schmimic Reviews

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

And on this note, Star Wars is finally done being milked. Except for the DVD sales now, of course

[8/10 · 24 May 2005]

Okay, before I get to the core of this review, I'd like to make a couple notes. First, it was very pleasant to have the nearly complete absence of Jar Jar in this installment of the Star Wars saga. I can handle it if all he does is make a small cameo and his mouth never opens. Second, somebody really needs to tell George that it gets pretty annoying after a while if you use all those different scene transition effects, all the wipes and swooshes and swirls. He's like a teenager who is just learning how to use Powerpoint. But I digress.

So I'm sure the core of Star Wars elite nerds knew everything that was going to happen in this movie before they ever saw it. I saw a few of those nerds in the mall the other day, dressed in their full Star Wars garb. A few storm troopers, a clone trooper, and a healthy smattering of Jedi were patrolling the West Edmonton Mall. But that's beside the point. For those of us who saw the early episodes, and I imagine most people who saw III have seen I and II, we know that Anakin and Padme are married. And for those who have seen the original trilogy, we know that Anakin Skywalker is going to become Darth Vader, everybody's favorite galactic villain. That's what this movie is really about. The fall of the Republic, the transition of Anakin into Darth Vader, and the birth of the Skywalker children.

The movie starts off with a big space fight in progress. The opening credits inform us that two Jedi trying to rescue Chancellor Palpatine. The two Jedi are in fact, Obi-Wan and Anakin, and they come on the scene in a couple fighter ships swirling and swooping and avoiding enemy fire while trying to get to General Grievous' ship, where the chancellor is being held prisoner. They get there, find the chancellor, Count Dooku shows up and we have a little good versus evil confrontation, and of course evil gets its butt kicked. Dooku loses his head at the hands of Anakin, after being goaded into killing a disarmed man be the chancellor. It's already by this point where we start to wonder if the chancellor is a friend or foe.

But they get the chancellor off the ship, head back to safety, Anakin bumps into Padme, he finds out she's pregnant. This is obviously a bit of a dilemma for them as nobody on the Jedi council even knows they're married. It's something they've been hiding. Anakin starts having nightmares about complications during the delivery where Padme dies, and he feels that these are predictions of the future.

Later Anakin is assigned a position in the Jedi council, but not as a master. The main reason the Jedi want him on the council is because they were persuaded by the chancellor, and also because they want Anakin to spy on the chancellor for them. They have doubts as to where his loyalties lie. Anakin talks to the chancellor, who knows about the dreams he's been having about Padme dying, and he informs Anakin that there is a way that she can be saved, by utilizing the dark side of the force. The chancellor keeps insisting to Anakin that a true master harnesses both sides of the force to achieve a balance that none others could have, making him more powerful than all the other Jedi before him.

So that's the carrot that gets dangled in front of Anakin's face as a little temptation to switch over to the dark side. The movie definitely has a very Star Warsish feeling to it, and I'm sure this was George's final attempt to pacify the nerds after Episodes I and II, not to mention to milk that cow for every last buck he can.

Me, I'd say it was okay, but nothing special.

Bottom Line: 3 out of 4 (worth watching)

The Three Musketeers (1993)

En Guarde! A Disney tale of heroism, if you're into that sort of thing.

[9/10 · 24 May 2005]

Starring: Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O'Donnell, Oliver Platt, Tim Curry Anybody remember a more civilized time when people fought with swords instead of guns? Well, more accurately, swords and guns, but mainly swords? This movie attempts to recapture that, a time back in France when to be a musketeer in the service of the king was one of the greatest honours you could possibly have.

D'artagnan (O'Donnell) is a young man who has dreamed his whole life of becoming a musketeer, just like his father before him. He is on his way to Paris to join the musketeers, only to get there and find out that they have just been disbanded. He gets this information from Athos (Sutherland) when he stops by musketeer headquarters, and he manages to get himself penciled in for a duel at twelve o'clock with Athos. Later in the day he meets Porthos (Platt), offends him as well, and gets a duel scheduled for one o'clock. Shortly after that, he encounters Aramis (Sheen) and arranges a duel with him too, for two o'clock. Sounds like a busy day. Too bad he didn't know ahead of time that these three men were the last musketeers.

When D'artagnan gets ready to have his first duel, the Cardinal's guards show up to interrupt the party and arrest the musketeers. D'artagnan fights with the musketeers, then they ride off, leaving him alone. It's about then that a few more of the Cardinal's guards show up, along with Captain Rochefort. D'artagnan is arrested and taken to the dungeons below the castle. He then escapes and eavesdrops on a conversation between the Cardinal (Curry) and the Countess D'Winter. In this conversation he learns about the Cardinal's secret plans to make an alliance with the Duke of Buckingham in an effort to overthrow the king and take the throne for himself. D'artagnan is caught eavesdropping and brought before the Cardinal, and then the order is given for him to be beheaded.

Our three friends who were scheduled to duel with D'artagnan and seemed to have just disappeared show up to help D'artagnan out of his little jam. He tells them about the Cardinal's plans, they get the heck out of there, and go to find the spy that is heading over to the Duke of Buckingham in order to find out in more detail what the Cardinal's plans are.

So, I think that's enough of the general gist of the story. It's a Disney movie, so it comes complete with a happy ending, but I won't give it all away. It's amusing enough, and I'd deem it worth watching.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (definitely worth watching)

Maverick (1994)

A tale of old west treachery, from the mind of the man who wrote The Princess Bride.

[10/10 · 24 May 2005]

Starring: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, James Garner Ah, the old west. Personally, I'm not big into western movies, which would probably explain why I like this movie. It isn't a western. It just happens to take place in the old west. Maverick is the story of a poker player (Gibson) who is going against all odds to get into a championship poker tournament to find out once and for all just how good he really is.

The movie starts with Bret Maverick at the end of a noose, sitting on a horse, out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the men who put the noose around his neck in the first place. Then the movie goes into a flashback that tells about the week leading up to this point. A very large chunk of the movie takes place in the flashback.

Bret hasn't had the best of luck over the last week. His horse was stolen and he had to replace it with a donkey, his friends double cross him when it comes to issues of money that they owe him, he nearly gets his butt kicked after a game of poker goes sour, his lucky shirt gets shrunk, and all sorts of other misfortunes. While playing poker he meets Mrs. Annabelle Bransford (Foster), a thief who is also trying to get into the poker tournament. They get stuck riding on the same stagecoach together, along with Marshal Zane Cooper (Garner). True to Bret's luck, the driver has a heart attack and the coach goes out of control. He plays the hero and stops it of course, since he is the hero of the movie, and they continue along on their way to the tournament.

