tomasstanger Reviews

Saltburn (2023)

Neither funny or thrilling

[1/10 · 27 December 2023]

Decided to give this a watch as everyone is talking about it and decided to see what the fuss was about.

I think the best thing I can say is the cast did well with what they had, which was (unfortunately) very little. With a script taken off the shelf, lacking any originality, and tries to copy what so many better films have already achieved, it got to the stage on watching this that there was no point in the venture at all.

The 'drama' is in dramatic and unrealistic, there are no thrills (even though described as a 'psychological thriller'), still looking for any semblance of comedy.

Quite literally, one of the most overrated bits of absolute rubbish I've had the misfortune to watch in a very long time!

The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

An abomination!

[1/10 · 15 December 2018]

Here lies a prime example of how to destroy a brilliantly written book, a masterpiece in cinema with the 1963 film version by employing every single cliche written and turning into a dirgy 'teen drama' which makes no sense whatsoever, with what would be 9 and a half episodes of 'filler material'. This is essentially another cliche driven series with cardboard 1 dimensional characters, silly looking CGI 'ghosts' which add nothing whatsoever to the story.

Im starting to wonder if the TV execs who sign off this dross have little check cards to make sure that programmes such as this fit their pre-approved criteria.

I'm also starting to wonder if the people who make shows such as this have ever actually seen what actually constitues the horror genre.

The only thing 'horror' related is actually sitting through it!

American Horror Story (2011– )

How is this dross still on tv?

[3/10 · 21 September 2018]

I'm assuming either the channels this is shown has so little else to show that it's compelled to keep ordering more episodes due to lack of choice.

If there's ever a case for trade descriptions abuse this is it! Apart from it being American and a story there's literally no horror in it whatsoever. It's just stylised dross with some not very weird characters thrown in for good measure. Think of Todd Browning's Freaks but without the freaks. Think Psycho without the psycho and this is essentially what American Horror Story is, just a story, and not a very good one at that!

My advice to the creators of this show is either take the word horror out of the title or go and see what horror genre actually entails as this show completely misses the mark!

Hunting Hitler (2015–2020)

Not exactly history

[4/10 · 29 May 2018]

I really wanted to like this, I've a keen interest in history, including WW2 but this kind of killed the brain cells.

Don't get me wrong, the subject was interesting, it isn't based on some random conspiracy theory but that's about it on the good points, after that the show is pretty unrealistic and reminds me of Ancient Aliens (obviously without the aliens) where the 'researchers' are jumping to wild conclusions and assumptions just to try and make it fit into their theory.

Another thing that did irk me is that apart from released documents the rest of the program relies on so-called 'eye'witness' testimony and tales from relatives connected to the subject, there was no historical opinion whatsoever and the show suffers greatly due to a complete lack of expert scrutiny. The people involved with the show, if they were as good as they'd like to think then they'd be open to that, and so would the History Channel.

Sadly this is a show that tries to build some sort of 'thrills' while nothing happens whatsoever.

The Conjuring 2 (2016)

Very overplayed and not scary!

[3/10 · 19 September 2016]

Amazing how little of what actually happened is shown in the film, according to any documentary or article on the film, instead they try and make it more 'action packed' and thus totally unrealistic.

Interesting that you'd think with all the noise and shouting going on there that at least one of the neighbours would have gone outside to at least find out what was going on. That would have probably killed what little suspense there was though.

Now I did enjoy the first one and I don't blame the producers of these films for employing some 'artistic licence' as the stories in themselves aren't particularly exciting as they are fascinating. In fact the original stories are far more engrossing than these films.

Sadly with this film they've decided to continue with the non scary looking ghost routine and somewhat OTT with the effects when playing on peoples senses is far more effective a medium to scare people without the need for pointless special effects and overplaying on 'action' scenes that bear no familiarity to the actual story, adds nothing to the film and makes the finished output look a bit silly

Shark Exorcist (2014)

Lost for words...almost!

[1/10 · 13 September 2016]

OK so have to write 10 lines on this, which feels like an extra punishment for trying to force myself to watch this. I made 20 minutes!

A few years ago I worked with some friends on a Zombie style horror series they were making. We never finished it but looking back the quality of that was far better than this. It's cheap, the acting (if you can call it that) is appalling.

I'm actually having trouble to find the words to actually describe this

Sometimes I'll say 2/10 for effort but this doesn't even deserve that. I even tried swearing at the television to see if it would make it better but I couldn't even find words bad enough to make it work.

I'm going to bed now, my day's ruined thanks to this!

Amityville Playhouse (2015)

No good words!

[1/10 · 14 May 2016]

As 1 is the lowest I could possibly rate this film I have to say it doesn't even deserve that.

Being another cash-in from the Amityville name this one really is an insult to every 'horror' film ever made, it's even worse than Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows and that's saying A LOT!

The story (a generous description) is so clichéd that it bears no essence of even trying to be original, the 'acting' (I can't think of a word bad enough) has all the charisma of a block of bad cheese with the characters being totally unrelatable and you wonder why people this horrible would actually be friends. Maybe it's some sort of karma for each of them for things done in a previous life? To be honest I don't really care, it's just not good.

Not really sure what the purpose of this film is, it doesn't add anything, don't go anywhere and as films go quite pointless, I think it went straight to DVD as I can't imagine anyone actually going to the cinema to see this rubbish!

Oh yeah, special effects were crap too!

Poltergeist (2015)

Another pointless remake

[2/10 · 11 September 2015]

I'm actually writing this as I'm watching it, it's jut not engaging in any way.

Not good so far, no chemistry at all between the characters, unlike the original which I thought was great, the sort of people who you could imagine living next door. Also just not scary and not convincing in any way, just like everything else remade these days a huge disappointment.

It really does sadden me that Hollywood, the greatest film making industry in the world seems to be of devoid of ideas that they have to resort to relying on remakes. I genuinely can't think of a decent remake from recent times.

Now there's always the argument that comes around that they're bringing films to a newer audience, but I genuinely find that insulting. If people really want to watch a film that much (because they like the genre or sound of it) then they'll seek it out instead of being spooned this half arsed pointless crap we've got to endure these days.

Hopefully the film industry will get its mojo back one day and we can all have a great film to talk about for years to come again. Can't see it happening though.