HalBanksy Reviews

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Arrakis is Real.

[10/10 · 4 March 2024]

A monumental piece of cinema. And combined with Part 1, we have one of the greatest adaptations in genre literature history.

It's clear everyone on set was aware that they were working on something special here - because literally every single person in this production have brought their A-Game for a truly incredible technical achievement. And easily the best ensemble performance in a blockbuster since Fellowship of the Ring.

Paced to perfection, at once uniquely beautiful, thought-provoking and beyond THRILLING. Dave Bautista fights someone to the death, while hanging onto the outside of a helicopter that is being shot out of the sky - and that doesn't even reach the Top 10 action set-pieces in the film.. It just doesn't get better than this.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)

Dull Dour Disaster, despite a Dignified Dumbledore

[3/10 · 16 April 2023]

Well this was a slight improvement on the truly awful 'Crimes of Grindelwald' (mercifully this time the audience is not forced to endure that ghoul Johnny Depp trying to act) - but the praise stops there. I know this series is supposed to be aimed at more mature viewers, but was there really any need to make it so oppressively bleak? The movie starts with the titular "Fantastic Beast" being ripped from it's mother's corpse and having it's throat slit.. and somehow manages to get even more gloomy from there.

The plot is simultaneously far too simple, while unravelling in the most convoluted way possible. The shame is that Jude Law makes a wonderful wizard - but I cannot force myself to care about these other characters. I was genuinely fighting to stay awake for the final scene - and sadly I LOST that battle! I'm still not sure what Dumbledore's secret is supposed to be. And I doubt I will ever find out - because there's no way this series is getting a 4th instatement.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Puts a smile on your face!

[10/10 · 31 May 2022]

What a rush. Lucky enough to watch this is on a Dolby screen - a thrilling cinema experience. Outstanding direction and editing. The genuine aerial stunts really put to shame the endless CGI tripe that is slopped into theatres every week. The action here feels viscerally REAL - something that has been sorely missed from recent blockbusters.

The new cast are all perfect. It's obvious they are having the time of their lives - and that infectious joy was felt by the whole audience. Charming, funny, arrogant and heartful at all the right times. I hope we will see them reunited on screen (and much sooner than 36 years!) The nearly 60 year old Tom Cruise does not look out of place. The practical flying scenes really cannot be praised enough. It's an action masterclass, I can barely fathom the work and effort it took to capture such ambitious footage.

The film is self-aware and knows exactly what the audience is there to see. Clearly a better script than the original (although lacking the iconic quotes.) Killing off Meg Ryan seemed a bit unnecessary, especially after they made the effort to bring back Val Kilmer for a quite jarring cameo. Honestly the references to the original were slightly overkill to begin with, but thankfully settled down once the plot got going.

I thought the film had come to a very satisfying climax, then a happy surprise to realise the final act was only just beginning! You can't deny that Tom Cruise pulled it off - a real movie star, in a real blockbuster hit. Oscars for sound, cinematography and editing are surely locked down. Simply the best film of 2022.

The Lion King (2019)

Soulless. But who cares? The profit is all that matters.

[3/10 · 13 July 2019]

There is literally not one single valid reason for this film to exist. The Lion King is so obviously more suited to traditional animation. I don't care how detailed the warthogs eyelashes are - there is ZERO emotion in this film. More "realistic" ? Sure. But bland as hell, honestly ugly. Without exception, the new voice cast are all downgrades. This endless remake parade is the antithesis of "art", this is the final nail in the coffin for Disney creativity. They are rushing through the back-catalogue so quickly, they will come back round to another Lion King in the next decade. Maybe that one will have an ounce of ambition - instead of this lifeless photocopy.

Years and Years (2019)

Derivative Black Mirror - with less subtlety than an elephants fart!

[15 May 2019]

What pompous nonsense. I was actually embarrassed for these actors watching it. Is this supposed to be satire? The glowing reviews are beyond deluded. I will admit that the final scenes were entertaining though. My eyes were hurting for being rolled so often, but it was still fun. Every reference to Donald Trump was unintentionally hilarious!

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

Slow death of a mediocre series...

[2/10 · 24 December 2018]

The first 'Fantastic Beasts' film (while fairly dull) did at least show some potential - unfortunately that has been destroyed with this next instalment. A tone of senseless direction is established from the start - Grindlewald escapes in the opening scene, rendering his initial capture completely pointless. The audience is given no reason to feel tension for anything that happens - apparently events can be reversed or ignored at will in this series. Laughably, Jacob has also retained his memory completely and Credence is infact alive (suddenly in Paris somehow.) How and why is of course never explained...

There is barely even a plot to speak of. The movie is reduced to explaining convoluted family trees. J K Rowling has clearly put a lot of effort into working out how this parade of tedious characters are related to each other. Unfortunately she seems to have forgotten to think up any reason for the audience to actually GIVE A DAMN. Maybe we will get to that part over the next 3 films (give me strength!)

A terrible cast. Newt the pathetic wet blanket whimpers his way through scenes. An unbearable character surrounded by boring sidekicks. In hindsight the hype and controversy surrounding Nagini is hilarious! She says barely 10 words through the film and has absolutely ZERO impact to anything that happens.

Scenes where we return to Hogwarts are just terrible. Looking past the glaring plot holes and inconsistencies to the original series - It's just a sad reminder of how uninspired and empty everything feels compared to Harry Potter. The lazy art direction doesn't help - sets, costumes and CGI are all a colourless haze.

Even the title is confused and messy. Attempting to amaze the audience with "fantastic beasts" and terrify with "Grindlewald's crimes." It fails at both! Resulting in a film that is neither fantastic nor thrilling. A bland muddled bore. Cannot recommend on any level.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

New Star Wars trilogy seems completely lost

[4/10 · 16 April 2018]

I love 'Looper' - had very high expectations that weren't met. The film is centred on an endless chase scene that has zero sense of speed or danger. There is little meaningful continuation from the previous film - character arcs are abruptly halted, or sped up to suit the demands of where they need to be for the sequel. Big mistakes with the tone - Domhnall Gleeson is reduced to cutaway jokes. The comedy as a whole is juvenile and distracting - very reminiscent of the prequel trilogy.

Weird issues with the pacing. Instead of building on the momentum of TFA, time is wasted on introducing rubbish new characters - Laura Dern & Benicio Del Toro especially bring absolutely nothing to the film. Why were these scenes not instead used for continuing the story of Finn & Poe? They kicked off this new trilogy with great engaging performances, but are now relegated to the sidelines here in favour of who? Rose? Who made this decision? What for?

But beyond all the problems, it's still entertaining - and sometimes very pretty. My expectations for future Star Wars films has dropped severely though.