They encounter a group of settlers that have been robbed by Indians, or at least who believe they have been robbed by Indians, and Bret agrees to help them get back their stuff for a cut of the money he'd be recovering for them. He finds the group of whites who were masquerading as Indians and gets the goods from them, and then when they return the goods, real Indians show up, ones that are actually friends with Bret. The encounter between the Indians and the settlers is one of the more hilarious parts of the movie.

After Bret goes along with the Indians and has some interesting encounters with them, we finally catch up to the present, where Bret is dangling from that noose again. He gets out of it and makes his way to the poker tournament.

I'm not going to say whether he wins or loses the tournament, but I'm sure you can guess. But if you haven't seen this movie before, there are probably quite a few things you won't be able to guess, as this movie has many different plot twists and turns along the way. It's absolutely hilarious and in my opinion, a classic.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

Stargate (1994)

And here's one for the sci-fi nerds. Of which I am one.

[9/10 · 24 May 2005]

Starring: James Spader, Kurt Russell Where did the pyramids come from? Were they built by the Egyptians years ago, or did they come from some other place? Scientist and linguist Daniel Jackson (Spader) believes otherwise. He has some different ideas as to where the pyramids came from, or at least as to when they were built. He is mocked by his colleagues for his research, and generally thought to be a complete loony.

He is eventually contacted by an elderly woman named Katherine who has a special assignment for him, translating ancient Egyptian. Since he has nowhere to go and nothing left to lose and no job, he takes her up on the offer and begins doing some research on a variety of ancient artifacts that Katherine has found. In two weeks he finally finds the key and informs everyone of his findings, that the symbols he's been trying to translate are actually star constellations that plot a course to another point in the galaxy. At this point he is informed about another artifact that was found with the tablets he has been studying for two weeks. Something known as the stargate. It's a giant ring that they have erected on a stand with symbols all along the track inside of it. The symbols are used to dial another stargate, and with the coordinates given to them by Dr. Jackson, they plan to do a little reconnaissance through the stargate.

Leading the team is Colonel Jack O'Neil (Russell), a soldier with nothing to lose. A man who gets the job accomplished by any means possible. The plan is to go through the stargate, dial home and go back, but the coordinates for the return trip can't be found. They begin looking for other means of civilization in an attempt to find a way back home while some of the marines establish a camp by the stargate that they came through. Eventually they do find other signs of civilization and make contact.

But then something shows up back at the base camp. Something that they weren't expecting. A spaceship docks on top of the pyramid, and strange beings take the marines that were left behind as prisoners. Eventually we learn that these creatures are actually the masters of the people on this world, and that they are in slavery. Since Americans are noble heroes, they help the people on a quest for freedom from their slave life. Plus they have nothing else to do, since they can't figure out a way to get back home.

Out of the three movies I've seen by Roland Emerich (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, and Stargate), I think I like this one the best. It's just a good sci-fi movie.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (worth watching if you're into sci-fi)

Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002)

The Veggie gang makes its way onto the big screen to tell the tale of Jonah.

[8/10 · 24 May 2005]

I bought this movie before I ever even bothered watching it because I figured, hey, it's Veggie Tales. How can you go wrong, right? Well, I don't regret buying it, but it's not quite as good as most of the regular Veggie stuff.

Most of us have a pretty good grasp on the Jonah story right? Well, just as always with Veggie Tales, the heart of the story is there with the most important details, and then everything else gets mixed up and screwed around with. It starts off with Dad Asparagus and Bob the Tomato driving a bunch of the little veggies to a Twippo concert. Then they encounter some difficulties on the road and find themselves with two flat tires and crashed into a tree stump.

They get out and head for the nearest building, a seafood restaurant. When Junior Asparagus sits down at the table, he hears some people talking on the other side of the glass. It's the pirates who don't do anything! I don't remember what they ask Junior, but they eventually strike up a conversation, and the pirates tell Junior the story of that one time when they met Jonah and had a little adventure… Jonah was a prophet who traveled across Israel delivering God's messages to His people. Then Jonah gets a call from God to deliver a "turn and repent" message to Ninevah. But why Ninevah? The Israelites and the Ninevites don't get along, and Jonah would rather die than go there. So he decides to go against God's orders and sail as far as possible in the opposite direction, to Tarshish. He hires the pirates who don't do anything to take him out there, and so the four of them set sail for Tarshish.

Just like in the Bible story, there's a big storm because of Jonah, and after they cast lots to determine who is responsible (done quite ingeniously in the movie I think), they throw Jonah into the ocean. The storm goes away when they throw him in, and a whale (not a big fish like the story) comes along and swallows Jonah up. There Jonah has a little encounter with a choir of asparagus angels, and then the whale barfs him up on the shore, and he heads out for Ninevah.

I think the hilarious thing is how the pirates end the story. Just like in the Bible story, at the end, Jonah is wailing and mourning and whining and crying and there's no real conclusion, and that's how it ends in the movie. The pirates just say "the end" and that's pretty much it. Of course, there's still some other stuff that happens outside of the story segment of the movie.

Overall it's done pretty cleverly, but it doesn't quite have the same Veggie Tales zip that it should. The special features on the DVD and certainly worth the cost though.

Bottom Line: 3 out of 4 (worth watching)

Office Space (1999)

One of the most classically hilarious looks at cubicle culture.

[9/10 · 24 May 2005]

Starring: Ron Livingston, Jennifer Anniston, Stephen Root, Diedrich Bader, Mike Judge Have you ever worked an office job? Did it drive you crazy? The humming of the fluorescent lighting, the confined cubicles, all the bosses who drone on about mission statements, bosses who approach you in a passive aggressive manner when they need something or want to inform you of your mistakes? If any of that sounds familiar, then you should probably see Office Space. This movie comes from the mind of the man who created Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill (Mike Judge), but with a different approach to humour than the above mentioned television shows. Office Space is a satire on office culture, a look at how things often are, or at least how they feel, and a glimpse into how we all wish they could be.

Peter Gibbons (Livingston) has been a dutiful employee for Initech for God only knows how many years. You can tell right from the beginning that he hates his job, from his hesitation to walk through the doors into the building to the frustrated looks he has when his bosses tell him about the proper way to prepare TPS reports. He's hated his job for years, and his girlfriend convinces him to go to an occupational hypnotherapy's. The hypnotherapy's puts Peter into a trance, gets him into a relaxed state of mind, and tells Peter that when he counts to three, he will stay in that state until he hears the snapping of fingers. The hypnotherapy's counts to three, and then keels over from a heart attack. Peter sits there with a goofy look on his face, obviously still in some other world from his experience with hypnosis.

