necroscope24 Reviews

Halloween II (2009)

Avoid at all costs *spoilers*

[30 August 2009]

Before I say anything, I am a fan of horror movies. I like eighties horror, I like some nineties horror, and there's still some horror movies coming out today that are fantastic. Rob Zombies take on Halloween 2 unfortunately does not fall into that category at all. His wife being in the film is completely unneeded. This I believe stems from Rob Zombies need to put his wife in every film he makes. Basically stealing from Friday the 13th, Mikey sees his mom telling him to kill in his head. Also little Mikey and a horse pop up pretty frequently too. And for some reason Laurie sometimes sees his psychotic hallucination, which makes no sense at all. Everyone is trailer park style. Bracket has a huge mullet. Laurie is an unwashed annoying vegan trailer park resident. Annie looks like she should have a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a can of lucky in the other. A very large portion, I'd have to say about 20-30 min of the movie was wasted on filler dream sequences. In fact, a good amount of this film was just that: filler. It's almost as if he was having trouble deciding if he wanted a slasher, an art film, a gore porn, or a survivor drama. And what he ended up making was a horrible mess. In the original films, you barely ever see him sans mask. I believe there were two scenes in parts 4 and 5. In this movie he's constantly shown without it. And his hair/beard makes him look like a mid 80's rob zombie in that crap white zombie band. And finally, the biggest tragedy: the characters. Even in the first remake, Myers acted more like leatherface than the shape. He's supposed to be quiet, robotic, unfeeling, not running into a room yelling and screaming and stabbing the crap out of anything that moves. He's not supposed to have any emotions period. That's what made him creepy. Then he turned Loomis from the hero, the guy who blamed himself for what this monster did and wanted to correct it, into a opportunistic weasel. Donald Pleasence's Loomis was a bit of a jerk, and a little bit nutty, but at least he wasn't a profiteering slimebag. Rob Zombie is the biggest hack in Hollywood currently. House of 1000 corpses stole so much from Texas Chainsaw massacre. Halloween 1 was a barely acceptable mess, and Halloween 2 almost made it look passable. Hopefully this sequel puts the stake back in the franchise, because god forbid a third one comes out, I will not even watch it.

The Raven (2006 Video)

Piece of garbage wtf

[12 February 2007]

OK I don't know how to explain how horribly bad this movie was. So lets start off with the first thing I noticed. The filming. Wtf? The film style was rather late night cable on CBC style. Very low budget, possibly done with a handicam. And lets continue on with the amateurish acting. I think Jenna Jameson is actually a better actress than most of the folks in this one. In their def however, how can you take a movie this lame seriously? They took one look at the script and were probably thinking 'Well, everyones gonna hate it so might as well just have fun!' The kill scenes were lame, very poor to no SFX. And what was with the jagoff killer running around in red and green checker pants. Is he santa claus? Now lets get to the worst part. The storyline. Some weird emo kid reads a bunch of poetry and then grows up to be an even more emo kid in a rather crappy all girl band. The recording studio is filled with complete skid marks when they go there, including some guy about roughly late 40's with a haircut he's about 20 or so years too old for and makeup. Then we get to the end of the movie, and edgar allen poe, who's been really really dead for quite some time comes in and saves the chick and then walks off. I'm not clear if this was supposed to be some dream sequence or that the writers just got lazy, but regardless, it was rather silly. I rented this from a video store, it had a real case, I was under the pretense it wasn't some piece of do it yourself garbage. I was horribly wrong. If you're going to put a movie out for public release to video stores, at least put a few decent screen shots to warn people of the low film quality. I made a better film than this at a summer camp as a teenager. Surely they could do better, honest to god I should hope so.

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005 Video)

Why man why????

[1/10 · 31 August 2005]

Horrible, horrible, irredeemable piece of tripe. I don't understand why this piece of junk wasn't just shelved after being made? I mean surely to god someone had to realize it was crap. K check it, some girl and her friends get drugged, girl runs away, guy hits girl, girl bounces head off of desk and dies. 30 years later, same story, nobody dies, but then the ppl that kidnap them start dying stupid urban legend themed deaths. What makes this movie so bad? lets do the list: Acting: I've seen better porno. Effects: The only movie with worse CGI that comes to mind as of late is cursed. Direction: This is Uwe Boll style, no joke. Storyline: Rehashed bits of different movies. I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be another sequel, they mention the events of part 1 at one point and then leave it at that. All I know is this is an unforgivable pile of trash. Scary movies are popular right now, but this kind of junk is taking measures to ensure that doesn't last long.

Midnight Skater (2002 Video)

No go

[8 August 2005]

This pile of junk is awful. How did it get onto DVD let alone into my video store? Its misleading when you put amateur horrible garbage on the shelves making it look like a real movie. Whoever is producing these movies for these jack@sses needs to buy a clue. All of their movies are terrible, they need to just stop already. I'm a fan of horror movies, even some bad ones. This is horrible. They're worse than uwe boll, even though uwe boll seems to actually thinks he's good. They should team up and make the most annoying, irritating, unprofessional video game adaption ever. Avoid at all costs people. Some bad movies are fun, some bad movies are bad. This is one of the latter. Hopefully someone throws them into the toilet before they make another movie. And please, for the love of god, flush twice.