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Obi-Wan Kenobi: Part I (2022)
Disappointing
I wasn't expecting much and Disney didn't disappoint on that level. Poor dialogue, poor direction and weak story.
The shining light is Ewan McGregor who gives a great performance considering the dreadful attempt to Luke Skywalker him Disney style.
For ten years he was supposed to be communing with the force and Qui Gon Jin, deepening his knowledge and wisdom. Instead we see him lacking confidence, unsure of his abilities and cucked by a little Jawa who sells things back to Kenobi that Kenobi tells the Jawa that he knows the Jawa stole them from him.
The script is nonsensical and the direction is ridiculous. Leia in the forest was just ridiculous. And what of Leia herself? For a ten year old she looks and acts like a six year old modelled on Arya Stark. Never an original thought from Disney Star Wars.
I liked the Inquisitors apart from Reva who comes across as an entitled rebellious upstart. It doesn't help that she can't act particularly well and is poorly directed. The other Inquisitors carry an air of threatening menace but she just comes across as petulant and annoying. A bit like tantrum Kylo. The difference is that Kylo was played by a decent actor. Her compatriots clearly don't trust her and call her out on her impulsiveness. George Lucas' Vader would not have allowed someone like Reva to be an Inquisitor. He would have weeded her out since he simply does not put up with those types.
But we are meant to believe that Reva is so amazing that she can get away with whatever she wants. And this is before we get to the second episode.
The Monster (2016)
Cliched, stupid, disappointing
The premise was promising but the delivery was so disappointing. The flashbacks could have been taken out and you wouldn't miss anything. The opening scene of the mother being selfish and lacking responsibility was enough to tell us how strained the relationship between mother and daughter would be. Once we're in the forest cue all stupidity and overplayed drawn out tension. When given the opportunity to get in the truck they decide to stay in the car, even though the guy puts all their things in the truck? The girl is frightened yet decides to walk into the woods and examine a half chewed up wolf? The tow truck driver has to spend ages underneath the car instead of just hitching it up? We know immediately that he's just cannon fodder, as we also do when the ambulance turns up. And why does the monster ignore the girl when she is examining the wolf? None of it made any sense?
The performances were good but the story was poor.
The Coed and the Zombie Stoner (2014)
You'd have to be stoned to rate this higher than 1
Some films are bad and then some films are bad on steroids. I don't know how this even got released. It's just terrible in every respect.
Some Kind of Beautiful (2014)
Don't listen to the ctirics
I wasn't expecting much but was very pleasantly surprised. I wasn't actually in the mood for a romcom and was tempted to switch off in the first few minutes. I'm glad I didn't as it got pretty good, especially after the move to LA.
Yet again the critics are way off, as they often seem to be with comedies. I guess it wasn't politically correct enough for them.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Weakest of the series
This was a disappointment compared to the two previous films. The first forty minutes were great and then it became a dull drag.
The script was weak and a lot of the story didn't make sense. Long on style, short on substance. They could have edited out about an hour and not lost anything of note. A great shame.
Friends with Kids (2011)
nothing funny here
When the outstanding performance goes to the frozen botox face you know film is lacking. There's nothing funny here at all. From the opening scene I was left wondering what was wrong with blondie's face. She's in her thirties and her face is frozen. Botox at her age? If it's not botox then she should see a doctor because there's a chance she's had a stroke. Seriously though, this film is inept of anything remotely funny. Cheap jokes of "they've been in the toilet twenty minutes so we know they're having a good time" wink, wink.
This was utter rubbish but, surprisingly, it's not the worst film I've seen this week, year. There is worse out there, but only just.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Style over substance
This was the first Star Wars film that I left the cinema feeling extremely underwhelmed. From the opening scrawl telling us that there is a mission to find Luke to when he finally appears, right at the end of the movie, there is just emptiness.
I was looking forward the great legendary Jedi being epic and what do we get? A beard on a windy island.
The story is a complete rehash of the original Star Wars which became known as Episode 4 A New Hope. Well, all hope has run out on this new trilogy. Absolutely no originality whatsoever. The effects were great but the story was drivel.
The Rey character was ridiculous and the black dude, Finn, is an overt coward. Finn makes no sense whatsoever. He is supposed to be a hardened highly trained stormtrooper that was schooled in soldiering from a very young age. What we see is a guy who suddenly gets a conscience, despite the years of ardent brainwashing and development of warrior brotherhood, resulting in him going AWOL. Whenever his soldier skills are needed he is utterly useless. Later on he tells us he was actually a janitor. Rey on the other hand is so kick ass it is astounding. And she is instantly epic in everything she does.