The next morning the alarm clock goes off for Peter to go to work, and he rolls over and goes back to sleep. The phone rings several times, and his boss leaves a dozen or so messages for Peter, telling him that work started at the regular time, where is he, and so on. Peter eventually gets out of bed long enough to take a call from his girlfriend, then hang up on her, and go back to bed.

Eventually he goes back to work with a new attitude about life, a new perspective on how things should be in an office environment. He shows up in casual clothes, brings fresh fish that he caught over the weekend to work and guts them on top of TPS reports, takes down the walls of his cubicle, plays tetris all day while eating snacks, and general shows a complete disregard for his job.

Along with his friends he comes up with a get rich quick scheme at the expense of Initech in order to fund his quest of doing nothing for the rest of his life.

The plot is pretty weak of course, but this isn't a movie that you watch for the plot. You watch it for the humour, and there is plenty in this movie, trust me.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (a great comedy)

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus are back for more martial arts and Matrix style action.

[9/10 · 1 May 2005]

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The Matrix Reloaded

Rating: R

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving

So, if you haven't already seen the first Matrix, you should obviously watch it before you watch this one. That being said, I'm going to write this review on the assumption that you've all seen the first one, you know that Neo is the one, blabada blee, bleebadee bloo.

The movie opens with an interesting sequence where Trinity (Moss) rides a motorcycle off a building and jumps off before it crashes into a security building. Next part of the sequence, she jumps out the window of a skyscraper with an agent right behind her, the cool matrix bullet time effects kick in, and eventually Trinity gets shot and crashes into a car on the ground. Then Neo (Reeves) wakes up.

He's been having this dream before, or at least dreams like it, and oddly enough, it's starting to get him a little bit jumpy. Morheus (Fishburne) believes the end of the war with the machines is coming, and of course that Neo will bring about this end. He takes his ship home but orders one other ship to remain outside of Zion and stay in the matrix so that the Oracle can contact them.

Zion is an interesting looking city, and despite its rough unfurnished exterior, it still appears to have a homie feel about it. Everybody gets a little R and R, Neo and Trinity get their freak on, and then it's back out into the real world.

When Neo goes to see the Oracle, something interesting happens when he's done talking to her. Agent Smith (Weaving) comes to see him. But how? Wasn't he killed in the first movie? Apparently Smith refused to die, and now he has the ability to copy himself on anybody in the matrix, so there are hundreds of thousands of Smith clones running about, looking for Neo.

Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity all pay the Merovingian a visit to try to get the keymaker from him. They need the keymaker so they can get inside the source, which is where they believe Neo can do his thing and turn the tables on the war with the machines.

I predicted before I ever watched this movie that it would be like the original Star Wars movies. First one is a stand alone that could have sequels, and at the end of the second, there are tons of loose threads that need to be tied up, meaning there has to be a third movie. I won't say what all the loose threads are. You'll just have to see it yourself. Overall, this movie is a solid action movie with some great martial arts sequences, not to mention the infamous highway chase scene.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (worth watching)

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

The final chapter of the Matrix saga proves to be very confusing.

[8/10 · 1 May 2005]

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving This movie and Reloaded are actually really just one movie cut into two big pieces, so even if you didn't watch the first movie, you have to watch the second one for this one to make sense. I mean, Reloaded even ends with the words "To be concluded" flashing across the screen.

Revolutions picks up right where Reloaded left off, with Neo (Reeves) in a coma and Bane on the table next to him. At this point we don't know who Bane is, unless we paid REALLY close attention in Reloaded. I won't reveal his identity because I don't do reviews with spoilers.

So anyway, they got Neo to the source but the war is still going because he chose to save Trinity (Moss) instead of doing what he was supposed to do. Awwww, how sweet. But now he's stuck in some strange coma after stopping five sentinels in the real world just by holding out his hand. The thing about this coma though, is that his brain waves look like the brain waves of somebody who is connected to the matrix. How can that be, if he isn't plugged into anything? Hmmm… Turns out he's in some sort of middle ground. He's at the train station, a middle ground between the program world and the matrix. He can't get out of it unless somebody comes and gets him though. And of course, the Merovingian is the one who has control over the train station. So Morpheus (Fishburne) and Trinity head out for a chat with Merv to get her man back. Then a quick stop over at the Oracle, who has changed her form, and back to the real world for some time to think. It's funny this is still a Matrix movie since very little of the movie is spent in the matrix.

After taking a little time to think, Neo comes to the conclusion that he has to take a ship to the machine city. He isn't sure why or what he can do when he gets there, but he just knows that's where he has to go. And he knows he probably won't be coming back. Obviously Trinity volunteers to go with him, and they take Naobi's ship out there. There is an encounter with Bane and his identity is revealed, but like I said, I'm not saying who he is.

Back in Zion, the machines are getting ever closer to their precious city and the time of their last stand is drawing near. Neo eventually gets to the machine city and is jacked into the matrix for one last final confrontation with Smith (Weaving) The rest you'll just have to see for yourself. Still a good movie, though not as good as the first or the second.

Bottom Line: 3 out of 4 (worth watching)

The Matrix (1999)

The first chapter of the Matrix trilogy is still far and away the best.

[10/10 · 1 May 2005]

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving "What is the Matrix?" The fundamental question that had moviegoers and critics across the world bedazzled in the year of 1999. Science fiction and action movies would never be the same after this blockbuster stormed the scene with its blazingly original visuals and bizarre yet detailed concepts.

Thomas Anderson, a.k.a. Neo (Reeves) is a software programmer who is living two lives. In one he is Thomas Anderson, a regular Joe who goes to work, goes to church, and "helps his landlady take out her garbage." In the other life, he is Neo, a computer hacker who is guilty of essentially every computer crime there is a law for. One night he's asleep at his computer, when his computer starts talking to him. Not literally, but flashing text across the screen. He follows the instructions his computer is giving him and goes to a club where he meets Trinity (Moss), another hacker, or at least that's what he thinks.

When he's at work the next day, a package from FedEx comes to him containing a cell phone. As soon as he gets the phone in his hand, it starts ringing, and Morpheus (Fishburne) is on the other end of the line with him, telling him that the FBI are here to get him. Neo stands up, and sure enough, the fibbies are over at the elevator, ready to come and arrest him. Morpheus gives Neo instructions on how to escape the feds and get to safety, but Neo can't muster the courage to go out on a ledge (literally) and take a scaffold to the roof, so he gets taken in by the feds.

After an interesting encounter with the FBI, Neo is contacted again by Morpheus, who tells him where he should go if he wants to meet. They meet, and Neo asks what the matrix is. In the words of Morpheus, "Unfortunately no one can be told what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." Neo has two options. Take the blue pill, and he continues his life how it has been going. Take the red pill, and enter a whole new world. Of course, he opts for the red pill, and he is released from the matrix and wakes up in the real world.

