can reach with the comedy in this movie. Who is this for? Toddlers?
Another strange choice is the inclusion of random cartoon sound effects. It's just so weak and needless.
What a shame.
Free Guy (2021)
A fun ride that suffers from weak dialog and forced romance
This movie works for what it is, a platform for Ryan Reynolds to do more Deadpool style sarcastic humor. I enjoyed his performance and thought it was well supported by Lil Rel Howery.
I have two problems with this movie that really degraded the experience for me:
1. The over use of expository dialog. A lot of the story is said by characters and not shown, which is a shame, and the explanations of the world and its rules are done as if the audience has an IQ of 20. I think the dialog overall needed another pass or two. Also, this is a nitpick, but none of the technical things in the story were even close to accurate. Programmers don't literally work in 1s and 0s. When you launch the next version of a game you don't delete all of the code from the previous game. Hitting the servers with an axe would not slowly remove parts of the world, it would just crash the server. Plus I don't think he was even hitting any hard drives, which would have offsite backup anyway. Lots of little things like that. I mean just turn off the power in the room...
2. The forced love story. It reminded me 'Yesterday' in a way, that beetles movie, where the love story was just hamfisted. The movie could just be about an AI become self aware, you don't need a love story. That is not to say a love story is a bad thing, but it felt like it was jammed into the story to satisfy a checkbox.
Look, I get it, this movie is not out to win any awards, it's just a fun romp, but for anyone that knows how video games work it can be a bit frustrating to follow the logic.
She Dies Tomorrow (2020)
Slow pacing, intriguing build up, no third act. I felt my time was wasted.
I like visually interesting art house-ish type of stuff, but this was just boring with no pay off. It's just poor story telling. Save your time and skip this one.
It's like mixing the taste of a modern film student with the "can't write an ending" constipation of Stephen King. Only in this case there wasn't even an attempt at an ending.
Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020)
It's not that "woke", but it's also not that good
I see a lot of one star reviews complaining that the show has forced "woke"ness. I don't think that is true, it's just very diverse and multicultural, as Trek has always been. The important thing when showing diversity is equality, as long as they don't show all white male characters and buffoons and clowns there is no issue.
The real problem is this is not the spirit or tone of Star Trek at all. This is just Final Space re-branded and put in a new universe. Go watch any episode of TOS, TNG, DS9, Voyager, then watch this, and it's clear that the only show on TV right now that comes close to the tone of Trek is The Orville.
I don't understand why the owners of the Trek property are so afraid to give Trek fans what they want, and I don't think they will be getting over that fear any time soon.
Suspiria (2018)
Good, but some editing needs to be done
The 70s cinematography and editing is visually interesting and I really enjoyed it, but in the end I found the movie to be disappointing and full of wasted potential. I'm a huge fan of the original and I went a few months ago to see the HD remaster in theaters, and I strongly feel that it's a superior film to this.
The problem is the doctor. Not only is his plot unnecessary, but even from the trailer the old age makeup was distracting and confusing. I remember when I first saw it I thought there must be a scene where they show him as a young man, otherwise why do this? When you do a makeup like that parts of the face don't move, and the actor has to move their shoulders to avoid turning their neck, it's just distracting. It reminded me of the old age makeup they put on Brent Spiner (Data) on TNG a few times.
I will say I didn't realize it was Tilda until I saw it on the big screen, but again that begs the question, why? Having her play that character doesn't add anything to the film. It's just a gimmick.
I think there is a need for a fan edit to this film that removes the doctor completely. His story has little impact on what's going on at the dance school and serves only to add run-time. You can just have the police show up due to a 'complaint' and it's fine. Tilda did a great job, but there was no point to it.
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
I can change him!
I saw it last night and I did not like it but not for the reason I was expecting. The film has a technical story telling issue in that is has no ending whatsoever, but what bothered me is much deeper than that.
When I took my wife to see this I thought I would get an inside glimpse into the secret fantasies of middle-aged women. I thought the popularity of this story was an admission that women secretly want to be dominated. What I found out was the true fantasy of women is to annoy a man into changing, and that fantasy is the main appeal of this story.
The male character in this movie I actually somewhat respected for the first half of the film, he was very clear and direct about what he wanted, so clear that he put it in writing. The female character would constantly follow the same pattern of agreeing to what he wants then complaining about it until he changes. The entire film is simply watching this pattern on repeat until the story ends with no conclusion.
For those wanting insight into the female psyche I would avoid this movie, I don't think you will like what you find.
Don Jon (2013)
Great cast and humor, a cheap ending with too many loose ends
I just saw this film at TIFF and found it to be very enjoyable.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Scarlett Johansson lit up the screen and projected a very humorous representation of New Jersey dating and life. Scarlett's hand movements and gum chewing were a little over the top but I will give it a pass based on the genre of the film, I mean hey, comedy is in exaggeration of the truth right?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt also pulled a nasty trick on me by including Tony Danza. I have a soft spot for Danza and found his character in this film to be a perfect looking glass into Don Jon's future if he followed his current path.
Julianne Moore's character was funny and added depth, during the film her character reveals some dark events in her history without providing much detail. The story of her past became an interesting point that was never explored or fleshed out, and leads to my one dislike in the film: the ending.
This is one of those endings where you can picture people sitting in a room scratching their heads, not sure what to do, so they just stop the film and show the title. The lesson in the end was not what I was hoping, but perhaps I was just looking for validation for the Don Jon I see in myself.
Go see this movie with someone who loves to laugh.