pellenase Reviews

Kong Island (1968)

lol.

[1/10 · 25 March 2006]

This is bad.

Horror? No.

Funny? No.

Drama? No.

Garbage? Well, I'll take it out, dear.

So bad its good? No. Its worse.

Ever had guests that never leave? You invited to a party, 26 hours ago, and some snort-heads are still on their way up, you wanna sleep, but you know that you'll wake up with a bottle of Absolute or something stuck up your ass if you fall asleep.... and you just cant take anymore.

WELL! This stinker is your solution: -Hey guys, I've got a really fat movie here, just let me turn down that music, and... find my VCR.

They don't just leave, they'll run. And they'll never come back.

Its impossible to watch this... thing. Its so bad its fascinating, I think the best liner is: We'll make camp here. But don't make any fire. And thats not a killer line...

Don't watch it, but if you can, buy it. It can be useful, as a part of an anti-thief system, even the police will give up and run...

1 is the bottom line, OK. If I could give it a -10.... No. Just leave it there. Its a ... cant find the words. I guess Satan took them with him when he fell down there. And some nut-heads still thinks plan 9 is the worst movie ever? This is worse than Jacksons King Kong! And Woooah, thats ugly...

Gummo (1997)

Oh Yeah!!!

[10/10 · 18 March 2006]

I don't care. Realistic, surrealistic. pffff. I didn't know what to think about this one, until Amanda Riddle started her Little Rooster, then I just re-winded the movie, lined up a sixpack of beer, went on a toilet trip, made sure both ends was empty, sat down, opened a bear, and loved the movie from point a to whatever. I guess most users here consume lots of movies every year. I do, 2-3 movies a day. This beauty will be seen several times, watched it 6 times already, just getting better. No plot? Maby you should use your brain, its not Hollywood, try out that grey thing inside your head.... it could give you some life. Gummo is one of the best movies I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. Some 10 000 or so. I get some Kurosawa feeling from this beauty, a feeling Steven Spielberg or Peter Jackson never could give me, its simple, its a story, the story is told, and if you can hang in there without big bangs and other CGIs, and let your brain work now and then, you got yourself one hell of a movie. This is a classic. Not a seven samurai, but better than Casablanca. Its That F***** good, not top 10, but with some 10 000 movies watched, Gummo is in top 20. As an American movie, compared to other American movies, Gummo should be in top 5. It is that good. I don't know anyone that have had any part in this movie whatsoever, I wish I did. I believe that they had a story, wanted to tell it, and just did it. I just hang my head, giggling, and repeat: You did it. You f**** did it, and I love you. 10/10.

Hell Hole (1978)

Boring crap

[1/10 · 17 December 2005]

I love no budget crappy trash-movies, but this is just not good enough, or bad enough. If you have seen any, and I mean almost any, movie with ugly ass-faced prison guards raping females in a jungle prison before, you will find this piece of s**t boring as the hell hole on Satan's behind. Yes, the terrible babbling stupid dubbing is great (where do they find those horrible people talentless enough to read such awful lines with such stupidity and funny pathos?) but its just not awful enough to make up for the bad but not bad enough acting. The script? A cut and paste, as it should be. But hey, one little piece of new disgusting trash wouldn't be to much to ask for would it? If you're new to this kind of crappy trash, you might find it kind of funny.

'Shitsurakuen': jôbafuku onna harakiri (1990 Video)

Horror?

[1/10 · 4 August 2005]

This is NOT a horror-film, Nothing to be afraid of here, keep moving, go on. Nothing to see here.

Horrible? Oh yes. Gory? Check. A big V on that. But most of all, its terrible.

I have seen the inside of a belly, its not a pretty sight, not ugly either, it depends on why you can see it (I prefer the doctors cut, I think, but then again, I have never seen the ax-slayers cut in real life. I could be wrong). Anyhow, those guts was not human, and that is a good thing. They wasn't even close, and that is a bad thing. You can SEE that they have been packed, compressed (At the butcher shop: Yes, I take some from that cow over there, and that goat liver looks cool, and throw in some fish guts while you're at it. Can you wrap them up in plastic for me, hate the smell. Do you have any blood? some red blood?), awful.

If you need human guts, go for a pig. You can fool your local police with that one. Stay away from personal road kills like snakes, cats and ducks.

And then the knife work. I have seen it worse, in Satánico pandemonium. Why not try to make it look real? Just a little bit? a tiny little... try?

Works best in fast forward, even the soundtrack sounds better in double speed. Maybe we need a Charlie Parker for the white-noise electronica genre? You know, double-tempo and all that jazz?

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

Why God invented the fast-forward button

[1/10 · 16 July 2005]

In a normal situation, there really is no point for anyone to make a comment on something they really hate. Me, I don't like movies where everybody suddenly start throwing mops or umbrellas to each other and sing stupid songs, dance stupid dances and everybody in the street joining in on the refrain while they should just continue eating banana or whatever they where doing. Unless of course threes a Elvis Presley involved (Thou shalt have no King but Elvis, and RCA is his prophet). But there's no King in this piece of chitty. I just have to scream it out. Breaking my own rule, this is a serious stinker. 144 minutes? Must be some kind of specially MADE minutes, the only special effect worth a donkeys droppings in the whole movie, it feels like 144 hours. And its all done with the horrible musical numbers, the rest of the movie can be tolerated, some cute kids, a pretty woman, a man to win the woman's heart blah blah make a new mother to his children, seen it before, will see it again (hey, its a Oscar plot after all) but why do they sing all this horrible songs? And why must these horrible songs be sooo loooong? And sooo boooring? I've seen a thing called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, where the Ch's was Sh's. Not good. Not good at all. But... I don't know. If I am forced to watch one of them again or die, Ill probably call my local cemetery and make a request right away.