So what is the matrix then? In a nutshell, it's a computer driven simulation that keeps human minds busy so that machines can harvest our bodies for power. Morpheus freed Neo from the matrix because he believed that Neo was essentially the savior of mankind, foretold by the prophecies.

I think that's enough of a summary of the gist of the movie. The rest of it you just have to see for yourself. It's truly an amazing action movie with some of the coolest and craziest visuals you could possibly imagine. It's just one of those things that you have to see for yourself to actually believe.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Based on the bestselling Douglas Adams book, this proves that British humor is still the best.

[10/10 · 1 May 2005]

Starring: Sam Rockwell, Martin Freeman, Mos Def I wanted to see this movie from the instant I saw the trailer for it. I thoroughly enjoyed the books, and when I saw the preview, it looked like Hollywood was going to actually hold true to the integrity of a book and make a good movie. Fortunately, this was, in fact, the case.

So for those of you who don't know the story, this is about how it goes. Arthur Dent (Freeman) is just an ordinary British chap. He wakes up to find a fleet of bulldozers ready to demolish his house to make way for a new highway or bypass or something like that. In protest he lays down in front of the bulldozer, and that's where his friend Ford Prefect (Def) finds him. Ford takes Arthur out to the pub and confesses that he is, in fact, from a different planet. He also tells Arthur that Earth is about to be demolished by the Vogon fleet to make way for a new interstellar bypass or something like that. Ford sticks out his thumb to hitch a ride, and the two of them end up in the bathroom of one of the Vogon ships just in time. And then Earth goes boom.

Once the Vogons find the hitchhikers onboard their ship, they bring them out for torture of the worst kind. Which means they tie them up and read Vogon poetry to them. After that they decide to eject Arthur and Ford out into space, where they are picked up by the Heart of Gold spaceship, which is equipped with an infinite improbability drive. On board the ship are the President of the Galaxy, namely Zaphod Beeblebrox (Rockwell), Marvin the paranoid android, and Trillian, also known on Earth as Tricia McMillan. Arthur and Tricia have actually met before. In fact, Arthur and Zaphod have met before too. Zaphod is the guy who stole Tricia away from Arthur. But I digress.

It's pretty hard to describe the rest of the movie because it doesn't really follow any rational logical plot. The plot is just like in the book. Very loose, very absurd, and really just a vehicle the jokes, of which there are many.

Some people will hate this movie, and some people will love it. I suspect that the people who enjoyed the book will also enjoy the movie, and people who dislike absurd, idiotic, Python-esquire humor will dislike this movie.

I for one, am a huge fan of that kind of humor.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (a must see)

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Joe Pesci delivers big laughs in this Yankee in the deep South comedy.

[9/10 · 29 April 2005]

Starring: Joe Pesci, Ralph Macchio, Marisa Tomei, Fred Gwynne One of the classic tried-and-true comedy formulas is to have some sort of character mismatch. Throw one type of person or group of people in with another person or group who is totally different, and there are all sorts of things that can be done with it. My Cousin Vinny borrows this formula and does a pretty good job with it if I do say so myself.

Bill Gambini (Macchio) and his friend Stan are driving back to New York, taking the scenic route through Alabama. They stop at a convenience store to get some gas and a few "groceries" for the road. Bill stuffs a can of tuna into his pocket because his arms are too full with other stuff and forgets to pay for it at the front, then they leave and get back out on the road. A few miles down the road, a cop is on their tail, the flashers go, and they get pulled over. They think it's for shoplifting the can of tuna, but little do they know that the clerk at the convenience store they were just in is now freshly murdered. So they get hauled off to jail on the assumption that it's for shoplifting a can of tuna, all the time wondering why there's such a fuss over one simple can of food.

When they do eventually find out that they have been charged with murder and accessory to murder, the jaws drop and panic sets in. Bill uses his phone call to call his mom, who informs him that they have a lawyer in the family. His cousin Vinny (Pesci).

So Vinny and his fiancé Mona Lisa Vito (Tomei) drive down to Alabama. Two New Yorkers clad in leather in the middle of Alabama. There's a really funny scene when Vinny goes to visit the boys in jail and Stan thinks that it's some inmate who has come to make them their sex slaves. Vinny at one point says, quote, "So let's do our best to just make this a simple in and out procedure." Sure it's a little bit dirty, but dang if it isn't funny.

That's pretty much the most important plot points of the movie. The majority of the movie focuses on Vinny, who is completely inexperienced as a trial attorney, trying to win this case that could save the life of his cousin and his cousin's friend. The chemistry that Vinny and the Judge (Gwynne) have on the screen is truly hilarious as they are constantly at each other's throats and on each other's nerves.

As usual, it's the kind of movie where you know the ending long before it gets there, but it's not like we're watching a suspense flick. It's a comedy, and a highly entertaining one at that.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (definitely worth a view)

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Flat out one of the most jaw-droppingly amazing movies ever made.

[10/10 · 24 April 2005]

Starring: Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman There are some movies that when you watch them you can't help but feel you've done more than watch a movie. Sometimes it feels like you've been part of something bigger, like you witnessed a masterpiece. The Shawshank Redemption is like watching poetry. It is one of the most tragic, heartfelt, and deeply satisfying stories to have ever been put onto the big screen. There really is a reason that this movie is number two on the internet movie database's top movies of all time.

The premise of the movie is fairly simple. Andy Dufraine (Robbins) is wrongfully accused with the murder of his wife and her lover, and he is sentenced to two life sentences to be served back to back at Shawshank prison. The plot is simple, and yet at the same time deeply complex. This movie is a celebration of the human spirit, a celebration of hope and of freedom.

Life is difficult for Andy right from the beginning of his life sentence. It takes him at least a month before he goes and talks to anyone. The first person he does talk to is Red (Freeman), a man in the prison who is able to get things. Need to get a pack of cigarettes, a toothbrush, maybe some playing cards, then Red is your man on the inside. Andy asks Red to pick up a rock hammer so that he can carve stones.

This movie is anything but a fairy tale. It depicts prison life as being cruel, unfair, bitter, and downright horrible. Decent people die, people get gang raped, the guards beat the ever-loving daylights out of anyone who steps out of line. Shawshank prison is one hard place to serve your time.

After being in prison for a couple years, Andy gets transferred from laundry duty to library, mainly so the warden can send his men over to get financial advice from Andy. Andy starts doing income tax for the guards and the warden, setting up trust funds, and various other financial services, and after a few years, he becomes the man who launders the warden's dirty money. Sure, he got transferred to the library, but the only difference is he's washing money and not sheets and clothes.

