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dougvanbenthuysen
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Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Plant
So good I decided to watch Kill Bill 2 with a fake plant in front of the TV, which was awesome also.
Hustle & Flow (2005)
The Process
What are we to make of the scene where D-Jay throws that ho out the house? Is this pimp to be condemned for violating both contemporary norms concerning masculine behavior AND age-old notions of gentility? Or do those rules no longer apply in this world, where her raw feminine aggression threatens the life of this strange family? Or can we see it as a metaphor for what the artist must sacrifice for the creative process?
10* primarily, however, for most Bosworthian use of the word mode since _Beowulf_. I've always assumed that to be intentional.
The Godfather (1972)
TLDW
...I wish! What a terrible movie.
Seriously, its a film that glorifies everything that is wrong with Europeans, well a specific set of Europeans, who think they are beyond they are above social structure and law and can act as they wish to protect their creepy families. People who like this film must be huge fans of the Roman Empire. The only scene worth watching is the one where the old guy dies with an orange in his mouth.
And the writing: terrible. Does it really take that long to get the point across? And do people actually enjoy all that silly Italy talk? But even worse, the music. Uggg. So dull. I suppose it would be a good movie to watch if you wanted to take a long nap.
Exit Wounds (2001)
Zeitgeist Moment
So in the times is this fine film that I just watched a 16 year old throw up after watching it for just three minutes.
And the car buying scene?!??!?! Priceless.
The Wire: Misgivings (2006)
Why'd he corner himself?
So you are telling me that a street wise car jacking tween is going to change his clothes Grove Street style to avoid a cop, but then he is just gonna sit there with Kinard a few blocks away backed in a corner? I give that little dude more credit. He would have found some safe spot with good visibility and a back-out. Most unrealistic moment on the show.
Still 10/10 though, given that this is the best TV show ever.
The Angry Birds Movie (2016)
They stole our eggs
I would give this movie a ten out of ten simply because it reminds me of my favorite smartphone (more like #dumbphone) game ever, Angry Birds. Such a simply plot, such justified anger. That game was revolutionary.
The movie made me laugh. To be honest with you, I watched it on Hulu as amusing background noise while my wife, son, and I went about our business in the house. But we all watched a little bit, we all laughed, and we all agreed it was beyond what we expected for a smartphone game adaptation, which is what this movie is.
"Mighty mighty Eagle! Rescue me!"
Look at that. The music is so catchy, I started writing along!
Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015)
Depicts Graphic Sexual Assualt
While this film comes off first as quaint and harmless, a soundless adventure of an above-average sheep and his pals, it takes a dark turn.
In one scene, one of the characters grabs a woman in an inappropriate fashion. He approaches her from behind, and does things to her that should not be described in print for fear a child might read this review. The assault victim, visibly shaken, rightfully takes it out on the nearest male, but the real criminal escapes. When we next see him, he is "high-fiving" his friend in celebration of his "conquest".
As there is a character in the film named "Trumper", I can only conclude that this film is a form of propaganda, promoting a deplorable sexual morality that must be avoided.
Do NOT watch this film!
South Park: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe (1997)
Deplorable!
I decided to watch the first episode of this bad awful program at the recommendation of the slime merchants at HULU.
First of all, this episode depicts abusive behavior toward young girls. The protagonist, Stan, see's a sweet innocent young girl named Wendy Testesburger, clearly a sexist name, then vomits toward her. Vomiting on a woman without her consent is clearly and unwanted advance and is deplorable.
The show is also, right from the start, racist. When the chef says the words "Salisbury Steak", I am suddenly reminded of all the negative stereotypes about the proud people of Salisbury, whose ancient and secret beef preparation methods should NEVER be mocked.
South Park: Member Berries (2016)
Terribly Insensitive
I am ashamed to be contemporaries of these bad awful people who think it funny to go around poking fun of everyone! This episode suggests that trans-gendered individuals are not all wonderful, smart, and awesome! It suggests that race conflict in America is bolstered by the media! It equated our noble presidential candidates to a fecal sandwich and a feminine hygiene item! And worst of all, some portly carriaged youngster is referred to by truly deplorable slur. I myself have a hefty child and people don't realize it is his bone structure, so such hurtful remarks wound me to the core! Please take this terrible, disgusting, show off IMDb so no harmless children will accidentally stumble upon the show!
Comedy Central Roasts: Rob Lowe (2016)
Our Gem of a Culture
I gotta tell ya: I was laughing most of the time. That dude from SNL, you know the ugly one who was on last year, he's like the Millennials Gilbert Godfrey. He's so annoying I can't stop laughing at him. That gene must skip a generation or something, because we have nothing like that.