Han Solo is turned into a failed father who has not progressed in life at all. The only memorable thing about Princess Leia is her frozen face. It seems botox in a galaxy far, far away is as obvious there as it is here.
Yes, the film is stylish. Unfortunately, it's just a very poor rehash of the original and fails miserably in its girl power banality.
Lizzie Borden's Revenge (2013)
Possibly the worst film ever made
No more words are needed. I've added this sentence as my review was too short.
You May Not Kiss the Bride (2011)
Dreadful
I only managed to watch 6 minutes and 23 seconds but when they are labouring a joke about a guy playing with a dog's balls, I couldn't take any more. Bestiality humour really isn't funny.
Busy Tonight (2018)
My ears are screaming at me in hatred for making them endure this
I can only describe Busy Philips' voice as razor blades to the ear drums.
I saw the one with Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa is cool but I had to turn off after a few minutes.
Aimy in a Cage (2015)
I have no idea what this was about.
Odd. Crazy. Confusing. But I had to keep watching to see what it was all about. I didn't skip anything and I watched into the credits. I have no idea. The performances were good. I've seen the odd obscure experimental theatre production (usually after a couple of beers) and this was in that realm. It was strangely enjoyable.
Bird Box (2018)
Leftist propaganda for 2020
I went into this film not knowing anything about it other than there was a fair bit of hype. There were fine performances and a decent story in the making with a terrifying horror told in past and present.
Unfortunately, it was cliched and riddled with stupidity. It didn't have a good ending and we are left wondering what it was all about? What are the "creatures"? You are given nothing.
The film is a vehicle for leftist propaganda with 2020 in mind. It is obvious from the start that they portray white men as angry and cowardly (Malkovich). The single pregnant mom (bullock) is strong and independent. The gay asian man is compassionate. And then there is the hero (Rhodes) who is the complete anti-thesis of Malkovich. Malkovich is a drunk asshole who says they need to make the end of the world great again. An obvious reference to Netflix idea of the typical Trump supporter. To further underline this Bullock tells him that her father was an asshole too.
I actually like Rhodes performance. He is the good guy, a vet, a sensitive caring supportive brother and uncle. He turns out to be the only flawless character.
The problem I have with it is that they make such a point of portraying all white men as evil killers or the obligatory asshole. Malkovich doesn't want to let any strangers in as they cannot be trusted. This is a reference to Trump and the wall.
Ultimately, all of Malkovich concerns turn out to be valid despite his character being such a dick.
Fast forward six years and we have the ideal couple with their two happy children. Even so Bullock is shown to be the destroyer of dreams and Rhodes, in his best Obama, gives a speech about children needing hope otherwise they don't have a future. Shortly thereafter another bunch of evil white people turn up and Rhodes sacrifices himself to protect Bullock and "boy" and "girl". Yep, Bullock doesn't name them.
After this the film just gets stupid. Another hillbilly Trump supporter appears to underline the evil white man theme. By this point Netflix do not care. They have made their point. The Netflix generation have subtly been programmed to reject Trump, because after all, in the previous two hours we've been educated.
Grace (2014)
A powerful hidden gem
I came across this movie by pure chance and very nearly didn't watch it. It didn't sound particularly enticing but now and again I'll look for something obscure.
I'm glad I didn't give it a miss. This is a powerful depiction of addiction, in this case alcoholism, and of the fervent destruction it can cause not just to yourself, but to those around you.
The screenplay moves nicely and the performances are very believable. Grace reminds me of someone close to me. The selfishness, the excuses, the denial, the shameless expectation that someone else will always pickup the pieces. Some of us have people in our lives who are more patient than we deserve.
In parts the film is funny, moving, heartbreaking. Ultimately, the slap of reality in the face arrives.
Death Proof (2007)
Not misunderstood, just rubbish
Billed as "The 5th Film by Quentin Tarantino". If his talent was on the same level as his ego he'd be the greatest director to have graced the cinema screen. I get that this is supposed to be an homage to a 70's B-movie subculture. Unfortunately, it's only an homage to himself. An ego trying to break free of his mediocrity. There's a reason why it is a subculture; it's crap. As standard in a Tarantino films it opens with a lot of pointless dialogue. Skip forty minutes and you won't miss a thing. As Tarantino films go I was a huge fan of Reservoir Dogs and loved The Hateful Eight. So I don't hate Tarantino, I just find he's massively overrated and simply hit and miss. This is a poor film throughout aside from the music, which is pretty good.