Andy takes up all sorts of projects while he's in Shawshank. He makes chess pieces for a chess board, he makes it his personal task to obtain funds for and build a new prison library. He helps several of the inmates get their high school equivalence. He does whatever he can to pass the time and keep himself a little bit sane.

I'd hate to spoil the ending for anybody who hasn't seen this movie, so I will be very vague. All I will say is that it is one of the most satisfying and beautiful endings to any movie or story that has ever been captured. This movie is a masterpiece, and you would do yourself a favour to make sure you watch it. And if you've already seen it, watch it again, and introduce somebody else to the world of Shawshank prison.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

Forrest Gump (1994)

Tom Hanks delivers an astounding performance as Forrest Gump.

[10/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Gary Sinise, Sally Field This was flat out one of the best movies of 1994. It won best picture for a reason, along with a few other Academy Awards. I think one of the tag lines for the movie was, "The world will never be the same once you've seen it through the eyes of Forrest Gump." How true. The movie is basically one simple man's journey through life. And what a journey.

The movie opens with Forrest (Hanks) sitting at a bus stop, waiting to go see Jenny (Wright) after being apart from her for years. Who is Jenny, you ask? We'll get to that in a minute. Forrest strikes up a conversation or two with the people that come and wait for the bus with him. Or, more accurately, he keeps talking regardless of whether anybody is listening or not. The movie plays out as a flashback, with Forrest taking us through all the major events of his life and narrating them.

The flashback starts when Forrest is a little boy, about six years old or so, just at about the age where he should be starting school. We get to take a look at Forrest's childhood as he gets leg braces to straighten out his back, as his momma (Field) fights (and does a few other things) to get him into public school, and as he meets for the first time the love of his life. Jenny. He meets her on the way to school, sitting next to her on the bus, and they strike up a friendship immediately.

Eventually we progress to the point where Forrest and Jenny are in high school, and we travel along with Forrest as he makes it onto the football team and gets to go to college. Forrest and Jenny never date, but he's always there to protect her. Anytime he thinks she's in trouble, he rushes to the rescue, ready to beat the ever-loving snot out of anyone who even looks at his Jenny wrong. I think one of my favorite scenes in the movie is when someone is dumb enough to slap Jenny. The film goes slow motion, Forrest's eyes go wide, and he starts charging at this guy like a runaway locomotive, and has the striking force of one too. Watching him beat the crap out of that guy is hilarious.

As Forrest grows up and goes through school, college, the army, a Vietnam tour, becomes a ping pong celebrity, a shrimp boat captain, and eventually one of the richest men out there, he also gets to take a few stops in history as the filmmaker gives us his own spin of how he thinks history would have happened if Forrest Gump were there. He gets to meet the President three times, he's the man who exposes the Watergate scandal, he's at the school doors when Governor George Wallace tries to get some Negroes into a white school, and so on and so forth. It's really funny the way they manipulate historical footage to insert Forrest into the events of the past.

This is truly a great movie. You'd be a fool to miss it.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

A Few Good Men (1992)

Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson bring some seriously stellar performances to the table in this legal drama.

[10/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore This movie is for people who like lawyerly stuff and military type stuff. This movie is an episode of Jag on crack. This movie was made by Rob Reiner. Really, after that last statement, need I say more? If you didn't know that Rob Reiner did The Princess Bride, then hang your head in shame now.

It starts out in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, when a couple marines enter the room of another marine, stuff a rag down his throat, duct tape his mouth shut, duct tape his hands behind his back, duct tape his legs together, and so on. Then the credits roll and we cut to D.C., where we find out that the marine getting gagged and tied died that night. The two marines that were doing the gagging and tying are charged with murder and flown out to D.C.

The task of lead counsel is assigned to Daniel Kaffee (Cruise), a lieutenant junior grade with a track record for plea bargaining and smooth talking. Lt. Cmdr. Jo Galloway (Moore) is assigned to be co-counsel, despite the fact that she tried to get in as lead counsel. They start the investigation down in Cuba where they meet Col. Nathan Jessup (Nicholson), the man who ordered the two men to give Private Santiago the Code Red, which accidentally led to his death. Of course, Jessup doesn't tell this to Danny or Jo. Why would he? He'd look pretty bad for it, right? So when they get back to D.C. and do some legal maneuvering with their clients and the prosecution, Danny manages to get a deal for a mere two years of prison time, where they are actually home in six months. And the two that are charged turn it down on principle, because they still believe they have done nothing wrong. Danny decides that he wants to get a different lawyer assigned to the case because he doesn't want to go down with them, but then has a change of heart after talking to a few people and thinking about it.

So the trial starts, and that's when the movie really picks up speed. The skill that Danny has as he strides around the courtroom asking all the right questions and probing in just the right ways is phenomenal. It almost makes you want to be a lawyer.

There are some major setbacks along the way, some things go right, a lot more go wrong, but eventually everything turns out okay in the end. But like so many movies where we know how it's going to end, it was never really the ending we were banking on, but the fun of getting there.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

The crew of the Enterprise is back for another round against the Borg in one of the best, if not the best Star Trek movie out there.

[10/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Patrick Stewart, Jonathon Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn So, maybe I haven't seen all the old Star Trek movies with Shatner and Nemoy and the rest of the original crew of the Enterprise, but maybe it's because I don't really want to. Maybe that makes me a bad person, or less of a Trekkie, but that's okay. Really, the only series that was truly worth watching was TNG. And to me, this IS the best Star Trek movie there is. Plain and simple.

Those of us who are good TNG fans remember back when Captain Picard was captured and assimilated by the Borg, right? Man, what a crazy cliffhanger for that season. Picard is a Borg? Yikes. I know I was waiting for the new season on pins and needles. Anyway, the movie opens with Picard having some flashbacks from his little assimilation encounter. Then he wakes up, only to find himself in another nightmare. Then he wakes up for good.

So it looks like the Borg are back on the move and ready to attack Earth. The Enterprise gets orders to stay away from the fight. Because of Picard's experience with the Borg, they don't want unstable elements in the situation. Eventually they disobey the order and join the fight anyhow. Picard takes command of the fleet and destroys the Borg cube. But a sphere ejects moments before its destruction. The Enterprise pursues, but then the sphere creates a vortex and vanishes into it. Time travel! So of course, the Enterprise charges in.

When they get to the past, they find the sphere firing on a missile complex somewhere in Montana. They destroy the sphere, figure out where they are, when they are, why the Borg were firing at Montana (besides that they hate Americans), and the answers are as follows. It's the middle of the 21st century, and the missile complex is where Zefram Cochrane was building his warp ship. The launch tomorrow was supposed to be when a ship full of Vulcans which were cruising past detect the warp signature, alter course, and check out Earth. First contact with a human race. Hence the name of the movie.