The best race joke of the evening was by Ann Coulter, even if no one laughed at it. I fed it into the old comedy computer, along with all the other jokes, and it scored the highest in that category. Anyone who didn't laugh at it must be a stupid brain dead liberal. Do they even know that this very program launched the Trump presidency? This paragraph has been approved by comedy computer.
Peyton Manning memorized his lines like they were offensive plays, but delivered them worse that Cooper. Rob Riggle stuck to the formula "Make observation then repeat briefly and loudly" like a Marine sticking to a terrain map. David Spade sounds better than he has since Hollywood Minute, and we all hope he will stop crying all the time about his dead fat friend and just be funny again. Jimmy Car didn't laugh enough (his laugh makes me laugh), and Ralph Macchio talked way too much. Seriously, just be Danielson, or however the heck you spell that in New Jersey. I find Nikki Glaser unattractive, and I therefor do not remember anything she said.
The standout of the evening, however, was Jewel. I've always hated Jewel. I saw her one time back in New Jersey, while I was working the Mrs. Fields cookie franchise at the Arts' Center. She droned on and on about some kid who wasn't allowed to watch The Jeffersons or some crap. I nearly puked in the cookie dough! The voice of the butthurt generation, always whining. But she was pretty awesome on this roast; really laced into Rob Lowe for all the things we all hate about Rob Lowe. Very visceral. Seriously, watch it just for Jewel. What a gem.
The Eric Andre Show: Krysten Ritter/Dominic Monaghan (2013)
Tastes as good as it smells
Honestly I would totally watch that episode again and maybe figure out the deeper meaning of it all. Seriously Hannibal great idea about taking a year off from movies and maybe we all watch this show for a year instead then just start over again, right?
Wait, was this the episode where he went and touched people's hands and two got all upset but that last lady was happy? I can't remember. I think that was a different episode. But I liked that one.
There is a certain elegance to destruction and vice versa. I guess you would get a lot of play if you had been a hobbit, so that made sense. In the end dissonance is more costly.
Dexter (2006)
Great first season
I broke an oath I made to myself a few years ago by rewatching the first season of _Dexter_. When that show ended, and that *spoileralert* sicko sat that in that pathetic room looking at us through the screen, I was happy it ended. I wanted him sitting there forever, unable to move. *endspoileraltert*, but had to give season one a revisit, because it was so damn good.
Dexter embodies the fantasies many men in our generation. We just want to be the perfect gentleman all the time (while working a cool job, banging a hottie), except when we are unleashed to go buck-wild on (mostly) sexual predators who have so offended the ladies we love. That character Paul: perfect caricature of the bad ex-husband. The moment I really got back into this show, where I just paused to write this, is when I felt along with Dexter the desire to track down Paul and kill him. A literary work is great when it sucks you in.
Definitely not watching past season two, though. The series dies with Doakes's death.
5/10 for the series, but +1 because season one was a ten.
Hardcore Henry (2015)
Like you are the hero of the game
Do you like dead naked Russian courtesans and shooting people in the head? Then you are going to love this movie.
Hardcore Henry follows a video-game plot-line drawing on imagery and plot devices reminiscent of both Call of Duty and Final Fantasy, just to name a few. Action sequences get you feeling as if you are actually there, like one of those old film reels where you feel like you are riding in a roller-coaster. I started to feel a bit queasy during one of the chases. These are punctuated by dialog that is both disorienting and witty, giving a break from the incredibly violent action.
The story is decent, though I take away a few stars primarily because the semi-sephorothic albino boss is pretty lame, more creepy than seriously threatening. He may appeal to millennials, though.
And finally, the movie had a moral. Don't be a... Well, I guess I shouldn't say that in a review. To put it another way, the movie says implicitly that if you want to be a man, learn to trust your equipment and you'll be able to accomplish anything.
American Crime Story (2016)
I forgot it was Cuba
Cuba Gooding Jr. was so convincing that I thought for a second I was staring at the Juice's hind parts. If the movie _Idiocracy_ ever comes true, I hope that scene becomes the Oscar winning film.
And what can I say about David Schwimmer? He jumps down your throat as perfectly deplorable and awful, standing in as the dumb-downed American who knows things only through the media. Is it this 10 episode series or the events themselves that predict the advent of a change in media, where trial by media replaces trial by jury? Schwimmer is so, so, so Kardashian!
Bravo, _American Crime Story_, for blurring the lines between fiction and reality by an additional level. And oh, by the way, as I'm sure others have already said, Mr. Vance nailed it! It should win an award.