The Heyday of the Insensitive Bastards (2015)
Fascinating.
Seven unconnected stories that offer a fascinating look at human nature.
The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
Dreadful
I only managed to get 40 minutes through this. I honestly could not take any more. The story is drab and doesn't seem to go anywhere. The performances were pretty good considering the poor script. The biggest problem is the poor level of direction which makes something that could have been good dreadfully bad.
Star Trek: Discovery: The Vulcan Hello (2017)
All the feel of a low budget B movie.
Dreadful in every respect. Dreadful direction, dreadful script, dreadful acting. All the feel of a low budget B movie.
I liked Sonequa Martin-Green in The Walking Dead but here she shows her limitations as an actress. She has no charisma whatsoever and I just cannot see how she can carry a whole series.
First thing that got me was, why the hell do they seem to be walking for miles to find a well in a desert when surely with the technology they have at hand they could simply do a scan and transport them directly there? We have Google Earth now and you're telling me they don't have the technology to scan and find something sticking out in a desert in the future when they can warp across galaxies? And then they walk around to create a "help" sign in the desert that wouldn't be visible more than a few hundred metres up. If they can see a help sign, they can find the well in the first place. And why in Star Trek do the VIP officers always go and do the dangerous stuff? Don't they have "grunts" in the future?
When they get to the starship it gets worse. The script is awful. Dialogue is stilted. It's like watching string puppets with the voice over by robots. The direction is abysmal, unbelievably poor.
I won't bother with any further episodes. Just not worth the time. If the protagonist was even minimally interesting I just might; but she's not.
Moonlight (2016)
Meat Loaf sang that Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad; and that's the sum of this movie.
Meat Loaf sang that Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad; and that's the sum of this movie. It certainly ain't bad, but it isn't worthy of near 100% across the board ratings from the movie critics. Based on the first two acts it certainly is but the third act lets the movie down pretty badly to the point that it became overtly boring.
Mahershala Ali was the standout performance. He really was great. However, with both his and Naomie Harris' small amount of screen time I wonder if there should be a minimum screen time limit to warrant an award nomination.
Cinematography was mostly superb, although I felt a couple of the night scenes were filmed poorly with light continuously reflecting on the camera lens. The score was fantastic and brought great depth to many of the scenes.
So in conclusion, whilst I was enthralled throughout the first two acts, I ultimately felt disappointed by the end of the film. As such, a Best Picture nomination should be judged on the whole and not just some of its parts. For that reason, I don't believe it should have won the Oscar for Best Film.
Ghostbusters (2016)
An embarrassingly poor movie
It's not very often that I approach a movie with such low expectations, but when I do I am usually pleasantly surprised. Certainly not the case here. I cannot describe how dreadful this movie is. Dreadful direction, dreadful script, dreadful acting.
This movie is just bereft of humour. I did actually manage one good laugh. Hemsworth's joke about his dog which he named Mike Hat. I did like that. But that was it. In two hours, one laugh. Unfortunately, it didn't add anything to the story. In fact, the movie is full of forced gags that don't add to the story in any manner.
One of the endearing factors of the original Ghostbusters was the ease of which the leads rolled off each other, interacting seamlessly. With this remake, it's as if the leads were in separate rooms whilst performing. That's how much they lacked chemistry.
Of the lead performances I thought Kristen Wiig was the best of a bad bunch. She can actually act. The rest really didn't offer anything to the point that you just don't care about any of them. They just didn't work together.
On a budget of $150m I find it difficult to comprehend how they could make such a shambles of this. The biggest problem lies in the writing. Such a jumbled mess. Nothing makes any sense whatsoever in the story line.
Feig surely must be embarrassed by his efforts here. Co writer and director. With the four leads potentially with so much to offer, he manages to turn them all into pieces of wood. The timing of everything is just off. I honestly believe that Ed Wood could have delivered a better effort.
I honestly don't know how this got a Metascore of 60. There are far superior female led comedies out there with Metascores in the 20's. Walk of Shame and Head Over Heals spring to mind.
An embarrassingly poor effort and such a shame.