So at this point everything looks mostly okay, right? Borg are dead, just gotta help get Cochrane and his crew back on task and get things ready to go again, right? Wrong. Well, while the shields were down after the time travel, a few of the Borg might have beamed over to the Enterprise, and they're busily taking over the Enterprise from the inside.

The mission for the Borg is still to stop first contact. The mission for the Enterprise is to save their ship and to keep first contact on schedule. Truly, this is a classy movie.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

Meet the Fockers (2004)

Greg Focker is back for another round of laughter and embarrassment in this sequel to Meet the Parents.

[8/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Ben Stiller, Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, Barbara Streisand So most of us watched Meet the Parents, right? Oddly enough, first time I saw Meet the Parents, I didn't like it that much. It just picked on poor Greg (Stiller) too much. I started to like it more with time, and now I can appreciate it a bit better.

The sequel, Meet the Fockers, I found far more amusing. It picks up a few months after the first movie. Greg and Pam are set to get married pretty soon, but the parents still need to meet. Greg is a little bit apprehensive about this meeting because he knows what Pam's dad Jack (DeNiro) is like, and he knows what his parents (Hoffman and Streisand) are like. I mean, a stiff necked ex-CIA agent and a couple aging hippies? It's like watching an episode of Dharma and Greg. Wait, I'll bet that's where they got the inspiration for this movie… So the Byrnes' drive out to the Focker threshold to meet the new in-laws, and it's at about this point that the movie gets really hilarious. Dustin Hoffman plays Greg's dad Bernie so well… I think he's absolutely hilarious.

I think the reason I probably liked this one better than the original is that it's less harsh on Greg. Sure, his parents are embarrassing, but things don't go as bad. Or at least they don't go as bad in the same way. Things do still turn out pretty bad. I mean, how would you react if your parents brought out a scrapbook from your childhood and your foreskin was in it? Yikes. I think I'd die, but I'd take my parents with me.

I'm not really sure what else to say about this movie. Some of the humour is pretty crude and overtly sexual, but it's not too too bad. It could have been a lot worse.

Those who liked Meet the Parents will definitely want to Meet the Fockers.

Bottom Line: 3 out of 4 (worth a view)

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

This movie gives me a serious case of the jibblies from how horrible it is.

[3/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Jon Heder I watched this movie around Christmas with my mom. I'm pretty sure it said somewhere on the case that it was supposed to be a comedy, but I really didn't see much comedy in it anywhere. I think I smirked twice throughout the movie. Mainly at the milk pickup line… for those who don't know what it is… "Hey. I see you're drinking 1%. Is that cuz you think you're fat? Cuz you're not. You could drink whole milk." Yeah, I'll have to use that one someday. But back to the matter at hand. This movie defies all genres. There is no genre for total and absolute crap that has no point. If there was, this would be the defining movie of that genre.

Basically it's about one nerd's struggle (Heder) to find a place in the society of high school. Along the way he makes friends with a Mexican kid named Pedro who can grow a 'stash. And there's a girl. Or two. But yeah. I mean, it's a movie celebrating what it's like to be a nerd. There is no point. It's just painful to watch. It's just… man, it's indescribable. This movie is like no other movie out there. This is the Seinfeld of the cinematic world, only not in the least bit funny. Oh look, he has a nasty fro. Ha ha. He has ugly glasses. Ha ha. His brother is a thirty some odd year old nerd who spends all his time online. Ha ha. (rolls eyes) I'm going to keep this at a short review because it's not worth me wasting time and effort putting words to it.

I wouldn't wipe my crack with this movie.

Bottom Line: 1.5 out of 4 (maybe if you're really really drunk)

The Terminal (2004)

Tom Hanks plays Viktor Navorski, a Russian stuck in an airport terminal when his country ceases to exist.

[9/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci Imagine that you're flying to a foreign country where you really don't know the language all that well. While you're in the middle of your flight, there is a war in your home country and the government is overthrown. Essentially, your country ceases to exist. When you get to the foreign country, they won't let you in without a valid passport, which you can't get without a country. So they tell you that you can't leave the airport terminal. That you have to wait there until further notice.

That's the situation that Viktor Navorski (Hanks) from Krahkohzia (yes, it's a fictional country, and I don't have the first clue how it's spelled) finds himself in.

The Terminal is an absurdly amusing comedy/drama that's all the more entertaining because you have to wonder, what if something like this actually happened? Is it possible? I really don't know, but I'd hate to think that someday I'll be out touring the world and get stuck in some foreign terminal for nine months when Canada stops existing.

So since Viktor has nowhere to go, he makes a life for himself at JFK Airport in New York City, unable to go into the United States and unable to fly back to Krahkohzia. He makes a room for himself at Gate 67, an abandoned gate that is in dire need of construction. Without the ability to buy food (Krahkohzian dollars are not really worth anything in the States), Viktor has to find alternate means to feed himself. Soon he discovers that when you return baggage carts to their stalls, you get a quarter as a small reward. So he runs around the terminal collecting a whole bunch of them so that he can feed himself.

We don't really find out until very close to the end of the movie just why Viktor came to America. But he does finally accomplish his task, and his country is reestablished and he gets to return home.

We all knew the ending from the beginning of the movie. The real fun of it is how the movie answers the question of "What if….?" Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (definitely worth watching)

Spanglish (2004)

Adam Sandler tries something new and the results are surprisingly good.

[9/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Adam Sandler, Tea Leoni, Paz Vega I was pretty sure when I saw the previews that this wasn't going to be the typical Adam Sandler movie. It certainly wasn't. Technically the movie is classified as a comedy, but it seemed more like a drama to me. It certainly had its humorous moments, but not because Adam Sandler was hopping around like an idiot doing his normal cinematic song and dance.

The Clasky family lives comfortable in Los Angelos. The father/husband, John (Sandler), is a chef at an upscale restaurant. His wife, Deb (Leoni), is an overachiever who doesn't know very much about how to deal with her family. For lack of a better word, the woman is psychotic. They have two children, Bernice and George, and they're looking for somebody to be their housekeeper/nanny. They find a young Mexican woman by the name of Flur (Vega) who speaks next to no English, and understands close to the same amount. Oddly enough, the Clasky's like her immediately and welcome her into the family.

The movie takes a very humanistic approach, focusing on the lives of everybody in the family, how they affect each other, and how their Mexican housekeeper reacts to them. The interactions between everyone are very interesting.

Relatively early in the movie, John's restaurant gets critiqued, and he comes out on the other side with a four star rating. Oddly enough, he is very unhappy with this outcome. He was hoping to get a three and a quarter rating or something like that. Good enough for the public to know the restaurant was a good place to eat, but not so highly ranked that every snooty individual wants to eat their and the restaurant is booked months in advance, changing the whole atmosphere and dynamic of the restaurant. John wants it to stay as a simple place that he can control.

I'm not really sure what else to write about. You really have to just watch the movie to understand what it's about. There's a great deal that goes on between the Clasky's and Flur and her daughter, and it's very interesting how things turn out.

It's somewhat refreshing to see Adam Sandler expanding his horizons and doing something that we aren't really used to. When he wants to be, he can be a fine dramatic actor.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (definitely worth viewing)

The Village (2004)

Another movie from Shyamalan. It's not bad, but not on par with the rest.

[8/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, Adrian Brody, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver This is M. Night Shyamalan's fourth movie now. I loved his first three movies to pieces, and I walked into this one with high hopes. Unfortunately, my expectations were not met.

The movie is set in the late 1800s in a small village that is cut off from the rest of the world. The inhabitants are not to venture off into the woods or ever go near the woods, because that is where "Those we do not speak of" live. Those we do not speak of are creatures that the people of the village have a truce with. They leave each other alone and exist apart from each other without disturbing each other. In the village, they hide the colour red for they believe that this colour will upset or anger those they do not speak of.

But then strange things start happening. Those they do not speak of enter the village one night and leave red marks on everybody's doors. A few days later, many animals are slaughtered and skinned and the bodies are left all over the village grounds. Many people believe that they should leave the village, but the elders decide that they can still salvage the situation and hopefully patch things up with their "friends." But then a tragedy occurs in the village. One of the young men, Lucius, (Phoenix) who makes his intentions to marry one of the young women (Howard) known is stabbed by a jealous individual (Brody). The only way that Lucius can be saved is if somebody leaves the village, goes back to the towns, and gets proper medication. Otherwise, he will die in a matter of days.

The girl he was planning on marrying, Ivy, who is blind, volunteers to go to the town to get the medicine for her fiancé in hopes of saving him. The elders object to this course of action, or at least they would if her father didn't let her go without telling the rest of the elders. He lets her in on a few secrets but doesn't let her know too much. Just enough to help her get to the town, get the supplies, and get back.

As in all of Shyamalan's movies, there's a twist. But this one is a little more predictable than the other ones. I saw it coming a ways off, and I found this movie to actually be pretty boring. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible. Overall, it had a pretty mediocre feeling to me.

Bottom Line: 3 out of 4 (worth watching)

Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

The third of the TNG Star Trek movies, and one of the better ones in my opinion.

[9/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Patrick Stewart, Jonathon Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn Well, basically, this is a movie for Trekkies. If you don't like Trek, then you may as well just run away screaming now man. This movie is not for you. But if you do like Trek, oh ho ho. Good flick.

So anyway, the movie opens up in a serene and peaceful little village. Then we see that Star Fleet is essentially spying on them while wearing suits that make them invisible to all the villagers. Then Data (Spiner) goes berserk and starts running towards the village while being fired at by other Star Fleet officers. Bwa? So he gets the suit off and exposes the Star Fleet spy base to the villagers.

Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise, Captain Picard (Stewart) and Commander Riker (Frakes) are busy welcoming a new race into the Federation family. But they also get news that Commander Data has gone berserk on his current mission. Somewhere in there we have a sloppy scene that inserts Worf (Dorn) into the movie. Picard comes out, sees Worf and says, "Mr. Worf! What the hell are you doing here?" He may as well have responded, "Well, I heard they were making another Star Trek movie, so I thought I'd better show up." Sloppy, sloppy character insertion. Whatever, it needed to be done. I mean, a TNG movie with no Worf? What's the point? Anyway, the Enterprise heads off towards the planet where Data has been stationed and conducting research. They hope to offer their assistance in capturing him and/or subduing him, which they do.

When they go down to the surface of the planet to investigate and get the hostages back, they find that they really aren't being held against their will. The inhabitants of the planet are very peaceful, very friendly folks who, despite the fact that they appear to have no technological knowledge, do posses quite a bit. They just choose not to use it.

When all the folks get back to the Enterprise, they start to realize that everybody is doing a bit better physically. At least the people who were on the planet. Later, when Picard heads down to the surface to investigate further, he finds out that it's because the planet is essentially the fountain of youth, and if you stay there long enough, well, you get better. Picard really oughta hang out for a few years and grow some hair. He'd look great with a mullet.

But then we find out what the real purpose is in Star Fleet spying on this planet. They want to move all the inhabitants off the planet so they can harness the stuff in the rings around the planet that do the whole fountain of youth thing so they can start up a new branch of medical science and research and such.

It's an entertaining little premise that works fairly well, and so then we have Picard and the Enterprise rebelling against Star Fleet and fighting for the people.

Again, this is a movie for Trekkies. Avoid like the plague if that doesn't float your boat.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (worth a look)

Sneakers (1992)

From the guy who did Field of Dreams comes a much better movie about code breaking and stuff.

[10/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Robert Redford, Dan Akroyd, Ben Kingsley, Sidney Poitier, River Phoenix, Mary McDonnell, David Straithairn This movie is just so good, it's almost hard to sum up the greatness in a review. At one point this was basically my favorite movie, but now it's just one of my favorite movies. It still gets a place on the mantel.

The movie starts with a young Marty and Cosmo back in 1969 doing some early computer hacking. They're busily transferring money from those who have it to those who need it. Example, taking from Richard Nixon's personal checking account and giving it to the Association of Legalized Marijuana. Truly, Robin Hoods. But then Marty gets hungry, so he heads out for pizza. When he gets to the van and tries to start it, flashing lights appear outside, head upstairs, and haul Cosmo away. Marty runs, and then it fades to present day, which when the movie was made, was 1992.

Martin Brice (Redford) now goes by the alias of Martin Bishop. He has an interesting job. As a bank teller says, "So you get hired to break into other people's places, to make sure nobody can break into their places?" In the team is a blind sound expert who goes by the name of Whistler (Straithairn), an electronics expert who goes by Mother (Akroyd), a teenager named Carl (Phoenix), and an ex-CIA agent, Donald Crease (Poitier).

One day they get some clients who walk in with a long list of information on all the people in Bishop's team. The only person they don't have info on is Martin Bishop. They then identify themselves as NSA, tell Bishop that they know his real identity, and ask to meet with them again for a special assignment. That assignment is to steal a little black box from some mathematician. Bishop's crew doesn't know what the box does, so they accept the offer. As part of the deal it pays $175,000, and they'll clear Bishop's record.

Once they have the box, they fiddle around with it a little and discover that it is actually a sophisticated code breaker that can hack American encryption systems. But when they are getting ready to give it to the NSA guys, they find out that Dr. Janek, the mathematician, has been murdered. At this point it's kind of hard to not wonder how important the box is, but unfortunately, the box is already in the NSA's hands before they find out about Janek, and so they drive away with no money and no little black box.

It's around this point where the plot of the movie really takes off and it gets very interesting. I'm not going to say much else. You'll just have to watch it for yourself and see.

Bottom Line: 4 out of 4 (own this movie)

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Mel Gibson directs this gut-wrenching portrayal of the final hours of Christ's life.

[10/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Jim Caviezel When I first saw the preview for this movie, I was a little bit afraid. Oh great, Hollywood is making another movie with their perspective on the events of the crucifixion. Just what we need. Then I saw a few previews, read a few reviews, found out who was directing, and my fears disappeared. Most of them anyway. After that I was just afraid to watch the movie due to the emotional impact I knew it would have.

This movie details the events of the final hours of Jesus Christ's life. It starts off in the Garden of Gethsamane, follows through the betrayal to the crucifixion to the rising of our slain Lord.

The story is familiar, so I don't think I need to detail the plot too much. The movie takes into account pieces of all four gospels, plus a little bit of Catholic literature that I am unfamiliar with. At least that's what I've been told. Makes sense, since our director, Mel Gibson, is Catholic.

This movie is one of the most, if not the most blatantly gory piece of cinematic work ever. They spared no expense when it came to making the flogging and the crucifixion look real, bloody, gory, painful, horrible, and excruciating to watch. If you can watch this movie without wincing even once when you think of what Jesus went through, then you have no heart.

I would warn you to brace yourself if you're going to watch this movie. If you believe in our Lord Jesus Christ and everything that he has done for us, then this movie will hurt to watch. It should. It's not a fun movie to watch, but movies shouldn't always be about entertainment. This movie is about remembering that incredible sacrifice that our Lord made for us.

What makes this movie even more incredible is that it isn't done in English. All the actors are speaking in Aramaic. It can get a little bit annoying to have to read subtitles through the whole movie, but it makes a far greater impact because it makes it all the more authentic in its feel.

Many critics and theologians criticized this movie for being horribly anti-Semitic. Is it really? I don't think that it points a finger at the Jewish community at all. Yes, it is the Jews that do the deed of getting Jesus thrown up on that cross, but it's the Roman soldiers that physically put him up there. They are portrayed far worse than the Jewish leaders. The movie tries to convey the point that it is not the Jews that hung Him on the cross. It was us. Our sins made it necessary for Him to be nailed to that big piece of wood.

I think I'm going to have to watch this movie again. I have not seen it since I viewed it in the theater, but since it is Good Friday, I can't think of a more appropriate time to watch it.

If you haven't seen it yet, I would urge you to do so. Go rent it, or possibly even buy it. Just be warned that it hurts to watch it.

Bottom Line: 5 out of 4 (yes, it's THAT good)

The Ring Two (2005)

Lackluster sequel to the hit horror movie The Ring.

[6/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Naomi Watts I've never really been a big fan of horror movies. I mean, what's the fun in scaring the crap out of yourself and making it so you have nightmares? Beats me man. Well, I was trying to find a way to occupy myself one evening, and I still had one of my AMA movie tickets left, so I went to the theater and bought a ticket for the only movie that was showing at the exact moment I walked in the door. It was either that or wait another hour for a decent movie. So I went to see The Ring Two.

Apparently horror movies don't have to have a plot that makes sense.

I'm sure this movie would have made more sense if I had seen the first one, but I hadn't. I might have to watch the first one now so that the second one makes a little bit more sense, but we'll see. If it's as lackluster as the second one, then I see no reason to give it a view.

So I guess that Rachel (Watts) and her son were involved in the events from the first Ring, with the stupid tape and all that crap. They moved away to try to start a new life, but that little girl from the video is after them again. More specifically, after her son Aiden. So you get all kinds of weird things happening like Aiden getting sucked into the T.V. by this crazy little girl who got drowned in a well or something like that. I don't know. The plot was so stupid that it was hard to try to keep a straight face as it was going through. I mean, good gravy people. This was just pathetic.

As far as scariness goes, I didn't really find this movie all that terrifying. There were a few creepy visuals, and a couple moments that catch you by surprise and make you jump a bit. Maybe even a few scenes where you get a bit of a chill running down your spine. But really, nothing especially noteworthy.

If I'm going to watch something that might have the potential to make me jump a little bit, I'll stick to Shyamalan's movies. They at least have a little bit more plot, intelligence, and depth behind them.

Bottom Line: 2.5 out of 4 (maybe if you liked the first one)

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter star in this classic eighties movie. Whoa!

[9/10 · 23 April 2005]

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, George Carlin Ahhh, what a classic slice of the eighties. Really, cheesy eighties movies don't get any better than this in my opinion. And cheesy this one is. Amazingly so.

So, basically, here's the story. Bill (Winter) and Ted (Reeves) are a couple of guys who have the combined intelligence of a jar of peanut butter. They aspire to start a band called Wyld Styllyns despite the fact that they don't even possess the knowledge of how to play their guitars. They talk like a couple of surfers from the late eighties, using intelligent words like "heinous," "bodacious," "excellent," "bogus," and so on. It can get a little bit annoying, but it's not like people didn't use to talk like that (scary, isn't it?).

The tagline of the movie is "History is about to be re-written by two guys who can't even spell." That hits the nail pretty much right on the head. Theoretically, in the future, the music that Bill and Ted make will bring about a time of galactic peace. It unites the planets and so on and so forth, blah blah blah. But the problem is, the band will never be started if they fail their history class. Because if they fail history, they fail high school, and Ted's dad will send him off to military school in Alaska.

Obviously this can't happen, so a man from the future, Rufus (Carlin), is sent back in time to aid Bill and Ted with their final history project. If they get an A+ on that project, then they will pass the class, they pass high school, and the band will be started.

So how are they going to pass this history assignment? Simple. Use a time traveling phone booth that Rufus brought with him, kidnap a ton of historical figures and put them all in a big presentation.

So the airhead dudes travel through time and kidnap Billy the Kid, Socrates (pronounced so-crates…), Sigmund Freud, Joan of Arc, Genghis Kahn, Abraham Lincoln, and Ludwig Von Beethoven (pronounced bee-thuv-en).

It really is a weak plot, but it's so imaginative and original and ludicrous that it makes the movie worth watching. Plus the high energy horrible acting of Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter make it truly hilarious. It's a great flick.

The funny thing is, I think the only thing that's changed about Keanu from then to now is that he has shorter hair now. Man still can't act.

Bottom Line: 3.5 out of 4 (give it a watch)